Spiritual Motherhood

This past week I attempted to finish reading Married Saints and Blesseds Through the Centuries by Ferdinand Holbeck. I say "attempted" because, at the time that I write this, I'm still about 60+ pages away from finishing the 501 page book. Yes, that's right: 501 pages long. It's taken me about a year and a half to finish since I've read it in chunks but it's been so worth it because I've learned a lot from the saints and blessed (and other inspirational people) featured in the book.

One of the biggest things that I've taken out of this book is that it's further confirmed that my vocation is that of wife and mother. I don't know when it's going to happen but, God willing, it's going to happen some day and this book has truly inspired me to be the best wife and mama that I can be while trying to get my future fella and my future babies to heaven.

While I'm not exactly in "Ugh, I hate being single. Where the heck is my future fella? Did he get off on the wrong exit and is refusing to ask for directions?" mode, the wait can be a bit trying at times. I'm patient... but I'm also nearing the end of my 20s so it makes me wonder how much longer I will have to wait. The wonderful thing about this book is that it's made me realize that I already have a head start in the motherhood department.

I've read about how many saints who didn't have children of their own (for a number of reasons, including Josephite marriages) still had "children" whom they took care of. Some were supported financially and others spiritually. The idea of spiritual motherhood reminded me of my little man (my godson, Neil Flynn) whom I love so much... and made me realize that it does help with the "not yet a wife nor mama" pains we single ladies can sometimes feel.

When Alli and Dustin asked me to be the godmother of their newest baby (before we knew that my godson was going to be a godson and not a goddaughter), I was so excited. I'd always wanted to be a godmother and I love babies so being asked to a godmother was one of the best moments in my life thus far. While I won't be able to see my little man as often as I'd like (I live on the West Coast and the Fabers are East Coast-headed-to-South), I'm going to try to do all that I can for that little boy.

I may not be financially well off but I have love to spare and I'm going to make sure he's on the receiving end of it. What I can't materially give him, I can do it spiritually. At random times in the day, I've caught myself asking God to bless him. I pray for him (and his parents and big sister, Lucy). I'm also asking God to please help me be a good godmother to him because I have no idea what a godmother is supposed to do. Well, no, I know what we're supposed to do (help him grow spiritually as he grows up) but I don't know how to do it from a distance. I do plan on seeing him whenever I can afford to (financially and time-wise) but I know that, for a while, we'll still be separated by a couple thousand miles. Madrina will be praying for him (and his family) every single day. I will try to live my life in a way that will be a good example to him so that, when he grows, he can be inspired to grow closer to God. It'll be a learning experience as Neil Flynn is my first "baby" but I'm excited to learn and grow along with him.

Anyway, I just felt like sharing this with y'all... and especially you single ladies. Don't let the pains of singlehood (especially for those over the age of 25) get to you. There's so many ways we can be spiritual mothers, including to our nieces, nephews, children of our friends, and even priests. :D

Alright, I'm trying to limit my time online so that's it for me for now.

I hope y'all had a great weekend and that you have a great start of week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

What I Learned Wednesday #8

To be honest, I wasn't sure I was going to write anything because I've been slacking on the learning this week. In fact, I've had a terrible week. I failed to go to Mass on Sunday. I unintentionally missed three consecutive day (Sunday through Tuesday) of praying the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the morning. I've just had a slow and weird week. However, I have been taking off some time from social networks (Twitter, FB, etc) to think through some changes I need (and want) to make. So, here it goes.

