Why the Last Month Has Been a Living Hell For Me (and It's Not COVID-19 Related)

This past month has been an absolute nightmare for me. Coronavirus lockdown aside, it took us over a month to figure out why I've had such an intense health relapse in the past month... but, really, the last couple of months altogether. The reason: a really, really bad allergic reaction to the back-to-back amoxicillin rounds I had taken for my molar infections.

When I used to think "allergic reaction," I thought of wheezing, throat-closing, facial features swelling, eyes watering, etc. You know -- the severe reaction. I never thought it could have a delay and that the physical manifestations would be as bad or surprisingly odd as I've had them.

I've experienced:
- Insomnia for weeks. That has now been followed by my recent inability to stay awake during the day as a result of weeks worth of being unable to sleep more than 3-4 hours per day.
- A skin rash that I thought was due to the stress I was under. Nope.
- Really, really bad jitteriness and anxiety. My anxiety actually wasn't as bad the first time I took amoxicillin as it has been this time around... and we were chalking it up to anxiety over the coronavirus. It may still be a combo of the two.
- My mental health going into deep depression mode. Again, we were blaming it on my failing health and the coronavirus situation, which may still have a part in it.
- My mental fog and the inability to concentrate, which has made me an unreliable writer for my poor bosses. Mercifully, they've been understanding.
- My platelets tanking under 100k (76k the first time, 96k this time).
- Possibly the daily, strong heart palpitations I've been experiencing. The first time I experienced crazy strong (but not too fast) palpitations was during one of the last doses I took. We thought it was anxiety. Nope. My doctor said, in hindsight, it was most likely a reaction to the dose since it started half an hour after I took it.
- Other things that I haven't mentioned.

Everything that has happened (and the new stuff) seems to be following the same pattern from last autumn (the first time I took amoxicillin). Some symptoms (e.g. jitteriness, extremely daytime sleepiness following insomnia, how "angry" the skin rashes look) have been worse this time. Others (platelets falling to 96k instead of 76k, the number of bumps from the rash overall) have been better.

 A few days ago marked the 30-day mark of when I took my last dose and you can tell I'm just now starting to detox from the effects. The rash started to fade on the day after I finished the Bl. Solanus Casey novena (which many of you prayed with me; thank you!). I'm starting to sleep more (a lot more; accompanied by jitteriness when I wake up). My mental fog is starting to lift and my mental health is improving. Yay for no longer being a depressed little robot!

I didn't start feeling like myself until Easter Sunday, which was coincidentally the month-mark of when I took my last dose. Theoretically, it should take 4-6 more weeks for this to clear up so here's hoping it'll continue and that the detox process gets easier in the next couple of weeks than it's been lately.

I would be lying if I said I haven't been scared this past month. I've been terrified. It's now day 34 since I last took a dose and we just figured out that all of this has been because of the amoxicillin. Again, this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't started the novena -- my doctor (who still hasn't seen me, btw; she's only gone on what I and the urgent care physician's assistant have told her) thought my rash was another skin issue. Even the PA didn't think it was an amoxicillin rash either. It wasn't until the novena was about halfway through that my doctor called to tell me that it did seem like it was an allergic reaction to the amoxicillin after all. That's also around the time that the previous pattern began showing up and it became an "OH I wonder if this is..." moment. After the novena ended, the rest of the puzzle pieces began to slot together and completed the picture. It's been worse this time around because I had to take a week's worth of antibiotics to take in late January-early February and a second-round in early March-mid March. It didn't give my body enough time to detox in between doses.

The last 2-3 days have been easier with the heart palpitations but worse with the jitteriness following naps during the day. Those closest to me have gotten panicked texts from me because of how absolutely terrible I crash and how panicked and odd I wake up feeling. Again, I had a similar reaction the first time around but it's been amplified about 10 times this time around, most likely because of the back-to-back doses.

I'm supposed to be taking Zyrtec for the allergic reaction but I've been sleeping most of my day away and I haven't been able to mentally prepare myself to take it in the few hours I am awake. To be honest, I'm afraid of an allergic reaction to the Zyrtec because of the medical PTSD of previous reactions to Benadryl and now the recent amoxicillin allergy.

