I've Resigned Myself to Giving Up on This Lifelong Battle

Ask anyone who has ever known me well enough and they'll tell you that I've been trying to escape from Los Angeles pretty much my entire life.

I was born and bred here... and I'm still stuck here.

Any and every single attempt to leave has been thwarted over the years.

I tried to go to Bath Spa University in Bath, England... and I ended up staying to help take care of my father in his final years of life.

After he passed, I applied to the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, British Columbia (my dream school) but I ended up having to stay because my mom was not in a good place, physically, mentally, or emotionally. Would you be after losing your husband of 26 years?

Last year, I spent the last 6 months of the year trying to leave California but back-to-back health and financial issues would come up every single time I tried to leave. If it wasn't one thing, it was the other... or both.

"It sounds like God wants you to stay," my spiritual director said to me last October.

I didn't like the sound of that. I wanted to leave. I've never really felt "at home" in my hometown, even as a child. Why was God keeping me here? There are so many things that are unhealthy for me here -- so much toxicity. I don't feel comfortable enough sharing what these things are with complete strangers but those close to me know what I'm talking about -- and have all tried to get me out of Los Angeles for those same reasons. Still, no matter what any of us did -- even threats to come from out of state and, basically, physically carry me out -- plans fell apart.

Then November happened. November was when it became abundantly clear that God wanted me to pursue the discernment of consecrated virginity. It meant (as almost all of you know) letting go of plans to get married and move out of state to his hometown. It also meant that I had to think about what I was going to do because consecrated virgins are tied to their home diocese.

That was one of the first obstacles I wrestled with at the beginning of the discernment. "Wait, I have to stay in Los Angeles?1 Can't I just discern somewhere else and stay there?" I seriously considered it but, no, God kept making it clear that He wants me here. As my (now former) SD said, we may not why God wants me to here (and probably won't in this lifetime) but He wants me here for a reason.

I fought my "fate" for so long... until I just decided to give up. I gave up on trying to leave Los Angeles and (much to my friends' vexations) my mother's house.

"Okay, God," I said. "You want me here? I'll stay. I don't know why but Your will be done, not mine."

Was I happy? Not one bit. But if God wanted me here it was for a good reason, right?

Recently, I was chatting with a priest friend about this -- how I always tried to leave but, for whatever reason, God wanted me here. At that point, I had resigned myself to it and stated as much. Then he said something that I'll never forget -- (paraphrasing): God wants us here because He has big plans for Los Angeles... and we're part of it.

I had never thought about it that way. I had only thought about it from my own selfish POV. I wanted to leave. I didn't feel comfortable here. I didn't understand why I had to stay. When my priest friend said this, it all started making sense to me... especially in terms of my vocation.

If, God willing, I am called to become a consecrated virgin for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, one of my "duties" will be to pray for those in the archdiocese, especially the archbishop and priests. It will mean that I will be giving back to the archdiocese in ways that very few people will be able to. Given the history of how, ahem, liberal and how many scandals have surrounded the archdiocese, perhaps that's why God wants me here.

A few months ago my Oblate Master reminded me of a great gift I can give to the Church -- my sufferings. As someone who is chronically ill, I can offer up the pains and sufferings to the Church -- for the Pope, the clergy, the whole Church. As a consecrated virgin tied to her archdiocese, I'd be able to offer up any future sufferings specifically for those in my hometown. Maybe that's God wants me here... and why He's calling me to this beautiful vocation.

I'm not sure if that's the reason why I'm staying here; part of why I feel called to become a consecrated virgin. All I know is that I've always felt a deep desire to give more of myself to others; to offer up as much of myself as I can to the Church and, ultimately, God. If this is the best way I can do it, I welcome it.

I resign myself to giving up my lifelong battle to leave Los Angeles. I accept the possibility of staying here for the rest of my life if I can make the smallest difference; even if all I do is offer up my ailments and other crosses I bear.

Anyway, this was a "quick" post to share some of my thoughts.

I've been wanting to blog for a while but life has gotten busy lately -- a good kind of busy. I hope to be able to blog more this month but we'll see how it works out with my Lenten plans. I'll be away from my laptop (and screens in general) more often so more frequent posts aren't guaranteed.

Thank you to all of you who've been praying for me -- for my vocation, my health, and the car issues (the latter of which have been resolved!). I will continue to pray for y'all as well.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :)

'Tis My Second Birthday: Baptism Anniversary

I took both of these pictures, thank you very much. ;)

Many, many moons ago (don't do the math, lol), a wee little lass named Melissa was baptized at a church named Nuestra Señora Reina de Los Angeles (Our Lady Queen of the Angels) across the street from historic Olvera Street in downtown L.A. According to her mother, this wee 3-month-old bundle of chubbiness and smiles did not cry like the other babes. Oh, no. She laughed her baby tush off as she splashed the priest with water... just as her older brother had, nearly 13 years earlier. All sins were washed away and this little lass began a lifelong commitment to the Catholic faith. Sure, she stumbled later on (in her teens) but she eventually returned to the Church she was baptized in and now celebrates that beautiful day.

