Considering Joining a Third/Lay Order

Before I get into the main topic of the post *points to title*, let me apologize for the lack of updates. Yes, I'm on vacation but I've spent almost every day getting through every inch of the apartment, in full Spring Clean-a-thon mode. Doesn't sound like much of a vacation but it'll be the only time I can get it done before my birthday next week and before I return to work (freelance writing, meh) the first week of June. Only 1.5 bedrooms are left but I am taking a break today to blog... and reblog a lot of Anne of Green Gable things on my tumblr. (side note: Gilbert Blythe has officially ousted Henry Tilney as my literary crush.) ;)

I've been thinking about joining a Third/Lay Order for years now. Ever since I figured out that my vocation wasn't a religious one, I looked into it but I haven't really researched it. I have my favorite Orders but I feel like I should look at all types of spirituality (i.e. Carmelite, Dominican, Benedictine, Passionist, etc.) to find the right fit for me. I don't like doing things on a whim or lightly so it's going to take some time but there are a few things that I know about myself that will help me decide. I won't say what they are (this time around) but when I've decided on things, I'll let y'all know. :)

When mom and I went to spend Mother's Day with the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles, our wish (as it was my mother's as much as mine) to visit them. I've always been attracted to the Carmelites, I think even as a child of 6-7 when I used to proudly proclaim that I would one day become a nun. I didn't know the Carmelites by name but I remember liking the habits from that age. A couple of my favorite saints are Carmelites and I am enrolled in the Brown Scapular so this visit was going to happen at some point. I absolutely loved seeing them in their "natural habitat" (hope that doesn't sound too rude; I didn't any disrespect). They were all extremely friendly and praying the Rosary with them prior to Mass was amazing despite the horrid heat that day (it went up to 90-something degrees Fahrenheit). I loved being there but if I had any doubts of my vocation (as a laywoman and future wife and mama), it was the final "child, just be patient" sign. As much as I would've loved to have been a religious sister (and I really did want to be), I feel as if God has plans for me out here, "in the world" (as I like to say). Still, it doesn't mean that I can't join a Third Order. Just because I'm out "in the world" doesn't mean I'm going to belong to it. Does that make any sense?

I'll admit that I've only looked at the Carmelite and Dominican Third Orders because of the saints I love (St. Teresa of Avila and St. Therese of Lisieux for Carmelites and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati for Dominicans) but I'll be doing my research before I get back to the tedious work grind.

And now we've come full circle without drawing out into a long blog post. You're welcome. ;) lol.

I really should get back to finishing the Clean-a-thon so I can enjoy the rest of my vacation. We're taking the train (not a fan of planes) for an out of town trip later this week so I want to get everything done before then. :)

I hope you are all having a great start of week. I hope to resume of What I Learned Wednesday posts tomorrow but don't hold me to it because I'm not sure how long it'll take me to get the two bedrooms (remember: I'm going inch by inch) done.

Prayers going out to those affected by the tornadoes as well as those who are still in danger zones. May St. Medard (patron against bad weather, tornadoes included) and St. Scholastica (patroness against storms) intercede so that more lives are spared, especially those in the tornadoes' paths of destruction.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Saying Goodbye to "Catholic Nerd Writer"?

As many of you know, I've decided to switch careers from a freelance writer (underpaid, unstable, job that leaves me feeling unfulfilled) to a speech therapist (stable and more fulfilling, especially if I can work with autistic children after grad school). After I made that decision it dawned on me that the title of this blog was "Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer."

While I will still write (I have a million and one ideas for novels and short stories), my focus for a while will be solely on doing well in grad school and learning as much as I can to help others as a speech therapist. That is, besides trying to better myself and grow as a Catholic. I still plan on blogging and, basically, writing the way I have up to this point; journal-style entries. Still, I feel that maybe it's time to change the title of this blog and possibly Twitter handle. I don't know. I take a long time to think through my ideas/plans. Like I said, I'll still write but my career path has changed and that's okay.