And before you say, "But you're supposed to trust God." Yes, I do trust God but my mind (and the PTSD) right now is, unfortunately, is affecting my ability to think rationally. That doesn't mean I don't trust God. Remember, the amoxicillin greatly affected my mental health -- it literally messed with my brain chemistry. So, I'm just now starting to think rationally; to think more clearly. Remember the news of the young priest who committed suicide a few weeks ago as a result of a medication he was taking for GI problems; how it messed up his brain chemistry? Think along those lines for me, except I thankfully never contemplated ending my life. I was morbid in thinking I was going to die soon, I'll admit that, but not because I had any intentions of harming myself. Quite the opposite, I became hypervigilant of what was exacerbating symptoms so that I would feel better and get myself on a fast track to being on the mend so I could give myself more time to get to the confessional (whenever confessions are allowed again).

The fact that I went to the dentist this morning and that didn't have a panic attack nor was I paranoid about it pretty much confirmed that the effects are wearing off. (Side note: the appointment was considered a potential emergency situation; I was given more antibiotics as a precaution that I'm not taking unless I need to; it was given to buy more time while the lockdown is lifted and molar extractions are okayed by my insurance and the government since it's not an immediate emergency situation). Also, the fact that I'm not feeling depressed and morbid -- I actually feel like myself for the first time in weeks! -- is a good sign. I'm finally able to pray and say "Jesus, I trust in You" without any apprehension. I hadn't had more than a few hours of that trust and confidence in God for weeks when the next wave would hit. Yeah, those pills messed me up that bad.

I've spent the last 4-5 weeks unable to watch most Masses or pray because of how intense my mental fog or fatigue has been. I've been able to concentrate on my prayers for the first time in over a month in the last 2-3 days. My spiritual life took a massive beating. I hadn't been able to really do much for my vocation discernment, either, which I thought was bizarre but now makes sense. I wasn't sure if it was a spiritual attack or something else but it looks like we now have our answer. It could very well be a mix of the two -- a spiritual attack and a chemical imbalance, who knows!

So, that's where I've been lately... and why I haven't been blogging. That's why I kept asking for prayers on social media. I'm incredibly grateful to a lovely blog reader who suggested I ask Bl. Solanus Casey for this intercession because, thanks to that novena, we got answers to why my body had begun breaking down on me. Like I said, it wasn't until the novena was ending that the pattern began to emerge and things became clearer.

I pray that I can either start taking the Zyrtec tomorrow (I don't have to get up early for the first time in weeks) and/or that the rest of the effects begin to subside without my the jitteriness and other effects getting worse. Sure, most of the other physical symptoms are getting better but the anxiety is probably now peaking and the sleeping thing is just horrible to endure every time I wake up from a nap. 

Let it put it this way: Imagine that you've been sleep deprived for 24 straight hours after running a marathon all day. You're so tired but you can't sleep for some reason. Then, just as you finally settle to sleep, someone wakes you up in the most intense and frightening away, making your heart race and your body shake from the nerves. Amplify it a couple more times and you can maybe begin to imagine what I feel some naps. Sometimes my heart is racing, Yesterday it was beating at a weird rhythm for a bit and I was terrified until two first said they had similar experiences and that it probably meant I woke up at a weird REM stage. And, yes, the naps are absolutely necessary. I'm not fighting them. I'll fall asleep while eating sitting up anyway; I'm that physically exhausted at this point.

Please continue to pray for me. I'm going to call my doctor again tomorrow (I know she must be tired of getting 2-3 calls from me per week but I've had to update her on my evolving conditions) and see if we can't come up with a better game plan to make the rest of the detox process smoother. Also, please pray that there aren't any more surprises during the detox process. Yesterday's weird palpitations and yesterday and today's intense jitteriness post-naps have been new and very unnerving. Again, if I have to take the Zyrtec to minimize the effects I will but I'll be praying that I'm able to tolerate it better than other meds and that I don't get additional reactions or side effects from it.