And if you're new to this blog and are wondering who Melissa is, it's me. That's my actual first name. Emmy is my nickname. It was the name Mom wanted to give me before Dad vetoed it and named me himself. I ended up using it to maintain my anonymity in the early blogging days and it stuck. Longtime blog readers, friends, and even professors still call me Emmy despite (almost) everyone knowing my real name. To quote one of my best friends, "you're more of an Emmy than a Melissa." Thanks? *shrugs*

This year, it landed on a First Friday so Mom and I took an early morning trek to the local parish for Eucharistic Adoration. Unfortunately, it was already 93 degrees at 9 a.m. so we didn't spend as much time in Adoration as I had wanted. If the weather would've cooperated, I would've probably made the trip to the church of my baptism since it's a couple of minutes away but knowing me and my unfortunate tendency to get sick and/or nearly faint due to the heat (and humidity, yuck), I thought it was best to just stay locally. I wish I could spend all day in Adoration but, you know, the weather doesn't cooperate with me. Oh well. I'll find ways to spend more time in prayer today, even if it's just in the silence of my room.

I'm wondering, does anyone else celebrate their baptism anniversary? And, if so, what do you do for it? I've heard some people ask for blessings at Mass, they celebrate with a white cake, they light their baptism candle, etc. I don't want to turn on the oven in this blistering heat to make a cake but I went to church. I'm trying to keep myself from eating meat on Fridays but I made an exception today because of my baptism anniversary. Gotta celebrate somehow, right? Yay, red meat! Sorry, PETA and other vegetarians.

Oh! Here's a fun fact I learned today: my baptism anniversary falls on the feast day of St. Anna the Prophetess and St. Vibiana. For those you who need a refresher on who St. Anna the Prophetess is: she was at the presentation of Jesus in the Temple (Luke 2:36-38). I mean, how flipping cool is that coincidence?! Also, St. Vibiana is the patroness of the city of Los Angeles. (FYI, local blog readers: her relics (which I've often visited) are in the mausoleum of the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angeles.) I was born in the month of Mary (May)... baptized (and reverted) during another month of Mary (September; Our Lady of Sorrows) in Los Angeles... and my baptism anniversary on the feast of the woman who was present at the presentation of Our Lord and on the feast of the patroness of Los Angeles. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. lol.

Anyway, just wanted to share this and also get some baptism anniversary ideas from y'all for next year (or my future kiddos). :)

I hope you all had a lovely week and have a great weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

My Weekend Trip Down Memory Lane

I'm currently a year away from celebrating 10 years since my return to the Catholic Church. Well, I count two different months: June 2006 and September 2006. In June the seeds were planted but I didn't fully embrace my reversion until September. I usually count June 2006 as the start date because it's when I began praying and really researching things. Over the weekend I was hit with a major trip down memory lane courtesy of the bands I used to listen to and it got me thinking about how much I've grown in the past (almost) decade.

2005 was arguably my favorite year. It started with an early 20th birthday trip to Disneyland with my (then) two best friends. We stayed until closing, around 11 p.m. if memory serves me right. Then followed a birthday dinner (on my actual birthday) at my favorite restaurant with my friends. We ended taking up a good portion of the back of the restaurant, that's how many had shown up. My friends were amazing. Everyone was supportive and always there for me.

I was loving college (I was attending Santa Monica College then) even though I went through about a half dozen majors. I loved the location because it meant that we could (and did) head to the beach in between classes.

I had been offered a contract with an agency that would've marked the beginning of my career in the "biz" shortly after my 20th birthday.

I was carefree. I lived for concerts. Those who worked at the Roxy and the Troubadour in West Hollywood knew me by name, that's how often I went to concerts. Random "mini road trips" around the city in which my friends and I would drive around the city, just to be out, and eating out was the norm.

I went out with my guy friends a lot. They were not defined as dates but I went out to movies, concerts, to lunch and/or dinner with them (which is the only reason why I'm not completely awkward around guys, lol.) My life seemed idyllic... but a lot of things were missing.

Things began unravelling shortly after I turned down the contract with the agency. The reasons why I turned it down were because a) I wasn't comfortable with the kinds of things I would be sent out for and 2) there was something deep down that didn't sit well with me. I walked away and didn't look back.

Then my so-called friends began turning on me. I accept partial blame here. I was immature and handled things poorly. I hate to admit it but I was dishonest with them. I should've cut them out of my life instead of testing their loyalty (towards the end of those friendships) when I suspected that they were spreading private information about me amongst them. Again, I was immature and made terrible decisions. The girls did everything they could to mentally and socially destroy me when they found out that I'd lied to them. If you've read the first Will and Lina novel you'll get this reference: what Candace did to Lina was nowhere near as bad as what these girls did to me. I deserved it... even if they took it too far. If you've ever wondered why I loathe lying so much, why I will own up to things that most people would deny, and/or why I'd rather take whatever bad consequences will result from my words and actions, now you know.