As soon as I save up for it, this blog is going to get a whole new makeover as well. Things are a-changin' and I need to update a lot of things. Have patience with me on the blog posts as well since I'm officially on vacation from now until the first week of June and I won't even be in L.A. for part of it. I may just write posts and have them scheduled for when I can't actually write. Hmm, there's an idea.

Anyway, just wanted to give y'all a heads up on the ideas that are currently bouncing around in my head. I've been the "Catholic Nerd Writer" for 6 years now and it's been a blast but I'm changing. I started this blog when I was 22. Some of the earliest blog posts show just how young I was. I know it's not ladylike to say my age but my mother taught me not to ashamed so I'll just say that the 22 year-old that started this blog that Christmas night in 2007 is a lot different from the soon-to-be 28 year-old that I am now.

There you have it. What do you guys think? Should I stick to the blog title/name and Twitter handle or should I change it to something that will better reflect my new career path? I'm interested in hearing your ideas... and, okay, I'm incredibly indecisive so I am hoping your helpful comments will help sway me one way or another. ;)

That's it for now. I have to go back to tackling the (bigger than I imagined) Spring Clean-a-thon. Seriously, if any of you stopped by and just took a peek into the living room, you'd see the aftermath of Tornado Emmy-Sorts-Through-Everything-She-Owns... and-Leaves-a-Mess.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Receiving the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick

Image found here.

Wow, over a week since my last post. Sorry, y'all, but I've been that busy. I've found myself coming up with different projects and things to do offline (purposely; don't want to keep wasting my time online) and it's been taking most of my time. I've been wanting to share two things with you, though, so I'm taking a break from my huge Spring Clean-a-thon to do so. I don't want to make this post too long so I'll write about one today and I'll post the other tomorrow, if I get a chance. :)

Last Friday I received the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick. Let me explain why this happened before anyone either a) starts really worrying about my health and/or b) thinks I shouldn't have received it. Before anyone jumps to conclusions let me just say that the idea came from a priest friend. I did not think I was eligible for the Sacrament as there are specific requirements but my priest friend (as well as the priest who actually administered the sacrament) thought it would be fine for me to receive it. Since I have lost even more weight (the lowest thus far as been 114.8 lbs last Friday from 130-132 lbs a year ago) and I have had to restrict my diet even further due to food and medication allergies (thus making it even harder for me to find ways to get more calories into my diet), I was deemed eligible for the sacrament. Of course, there are a couple of other things going on but I'm keeping those to myself since I've decided to offer them up. These things, however, also contributed to my being eligible.

I cannot begin to describe how wonderful it felt receiving the sacrament. I was tear-y eyed (because of sadness prior to the anointing and then because of joy) throughout the day. Fr. G gave me a quick confession in his office so that I could properly receive it. My mother was there as well but, since she didn't understand what I said in English, there was no danger there. lol. Any anger, fear, and doubt I might've had before I walked into Fr. G's office was gone by the time he anointed the holy oil. I just felt an immense peace, joy, and gratefulness. In me I just said "I love you, Jesus! I love you!" There have been a few times when I've felt completely engulfed by God's love and mercy and that was certainly one of those times. My mom said, later in the day, that I had a new look/glow afterwards; that I looked at peace, relaxed, and I actually looked healthier (with more color in face and cheeks), if it was possible.