1) The 200th anniversary of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice was this past Monday. I didn't get to re-read the novel for the anniversary as I was re-reading Northanger Abbey (another one of my favorites by Jane). If you haven't already guessed from my insane amount of #Janeite tweets, from watching my Goodreads feed, or from the font in this blog's header (hint: it's her handwriting font), I am a massive Jane Austen fan. The first Tiber River book review I wrote was even on the Pride and Prejudice Study Guide. One of my best friends, Kathryn, sent me this Jane Austen Devotional during my senior year of college but I never got to it with my Thesis and everything else. In fact, I'm going to start it tonight and hope to have a review next Wednesday at the latest. If I get done earlier, I'll write a stand alone book review. Anyway, even though I know Jane Austen was Anglican and the book will undoubtedly reflect that, I have a feeling I'll still learn something. Some of my more spiritually fruitful periods as a Catholic have actually been inspired by my amazingly faithful Christian (read: non-Catholic) friends like Kathryn so I look forward to having it inspire me once again. :D

2) I got two things out of my ten minute conversation with my First Communion Godmother: 1) I feel like I got a sign that maybe I'm onto something with a possible change of career/Masters degree and 2) I really need to make some changes (like I mentioned at the beginning of this post; which I won't get into until #3). The career change is actually still somehow connected to words, only spoken instead of written. I had mentioned that it was hard to get steady freelance work (though I've had a couple of steady assignments lately) and how my anxiety's been insane lately... and how both actually go together. The more my mind is active and occupied, the less likely I am to have anxiety all day or to have a random panic attack. I over-think things. That's why I've been devoting so much time to reading lately; my mind is occupied and I can relax from stressful things such as my health or my mother's health or finances. After a dream I had a few weeks about a friend's son who has SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), I felt very strongly about looking into it. When my Godmother (who has known me since I was born) suggested I looked into doing Speech Therapy for Children for my Master's degree, it all sort of clicked for me. I love children, I love language, and I would love to do something to help others. As of now, I don't think I am doing a very good job of making myself useful to others so this may be the thing I need to do. That and I have too much time on my hands and am itching to go back to school. Of course, I won't do anything until I pray about it. I'm still torn on everything. Luckily, I wasn't planning on applying to grad schools until this coming fall (for a Fall 2014 start) so I have time. :D How is this related to faith? 1) My Godmother (who is one of my heroes) brought it up and I am crediting the Holy Spirit for that and 2) it's going to force me to pray more and focus on doing God's will instead of worrying about my health for once. lol.

3) Some changes I want to make: not worrying about fitting into any Catholic mold on social networks. I need to say this before I explain: you guys are amazing. My on- and off-line friends (Catholic or not) are fantastic. You guys inspire me so much. However, I feel like I don't fit in with y'all about 98% of the time. #CathSorority, I love you gals. You always pray for me when I ask you guys, you gals are there for venting that guys won't understand, and y'all make me laugh... but I don't feel like I'm really a part of the group. There's cliques (and not bad ones either; amazing women who have their own little groups) and I don't fit into them. Likewise, on twitter, y'all are amazing but I don't fit in. I saw that clearly after the whole cursing debate on Patrick's Right Here, Right Now show. This is who I am: I don't drink. I don't curse (nor do I honestly like it). I'm not married. I don't have children. I don't even have a boyfriend. I love football (soccer). I love daily Mass. I'm a big time goofball and a bit of a fuddy duddy at times. My sense of humour is weird (but I like it) and some of it is lost through social networks... which leads to a lot of misunderstandings. I take some things very seriously that you some of guys say "I don't see what the big deal is" about... and vice versa. I feel like the Lone Ranger on social media sites. It can be a little depressing at times but I've decided not to let it get to me. I have amazing friends who love and accept me as I am. I don't have the "ew, she's too 'traditional'" or "ew, she's too liberal" feeling with them that I get with some people online and that's good enough for me. Again, I love y'all but I don't feel like I fit in. Story of my life. lol.

Anyway, just wanted to get all of that out. It's hardly a What I Learned Wednesday as little of it had to do with something I learned about the Faith but it's all still somewhat connected to my own faith as a Catholic so, you know, I'm making it count. lol. Hopefully I'll have something better next week. ;)

I really should go read... or do something to make these stress knots in my back and shoulders feel less painful. :)

Oh! And P.S. Y U NO send me prayer requests? Please, y'all. Give me things to offer my anxiety up for. I am literally begging you to send me prayer requests. lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

England Bound?; Papa Bene and the 'Net; Missing Mass, Faith.