I still had the guys on my side... for a while, at least. It was at a time when a lot of my guy friends had their first apartments, living away from home. One guy friend tried to get me to his apartment, using the "we'll just hang out... by the way, I think you're attractive" compliment. Uh-huh. "Hang out." Another guy friend flirted and painted lovely pictures of trips to Paris because he had the means to do so and wanted to share those experiences with me. One guy friend bluntly told me that he thought I was cute and wanted to sleep with me but that he didn't want a relationship with me. He even offered to pay a cab for me to get home afterwards. Needless to say, I turned down all those "lovely" offers and my friendships with them ended.

Everything began to take a toll on my health. The stress from the bullying -- the mental abuse I received from these girls was insane -- got to be too much for me. At first the doctors couldn't figure it out. They run tests. Physically, I was healthy. We later figured it was all anxiety related. Then I began to pray to St. Jude, the patron of difficult/hopeless cases. Things began to change.

First, I had to cut communication off with everyone. My eyes were opened up and I saw that almost all of my friendships were extremely toxic. Snip, snip. From that pre-conversion time of my life only 4 friends are still in my life. Three gals and one guy. To this day they remain some of my best friends. One of them was a fellow target of the vicious rumors and lies of the girls that were once my friends. There was no actual reason why she should've been a target either. They just didn't like her so they spread rumors and lies. Cue a Mean Girls reference about Girl World. In a way, that friendship began because I began distancing myself from the girls and knew this girl was a kindred spirit. 12-11 years of friendship later, we're on opposite sides of political and social issues but we're still there for each other when it matters.

During the period of recovery and renewal between June and September 2006, I reevaluated most things in my life. I began learning about the religion of my childhood. I began to try to get rid of lot of bad habits. I had acquired quite a few of those in my years away from the Church so some of them took a couple of years to get rid of completely. I saw that the emptiness I felt was being fulfilled as I grew closer to God. I began to attend Mass, which I hadn't done between the ages of 13 and 21. I went to confession for the first time in almost a decade. I began to feel like my true, authentic self.

This past weekend I tweeted:

Furthermore, I have no idea how I managed to avoid all the crud in those yrs. I was surrounded with so much temptation to make bad decisions

— Emmy Cecilia (@nerdwriter) September 20, 2015

I made a lot of bad decisions as a teenager (really, who didn't?) but there are a few I'm happy that I was able to avoid. I avoided drinking myself stupid, doing drugs, sleeping around, and all your basic/cliché "I grew up in L.A." stuff. I still haven't touched anything alcoholic but now that has to do with my not wanting to have it alter my anxiety levels; doctor's orders. I still absolutely no desire to do drugs. My future husband will know that I've always chosen to wait for him, even when I had the opportunities to "get it over with" and didn't even think about sex from a religious point of view. I got rid of habits that were harmful to my soul but were seen as normal in my lost years. I became a better version of myself... even though I still think there's room for improvement. lol. For this I'm grateful.

I'm not here to say "look at me, all better/perfect now" or to shame anyone who might've gone further than I did. I'm so far from being perfect and, really, my Guardian Angel must've worked overtime to keep me on a good path. That's the only explanation I have because I was surrounded by some much temptation. I still make mistakes to this day and I'll continue to make them. I wanted to share this for two reasons.

First, I know I get a lot of young readers who are still in college and/or still in their teens. A lot of these readers may do things that they believe will forever brand/label them. They believe that because they've "messed up," that there is no hope for them. Please know that there is always hope to "start over" again. The Sacrament of Reconciliation exists for a reason. Our fallen human nature and our past does not define who we are or what we're capable of. Do I need to suggest you read St. Augustine's Confessions if you don't believe me? Because, seriously, read it if you think there's no hope for you. God's mercy and love is greater than anything you may say or do.

Second, I'm just so full of gratitude towards God. I know you guys are probably tired of hearing (or reading, in this case) me talk about trusting God. It's been the major theme in my life these last couple of months and this weekend's blast from the past just showed me what is possible through Him. I didn't trust Him then because I didn't know how to. I didn't think it was possible. I didn't consider myself religious. Still, He had greater plans for me than I had for myself. He knew what I was capable of and He guided me to where I am now. Again, I still have a lot to learn and some habits (the occasional impatience while driving... yeah...) to work on but that's okay. God will continue to guide me and I hope that by learning to better trust Him, He can do more for others through me.

And that is the longest post I've written in a while. Sorry! lol.