Afterwards, we talked about my options for receiving the Eucharist since the doctor had said no wheat/gluten. He gave me options and I came to the conclusion that I will (out of my own pocket, of course) order the low-gluten hosts (which I cleared with my new doctor yesterday; more on this later) and they'll be kept at the parish for when I attend Mass. This parish is my favorite parish (that I have visited) in the L.A. Archdiocese. It's a bit of a drive but mom and I decided it will be our new home parish as our old home parish has made things difficult for us and other parishioners. (side note: three weeks after I made a couple of attempts to speak to the priests about options for the Eucharist and no contact - on their end - has been made). Also, Fr. G and Fr. V have been amongst our favorite confessors so we feel happy and at peace at our new home parish. :)

That was all Friday... the same day that a doctor's appointment was made. I had my appointment yesterday since I had lost a couple of pounds in the two weeks since my last doctor's appointment. I was given a new doctor (thank you, God!) and she ordered blood work to check my thyroid and liver (to make sure the weight loss isn't connected to those) as well as a thyroid ultrasound since I've had an enlarged nodule in my thyroid for a couple of years. This was all done yesterday. I was surprised at how fast she had it all ordered since I usually have to wait at least three months for ultrasound appointments through this clinic/hospital system. I was done with it all in the span of two hours. She also ordered an appointment with the nutritionist so that I can figure out healthy fats and calories that can help me gain some weight. As I mentioned before, I asked her about the hosts during Mass and she said that the low-gluten hosts would be fine since I usually like to attend Mass more than once a week. When she said that she was Catholic and understood what I was talking about, I was relieved. She didn't know low-gluten hosts were an option but seemed happy that I did and encouraged me to get them. I felt blessed to have her as my new doctor because she had a proactive, "let's figure this out!" attitude whereas my other doctor would just smile at me and say "well, just cut this out of your diet."

Ever since that wonderful day on Friday, my mother's said that she firmly believes that everything is going to change for the better. We're not putting any superstition into it; we're not saying that the Sacrament means I'm going to magically heal. She (and I) feel like this is a new start for me and my health. Whether that means that I'm going to finally catch a break and that my new doctor will figure out what's been going on for the past 10 months or that I'm going to endure this illness (whatever it may be) with more patience and joy, I am not sure. But things are different and I thank God with my heart for it.

Anyway, this post has become way too long now. I have spent about half an hour writing and my stomach is asking for nom noms so I'm going to go feed it before I go out into the summer-like heatwave in a few. :)

I hope to write about my Mother's day celebration with the Carmelite Sisters tomorrow. I should be able to if my stomach and anxiety cooperate with me. ;)

I hope you all had a great weekend and are having a great start of week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Dear CINO College Alma Mater...

Dear CINO College Alma Mater,

I know that I'm taking a risk by posting a picture from my graduation day one year ago on my instagram. I know that there are some of you that are aware that I keep this blog. I know that you know that I have never mentioned the school nor any of the staff by name so (therefore) you cannot legally do anything to me. I will keep it this way but I will say a few things.

I hope that, a year after I crossed that stage and received that diploma (case), some of my professors didn't go back to "teaching" what was taught prior to and during my two years as an undergrad. You all know that, as a "Catholic" school, students apply because they're looking for the Truth. We are wanting to learn about what our Lord Jesus Christ taught during his ministry here on earth. We are wanting to get closer to Him. We do not apply and begin classes to hear how you think the Catholic Church is wrong. We do not want to hear that YOU think that Church teachings are outdated, how liberation theology is the proper way to interpret the Bible (which, by the way, at least two professors admitted that y'all were not allowed to teach but still did), how the priesthood is horrible (even the lone priest I had as a professor told his class how poorly y'all treated him because he was a man of the cloth), how the Pope is a "super rat in red shoes" (as Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI was called by a particular professor), nor do we want to "learn" things that cause more damage to the Church. Actually, I learnt more about other religions than I did about my own. Yeaaaah....

I am sure that some things were toned down while I was in certain classes because they were all well aware that I was the "traddie" student. Everyone in the department knew. Some professors made me feel like I was a backwards thinking brat, a thorn in their sides. Some verbally expressed (though not bluntly) and others made me cry. In class. Many a tears were shed and many a panic attacks were endured during those two years. Still, I (in my own "rebellious" way) found ways of resisting the nearly daily assaults on the Faith. I wore my white chapel veil (mantilla) to the Red Mass. I was seen leaving the chapel before or in-between classes. You guys didn't like that but it was my way of rebelling. I hope that if there is another student who feels the same way as I did about what it being "taught", you won't make her feel as wretched as you made me feel.

