What St. Brigid of Kildare Reminded Me

What led to more than a week without a blog post? My old laptop finally biting the dust... the new laptop's graphics being so grainy and pixelated that I had to return it and get a new one (different brand and model) the next day... downloading the smallest amount of things necessary to get the new (new) laptop working... and then spending the next two days in bed. That's just scratching the surface but you get it. It's been a crazy week. lol.

Somewhere during that week I read and finished Three Irish Saints: A Guide to Finding Your Spiritual Style by Dr. Kevin Vost. (side note: I will always only link Goodreads for books; I won't try to sell you anything.) This won't be a typical book review because, honestly, I don't like reviewing books. I don't even do it on Goodreads unless I feel like I need to warn friends or I love it so much it needs to be recommended beyond the 5-star rating I give it. I will, however, share what I got out of it in case you're wondering what the end results may be.

Despite being a Hibernophile (definition: someone fond of Irish culture, history, language, and all things related to Ireland), I didn't know too much about any of the 3 saints that were featured in the book. I was aware of St. Kevin of Glendalough only because one of my oldest friends (who isn't even Catholic) went to visit Glendalough when she was still a student at St. Andrew's University and took a trip to the pilgrimage site. If it weren't for her pictures (which I think are still on Facebook... I should check; it's been nearly a decade), I wouldn't have heard much about him. I knew the very superficial basics on St. Patrick and St. Brigid of Kildare but, really, not enough. This book changed all of that.

Despite the fact that St. Brigid was my patron saint for the year about 2 years ago, I still was in the dark about her history. It wasn't until I read this book that she was a kindred spirit. As I read her life's story, I realized how much I had in common with her when I was a child... and it made me realize that I wanted to make some major changes in my life.

In a nutshell, she was very giving... to the point where even the Sisters in the order she founded would hide things from her so she wouldn't give them away and leave them all destitute. St. Brigid didn't care about that; she wanted to give the little she could in order to help others. Her heart ached when she saw someone in need and did what she could to make sure they go it. She even felt pity for a dog and gave choice bacon to him despite it being destined for the royal household she worked for. A couple of times I was reminded of how I used to do something similar when I was a child. No, I didn't give bacon to a dog in or out of a royal household. 

When I was a little girl, I remember how much my heart broke whenever we went to Mexico and I used to see little kids begging for money or trying to sell little things just to make enough money to help their families. One day, when I was about 8 or so, I saw two kids a few years younger than me, sitting on the sidewalk, dirty and underclothed. My dad had just purchased a bag of peanuts for me and when I saw them, I didn't hesitate to give it to them. The reason why this particular incident stands out for me was because I was promptly ridiculed by a close family member for it. They laughed quite derisively in my face, making me feel ashamed and embarrassed about what I had done. 

Imagine that you're an extremely sensitive child and that someone you love mocks you and then gets mad for something you wanted to do to help others. It's going to leave an impression (a negative one) on you. That happened almost 24 years ago and I still remember it... including the hurt feelings. From that time until my early 20s, this family member would get angry at me whenever I tried to help others in need, whether it be monetarily or otherwise. I would have to do things either behind their back or just simply walk by and have my heart break in the process, just to maintain the peace with this family member.

This family member is no longer physically in my life anymore so when I can help out, I do so without second thought. My mother has always encouraged it (she was another person who would be on the receiving end of this family member's anger when it came to being charitable) so I don't have to worry about doing anything when she's with me. Whether I help others often or not is between God and me... but I realized that I'm not doing as much as I would like to.

I'm ashamed to admit that I've grown more selfish in recent years, especially since Mom and I hit economic hardships since my father's passing and my health issues that have prevented me from working away from home. I'm a lot more careful with money because we've known what it has been like to go without food for a couple of days. It's a fear that's set in, especially after all the malnutrition has caused me the health issues I'm still trying to recover from. All the health issues I'm enduring now? All came from the lack of proper nutrition and poor diet I had as recent as 3 years ago. And cue my friends getting mad at me for not letting them know I was eating for days in 5... 4... 3...

Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati has been on my mind and in my heart a lot in recent weeks. I mean, we all know he's my saint crush and all but he's been my constant heavenly buddy lately. I was even inspired to do a novena at the beginning of this month, which my mom joined me in. When I started looking back at his life, especially now that I'm looking into becoming a lay Dominican, one of the biggest things that has stuck out was how he used his wealth to help others. When he was a child, he even gave the shoes off of his feet to give to a little boy who didn't have any... and did it in a way that no one saw because he didn't want to get in trouble. There's another kindred spirit! 

I had been thinking about the Society of St. Vincent de Paul (which Bl. Pier Giorgio was a part of) ever since I saw them listed on a local parish's website. The parish is linked to the Dominicans and is where the lay Dominicans meet up once a month which makes sense. I've felt a bit overwhelmed with too many options for my future (only one of which appeals to me but brings no income to pay back my student loans). 

Through Bl. Pier Giorgio and now St. Brigid, perhaps the Holy Spirit is trying to nudge me to make the commitment to help out with the SVdP while I find a job and while I continue to recover my health. It won't bring in any money but it would be a better use of my time than trying to figure out what to do in between writer's blocks. Helping those in need is something that's been close to my heart since childhood and I do have an awful lot of time on my hands these days. The ideas are coming into my mind, y'all...

Anyway, that's what I got out of the book and what St. Brigid has inspired me to do. The book has been on my reading list for years but I didn't get it from the library (it was on hold for a while) until recently. I sure am glad I was able to read it and now it's going to go on my list to purchase later on. I'm currently reading Saints Who Battled Satan: Seventeen Holy Warriors Who Can Teach You How to Fight the Good Fight and Vanquish Your Ancient Enemy by Dr. Paul Thigpen which is interesting thus far. Let's hope that brings good things as well.

I think that's it for now. Since I once again have a working laptop and I'm currently on the mend from what hit this weekend, I hope to blog for often. :D

I hope you've all been having a lovely start of the week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

I Feel Restless in My Faith and with Myself

Deep breath in. 

I've been feeling incredibly restless in my faith and with myself and I know it's due to my lack of Mass attendance and trips to the confessional. 

Exhale.

You guys know that I've been struggling with attending Mass for months. Yes, months. I get a deep desire to go to Mass and confession but something always happens. What I wrote in October still applies. I feel like the worst Catholic... a sorry, pathetic excuse of a Catholic. I felt it particularly hard a couple of weeks ago. Sometimes I wonder if I'm truly cut out to be a faithful Catholic with how often I've missed Mass. I haven't been to Mass since Candlemas, and we arrived late and I was too distracted to enjoy it. During the last full Mass I attended a month ago, I had to keep my snobby and somewhat uncharitable thoughts to myself. 

If you're wondering what happened today: light-headedness, as is the most common reason for my failure to attend Mass. I didn't even pick Mom up from work today and that only happens when I get so lightheaded that I'm afraid of getting into a potential accident. "Well, that's a valid excuse," you may be saying, but it doesn't take away how uneasy I feel. 

The longer I go without attending Mass or confessing my sins, the more restless I get. I feel absolutely horrid as I type this out. I've noticed how bad things get for me the longer I go without both Mass and confession. First, I become less charitable and more grumpy. Then it becomes easier to do the smallest (and, oftentimes, dumbest) venial sins. Then my patience runs out easier. Things built up. My temper gets worse. I literally cannot focus on anything, especially in prayer. I can't focus on my prayers; they feel robotic and empty. After about the second or third week, I'm an edgy mess. Again, the desire is there but then fear sets in.

Fear is what's at the root of my missing Mass. Fear of getting into a car accident because I'm not as mentally focused as I should be. Fear of getting more sick or not being able to get the medical help I need (this is anxiety talking when I have palpitations like I did earlier today). Fear of physical pain. Fear of fainting, especially when I've felt physically weak like I did two weeks ago. Fear of this... fear of that...

I know that fear is not from God. I know that the evil one uses fear. I want to have the courage to push beyond that fear, but I can't. I don't know what stops me. Oh, wait... yes, I do: more fear. Sometimes, when I think I have the courage to actually go through with it -- to get in my car and drive to Mass -- I begin to second-guess my decision. The "what ifs" begin to roll around in my mind. What if I should just stay home and not risk myself and my health? What if I'm just making up excuses for myself because I don't want to go to Mass? (That last one is one that popped up in my mind). 

