Written Wednesday #5: Thursday Edition

Um... oops. I'm a day late but I have a good excuse: I've been busier than usual. I'm actually slightly behind on a couple of things; it's been so crazy hectic.

I'm in currently in a season of life when I have more on my plate than I have time for. God has blessed me with more work but sometimes the work and the deadlines are short notice with an even shorter turnaround time. All of that stresses me out because it messes up my schedule. That's the nature of the freelance work, I'm afraid. I'm learning how to deal with the stress of having to modify plans on such short notice and with a lot on my plate, which I know I'll need to get used to if and when God blesses me with a family.

After helping take care of my father those 7 years between his initial cancer diagnosis and his death, I feel as if God gave me some time to really get to know myself and have a little bit of selfish independence. I was 17 through 24 years old when my father had cancer and a lot of that time was spent helping him, especially towards the end. Then I had a couple of years to focus on degrees and career paths that led me to where I am now. Now I feel like God is preparing me for whatever is coming next. It's exciting... and a bit of work because it means challenges that take me out of my comfort zone and undoing years worth of habits and routines I'd fallen into. I know it's all for the best so I welcome them... and all the naps I can manage to smuggle in on particularly exhausting days. lol.

Because of the lack of time, I dropped the ball reminding people of day 12 of the 54-day Rosary novena (we're on day 15 today!) and now I'm a day late on the blog post. Oh well. The important thing is I'm catching up now so... here we are. Verso l'alto, right?

Although I've been busy with work, only two articles were published this past week. (reminder: I have no say on what is published when but I share what is published during that particular week.)

For EpicPew:

• How to Avoid Being a Victim of Cuffing Season, Catholic Edition (November 14, 2018)

For Verily Magazine:

• Tips to Feel Less Stagnant If You're Single & Longing for Marriage (November 8, 2018)

And that is it for now. I have two new articles I write, a third article to edit, the third novel to edit, and other things to do. I hope to blog about something wonderful that happened the last time I attended a low Mass (I'm attending only Latin Masses nowadays) in the near future. It has a lot to do with what's been going on with me lately. That's all I'm saying! 😉

I hope you're all having a lovely week thus far! 😊

As always, thank you for reading and God bless! 😊

Lenten Lesson: Balance and Moderation

Remember how frazzled I was the day before Lent began because I had poor time management and was "too busy" with life? Yes, I'm going to talk some more about being busy. No, this isn't another "being busy is bad" post. I do, however, still think that we've made an idol out of being busy and that sometimes we just don't know when to let some things go and take care of ourselves.

This is the first in my planned series of my Lenten lessons blog posts. I'm not sure how many I'll do (at least four total; this post and three others that I have in my drafts) but this is one of the biggest lessons I learned this Lent: balance and moderation.

Where to start? Hmm... Oh! Anyone remember how I had every intention to only read Catholic books this Lent? Yep, it didn't happen. I had (and still have) too many books on my LAPL holds list; being "in line" to borrow a book for weeks or even months at a time. Because I didn't want to wait for them again, I decided to read them. I'm glad I ended up letting go of this particular Lenten intention because, thanks to a couple of those non-Catholic books, I realized that a balance was needed between being busy for the sake of being busy and being beings with a (good) purpose. Not only that, I finally figured out the balance that works out best for me between being too plugged in and not being plugged in at all.

When I started my recovery break (from school) in mid-December of last year, I wanted to do nothing after being ridiculously busy for (what seems like) ages. I wanted a vacation from having long to-do lists. I know I tend to take on too much and spread myself too thin. This leads to me getting completely burnt out after a while. It's a horrible, vicious cycle I've had for at least 10 years now. Seriously, I can pinpoint it to 2006, which (interestingly enough) was also the year I reverted to the faith. For years, I've wanted to do it all... and in as little time as possible so I could move onto the next thing on an impossible "goals" list. Then the accident happen and my health declined even more than it had in the past. Looking back, I'm grateful that I was basically forced to slow because I was close to burning myself out again. However this "want to do nothing" ideal didn't exactly work as I planned. I became busy with a redundant cycle that was a waste of time thanks to having too much free time. Oops.

How did my average day look like?
- Turn off iPod touch alarm.
- Check email.
- Check Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and check email again.
- Get up and make breakfast.
- Check social media again.
- Pray.
- Check social media again. Lose myself for hours on this.
- Lunch with mom; distracted by checking social media at the table.
- Netflix and more social media.
- Evening/nighttime prayers.
- More Netflix and social media.
- Sleep.

Repeat. Every. Single. Day. Sundays would include Mass and the odd day would include grocery shopping or errands but that was what my day usually looked like. Completely unproductive but still busy because (as y'all know) you get sucked down a rabbit hole and it's hard to get out of it. One YouTube video leads to another. One link leads to 10 more. A conversation turns into something more. Basically, I was still busy but instead of being busy with something like schoolwork or something productive, I was "busy" with stuff that was fleeting and, really, a waste of time. I've already written about unplugging here and here so I won't repeat myself.