I still have the entire apartment to vacuum and help clean so I should go do that while there's still sunlight. ;)

I hope everyone has had a great start of week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Picture Post: Sacred Heart of Jesus Catholic Church

Now and then I like to explore random churches in neighborhoods I'm not normally in. My fascination started with the Mission San Fernando (I even wrote two posts on it). I just love visiting churches and California Missions. I love the history and I love seeing how, though they're all different, I still feel God's love in them all. Sometimes I take pictures and sometimes I don't. Today, I went nuts because it's been the prettiest church I've seen in L.A. thus far.

Long story short: I went to visit my baptism and first communion Godmothers (whom are also mother and daughter) at their workplace closer to the city (I live in the urban 'burbs). Since we had time to kill (and I had seen on Google Maps that there was a church in the area), I decided to explore it... and I'm so glad I did. I'll talk about my experience in there (seriously, the word "marriage" was practically yelled within me when I sat in front of the tabernacle and started thinking about vocations) when I have enough concentration to do so. ;)

For past picture posts check out this post and this post for pictures of Mission San Fernando, this post for pictures of Mission Santa Barbara (2 hours north of L.A.), and this post for pictures of Christ the King Church near Hollywood. I am sure I have some pictures of the Cathedral and other churches but I'm too exhausted to look but you get the gist. ;)

Anyway, because I am too exhausted (running on 4 hours of sleep; darn nightmares) to focus on what I'm writing so I'm just going to make this a picture post.

Sacred Heart of Jesus Catholic Church from up the street.

Beautiful statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe at side entrance of church.

Front of church.

Statues of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, Sacred Heart of Mary, and St. Lucy on left side of altar.

This church was dedicated in 1887. Yeah. Wow.

View from the back of the parish. It came out much lighter than I anticipated. #win

Beautiful stain glass windows on side of church.

Close up of the window of the Third Joyful Mystery. Taken on a Monday. #CatholicWin

Statues of Our Lady of Mount Carmel, St. Therese of Lisieux, and St. Anthony of Padua.

Altar/communion rails! lol.

Close up of altar.

I didn't get enough pictures since I really wanted to spend time in front of the beautiful tabernacle you see in the picture above. These pictures certainly didn't do the beauty of the church any justice. I hope to maybe write about my experience tomorrow when I'm less sleepy and loopy from the lack of sleep. I'll be blogging more regularly as I have a lot to write about and time to do it. :D

I hope you all had a great weekend and have a great start of week. If you have any prayer requests, send them my way. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Impromptu Vacation and Prayer

I'm tired from all the traveling done today (first by car and then by train) so I'll make this short and sweet.

Today I went to two places where it all began for me: the hospital where I was born (and where my father died) and the church where I was baptized at 3 months old. The picture is of that parish. Our Lady Queen of Angels Church next to Olvera Street in Downtown L.A. is where my parents introduced me to the Church. I hadn't visited the parish since I was a little girl so it was great to go back as an adult. A Spanish Mass was being celebrated but we did not stick around as I had gotten food poisoning from the fast food joint we hit in the morning (of course...) and couldn't enjoy the Mass. I hope I can go back one day soon and attend Mass there. :)

These next couple of days of impromptu vacation is happening because my mother has been diagnosed with depression. They are mistreating her at work, to the point where it's affecting her mental health, and the doctor order a couple of days of vacation. We won't be home much of the vacation as we were both ordered to go out but I will be updating twitter and this blog... though, I may warn you, I've been spending so much time reading novels (yes, actual books) that I haven't really gotten online much lately. I've noticed that I do much better when I don't spend much time online so I'm getting used to it. :)

Before I go, I just want to (once again) encourage you to pray the 9 Hour Novena to the Infant of Prague if you're in a pickle. I did it today while the food poisoning I have/had was at its worse and was out in Downtown L.A. (prior to boarding the train). It took me about 2-3 hours to get through it but I did and praying the Novena really helps keep me focused on what's important... not to mention that I felt much better and made it to my final destination in one piece.

Anyway, that's it for now. I want to expand on today's trip to Olvera Street but I can barely keep my eyes open so it'll have to wait. :)

I hope y'all have a great rest of week. I hope to blog soon but we'll see if I'll get a chance to before the week ends. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless.

P.S. New issue of Envoy Magazine is out. I have a new article on being Catholic in college so check it out if you get a chance. :D

Welcome to L.A., Archbishop Gomez!

I did the best I could do from my seat and with my aging camera. ;)

I'm not going to try to pretend that I am well-versed enough to write an amazing post about the changes that will happen and how much Archbishop Gomez already means to us. Attempting it might leave me feeling slightly embarrassed but I will say: Thank God for our new archbishop!