I've cried more than once out of my inability to attend Mass. In fact, I'm trying to fight that lump in my throat that is threatened to form while I type this post out. I know I need to talk to a priest about this problem, especially since I feel utterly overwhelmed at this point. I don't like how I feel... and when I say "how I feel" I mean how I act. I don't like living in fear. I don't like losing my temper more easily as time goes by. This isn't who I usually am. I've been (jokingly) referred to as a gal with patience to spare. I don't get angry for more than a couple of minutes. I can let things slide... except I can't. Not these days; not since my lack of Mass attendance began to break personal records.

I humbly ask for your prayers. Beyond praying and talking to a priest, I don't know what else to do. I feel helpless. I feel restless. I feel scared. I don't want to put my soul in jeopardy if I can do something about it. 

Okay... here come the tears. That's okay. Tears only remind me that I care. I care about my soul. I care about my relationship with God. Once my time here on earth is done, I want to spend eternity with Him. I can't do that if I don't feel grounded in my faith; if I keep missing Mass.

Deep breath in. 

Exhale. 

God willing, things will work out. I just need help. And, with this idea, I'm going to stop writing and email one of my favorite local priests to see if I can set up a meeting to talk to him or see if he can give me advice as to what I can do in the meantime (while I wait for my next trip to the confessional and Mass).

I'm sorry to end this blog on such a downer but this is real life. This is -- and has been -- my biggest struggle. Nobody said the journey of this Catholic nerd writer was going to be easy or even pretty.

Alright, email to the priest and then I'll try to catch a Mass on EWTN before my evening/nighttime prayers.

I hope y'all have a lovely weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :)

Charity: Pride (Vanity) or Kindness?

Before I begin, I want to wish everyone a happy feast of Our Lady of Lourdes! Also, I offer my apologies for the long gap between blog posts. I got sick and then had two exams to do... and then had a bunch of things to do. I actually still have a lot of errands to run today but I'm taking a break right now to write a quick post.

Earlier this morning, Mom reminded me that one of my best friendships started when I offered to share my umbrella with a fellow classmate with whom I had two courses. It was pouring that morning and, since our classes were at opposite ends of the campus, I asked him if he wanted to share the umbrella since he was getting soaked. He declined -- I believe he said something about it being okay; he was already wet anyway -- but it was the thing that started our friendship.

From that morning on, we started by acknowledging each other in classes... then we started talking on the walk towards our second class... then we started having a late breakfast after our second class in the class cafeteria... and then we eventually started hanging out (with friends) outside of school. It was a lovely friendship that ultimately ended because another mutual friend wasn't very nice and ruined the friendship. (semi-spoiler: the character of Candice in the first Will and Lina novel was partially based on the girl who ruined this -- and other -- real-life friendship(s)).

I'm not sharing this story to make myself look good. No, I'm sharing it because one thing stuck out about this one little act: I did it with no motive. I saw a classmate getting soaking wet on our walk, his shoulders tensed up as he hugged himself to keep warm in his jacket. It wasn't because I thought he was cute (I never thought about that; our friendship was never based on any physical attraction). It wasn't because I thought it would make me feel good or make me look good to others. I just felt like doing it. That then brought on the question: how many things to do we do for others out with some type of motivation?

Let's be honest: most of us have done something for others to look pious, charitable, and/or to gain something out of it at some point in our lives, even if it was only once. I've been totally guilty of this, even if the only thing I gained was the satisfactory feeling of doing something good for someone else. "Ooh, look how charitable I am." Yuck!

When I think about doing something for someone, sometimes I have to stop and thinking about whether I'm doing it because I want to do it -- because God commanded that we love our neighbors -- or because of a selfish motivation. Furthermore, I thought about the times I've shared what I've done for others and wonder if I've done that out of pride (vanity). I have a great respect and admiration for those who do things anonymously. You know, the ones we hear about in the news but never find out their identity.