See? I'm keeping my promise of another post today. :D I'm sort of in an extremely giddy mood which I'm trying to contain. No one wants it to spill into the post. lol. I'm just really happy because I got to see both of my Godmothers (my Baptism Godmother and my First Communion Godmother/God sister) as well as my God brother. (ed. note: If you're not familiar with the terminology... God sister is the daughter of your Godmother, God brother is the son of your Godmother). I love them all and it's sad I only get to see them like once a year. But still, the fact that I saw them... and that they support my decision to finish my B.A. degree outside the U.S. made me even happier.

Speaking of studying outside the U.S... A few days ago I received a package from Bath Spa University in Bath, England. I had completely forgotten about that school (which I was originally going to attend almost 3 years ago) until I received the package. I guess they really want to me to attend school out there. It's now a new option for me, and it's making my decision as to where I'll transfer to a little more interesting. I honestly feel more at home out there than I do here but I've got a lot of other things to consider. I have another school (my dream school) I am applying to this coming next month. If I get accepted there... I'll be over the moon. I've been dreaming about attending this university for years now. It's in Canada, so I can always fly back home during breaks without much problem. I won't say what university it is (yet) because I'm weird like that. :D I hope that the next time I mention this school I'll have good news. If you guys can please pray that the Holy Spirit helps me figure out where I'm supposed to finish my degree, that would be awesome. As I said, I have my dream school... but if the Lord doesn't want me there, I won't go. Fingers crossed it's Up North. ;) If not, England or staying here won't be too bad. :D Ah, decisions, decisions...

One easy decision, though, is subscribing to Papa Bene's YouTube account! (P.S. I don't mean to disrespect Pope Benedict XVI by calling him Papa Bene, it's just a term of endearment I have for him... just like "JP2 We Love You"). Before I took my mini-sabbatical from the 'net (well, computer), I subscribed to his/the Vatican's channel. I think it's amazing that he's doing this. :D I kind of makes me giggle (yes, I giggle. lol) a little that this came a couple of days after I wrote my post about Catholicism and Technology. I might have to edit it (when I have time) and add all these news things. I love that Papa Bene understands that the 'net is a great way to proclaim our faith. Yes, it has its fall backs as well, but think of all the good things we can do on here. :D As he said, we can use Facebook, XT3, YouTube, GodTube (which is apparently changing its name soon), our own blogs, websites, etc. to really connect with other Catholics around the world. If you want to read Papa Bene's entire message regarding Catholicism and Technology, please click here. It's a little long but well worth it! I truly hope that he's able to do a lot of good with his new ways of communicating. There are a lot of confusions (*cough*and brainwashing*cough*) that's spread out in the World Wide Web and hopefully more and more young people return to the Church.

And, speaking of returning to the Church, I am about to return myself! I haven't gone to Mass in the past 3 weeks. I haven't even gone to confessions in over a month and a half either. The reasons why, in a nutshell, were anxiety one week, stomach issues another, and cold induced pain the last week. :( I HATE HATE HATE being away from the Church. I absolutely abhor it with every fiber of my being. And I hated that I felt myself being pulled away, as well. It's the most uncomfortable thing in the world to be in that situation -- loving the Church and knowing what is wrong and right, and being tempted to rebel against some things. I won't say that I didn't slip up a little bit, because I did. I'm not perfect but I can try to live my life as faithfully as I can, which is what I try to do. Again, we all make mistakes and I'm happy to say that I didn't (and still don't) feel good about the mistakes I made. At least that means that I didn't stray and like it. Imagine if I did... *shudders* I'm in the process of finishing both books on Blessed Pier Giorgio to hopefully get myself in the right mind frame again. They are. :D