Archbishop Jose H. Gomez is officially our new archbishop and I couldn't be happier! Since I am on Spring Break this week I can't go around, frolicking all around campus... but I will next week. :D Of course there will be changes within the Archdiocese but these changes are entirely necessary. Is it too much to hope that these changes will also happen at my CINO college? I know there are people writing (and who've already written and sent their letters) to Archbishop Gomez about the state of my school but that's a whole 'nother topic and blog entry. ;)

As you can see from the (blurry) picture, I was present at the Ceremony of Transition this past Sunday. We got there very early and was able to meet both Cardinal Mahony and Archbishop Gomez. My mom was so excited that she was able to speak to Archbishop Gomez in Spanish; it was so cute. :) Last time L.A. had someone else in charge (other than Cardinal Mahony) was back when I was less than a week old (Cardinal Timothy Manning retired on June 4th, I was born on May 30th) so this was huge for me. With all due respect to Cardinal Mahony, I am excited to have someone who is more "conservative", orthodox and will uphold the teachings of the Church without compromise. To quote a Michael Bublé/Nina Simone song, "It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me... and I'm feeling good."

I will admit that I cried a minimum of three times during the Mass. When Cardinal Mahony's coat of arms was taken down and Archbishop Gomez's was put up and when Archbishop Gomez sat in the chair, I cried. I'm sensitive and I'm woman enough to admit that. lol. Seriously, though, they were tears of joy. I was happy, relieved, and excited all at once. It's silly to think this but... I actually thought "Oh good, now I can wear my mantilla and not feel like I'm a walking target." lol. There were women at the Mass wearing mantillas and I felt a solidarity. Things have been looking up since we found out he was coming to L.A. but it was a lot more obvious at the Mass. I may be attending Mass at the Cathedral more often as it's not too far for me, especially since there is a new, warmer, vibe at the Cathedral. :D

Anyway, I fear I will just repeat myself and that my already random cluster of thoughts will leave y'all confused so I should stop writing before I turn into a babbling nerd. :D

Welcome to Los Angeles, Archbishop Gomez! We're glad you already feel at home and we cannot wait to see you lead us into a brighter era. :)

Our Lady of Guadalupe and Recent Crime in Mexico; Freedom and Volunteering.

I want to share with you a picture I took at my parish, after Mass, last Sunday. I love how they put this picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe next to the altar, with flowers surrounding her. I especially LOVED that they put the Mexican flag behind her. :D Dad said that the celebration, decorations, and flowers are 10x more ornate in Mexico, but that's to be expected.

Oh, and something interesting that we heard a priest say about Our Lady of Guadalupe and Mexico. As many of you know, Our Lady is the patroness of all the unborn children, in addition to being the patroness of Mexico and the Americas. Here's something that made us think: There has been a recently crime wave in Mexico. Innocent victims get killed. Celebrities get kidnapped and held for ransom.... or the get held up or robbed blind. Musicians are getting killed in broad daylight, in crowded streets. Mexican politicians are having accidents, getting killed, or are generally having misfortunes. People are genuinely afraid to go to Mexico because of all this. When did all of this start to happen? When the Mexican government signed the bill which made abortions completely legal for all women in the country! We hadn't even thought about that until we heard the priest say it. Then my father and I (especially my father who keeps up with news about Mexico) came to the realization that he was absolutely right! We thought about it and all of these misfortunes did happen around that time. Could it all possibly be a sign from above to remove that law? I honestly think it's no coincidence and that the government should really think about it. I don't want to even think about what would happen here if Obama does sign the proposed law that would make abortion legal. Let's all pray that that doesn't happen!

Anyway, moving away from scaring you poor people (haha)... I am officially a free woman! WHOO! lol. I finished my last final exam yesterday morning. I would've written yesterday but my entire body ached, including my head, and I was feeling crummy. I still feel kind of blah today, though much better than yesterday. It is no doubt the "residue" from my stress.

Speaking of anxiety, I miraculously did NOT have any panic attacks. I was very afraid that I would, given the amount of stress I had, but nothing. My shoulders and back had knots from the stress and I had some anxiety symptoms but no actual attack! Thank you, God! I will also say a BIG thank you to Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati. I started a novena and asked him for help to calm my anxiety down while doing my exams. I also asked for another important thing but I won't share that until it comes true (and I have a lot of faith and hope that it will come true). :D

Since I now have A LOT of free time until the Spring semester (which begins in February), I was thinking about what I was going to do. Finish the novel, read books, go watch my little "sister" Delaney in a production of Music Man (P.S. Happy 16th Birthday, De!)... but what else? I racked my brain as to what I can until I remembered the Advent: Saint Quiz I took on XT3 (Official WYD/Catholic Social Network site) a couple of days ago. The quiz is about how you celebrate Christmas and which saints you are most like because of it. My answer was actually tied between 3 different categories: "Mostly Bs: For you Christmas is a season of good will", Mostly Cs: You have a real devotion to the mystery of Christmas", and "Mostly Ds: For you, Christmas is a time to celebrate". I remembered that I really wanted to be most like Group B... in which Blessed Pier Giorgio was included in.