I want to issue a challenge to anyone who is willing to accept it: for Lent (and it is coming in a couple of weeks), do an act of charity that will not benefit you... and don't tell anyone about it. Ask yourself "what if I have to gain from this?" If the answer is "nothing", do it. As you do it, offer it up for any intention you may have or for the souls in purgatory. Thank God for the opportunity to do something for one of His children. It doesn't matter if it's something small or seemingly insignificant. We sometimes believe that little things don't make an impact but they can in ways we can't imagine. I believe that doing something for others out of brotherly love will help us slowly shed any pride we may have. At least, that's what I'm hoping. It's something I hope will help me be less selfish and vain and make me someone worthy of entering Heaven one day.

Anyway, that's it for now. Like I said, I still have a lot to do today and I might not have enough hours to do them. I do have a few blog posts coming up in the next couple of days, including a giveaway that could be useful for Lent. ;)

I hope y'all have a lovely weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

When Forgiveness and Charity are Seen as a Weakness

As I've mentioned throughout the years, I was in cognitive-behavioral therapy (on and off for a couple of years) for my PTSD. It wasn't until about a year ago that my last therapist basically said "You're done. You have the tools and the strength to no longer need therapy (unless there's a relapse for whatever reason)." I've been doing well since and I'm very grateful for all the help that I received but there's one thing from my years in CBT that did me more harm than good: being told that my ability to forgive and be charitable towards the person who hurts me is a weakness that needs to be eliminated.

Prior to starting CBT, I forgave very easily. I didn't forget but I forgave and was happy to move past the problem. My first therapist (in training) applauded this part of me. She used to say, "I think it's great that you can forgive someone; to try to see what might've caused them to lash out, knowing that it has more to do with them than with you." She was my first and only Catholic therapist (in training) to date. Since I was attending CBT at a local university and she was a grad student, when she was done with the program, they gave me to another grad student.

This second graduate student was the one who made me feel like there were several things wrong with me, especially this gift of being able to forgive. She made me feel like I was weak. When I used to say "I know this person hurt me but I wonder if it's the only thing they've ever known, which is why they act that way," she used to chastise me and tell me that I shouldn't be forgiving or even charitable towards them. They did me harm. They should feel guilty and have to pay for their offenses. Between her and the next 2 therapists I had, I was filled with a lot of anger. My ability to forgive was replaced with hurt and anger.

The last two therapists I had helped me sort my thoughts out, more so the second-to-last therapist I had. She was very sweet and very similar to my first therapist (in training). I was able to regain a bit of that ability, something my last therapist nearly took away... except, this time, I knew myself, my thoughts, and how important it was to be charitable and love others though they treat me poorly. I haven't fully regained the ability to forgive and be charitable as I used to. I still do it, but I can get very angry for a little while before I calm down and see things as they are, separating feelings from rationality. It's a reflex that I, unfortunately, have to unlearn from my time with the second therapist-in-training. There's a reason why I purchased a book on how to combat anger from a Catholic perspective (which I hope to review in the near future).

Today I was reflecting on why forgiveness and charity towards those who've done us wrong are seen as weaknesses. Over the weekend, someone vandalized my car. Police suspect it's a neighbor since I live in a gated building... and the parts that were vandalized made no sense -- the side panel/garnish of the front passenger's side window and then scrapping off of the LX letters on my Honda Civic. They didn't even take the parts. They left the LX next to the back bumper and we found the broken panel/garnish under a neighbor's car. I had so many people badmouth whoever did the damage but I found myself not only being able to forgive whoever did the damage but also ask God to forgive them for their actions.

I didn't feel anger nor injustice. I didn't seek revenge. I filed a police report, sure, but that's because the building manager asked me to for insurance purposes, not to harm the other person. I purchased the replacement part at the local dealer and it was installed (free of charge, thank goodness) today. The building has security cameras installed near where my car is parked but I didn't ask to see who it could've been. I don't want to know because I really don't need to know. Instead, I'm going to pray for whoever did it.

If they were high or drunk, I pray they get the help they need to kick those terrible addictions. If they did it out of hatred (which is the current theory as we have a neighbor who very much dislikes us), I pray that God softens their hearts because hating someone is like drinking poison yourself and then expecting the other person to die. (I don't know who originally said that so I paraphrased). If it was a randomly picked act of vandalism, I pray that God helps them examine their hearts and minds and that they repent and seek to live a better life; a life that seeks God and all that is good.