I hope to get back into the swing of things around this blog now that I'm starting to slowly mend. I have a couple of posts planned in the upcoming week that, God willing, will actually be posted on time. Fingers crossed the fatigue lessens.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

God Keeps Surprising Me

If you've prayed for me recently -- especially in the past couple of days -- I want to say a massive "thank you!" I know some of y'all stepped up your prayers after you read my last blog post in which I wrote about being diagnosed with an acute kidney injury due to the dehydration. After my follow-up yesterday, the first thing I thought of when I was told that my kidneys were back to normal (at 0.9; normal is 0.6-0.9) was that I have amazing friends.

Yes, my kidneys are back to normal though on the high end so I'll have to keep drinking loads of fluids and eating salty foods because my sodium level is a bit low. My red blood count and platelets were higher. White blood cells are in normal range. I hope with the vitamins and minerals I was prescribed, I will continue to recover. My weight has been stable for the past 6 months and has been normal for the first time in 4 years. Recovery mode, on it. ;)

God keeps surprising me in wonderful ways. I was completely surprised and overwhelmed by the amount of love and prayers I received this past week. Yes, I'm tearing up even as I type this because it was a kind of love and support I haven't seen since my father passed away 7 years ago. Words of encouragement, prayers... I definitely felt them. The quick recovery mode? Another way I see that God still loves me, even if I'm stuck on the struggle bus.

In all honesty, I still struggle with the spiritual dryness I've had for several weeks but through your continued prayers it's so much better than it was three weeks ago. I know it's a slow process that requires prayer and patience that I'll gladly endure because He is worth it. Eliminating choices that would've pulled me further away from the God and the Church, relying more on prayer than my own (over-analytical) mind, and being surrounded by supportive friends has greatly helped. Forgiving those who've been unkind (and even emotionally abusive) towards has also been a massive help to combat the dryness. Despite all of this, I'm not fully out yet.

I still feel a disconnect between God and myself but a deep desire to remedy it has began to burn. Don't feel like praying? I keep praying, even if it's forced at times. I keep reading books on vocation and prayer. I keep veiling and keeping my head covered during Mass and adoration. I haven't been to Mass for the past three weekends because I've been stuck in bed but I've felt the urge to go more intensely lately. I even pushed myself to drive to confession last weekend when I should've stayed home because the dehydration symptoms were getting worse. Don't drive while dizzy, kids! Though I may feel spiritually empty, I hope that my attempts still show my love and respect for Him. I don't "feel" the love but I know that I do love Him or else I wouldn't even be trying. Feelings (or lack thereof in this case) can be false and misleading so I'm basically ignoring them when it comes to my spiritual life right now. I'm going to keep going, no matter what. Mama and daddy didn't raise no quitter. lol.

Though I can't seem to concentrate on or even "feel" what I'm praying on a daily basis, I still see glimpses of God's love for me. Even if it's for a split second, I'll be surprised by those little moments. I may be praying something (rosary, chaplet, Little Office, etc) without much feeling or energy but then something will happen that breathes life into the rest of my time in prayer. I'll be sitting in the adoration chapel (haven't had the physical strength to kneel), feeling spiritual numb, when a memory will trigger a feeling of love and/or peace. I definitely felt it this week through the prayers that were said for me. I couldn't pray at the hospital (even when I tried) but I still felt His love through the actions and words of others. Keep surprising me when I least expect it, God. I love it. Even if it's surprises like "S'prise! You're going back to your alma mater after saying 'peace out, suckers!' and that you'd never return 4 years ago." lol. Keep challenging me. It's how I'll continue to grow. :D

Alright, I need to go finish two assignments that are due this weekend so I'm going to stop here.

I hope y'all had a lovely week and that you have a great weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Spiritual and Physical Updates

Just a quick update for y'all.

Spiritually I've been feeling a lot better lately. Ever since I made the decision to not return to the entertainment industry (writing screenplays and acting), I've felt more at peace and my spiritual life has been slowly getting better. I also made a decision regarding my personal life that has helped this tremendously since I figured out that this particular thing was the cause of my being pulled away from the faith. I'm starting to feel connected to the Church again. I feel as if God is still with me, even through the crummy times. That's something I couldn't have said a couple of days ago. Prayer isn't feeling forced any longer (though there are still temptations to do something else rather than pray) but I'm still having trouble concentrating but it could be caused by my physical state.