As previously stated in an earlier blog on what Bl. Pier Giorgio has taught me, I've been inspired by him to become so much more selfless. I feel like I've been very selfish and I want to change that. Because of that, I've come to the conclusion that I will donate my free time to doing things for other. This is Los Angeles... there are more than enough soup kitchens I can volunteer at. I've already put up a notice on my facebook to see if any of my friends want to join me. I already have one of my best friends on board and I hope others will want to as well!

I am not posting this as a way of saying "Ooh, look at me... I'm selfless. I should be admired!" Not at all!!! I do it in hopes that others will do the same in their towns/cities. With so much commercialism, people have started to forget the real meaning of Christmas. Volunteering at a soup kitchen, donating money, clothing, food, or other things to those who need it -- this is what this time of year should be about. Just think about this: Jesus was born poor, in a manger. Despite his humble beginnings, he did all he could for others. We, who have so much, have absolutely no excuse not to do the same. So, I honestly encourage you to do something... even if it's buying a sandwich for a homeless person.

Alright, I think this post should be long enough to last for a few days... or until I have more to write. :D I hope everyone is enjoying their vacation! As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

P.S. Check out Catholic Everything who were kind enough to contact me about joining their blog list. :D
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Proud to be Catholic When No One Else Speaks Up.

I got back from my British Literature class a little while ago. We're starting to dive into some of the stories that are part of the Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer (I can already imagine some of you rolling your eyes, lol). Well, before we really dove into it the general prologue, she asked how many of us were Roman Catholics. Take a wild guess at who was the only one who raised their hand without hesitation. Yup, I was the only one. I spoke up too. I said "I'm Roman Catholic... and I'm proud!" I even pumped my fist up in the air for emphasis. lol. No one else spoke up. Well, no, the guy who sits next to me said he was born Catholic but I guess is a lapsed Catholic. If any of you read one of the last entries in August about when I was in the History of Religions class, the first day back, you'll remember I was the only one who spoke up and said "I'm Roman Catholic." (Side note: I also did the Sign of the Cross with my Rosary and kissed the Crucifix on it, out in the open, right before I entered the classroom).

All of that got me thinking... why are some young Catholics either ashamed of being Catholic or why do they just not acknowledge it? I know, personally, I used to hesitate to say that I was Catholic because of negative connotations that word has, especially in today's society. I just didn't want to deal with all the "stupid questions" (this is my mind frame at the time; I was away from the Church at this time) people wanted to ask so I just said I was Catholic and just stayed quiet. Now, since I no longer care what other people think and because I'm a stronger (spiritually) Catholic, I speak up. I acknowledge that I'm Catholic, and I always say that I'm proud because I am.

It makes me sad that I used to be one of those people who were silently Catholic amongst the masses. It makes me even sadder that there are still A LOT of young people who are that way. It's like you're denying the Lord, in a sense, because you're afraid to speak up and say that you believe in Him. Guess what... no one's gonna make you feel like crumbs if you speak up. No one's made me feel bad about being Catholic. Maybe it's because I live in such a diverse city (Los Angeles) and thus everyone's a little more open-minded. Maybe it's because people are much nicer than others believe. Or maybe I've just been lucky. I don't know. All I know is that it's not going to hurt to speak up once in a while. On the contrary, it'll make you feel spiritually stronger and you can bet you'll earn points with God because it's showing your love for Him and for your faith. :D

I believe that's all I'm going to write for now... and quite possibly for a few days. I'm still getting over my cold so my nauseousness is still present. Yuck. I'm also a week behind schedule so I'm going to play catch up (especially with my British Lit and Oceanography classes). Hope everyone is having a good week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D
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100th Post; Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary; White Hispanic: Que?!

Happy Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary day! Yes, I've made it into my own sort of holiday! :D I think it's entirely appropriate (and I LOVE the coincidence) that my 100th blog post landed on one of her feast days because of the devotion I have to her and the Rosary. Also, something not a lot of people know about, my journal is basically letters written to the Blessed Virgin Mary. I write to her as if she were going to physically receive the letters. It's my way of keeping her in my life on a daily basis (or semi-daily; depends on my schedule). It's been suggested that I turn the journal into a book because of the content but it's way too personal for me to do that. Maybe in the future, when I've lived my life, but not now. So now my friends know what I'm writing (I write the letters by hand; my novels and screenplays on computers).