"Well, what am I going to do now?" I asked myself. "I think this is how I've always been." And, yes, looking back at my life, I've always done something. I'm rarely ever inactive, even if that busyness is all mental. In fact, in the 6th grade I was given the "Busy Bee" award from my teachers. The certificate said "Always reading, always doing something." It took some soul searching (and a couple of solid books that got me thinking about making changes) but in the end I've come to understand that not all "busyness" is bad. In fact, I found myself more busy after I unplugged but it became busyness with a purpose.

I agree with this Verily article in which the author talks about how being busy with things that fulfill your life doesn't stress you out. Though I'm busier now than when I was in the endless virtual cycle of nothingness, I find myself a lot more calm and happier. My prayers have not only increased but the quality of them has gotten better. Sure, I still space out and my mind wanders but I'm still at a better place than before. I also found myself being less selfish and being more charitable with my time, actions, and words. What I busied myself with was done for a greater good, not just because I was bored and did whatever appealed to me to entertain myself.

I'm glad that I was also "forced" to slow down with my grad school load as well. As I had previously mentioned, a few weeks ago it was decided that bring my course load to half-time instead of full time was necessary. Instead of graduating next year, I'll be graduating in 2018. The rush I felt about finishing and starting work isn't there any longer but a) I know that that will be the speed that will work best for me so I don't feel overwhelmed and b) because I realize (and, finally, know it in my heart as well) that letting go of my own timeline and letting God slowly reveal His plans for me in His own time has been working well for during this season. With Spring quarter about to begin on April 4th, I'm feeling excited but not stressed out like I had been before.

As for being plugged in, I didn't want to go from one extreme (being too plugged in) to the other (not being plugged in at all). I think that's why I'm still doing what I wrote about a couple of posts ago; it gives me a nice balance. I can make time for friends who find it easier to communicate online while still having my time away from the all the craziness and drama (llama dama-da-ding-ding-ding-dong...) Towards the end of Lent I've gone one more -- I log out completely from FB because I don't want to see the notifications first thing in the morning when I wake up and turn off the alarm (since I currently use my iPod touch for it; I'll get a physical alarm clock when I have a little wiggle room for a good one). My relationship with my mother has gotten better and I find myself in a healthier place (mentally, spiritually, emotionally) being unplugged. We'll see how the balance continues after I start the Spring quarter since my entire degree will be online. Still, I have faith in myself (or, at the very least, faith that God will help me during moments of weakness) and am optimistic that it'll all work out.

Oh! One more thing: if you didn't know (and I don't think I mentioned it on the blog): I've gained like 7 lbs since the start of Lent. Seriously! I think I may be out of the underweight category (I won't know until I get weighed again and I'm guessing that may not happen until the following week) but, well, I was eating too much. Like, TOO much. 'Sup, gluttony? Yeah, I didn't think I would ever have an issue overeating (though I've been known to eat pretty well despite being naturally athletic/thin; super fast metabolism, I guess) but it happened during Lent and it was corrected during Lent thanks to some priestly advice. Balance. Moderation. Repeat.

So, there you have it. Some of the things I had to find a balance for during the Lenten season. There's more but it'll come in future blog posts. ;)

Anyway, I really don't want to be online too much today (I feel so great when I can ignore laptop AND cell phone) so that's it for today. I probably won't post again until after Easter Sunday so I hope y'all have a fruitful Easter Triduum.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Too Busy for Self-Care

Raise your hand if you feel the need to always be doing something; to always have something going on. *raises both hands.* This past week has been crazy busy for me. How busy? It had gotten to the point where I wasn't taking good care of myself. I was not sleeping well, nor getting enough water, nor eating enough calories into my diet (which is a huge "no no" for someone trying to gain or maintain weight).

Do you remember my blog post from this past Tuesday in which I wrote that I wasn't ready for Lent because I didn't get to finish everything I wanted to do before it began? Remember that long list of things I "had" to do? Guess what: I didn't need to do all of them at once. No, I just decided to overwhelm myself, unconsciously. When a good friend asked me what I would be giving up for Lent and I provided the shorten version of my actual list, he straight up told me it was too much. I'm grateful for our friendship because he's one of the few people who will tell me things I need to hear, just like this example. I had taken on too much for Lent; I just didn't notice it because I have this really terrible habit of feeling like I need to stay busy.

I stick by what I wrote about self-care this past summer. I still think we've made an idol out of being busy. Sadly, I found myself stumbling back into that habit of neglecting myself because I had too much going on. When I noticed that I was extremely fatigued and mentally sluggish last night, I remembered that I hadn't had more than 8 ounces of water to drink... and it was after 10 p.m. Oops. After I drank 16 ounces of that lovely H2O I was revived. My mental clarity sharpened and the fatigue diminished. I also didn't eat well yesterday (or the previous day). Sigh. Thankfully I've recognized that I had fallen back into this old, terrible habit this week (I'm sure if has to do with it being the first week of Lent) so I can work on it. It's only been a couple of days (not a full week). I'm not a lost cause yet. lol.