Physically I've been feeling worse. I was on the mend for a while -- even looked into taking dance classes since I missed dancing and I was doing well -- but I've suddenly become weak and fatigued like I've never known. The last time it was this bad was when I was about 19-20 and I had dairy for the last time. Not sure if the anemia is back, if the platelets plummeted, or if it's something else (food allergies will make me feel like this for a while; could be possible cross contamination with food in recent days). It's gotten to the point where even sitting is a struggle for me because of how weak I feel. It's only been in the last couple of days that I've felt this -- less than a week. I have my next doctor's appointment next Tuesday so we'll see what's going on then (most likely get blood drawn). Right now I'm going to guess it could be depression since I am displaying some of the physical symptoms and I did just go through an emotionally charged month. Yes, an entire month see previous paragraph as well as this post.

Anyway, like I said, just a quick update. I'm going to go pray a little bit more since I'm home alone and it's quiet -- good thing about the kids having returned to school, peace and quiet. lol.

I hope y'all are doing well!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Shutting Down the Blog, Questioning Faith, and Other Conundrums

I almost shut down this blog this week. Almost. Then I received a message from a new reader (or a long-time reader who'd never reached out before) that renewed my commitment to keep it and continue writing as authentically as possible. I still don't think I'll write as often as I have in past weeks because classes are about to start and it's a crazy semester but I'll write when I feel like sharing something going on in my life.

I questioned the strength of my faith. I questioned my own faith. Not Catholicism nor God. I simply questioned myself in how my faith fits into my life. I didn't want to pray. I literally forced myself to pray because I didn't want to. A lot of things didn't make sense to me. I've never had a spiritual dryness this intense before. I'm still struggling with a couple of things. I'm hoping confession and Mass later today will help.

I almost quit the SLP field for something I haven't considered doing since I was in my late teens-early 20s. My spiritual director brought it (the career path) up last year, seemingly out of the blue, and I had dismissed it. Something changed this week and I reconsidered it. I talked to a couple of close friends and they all seemed excited for me. The career is a good fit for me in some ways but would take me out of my introvert bubble/comfort zone. It would mean starting (almost) from zero. It means a lot of hard work ahead of me. It means facing some of the fears I had at 20 and returning to something that once brought me both joy and pain. I'm still unsure of whether I'll go down this path but I will finish my degree, at least.

I almost did a couple of things impulsively... which was very unusual for me. Amongst these things included plans to move out of the country to pursue the aforementioned career path; to follow my heart. I almost did a lot of things that seemed out of character for me because I was swimming in a sea of confusion and I couldn't make out which way was up. I still feel like I've yet to come up for air but at least I think I'm coming closer to the surface.

I don't know what I'm doing these days, if I'm honest. I feel as if I'm being pulled in many different directions and I don't know which way to go, what to do, or who/what to believe. I'm not sure if it's all spiritual dryness, a spiritual attack, or just the misfortune of having too many options. I didn't foresee any of this happening, especially not after the summer I've been having thus far; not a week before classes begin.

Pray for me, dear readers, because I feel lost and I can't see a way out anytime soon.

Lenten Lesson: Rearranging Priorities

At the end of this Lenten season I came to one huge, defining moment in my life: after being constantly plugged into the online world since I was 16 years old, I have come to realize that I don't like being plugged in. Not only that, I love living life away from it because I've come to realize what's important to me. I do still need the internet -- for schooling and to keep up with friends who find it easier to email -- but I'm so much happier and less stressed without it. I know I've already written a lot on this (unplugging) so I'm just going to move on onto other big changes.

I'm well known for procrastinating when I don't like doing something. This is one of the biggest changes I made during Lent. If it feels like a tedious chore or if I'm tired and lazy, I'm going to put off on doing it until I "feel like it." I have to be "in the mood" to do something or else it's not getting done. I think this is my version of rebellion since I didn't rebel against my parents as a child or a teenager. I kept doing it until I remember that St. Therese did little things even though she didn't have to or want to do them. She offered up these little acts for others. Inspired by this, I started doing the same.