Anyway, I get VERY happy on the Blessed Virgin's feast days because of my love for her. In my opinion, she is ultimate role model we women can have. No, I take that back; not only for women but for all. She was selfless, caring, giving... and she still is. I've never heard of her denying anyone help whenever they've prayed for her intercession. Whether the prayers are to her as Our Lady of Guadalupe, Our Lady of Lourdes, Our Lady of Fatima, etc, she will never let us down because we are her children. Her love and compassion for us is boundless. I've felt a strong connection to her basically since I was born. I was baptized at the Church of Our Lady Queen of the Angels (here in L.A.) which is dedicated to her. When the big 1994 Northridge earthquake happened, the big framed picture of her (as Our Lady of Guadalupe) that hung in my room was the only thing (along with a picture of me in my first communion dress) that didn't fall off the wall. More about that here. There are more examples but you get the gist. I think it's because of the connection I feel with her that I started praying the Rosary. And, I have to admit, she's a HUGE reason why I stopped being an inactive Catholic (ie- not attending Mass) 2 years ago. St. Jude also gets credit here but our Blessed Mother was really the "force" that really got me back to where I am today. For that, I am truly grateful. I hope everyone takes at least a minute out of their time, today, to give thanks to her for all she's done for us. Even if you've never asked for her intercession, remember that she was the one who gave birth to, and cared for, our Lord Jesus Christ. :D What better day to say at least one "Hail Mary" or at least one Rosary decade in her honor than on the day we celebrate her being named Queen of Heaven and Earth, of angels and saints? Go on, take a break from reading this blog and say a "Hail Mary"... I'll wait. :D Done? Good!

Deviating from the loveliness that is Our Blessed Mother, I want to ask something to the readers of this blog. Are any of you, who were born here (in the United States) and are of Hispanic and Latin heritage, bothered by the term "White Hispanic"? I don't know why but that term kind of makes me cringe. I usually say I'm American but of Hispanic heritage. I don't know; maybe I'm too sensitive to the phrasing but, honestly, I don't see the point of adding "White" in front of the Hispanic part. And don't get me started on how sometimes people don't think I'm Hispanic until I speak Spanish. Many jaws have been dropped when I've done that. lol. Physical traits and skin color is not going to help you figure out where a person's from. And if y'all think I'm making it up, wikipedia has a page just on this topic. Yes, take what's written on wikipedia with a grain of salt because people can edit the pages but it sounds legit. Anyway, if you have any comments on that, don't hesitate to leave me a comment or e-mailing me at my gmail address (it's part of my profile). I'm curious to hear what others have to say on the matter.

Anyway, I'm off to finish doing my e-mail and facebook rounds (make sure I've answered all messages) before praying the Rosary. Whoo! :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!
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Earthquake Edition: Heading Straight for St. Jude Thaddeus.

We just had an earthquake in the Los Angeles area (5.8 on the Richter scale; edit: They are now saying 5.4) and, let me tell you, almost all of our neighbors ran out of their homes. We (dad and I) were one of the few people who stayed inside. At first I wasn't sure if the kids were running outside and thus making everything shake (I live upstairs). When I realized that EVERYTHING was shaking and that things were falling, I hurried (as calmly as I could) to the door frame in my room. The first thing I did was look to see if the statues of St. Jude had fallen. When the shaking got more intense and saw the oldest statue (the one we've had from before the last major earthquake) was ready to fall I let out a "Oh, St. Jude, don't you fall on me!" and grabbed it. One of the little St. Jude things I had in my room did fall but, thank goodness, it was plastic and tiny so nothing broke. If you read one of my first blogs (Puppy, Clean-a-thon and Miracles) you know of the story of this particular St. Jude statue and how it didn't fall until we were all safely under the doorway, during the 1994 Northridge Earthquake. If you'd like to read the story, please click on the link; pictures are included.

They say that during the moments of crisis, you are drawn to and think of things that you consider most important to you. My initial reaction during earthquakes and aftershocks are always go to my bedroom's door frame (which is in the sturdiest part of the house) and reach for the statue of St. Jude. The first that popped into my mind was that I hoped my mother and the patients (she works at a hospital) were okay, followed by where my father was (in the kitchen) and then asking him to grab the statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe (in his room) so that it wouldn't break. Really, I wanted to go around the house and grab all the statues and crucifixes we had so that they wouldn't break if they fell. When the shaking stopped, I reached for my cell phone and sent a message to all my friends in the L.A. area and made sure they were alright. (Cell phones were down for about an hour for all of us; Mom was worried because it took her an hour to get a hold of us.) The last reaction I had was "Oh, I'm wearing these itty bitty shorts, I should probably put on some pants in case we need to evacuate." lol. If that thought process is any indication of what I consider most important to me: my faith, my parents, my friends, others' safety, etc. I think I'm pretty good with my priorities. :D

Oh, and a little side notes from some of our neighbors: the local mall was promptly evacuated (people BOLTED out of the stores) and, closer to the epicenter, broken jars at markets were reported (from friend's text messages).

Anyway, I thought I'd give a little update. I wasn't going to, initially, because I try to write when I have something related to Catholicism and I didn't... up until the earthquake. In a way, thank goodness for it. lol. Yeah. Alright, well, I have to go put things that fell back in their place and then I have to go work on my novel and read so, busy time for the rest of the day.

As always, thank you for reading and God Bless. :D
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Bella, A Little Romance, and Aaron Shust.