CINO College alma mater, please explain something to me. Why did some of the professor try so hard to condemn Priests, Religious Sisters who wear habits, the Pope (don't know what you all say about Pope Francis since I am of the Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI era), many Church teachings, great men of the Church (such as St. Thomas Aquinas), and those of us who you would consider "traditional" because we follow what the Church believes regarding marriage, abortion (against it), contraceptives, etc? Why are referrals to have abortions given at the health clinic (and, yes, the Cardinal Newman Society has already outed you on the fact)? Why did two of my friends leave due to anxiety and depression (and one mental breakdown) for refusing to go along with what you taught about the Faith? Why were things like the Sacraments of Reconciliation and Marriage looked at as pointless? Why was there no reverence for the Eucharist when there was Eucharistic Adoration (to which I was often the only student present)? Why did one professor teach that Santeria was basically Catholicism with some culture stuff sprinkled in? Why do you teach about tolerance and love when you couldn't even show that to us who were orthodox Catholics?

I will admit that I once wanted to go into teaching and hoped to return, just to show future students that not all of us dragged the Church and clergy through the mud. But, no. I'm not going to do. God has slowly shown me that, while I do love school and being in an academic setting, my gifts are better used as a Speech Therapist. I will never, however, give up the fight against schools like yours; schools which confuse young minds and drag them further away from Church. There are many young people who are considering attending these kinds of schools but I am going to let them know what the experience is for a practicing Catholic. Again, I won't talk trash about you -- how childish and uncharitable would that be? -- but I will tell them the truth.

The only things I learned while at your institution were how to protect myself, my mind, and my soul... and what is taught on the "other side" of arguments so I can properly defend the faith. For that, I thank you. Do I wish I did not feel behind my friends in terms of what I knew about the Faith because none of it was taught at your school? Yes. Do I wish things had ended up differently? Yes. Would I try to dissuade other orthodox Catholics from attending the school? Oh yes. But would I trade it all for two schools at another school? No.

Though I cried, hyperventilated, and lost sleep throughout the two years I attended the school, I was given a confidence that I did not know I had... and I was brought closer to God because I saw what was being taught and how hurtful some things must have been to Him. Not because it's going to physically hurt Him but because He sees how much damage some people are doing to their souls at this school. I'm going to pray for every student that is in the same shoes I was in. I am going to pray that those who can be easily swayed will keep away from your entrance and will go elsewhere. I will pray that those who are up for the fight are more successful than I was. I will pray that one day proper Church teachings will be taught. I will not stop praying for current and future students (as well as the staff) until things change.

I want you to know that, a year after I said "goodbye" to you, I am doing well. Sure, I'm about 15-20 lbs lighter than you last saw me because of a stomach illness that I am still trying to shake off but I am happy. God has helped me get my life back on track. I am learning about the most important thing in my life (my Faith and my love of God). As Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati used to so, "Verso l'alto" (to the top); I'm going onward and upwards.

I hope that this open letter hasn't offended you too much. It was not my intention to get you all upset but it was my intention to open your eyes and make you realize that some of us do realize what's going on and we do not like it. Think about the future of your students, about their souls and your own. Please do the right thing.

I have not much else to say except "thank you" for the "education" I received and the opportunity given to me to complete my B.A. Please do not expect me at any reunions or to give any donations until liberation theology and books like this are no longer taught and assigned. Nothing against some of the lovelier staff but I cannot, in good conscience, support a school that tries to destroy the Church that I love so much.

Sincerely,


P.S. Stop sending me fundraising tickets. They're going to keep meeting the waste bin until I feel I can begin supporting y'all.