Okay, I'll admit that I was also inspired by this audiobook I listened to a few weeks ago called At Home with Madame Chic by Jennifer L. Scott. Between St. Therese and the books (yes, plural) by Mrs. Scott, I realized what I needed changes and what I was okay with. Procrastinating and not doing things until I "felt like it" will more often than not result in anxiety or even a panic attack, especially if time is a factor. Not doing things because I "don't feel like it" is no longer an option for me. I do things because they need to be done. No excuses, unless I'm sick and incapable of doing them. Even then, I try to do something while sitting down, even if it's time in prayer. If something feels like a burden, I offer it up for souls in purgatory or for anyone whose prayer intention I remember in that moment but I do it anyway.

I'll be honest, the majority of what I worked on were things that as a single lady works but as a future wife and mother wouldn't. I didn't start Lent wanting to change a lot of things that revolved around my vocation (big V) but that's how it ended up. God would show me things about myself that I didn't like and knew I needed to change and it would automatically be connected to my future vocation. I didn't sit and think about it; the connections would automatically pop up in my mind. When I have a husband and children to look after, I can't not do something just because I don't feel like it. I'm going to have to do them whether I like it or not. My priorities will be taking care of my family and helping them in any way that I can so it can't be about my own selfish wants and needs.

I learned that I loved doing housework. Correction: I learned that I wouldn't mind being "stuck" in the house with a family if we could afford it and/or was necessary. I wouldn't mind being a working mother either (I've sort of expected this because that's all I knew growing up; my mom's always been a working mother) but I always worried that I would get bored being a housewife. Silly but there you have it. I found a real joy in cleaning. Washing dishes, vacuuming, cooking, baking -- I love the domestic life. The former "feminist"/"independent woman" side of me is officially dead. My former Sociology/Women's Studies professor would undoubtedly cringe and mourn the death of my former self if she ever found out. lol.

Another huge change was my prayer life. I tend to get bored doing the same routine (as the same time) every day so I switched it up. I added the Litany of Humility and the Chaplet of St. Michael to my usual routine of daily consecration to the Virgin Mary, daily Rosary, and daily morning, evening, and nighttime prayers from the Little Office. While it may seem overwhelming (and it can feel that way if I have to do most of it at night after a busy day), it's not. My time in prayer adds up to maybe an hour every day. God gives me so much more so why can't I take an hour (albeit broken up throughout the day) to pray and just reconnect with Him every day? I pray the Rosary at different times of the day so I don't get bored with the routine. Not that prayer is boring -- it certainly isn't -- but my mind wanders so easily when I have a lot going on. I need those random breaks to refocus on God (and I'll write more about this in another post.)

My faith is important to me. My mother is important to me. My future husband and children are already important to me and this is something I don't even have to worry about right now. Keeping my house (well, apartment) clean, having dishes washed, every person in the house rested and fed, doing things that need to be done first and relaxing/having time for myself second have all become important to me. All the changes and the rearrangement in priorities were much needed. Instead of wasting time online and then rushing to get everything else done at the last minute, I have a more fulfilling life offline doing what I like (or, sometimes, don't like) for those who are most important to me.

It may not seem like some huge, life altering change but it is to me. I'm the kind of person who likes routine and feeling comfortable doing her own thing. At the same time, I've been very selfish with my time. I've learned that I can't always do that. I can't be selfish all the time but I also don't feel guilty watching something on Netflix once everything is done and taken care of. If I can spare an hour or two to watch a movie or a TV series I like, I will. Balance and moderation (as I wrote in the last post) goes hand-in-hand with where my priorities are now. Self-care is important, too, y'all. ;)

I start the Spring quarter in exactly one week from today so it'll be interesting to see how I rearrange other things to fit this new start into my life. I know that my schoolwork will be a priority over watching another Monarch of the Glen episode for the millionth time but I'll also have to remind myself to balance that with my home life (i.e. keeping the household clean) and self-care. I'm going to try my best to not make schoolwork my priority over eating and sleeping again. No, don't want to fall down that rabbit hole again.