I had a really busy day planned for Thursday, to the point where I was slightly overwhelmed by the time crunch. I had an appointment in the morning, then I was going to run errands, and do x, y, z. Then Amazon decided to have a package arrive days earlier than expected so I had to rearrange some things. As I got home to wait for a package from Amazon to arrive, I noticed that someone had sent me flowers. The same friend who pointed out that I had taken on too many things for Lent had sent bouquet of a dozen beautiful yellow roses. I literally stopped what I was doing to appreciate them. In all honestly, I actually forgot what I had to do for about an hour or so because I was so enamoured with the flowers. (side note: I just really like flowers, okay?) Oops. lol.

Likewise, I had another really busy day planned yesterday. I wasn't going to leave the house for more than maybe half an hour or so but it was all overwhelming busywork that I decide to get done in a single day. Thankfully a seminarian friend who I hadn't seen in a while dropped by and it forced me to rearrange to-do list for the day. Sure, I got the apartment cleaned as planned but everything else that could be done another day (read: not important) was pushed back. To Amazon, James, and Andrew: thank you all for unintentionally forcing me to slow my roll for at least two days. lol. Don't you love it when God does that?

I'm glad that I was forced to see what I was unintentionally doing to myself: cramming things that could be done over weeks into a couple of days and neglecting to take better care of myself. Oh! and taking on too much for Lent. I'm going to simplify my Lenten goals a bit. I know which ones I really do need to work on (i.e. using less social media) and which I can work on after Lent.

I'm going to try to remind myself that I had a good routine going before I decided to busy myself again. I cannot afford to not get back into that routine, especially when I specifically set this time to take care of myself before I head back to grad school. I'm going to continue to read books, relax, eat well, sleep well, and simply take care of myself. It seems like a lot because I wrote it out as a list but isn't. It's just basic things to help me (and, really, any/all human beings) function.

I just wanted to write this because I'm sure this is part of my Lenten journey this year. It certainly feels like it. :)

Alright, it's actually almost 11:30 p.m. the day before this is scheduled to be posted and I want to get my nighttime prayers in before I zonk out. I've been so physically tired lately that I know I'm going to need at least 8 hours of sleep tonight. No, I'm not going to feel guilty if I sleep in a bit; it's a necessity, especially after the 5-6 hour sleep days I've had most week.

I hope y'all have a good weekend! Don't forget to enter the Magnificat Lenten Companion giveaway. It ends tomorrow at noon EST. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Wait... Lent Begins Tomorrow?!?!

I have a long list of things I still have to do in preparation for tomorrow so please forgive any typos or grammatical errors since I'm rushing through this post. Simply put: I didn't have enough time to prepare for the start of Lent. Or, I should say, I had lousy time management skills in the weeks leading up to Lent because I guess I assumed I had time. Nope. So now I'm rushing to get everything done before tomorrow.

So far today I've: attended morning Mass, gone to confession, had my weekly "treat yo'self" brunch with mom, gone to get more / new foods for me to try, ran quick errands, booked one of two reservations needed for tomorrow (public transportation service), etc.

I still need: to set up this blog on Bloglovin' so that it'll post the links to Twitter (since I'm giving it up during Lent), to book the second reservation (which I've tried to do twice already), finish cleaning my bedroom, finish cleaning my bookcase (yes, two different rooms), vacuum and dust the living room, answer emails, make sure I have all my Lenten goals written down, and a whole list of other things. I need to make sure I eat, drink plenty of water (it's 85 degrees Fahrenheit in my part of L.A.... yes, it's still early February here), shower, and pray sometime before bed, as well. 

Between spending a good chunk of my day in downtown L.A. followed by grocery shopping, and cleaning out my book cave yesterday and then all I listed (so far) today, I haven't had much time to rest. I'm so very tired. I've gotten up at 5:30 a.m. each day and have gotten to sleep around 11:30 p.m. - 12:20 a.m. both nights. Add the walking (so much walking!) and bus and train rides... you can imagine how exhausted I am right now. Did I mention I still have a couple of more things to do tomorrow? Yep. Contemplating leaving that off until this weekend since I'm already spent from everything in the past two days. What can I say? This introvert has gotten too much stimulation in the past two days. 

Anyway, I just to de-stress a bit but letting all my nervous energy out through writing this post. That and I need to test the Bloglovin' feed to make sure it posts! If you're wondering what I'm (still) planning on doing this Lent, here's the post that I wrote recently. I'll more than likely blog tomorrow since there's a lot I do want to talk about regarding Lent but don't currently have the time to do it.

For those of you who will be off social media this Lent, God bless you all and may your Lent be fruitful. If you'd still like to read blog posts, you can subscribe by email (nifty widget on the right side; not mobile accessible, sorry), like this blog's Facebook Page, subscribe through Bloglovin', access through Twitter (for those not abstaining from it), check me out on Awestruck, follow my author's page/feed on Goodreads, or just send me a message and I'll add you to a list I'll personally email when a new post is up. No, I won't do smoke signals. Sorry about that! ;)

I hope y'all are enjoying your pancakes or whatever it is that you're all feasting on. Since neither mom and I are fasting (mom due to her age and me due to health), we're not doing the whole "stuff your face with pancakes" thing. Or we may just eat pancakes tonight because brinner is just awesome. We'll see. ;)

That's it for now. As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D