I just got done watching the movie Bella. My goodness! I absolutely loved it! It was a lot different than what I expected but loved it nonetheless. It was so real. There were no overbearing clichés... the film was absolutely perfect! The acting was superb, the story itself is a little jewel; I am completely in love with this film. It definitely has a pro-life message but they didn't do it in a manner that would've overwhelmed the mainstream audience. I believe the male lead, Jose, had a Rosary in his hands in one very emotional scene. Bonus points for that! I understand why people were recommending it... and why Fr. Stan was raving about it a few months ago. I won't go into detail for those who haven't seen the film, so just take my word for it... it's a must see movie! It was the perfect way to end movie night. :D

Speaking of movie night, I got a head start on it by watching a little 1979 film called A Little Romance. I believe it was Diane Lane's film debut, too. Anyway, I also loved that film. I had my doubts, especially since I don't know anyone else who had seen it, but I immediately fell in love with it. What is up with the films I've been watching lately? They all make me want to own the DVDs instead of getting them from Netflix! lol. Anyway, the film was a little cheesy but I loved it anyway. Some parts of the story could only happen in a film but it was still great. The idea of two 13 year-olds running away to a foreign country to sort of cement their love before they are separated makes the hopeless romantic in me swoon and the romance realist say "Well, that's just silly of them to do that!" What can I say? I am pretty much always torn between the logical and the fanciful.

One thing that's been inspiring me lately is Aaron Shust's music. If you haven't heard of him, I seriously recommend visiting his website here or his myspace here... or if you have iTunes, go search him! I kept hearing his music in different places and I really liked it so, hey, why not check him out? Actually, his last album has been the current soundtrack to the novel writing process. His song, "Give Me Words to Speak", is the one that started me on his music... and it's been on loop on my iTunes pretty much since I bought it. lol. Here is the song, performed live, that I found on youtube.



I chose the live version so you can see that he's the real deal and isn't one of those manufactured musicians. Oh yeah, and as I wrote The Story (as I am calling it), I had it on repeat. Oh yeah. It definitely helps me get back into that state of mind. :D

Alright, well, I'm overflowing with ideas for my novel so I should write them before I forget. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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The City, Dating Advice and the Application Mambo.

I spent a good portion of my day in the city (I live in the suburbs). I got to see my Godmother at her office (she's a lawyer amongst other things), which is always awesome. Even though I'm definitely a city girl, I will never get used to the traffic. My goodness... if I had a penny for every time I've been stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, I'd be incredibly rich. Not Bill Gates rich but pretty close. lol. For those who have ever been in big cities like New York City or Los Angeles, then you know that the streets are also disgusting -- especially the downtown areas. The smell of pee and other foul odors are the norm... a very nauseating norm but a norm nonetheless. Thankfully, I didn't really have to deal with that at my Godmother's office but *gag* I will never go into another fast food restaurant in (and around) the downtown area. Haha. *shudders* Despite that, I still liked being out in the city because I get to be amongst the chaos... which I sometimes love. I love watching people in business suits walk in and out of offices. I probably love that whole scene because I hope I never have to do that and I'm secretly happy I'm not. lol. A 9-to-5 job, especially in an office, is unappealing to me. My Godmother actually had hopes of me joining her when I graduated college until I took that criminal law course and absolutely hated it. Sorry, I'm more of an artist at heart. :D

One awesome thing I got to experience in that little while I was at my Godmother's office... hanging out with her son (would it be correct to call him my Godbrother?) who also works there. He's so rad; I love him! He, along with my Godmother's other son and daughter (who's also my first communion Godmother), has known me since I was born so I'll always be "the baby." In fact, they still call me that despite the fact that I haven't been a baby for over 2 decades. Every time they talk to my mom they always ask how "the baby" (me) is. lol. Anyway, every year my Godbrother (?) imparts great wisdom on me. This year is was about dating. I'm going to stop there because I don't like talking about my love life. Let's just say that he made me re-evaluate a lot of things and made me realize other things. Overall, SO GLAD he gave me the advice. it's great to be able to talk to someone who's been there-done that (he just got married a few months ago)... especially someone of the opposite sex. Whoo! :D And I also found it a bit ironic all this advice came, out of the blue, at a time when I actually needed to hear it. It has to be a sign. Haha.


Okay, well, it's not too late (it's nearly 10 p.m.) but I've just finished doing the application mambo so I am exhausted. What is the application mambo? For me, it was filling out the re-activation form at my school (because I am taking this semester off), filling out applications to have some transcripts sent to my school, filling out the financial aid forms (FAFSA to my fellow American college students) and just filling out so many applications that ask you the same questions over and over again that you can make a mambo (dance) out of it. lol. And, wow, that has to be the longest run-on sentence in history. Haha. I'm sorry. lol. Since I have to go back into the city tomorrow, I have to get to bed early to get up early in hopes of beating rush-hour traffic. I wonder, is there a patron saint for traffic... or to help avoid traffic? If anyone knows, please leave me a comment with the answer.

That is all for now. Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D