Anyway, that's it for now. I'm going to watch another episode of my guilty pleasure show (which is only 24 minutes long) before I get back to do some self-care. I've ran errands, bought groceries, and cleaned the house, so I can watch another 24-minute episode (my second one, thankyouverymuch) before I do something else. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Failing This Advent

You read the blog post title correctly: I have failed at preparing during this Advent season. As my penance, I will tell you how I have failed and what I plan to do to make up for it.

I actually did prepare for Advent ahead of time: I bought the Advent wreath candles weeks in advance and we've used the same Advent wreath for years so I didn't have to look for one. I had the Nativity stored next to the Advent wreath in my book room. I had a Ven. Fulton Sheen Advent booklet ready on my bookshelf. I had the links to the various Advent calendars online... and I did NONE of it until this week. I had everything ready and I failed to get started in time. Good job, Emmy.

It's not that I didn't have time. I did... and didn't. The problem is that, with the publishing deadlines coming up on Thursday (to be released on Friday), I've focused solely on that; getting what had deadlines instead of spending more time reflecting on the season. I've spent nearly a week just fixing the formatting on the first novel manuscript (yes, I've had to send it back to CreateSpace a minimum of a dozen times because something always came up wrong) and I'm now rushing through last minute edits for the sequel to meet deadlines. All of that has caused me to push back prayers and preparation. Trust me, I feel awful because this is my favorite time of year. In a way, I'm actually glad that it happened because I feel as if my prayer life has been all over the place (in a bad way) and this has forced me to really look at what I want to change in my life. So, here is my plan of attack:

Problem #1: my sleeping schedule is off in a horrible way. I go to sleep usually around 2:30 a.m. I get up at 4:30 a.m. and then take a nap until 10:30 a.m. to noon. I occasionally miss morning prayers because I'm often rushing to catch up on everything that should've been taken care of in the morning. I've tried to get up earlier (as well as go to bed earlier) but I just haven't been able to. It's hard because this is the schedule I've been used to for months. I got used to this wonky schedule when I was in the SLP program and I know it's going to take a while to get my sleeping schedule back on time.

Solution: I would like to start attending daily Mass again, especially since I won't have much to do from next week until I begin grad school (side note: no, I haven't heard from Franciscan or Christendom yet.) I used to be really good at going to daily Mass but then I got sick (low iron and low platelets make you feel exhausted at times) and then school messed up my schedule. I wanted to start attending daily Mass last week but my downstairs neighbors decided to no longer care that my mother gets up at 4:00 a.m. for work and they started making noise and slamming closet doors between 10 p.m. and 3 a.m. Sometimes we don't get enough sleep. I sometimes pass out and sleep through alarms from the exhaustion of not getting the sleep that I need. I know I won't get a chance to this week but next week I will try again... even if it means asking a friend to call me each morning at 7:30 a.m. to make sure I'm up.

Problem #2: my prayer life is in a pitiful state. I'm embarrassed every time my spiritual director asks me how my prayer life is because it's terrible. I used to go to the local parish and pray in front of the tabernacle on a daily (or almost daily) basis... and now? I don't even recognize myself anymore. As I said before, I don't always get my morning prayers in (though I've managed to make it through almost two weeks without missing more than one) but I do get to my nighttime prayers as well as prayer requests (I try to do this immediately after being asked.) It's not enough though. Ask me when the last time I prayed the Rosary was? Answer: I don't have a clue. It's bad, y'all... it's really, really bad. I hate to say it but I've placed so much importance on other things that "have to get done" that my prayer life has taken a back seat to everything else. Bad Emmy!

Solution: I'm scheduling my day until my busy schedule becomes more manageable. I have a Wunderlist app that usually helps but my iPod touch is on the fritz (I just sent it in to get repaired) so I'm going to set up the obnoxious alarms on my cell phone. I am going to try to set up my schedule according to the Liturgy of the Hours because I know it's do-able with my schedule, even at its craziest. This is going to be really hard for me because I've gotten so used to be "on the go" without praying much during the day (with nighttime being the exception). No one said this was going to be easy but, man, I can already anticipate me struggling with this during this week. Deadlines... ugh...