I hope that one day I may be able to turn the other cheek and forgive as I used to without allowing my temper to flare like it has in recent years. I hope that the anger that does rise up in me from time to time reminds me to be more charitable, especially towards myself if it's anger caused by something I've unintentionally done. I hope that I can remember that forgiving isn't a weakness. Jesus forgave those who crucified him and treated him as if he was subhuman. Did he speak up when they placed the crown of thorns on his head? When they spat on him and mocked him? Jesus suffered more than I ever will in my lifetime. He set a beautiful example of how forgiveness and charity are not signs of weakness but of an inner strength and a reliance on God to help us through times of trials.

... and I just realized that today is Tuesday which means meditating on the Sorrowful Mysteries of the most Holy Rosary. Well played, Holy Spirit. Well played. ;)

Anyway, I just wanted to share these thoughts bouncing around in my head. :)

I want to get my sleeping schedule back on track (currently sleeping 1-3 a.m. through 10-11 a.m.) so I'm going to try to get everything I normally do at a later time a bit earlier. Since it's almost 8 p.m. PT, I should start getting things done for the day so I can unwind with a cup of tea and a good book. :)

I hope y'all are having a lovely start of the week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Lenten Lesson: Balance and Moderation

Remember how frazzled I was the day before Lent began because I had poor time management and was "too busy" with life? Yes, I'm going to talk some more about being busy. No, this isn't another "being busy is bad" post. I do, however, still think that we've made an idol out of being busy and that sometimes we just don't know when to let some things go and take care of ourselves.

This is the first in my planned series of my Lenten lessons blog posts. I'm not sure how many I'll do (at least four total; this post and three others that I have in my drafts) but this is one of the biggest lessons I learned this Lent: balance and moderation.

Where to start? Hmm... Oh! Anyone remember how I had every intention to only read Catholic books this Lent? Yep, it didn't happen. I had (and still have) too many books on my LAPL holds list; being "in line" to borrow a book for weeks or even months at a time. Because I didn't want to wait for them again, I decided to read them. I'm glad I ended up letting go of this particular Lenten intention because, thanks to a couple of those non-Catholic books, I realized that a balance was needed between being busy for the sake of being busy and being beings with a (good) purpose. Not only that, I finally figured out the balance that works out best for me between being too plugged in and not being plugged in at all.

When I started my recovery break (from school) in mid-December of last year, I wanted to do nothing after being ridiculously busy for (what seems like) ages. I wanted a vacation from having long to-do lists. I know I tend to take on too much and spread myself too thin. This leads to me getting completely burnt out after a while. It's a horrible, vicious cycle I've had for at least 10 years now. Seriously, I can pinpoint it to 2006, which (interestingly enough) was also the year I reverted to the faith. For years, I've wanted to do it all... and in as little time as possible so I could move onto the next thing on an impossible "goals" list. Then the accident happen and my health declined even more than it had in the past. Looking back, I'm grateful that I was basically forced to slow because I was close to burning myself out again. However this "want to do nothing" ideal didn't exactly work as I planned. I became busy with a redundant cycle that was a waste of time thanks to having too much free time. Oops.

How did my average day look like?
- Turn off iPod touch alarm.
- Check email.
- Check Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and check email again.
- Get up and make breakfast.
- Check social media again.
- Pray.
- Check social media again. Lose myself for hours on this.
- Lunch with mom; distracted by checking social media at the table.
- Netflix and more social media.
- Evening/nighttime prayers.
- More Netflix and social media.
- Sleep.

Repeat. Every. Single. Day. Sundays would include Mass and the odd day would include grocery shopping or errands but that was what my day usually looked like. Completely unproductive but still busy because (as y'all know) you get sucked down a rabbit hole and it's hard to get out of it. One YouTube video leads to another. One link leads to 10 more. A conversation turns into something more. Basically, I was still busy but instead of being busy with something like schoolwork or something productive, I was "busy" with stuff that was fleeting and, really, a waste of time. I've already written about unplugging here and here so I won't repeat myself.