Before I end this blog, I will now like to clarify a few things. I know some of you guys follow me on Twitter. Though I took a break from the 'net, I did update it through my iPod so that no one worries about how I'm doing. (I have amazing friends who will go nutty if I don't check in with them on an almost daily basis). A couple of updates mentioned Will, either by name or it was implied that it was him. The whole thing about him picking me up, throwing me over his shoulder, and dragging me away from a book was strictly business and for the novel. Any mentions of him from now on (though I believe there will be no more) are purely for the novel. A decision was made that having him in my life is no longer healthy for me and everything that was on twitter was just some loose ends that needed to be tied, as well as some things that needed to be done for the novel. I still love the guy for everything he did for me and I no absolutely NO ill will towards him. I just got to the point where I had to decide what was more important for me: my faith and love of God, or someone who will always be fondly thought of for everything he did for me. This will not affect anything in the novel because, remember, it's not completely autobiographical and the ending was always going to be different from the real one. This also doesn't mean Will and Lina will end up together at the end. You'll just have to wait and read. :D

Alright, I think I should give your poor eyes a break. :D I will hopefully have a busy day tomorrow, like I did today, so I should try to get as much rest as I am able to get. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

The City, Dating Advice and the Application Mambo.

I spent a good portion of my day in the city (I live in the suburbs). I got to see my Godmother at her office (she's a lawyer amongst other things), which is always awesome. Even though I'm definitely a city girl, I will never get used to the traffic. My goodness... if I had a penny for every time I've been stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, I'd be incredibly rich. Not Bill Gates rich but pretty close. lol. For those who have ever been in big cities like New York City or Los Angeles, then you know that the streets are also disgusting -- especially the downtown areas. The smell of pee and other foul odors are the norm... a very nauseating norm but a norm nonetheless. Thankfully, I didn't really have to deal with that at my Godmother's office but *gag* I will never go into another fast food restaurant in (and around) the downtown area. Haha. *shudders* Despite that, I still liked being out in the city because I get to be amongst the chaos... which I sometimes love. I love watching people in business suits walk in and out of offices. I probably love that whole scene because I hope I never have to do that and I'm secretly happy I'm not. lol. A 9-to-5 job, especially in an office, is unappealing to me. My Godmother actually had hopes of me joining her when I graduated college until I took that criminal law course and absolutely hated it. Sorry, I'm more of an artist at heart. :D

One awesome thing I got to experience in that little while I was at my Godmother's office... hanging out with her son (would it be correct to call him my Godbrother?) who also works there. He's so rad; I love him! He, along with my Godmother's other son and daughter (who's also my first communion Godmother), has known me since I was born so I'll always be "the baby." In fact, they still call me that despite the fact that I haven't been a baby for over 2 decades. Every time they talk to my mom they always ask how "the baby" (me) is. lol. Anyway, every year my Godbrother (?) imparts great wisdom on me. This year is was about dating. I'm going to stop there because I don't like talking about my love life. Let's just say that he made me re-evaluate a lot of things and made me realize other things. Overall, SO GLAD he gave me the advice. it's great to be able to talk to someone who's been there-done that (he just got married a few months ago)... especially someone of the opposite sex. Whoo! :D And I also found it a bit ironic all this advice came, out of the blue, at a time when I actually needed to hear it. It has to be a sign. Haha.


Okay, well, it's not too late (it's nearly 10 p.m.) but I've just finished doing the application mambo so I am exhausted. What is the application mambo? For me, it was filling out the re-activation form at my school (because I am taking this semester off), filling out applications to have some transcripts sent to my school, filling out the financial aid forms (FAFSA to my fellow American college students) and just filling out so many applications that ask you the same questions over and over again that you can make a mambo (dance) out of it. lol. And, wow, that has to be the longest run-on sentence in history. Haha. I'm sorry. lol. Since I have to go back into the city tomorrow, I have to get to bed early to get up early in hopes of beating rush-hour traffic. I wonder, is there a patron saint for traffic... or to help avoid traffic? If anyone knows, please leave me a comment with the answer.

That is all for now. Thanks for reading and God Bless. :D