Problem #3: distractions and anxiety, my dear Watson... distractions and anxiety. I've been way too easily distracted lately. No, forget "lately" -- my attention has been taken away from prayer and God for months now. First the craziness of school (when I didn't even have time to eat or sleep at times) and then the craziness of novel deadlines and distractions in the form of all things virtual. I'm actually glad that my iPod touch decided to malfunction because I was constantly checking it; checking Twitter, FB, Instagram, emails, Google Talk, etc. I'm way too connected.

Solution: Disconnect! I uninstalled games on iPod and laptop. From today until (at least) Christmas, I'm again limiting my time on social networks. Luckily, this week's deadline will prevent me from having much interaction on social networks anyway. I'm logging myself off of Google Talk when I'm logged into gmail (except for when I do have a few minutes to chat). With my iPod being in the repair shop, I won't have notifications (either on the screen or the sound of them) to distract me. Once I get my iPod back, I'll rearrange apps, delete some, disable notifications, etc. I'm done. I really I am; I'm already stressed about deadlines and being hyper-connected does not help at all. I'm also going to ask "Santa" for the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the physical book form because I'm using my iPod to pray it and sometimes notifications pop up and distract me in the middle of prayer. No mas!

If someone (whom I know well) doesn't mind being my accountability buddy, I could use one or two to make sure I stay on track. Seriously, y'all... check in on me and get on my case if you see me slipping. Alright, that's enough of me getting on my case about failing this Advent. lol. I will try to stay on course for the rest of this season (yes, even going back to reading the past readings and Advent calendar goodies I've missed).

My eyes are tired of staring at the screen so I'm going to take a break by doing something else offline for a little while. I do have a deadline but I think I'm going to end up doing the whole Pomodoro technique because I need more breaks to refresh my eyes and mind than I actually take. Yeah, I'm going to do that now. :D

I hope y'all are having a better Advent season than I am. lol. If you have any prayer requests, please load me up!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #32: Busy Bee Edition

I

When I was in 6th grade, I received the "Busy Bee" award from my teachers. The award read "Always Reading, Always Studying." Yes, I was a bookworm and an academic nerd from childhood. I've almost always busied myself with something. The two years between graduation and the start of my next degree (which begins next Monday) were the first time I've ever had downtime... and it was weird for me. I've taken the last 6 months to work on both my first novel and the sequel. While the sequel has also been finished (as in, the story has been written), I still need to flesh it out a little more. For the past month or so, I've really been focused on polishing the first novel as much as I can, with the final proofread currently being done. In that time, I was so consumed with wanting to meet the deadline (May 1st; tomorrow!) that I was failing to pray. I didn't do that purposely; I simply lost track of time while editing. As I wrote last week, it wasn't until I realized that I didn't like not keeping up with my prayers that I made a more conscious effort to change things. While I've gotten back on track (well, for the most part) this week, I've still not where I want to be... and that makes me a little nervous. I'm taking a heavy course load for the next year (5 classes during the summer and for each semester) and I don't want a repeat of what happened during Lent; I don't want to be too busy to pray. I have my next spiritual direction meeting tomorrow and hope I can talk things through with my SD because I feel like I'm going to need all the help I can get.

Lesson learned: Continuation of last week; keep my priorities on the right path. It's hard to schedule prayer time with a busy schedule but it's necessary for my sanity and for my spiritual life.

II

I've been seeing some lady bloggers address the issue of how women shouldn't feel embarrassed about breastfeeding their children in public and/or how to do it in a modest way. The topic is still (hopefully) in the future for me but I'm definitely learning from them already. Julie made a great video on the topic last week. Hearing her speak about it, reading the blog posts others have written, and thinking about incidents in which women were banned from breastfeeding their children in and near Victoria's Secret stores (seriously?!) makes me wonder what I can do to help the situation. It still boggles my mind how it's socially acceptable for men to ogle women's breasts but as soon as they see a mother nursing her child, they get offended. Uh... Does not compute. I know pornography contributes to the problem so I guess I can start by praying for those with addictions; that they may see how harmful it is and will want to kick their addictions to the curve.

Lesson to be learned: What I can do to help this situation. I don't even know where to start (besides praying) but it's something that I will be looking into.