"Well, what am I going to do now?" I asked myself. "I think this is how I've always been." And, yes, looking back at my life, I've always done something. I'm rarely ever inactive, even if that busyness is all mental. In fact, in the 6th grade I was given the "Busy Bee" award from my teachers. The certificate said "Always reading, always doing something." It took some soul searching (and a couple of solid books that got me thinking about making changes) but in the end I've come to understand that not all "busyness" is bad. In fact, I found myself more busy after I unplugged but it became busyness with a purpose.

I agree with this Verily article in which the author talks about how being busy with things that fulfill your life doesn't stress you out. Though I'm busier now than when I was in the endless virtual cycle of nothingness, I find myself a lot more calm and happier. My prayers have not only increased but the quality of them has gotten better. Sure, I still space out and my mind wanders but I'm still at a better place than before. I also found myself being less selfish and being more charitable with my time, actions, and words. What I busied myself with was done for a greater good, not just because I was bored and did whatever appealed to me to entertain myself.

I'm glad that I was also "forced" to slow down with my grad school load as well. As I had previously mentioned, a few weeks ago it was decided that bring my course load to half-time instead of full time was necessary. Instead of graduating next year, I'll be graduating in 2018. The rush I felt about finishing and starting work isn't there any longer but a) I know that that will be the speed that will work best for me so I don't feel overwhelmed and b) because I realize (and, finally, know it in my heart as well) that letting go of my own timeline and letting God slowly reveal His plans for me in His own time has been working well for during this season. With Spring quarter about to begin on April 4th, I'm feeling excited but not stressed out like I had been before.

As for being plugged in, I didn't want to go from one extreme (being too plugged in) to the other (not being plugged in at all). I think that's why I'm still doing what I wrote about a couple of posts ago; it gives me a nice balance. I can make time for friends who find it easier to communicate online while still having my time away from the all the craziness and drama (llama dama-da-ding-ding-ding-dong...) Towards the end of Lent I've gone one more -- I log out completely from FB because I don't want to see the notifications first thing in the morning when I wake up and turn off the alarm (since I currently use my iPod touch for it; I'll get a physical alarm clock when I have a little wiggle room for a good one). My relationship with my mother has gotten better and I find myself in a healthier place (mentally, spiritually, emotionally) being unplugged. We'll see how the balance continues after I start the Spring quarter since my entire degree will be online. Still, I have faith in myself (or, at the very least, faith that God will help me during moments of weakness) and am optimistic that it'll all work out.

Oh! One more thing: if you didn't know (and I don't think I mentioned it on the blog): I've gained like 7 lbs since the start of Lent. Seriously! I think I may be out of the underweight category (I won't know until I get weighed again and I'm guessing that may not happen until the following week) but, well, I was eating too much. Like, TOO much. 'Sup, gluttony? Yeah, I didn't think I would ever have an issue overeating (though I've been known to eat pretty well despite being naturally athletic/thin; super fast metabolism, I guess) but it happened during Lent and it was corrected during Lent thanks to some priestly advice. Balance. Moderation. Repeat.

So, there you have it. Some of the things I had to find a balance for during the Lenten season. There's more but it'll come in future blog posts. ;)

Anyway, I really don't want to be online too much today (I feel so great when I can ignore laptop AND cell phone) so that's it for today. I probably won't post again until after Easter Sunday so I hope y'all have a fruitful Easter Triduum.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #26: Forgiveness, Charity, and Babies!

1) I know many of you are wondering how I've been doing since last Friday's library incident. The answer is: I'm doing perfectly fine despite my history of anxiety. I was super nervous about going out on Saturday... until I went to confession and Mass. The first half of the day I was consumed with anxiety. I shook at the thoughts of having to go grocery shopping with my mom because it was not far from the library. I was unsure if I could drive out to confession and Mass (and I even thought I wasn't going to make it to either) but something within me kept saying "you have to go, Emmy! You cannot afford to not go! GO!" I teared up because I was scared but, at the same time, I have the most intense desire to go. I ended up biting the bullet and I drove mom and I to confession. It was the best decision I could've made because, during confession, I got the sudden idea to forgive the young man. I confessed that I had called him a "psycho" (which, however you slice it, wasn't too charitable) and the idea of forgiveness popped into my head. I mean, I wasn't angry at him and I felt sorry for him, but I hadn't forgiven him. After confession, I knelt down in front of the tabernacle and I prayed for him as I forgave him. Holy Spirit, you're totally getting the credit for that one... and for my sanity staying intact since! Lesson learned: forgiveness heals more than simply pitying the person who caused damage.