Anger and Letting Go of the Past

I've felt so stressed out and taken advantage of lately (right about now, my bestie is probably thinking "you're too nice, Jane Bennet") that I've been getting crankier than usual. I usually have patience to spare and can let things go but that superpower seems to have left me in the past couple of days. The easiest thing would be for me to get angry and sulk. Of course, being me, I have to do things the hard way... which means dealing with the crankiness and trying to defuse it before it gets out of control. I prefer to stay out of the confessional for as long as I possibly can so I need to remind myself to: "cease from anger, and leave rage; have no emulation to do evil." (Psalm 37:8) Anger/wrath is, after all, a deadly sin.

First, I have to remind myself of how terrible anger actually is for you. Not only does it eat at you and is likely to make you think of really unhealthy (read: dumb) things to do, but it actually destroys the better emotion, which is love. I actually kept reminding myself yesterday after being interrupted when praying... after I told this person to please not interrupt me while I was praying -- pet peeve of mine. I kept repeating "defeat it with love, defeat it with love." Do any of you remember (that is credited to Buddha) that I posted on my Facebook and Twitter, saying: "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"? Yeah, anger is exactly like that.

My approach to anger is to usually walk away from the situation (most of the time, literally walk away) but since I couldn't, I stayed quiet. I know that I have a sharp tongue when pushed beyond my limit so choose to hold it in until I can release it in a more healthy way. This means I lose myself in something solitary (such as reading, listening to music through headphones, writing out what's bothering me, etc.) or exercise (such as walking, cleaning, dancing, etc.) I think that's why the house is so clean (haha, jk!; I just don't like it being dirty). Yesterday I had a chance to let off steam by working hard on cleaning my dad's tomb stone, cutting the grass around it, pulling weeds, and focusing on that.

You know my avoidance of social networks as of late? It's helped take a lot of the stress away from my life. If you get upset with people's comments, why not try to limit the amount of socializing? I am giving myself a total of 2 hours per day to comment and chat. Also, I'm keeping myself out of arguments. It's just not worth it.

I've been hit with the Spring Cleaning bug (both online and off) and have been emptying out my inbox. I have some really old emails (we're talking at least 5-6 years old), many of which bring back unpleasant memories. Over the weekend I found some old emails exchanged with the last young man I was "serious" about. I didn't think I had any left but, sure enough, they were there. While I confess that I didn't immediately delete them, I did eventually do it a few minutes later. I know many gals have keepsakes of old relationships but I don't like to. I'm pretty sure my future husband would appreciate me not worrying about past relationships. Let it go. Let it all go.

And speaking of letting go, I still have a lot of things from my CINO college alma mater (I can't believe it's been almost a year since I graduated). I'm going through my files and desk and shredding the papers that I don't need. I am keeping some things for evidence (never know when I'll need proof that they were teaching liberation theology) but anything that isn't necessary is getting chucked.

If you're holding onto anger or have things that bring bad memories, this is the perfect time to let go. We're still in Eastertide. It's a time for new, better, hopeful beginnings. Don't wait until the New Year to make changes and improve something. Do it now. Let go of anything that causes you unhappiness or that keeps you from God. Fight anger wth love. Let go of the negative. To quote one of my favorite songs, "let yourself go, relax." (Link is to the Gene Kelly version).

You know what would be a good idea? Praying the Rosary when angry (or on the verge of becoming angry) or praying a Hail Mary when you're throwing away or deleting things that need to be out of your life. For every unpleasant memory you have of someone, say a prayer for them. Thank God for where you are at the moment; you no longer have to deal with whatever it was that made you upset. :)

Anyway, just wanted to write this out because apparently I'm not the only one dealing with crankiness these days. :)

I'll leave you all with Fred and Ginger dancing along to the instrumental version of "Let Yourself Go" from the 1936 movie Follow the Fleet. Yes, this is an example of the kind of movies I'm most fond of. :)



As always, thanks for reading and God bless!