III

One more thing I found kind of disturbing... I've been playing Sims FreePlay on my iPod touch (no, I am not addicted; I just started playing.) I make my Sims do activities that will take them hours to complete so I don't have to pay too much attention to the game, but there are some activities I'm not happy with. One of the tasks was to make two of the Sims be nice to each other. Okay so far. Then they needed to start dating. Not a problem. Before they could get engaged they had to "woo hoo" (as they call it). Um, I'm sorry. What? Apparently the Sims couldn't get engaged or even married in this version until they "woo hoo"-d. Yes. And then, after they were married, they didn't need to "woo hoo" to have a child; they just needed to buy a crib and wait 24 hours for the "stork" to drop their baby off in the crib. No words. Sadly, I think this was done to reflect our culture's attitudes towards sex and children... and it made me really sad. There must be something that can be done to help change this attitude.

Lesson to be learned: Same as number two; learn a way I can help the situation. There are several ways to tackle this issue, I just need to find the one I can do myself. Also, I really don't like playing games that will compromise my beliefs. It may be "just a game" to some people (and I'm sure there are some who are currently criticizing my personal beliefs about this) but it just doesn't sit well with me.

Anyway, that's it for this week. I didn't really learn too much but I wanted something written this week (in case I don't get a chance to between now and Monday) so I did what I could. lol. And now back to Proofreading-landia. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #31: Novels, Pope, and Nuns Editions

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I need to manage my time better when busy because my prayer life falls to the side. As you've probably noticed, I've been M.I.A. because I'm working on my novel deadline. I gave myself a May 1st deadline because I wanted to get it done and out into the wild before I started classes on May 5th. I've had to look for the cover art and figure out how to do it myself (and it's not easy because I have mediocre PhotoShop skills). I've also had to proofread it... and I'm going to have to translate it into Spanish soon (though I actually a program for this). All of this before May 1st is pretty intense and I'm actually thinking about pushing back the release date because I'm not sure it'll all be done by then. Any self-published author will tell you that these things are extremely time consuming. Anyway, even though I've been busier than usual, I shouldn't have let my prayer life fall to the side. I've tried harder the past two days because I realized what I was doing... but it's a challenge. It wasn't until I realized that I wasn't as happy (novel stress aside) because I wasn't taking time to pray that I decided to reevaluate priorities. Although I want to start my classes without the added stress of a novel release, I'd rather not let my prayer life go down the hole. Let's see how it goes in the next week.

Lesson learned: it's good to reevaluate your priorities when you see that something's missing from your life... especially if that something is prayer.

II

Speaking of the novel, I had to find out what Bl. Pope John Paul II's official saint name would be because he's mentioned in the novel. I guess this counts as sort of a spoiler (though not a very big one because y'all don't know in way he's mentioned) but, yes, he's mentioned... and yes, I did find out the name. It will be (Pope) St. John Paul II. I guess the Pope in front of St. JPII is optional. I know I'm a big fan of learning about saints but I haven't really brushed up on the bios of former popes who were canonized so this was a new thing that I learned. I wonder what Ven. Fulton Sheen's saint name will be when the day comes... and it'll come! ;)

Lesson learned: Um, (soon-to-be) St. John Paul II's name? lol.

III

Mother Dolores Hart will be the Guest Programmer for TCM on May 27th! I like to check TCM listings at the end of each month (for the following month) and I sort of geeked out when I saw that she will be choosing the films for the evening. I did a double geek-out when I saw that she picked two of my favorite films, Laura (1944) and The Song of Bernadette (1943). I haven't watched the other films she's picked but I look forward to seeing why she picked each of the films. Oh, and if you click on the link, make sure the time is set to your timezone. The link I posted is set to PST because I'm on the West Coast.

Lesson learned: Mother Dolores Hart has good taste in movies... and TCM is awesome for having her as a guest programmer!

Anyway, that's it for now. I took today (and I'm also taking tomorrow) off to rest my mind (and eyes) from all the eye-straining hours I've spent in front of my laptop... and my blogging isn't helping. lol. I will try to blog more often now that I have a cover picture chosen (I just need to figure out how to add the nice font without making it look horrendous). :)

I hope y'all are well!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D