2) Speaking of praying for others, I found this website that gave me a very good idea that I wanted to share with y'all. How many of you prayer for people you don't know on a regular basis? How many of you do acts of anonymous charity? Want to kill two birds with one stone? Check out the website Emotional Baggage Check. This website allows you to "check" your baggage (meaning you can vent or cry about whatever is on your mind) or "carry it" for someone else (meaning you read a stranger's "baggage" and reply with words of encouragement). This gave me the idea of "carrying" another person's "baggage" and praying for them in the process. It isn't a religious website so there will be people who don't believe in God... but who says that you can't pray for them anyway? There's so much hate in this world, why not brighten a person's day with words of encouragement? Lesson learned: prayers for anonymous strangers who are having a tough time are good ways of doing acts of charity.

3) Okay, so, I technically promised I wasn't going to blog specifics about what happened on Monday so I can't give details but, I will say... please don't give a devout single gal in her late 20s the advice to have a baby "even if it's from a lab" because her biological clock is ticking. Yes, I received this advice as well as the additional words that "it doesn't matter if you're not married and you just use the guy to have the child; just have a child before you're old and alone." I was shocked when I heard it. I don't know if it's because of how seriously I take the Sacrament of Marriage, because I know that you cannot be selfish when it comes to having children, or because, like I said, I take my faith seriously, but I was not happy. It was rude, unsolicited advice that is just terrible. Look, I know that my "clock is ticking" (I'm turning 29 in May; I get it) and all but I have faith in God. I know my vocation is of wife and mother but I'm not going to rush Him. All in God's time. Lesson learned: I take my vocation far more seriously than others seem to do; I'm grateful that I am able to remind myself that things will happen in God's time and not mine.

And those are my three things that I learned this week. Nothing about the Faith, per se, but close enough. ;)

I hope you're having a good week thus far. If you have prayer intentions, send them my way. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

No One Has Ever Become Poor By Giving

Anne Frank wrote in her diary, "No one has ever become poor by giving." I know our economy is a big dirty diaper that no one is able to change (lovely image I just gave y'all, right? lol. sorry) but who said we could only give financially? In the last couple of weeks I've seen a lot of great charitable acts and it's made me want to give back as well.

A few weeks ago, as I was waiting to make a left turn at the light, I saw a man in a wheelchair having trouble crossing the street and dropping things along the way. Another man, going in the opposite direction, met him, picked up the things that he had dropped, and then wheeled him across the street. It warmed my heart to see this because, let's face it, we don't see this often.

Two weeks ago, while in line for confession, an older woman walked in out of breath. We made room so that she could sit and she told us how many buses she had to take to get to the parish. When the woman behind us heard that she had come from her direction, she offered to drive the older woman back home. Considering it was over 95 degrees that day and that the older woman was at least in her 80s and could barely walk, it was a lovely act of charity.

I've noticed that when most people encounter someone who needs help they will walk on, looking elsewhere (and therefore pretending that they don't see anyone in need of help), and do nothing. Let's be honest, we've all done this at one point or another. I'm not perfect and I've been guilty of this in the past when I've thought someone else (who was closer) was going to do something... and then I felt like crumbs when I saw that I should've taken that chance because no one did anything.

I've been told (twice) by professors at my current college that doing acts of charity is inherently a selfish thing to do because even if we don't get a "thank you" or recognition, we still feel good and therefore it becomes a selfish act. *pauses, rolls eyes, sighs.* Don't you just love what they "teach" us at my school? lol. Anyway, I will wholeheartedly disagree. I don't think we are selfish for wanting to help others in need, even if that need is not great.

I've read about the acts of charity that other saints have done (especially those of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati who continues to be one of my go-to saints when I need a good tush kicking) and it's inspired me to do the same. I don't do great things but I help when I am able to. I don't do it to feel great but because I know that it's how God would want us to act. Sometimes I see people on the street asking for money for food and I think "Golly, I wish I could give them something in return but I don't have anything on me." It's easy to say that I can't give because I don't have (at least when it comes to money) and I forget that I do have other non-materialistic things that I can give and I try to keep that in mind.

So, I'm proposing this challenge to all my blog readers as well as to myself: even if you can't give because you don't have a job or because you can barely make ends meet, try to think of ways to give back. Even if it's anonymously or just a random little thing (like holding the door open when someone is carrying a heavy load or a screaming toddler in their arms). If you have a special talent, try to figure out how you can use it to help others. I have yet to figure out my special talent but I know that I have a big heart with a lot of love to spare (as I've been told by friends) and I'm going to try to figure out how to use it to help others. Do just one act a day if possible. Trust me, you can even do something around the house; something as simple as helping your spouse, parent, or roommate with something they can't get to because of whatever reason. We see so much hate and unnecessary drama that it would be nice to see a change. Remember that "no one has ever become poor by giving" and I hope some of you accept my challenge. I'm going to call it my Charity Challenge. Don't tell me or anyone else what you did/have done, just do it. :)

Anyway, I start my last round of midterms tomorrow (last two were postpone for this weekend) so here is my last post until I can get them done. :D You may all resume the bugging after Sunday night if I don't update soon enough. :D

I hope y'all have had a good start of the week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

What Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati Has Taught Me

For the past week, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati's name has constantly been on my mind. I don't remember how his name came up (I'd only heard it once before when they announced the patron saints for this year's World Youth Day) but I've had this inexplicable (pretty intense) desire to learn as much as I can about him and his life's work. It's similar to how I felt about St. Teresa of Avila almost a year ago.. Anyway, I have been researching (because not a lot of people have heard of it) and I've come to find that the things he did during his short life are things that I did as a child, or that I've wanted to do. The main thing is giving to those less fortunate. With Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up, I have made a decision which will no doubt leave tension in the household.

Ever since I was a little girl, it has always pained (yes, pained) me to see homeless people. On one of our trips to Mexico, when I was about 11 years old, there was a woman asking for money. She looked at us eating and I felt so bad that I gave her my peanuts. Granted, it wasn't much but it was all I had. She was grateful for it... but, boy, did I get made fun of by my family (one person in particular). That's something I've had to deal with: either get made fun of for what I do or get a lecture, followed by the silent treatment, for trying to help. I spoke to my mom about this on Saturday night and I told her I was determined to donate at least *certain amount of dollars* worth of food to our local parish's Food Drive. I know I'm probably going to get scolded at and there will be unpleasantness for a few days but I have to do this.

I've wanted to for a long time but I've never had the money to do it. So, instead of spoiling myself for the holidays (I do NOT need to spend more money on iTunes or amazon.com; nor do I need an iPod -- which I've never owned), I'm going to donate money and food. I will donate clothing, if I get the time to go through my stuff before the Christmas deadlines. I've always been afraid of the "consequences" that would come from doing this, mainly because it would be going against one of my parent's wishes and thus I'd be disobeying a parent, but I cannot consciously continue to be scared of what they will say/do. Now that I'm an adult (whoa, scary thought!), and have more resources, I'm going to follow Blessed Pier Giorgio's example and help those who are in need. Maybe that's why he's been on my mind so much lately. Honestly, I did not know much about him up until a week ago.

I'm very grateful that I have been able to learn a little bit about him. I haven't even scratched the surface yet. He's already inspired me to do more for others, as well as get the courage to do it. I mean, he did so much for so many people in his short 24 years on this earth, and shared the wealth he was born into... it's amazing. He's definitely someone to look up to. And to think he was only a little over a year older than I am now when he passed away, it's very sad. Sad, but he's up in Heaven and that makes me smile. :D

Alright, well, I should probably go work on my English Lit critical analysis of "Paradise of Lost", as well as study for today's Philosophy of Logic exam. Oh boy... lol. :D

OH!... and don't forget to vote to this blog's patron saint! Only 5 more days left to do it. And, hey, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati is one of the saints (in his case, future saint) to be on the list. Just saying... lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D
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