Belated Revelations

After our last young adult meeting last month, my friend Joe, another group member (whom I'll call E), and I were on our way to drop off E at his house. Since it was a bit of a drive, I took the time to share with E how I still don't drive long distances because of the car accident I had on October 13, 2015. With my lightheadedness, I don't want to risk driving long distances by myself especially at night. I showed him pictures of the accident (which I had on my iPod touch) and we talked about how it seemed to trigger events that eventually made us leave our (then) home parish and switch to where we currently attend Mass. He said something that has stayed with me, a month later, and which I think I've finally figured out: "what do you think was the message from God from that accident?" (I'm paraphrasing.)

To be honest, I never meditated on it. I had the car accident, thought my guardian angel had really helped me out (which was also the same thought E had without me saying anything) and was grateful that it hadn't been worse. When E asked me what message I thought God was trying to get across, I drew a blank. 

"I don't know," I admitted. "I never really thought about it."

"Well, maybe you should. I think God was trying to tell you something. I don't think these things happen; things happen for a reason and perhaps He was trying to say something. Otherwise, it was just an accident that you learned nothing from," he stated. Again, I'm paraphrasing but that was the gist of it and probably the closest I can get to his actual wording.

It stuck with me, especially since we talked about the coincidences. I had the car accident right after I'd gotten out of spiritual direction with my (now former) spiritual director. It happened on the anniversary of the Miracle of the Sun. That was also the night that I first got into contact with an FSSP priests who came over the follow day (for a blessing) and who we still see (he even came to bless our home this past Epiphany). The following month, my spiritual director kicked me out of his office and that set into motion us leaving that parish and following the FSSP priest to his (temporary) parish. (side note: everyone who knows the full story has come to the same conclusion of why I was kicked out of my former SD's office on their own but since none of us know for sure, I won't discuss it.) That led to me re-evaluating things, me joining the young adult group I'm in, and has had an overall positive change in both of our (Mom's and my) lives. There was something that seemed to be missing from that puzzle but it took E's question for me to try to figure it out... and I think I have. 

It has dawned on me that I have gotten a much-needed second chance to make things right. I had the same thought when I went to the last doctor's appointment: "you're getting a second chance." See, I had reached a plateau in my spiritual direction before my accident. I felt as if I wasn't getting much out of them anymore. Furthermore, while my SD expressed his justified dissatisfaction with me for missing Mass or my prayer time in order to do coursework on a tight deadline (yeah, that was a massive problem I had when I was in grad school; one of which I have since worked on and fixed), it wasn't the massive ear pulling I needed. I feel like the car accident was that; an ear pulling and a sort of wake-up call that I've belatedly realized.

Yes, it's been almost a year and a half since the car accident. Yes, I've wasted so much time trying to figure things out. However, I'm very grateful to E for having me meditate on all of these things. Remember when I wrote about my body being weak but my heart being on fire? I think part of why I felt that way was because of this revelation. Today's health scare (I thought I was having a heart attack at the grocery store; we guessed that it was a combination of acid reflux and a bad panic attack -- my first in a long time -- that hit at the same time) just drove the point home even more: I have gotten a second chance and I need to make the most of it... which, really, is a wonderful message during Lent.

How many times did saints mess up and, still, they were forgiven, they amended their lives, and are now spending eternity with God in Heaven? God's mercy is greater than our sins... no matter how bad they are. I know (as seen through Scripture) that He wants us to repent and return to Him. Luke 15:11-32, anyone? I was able to fix my terrible priorities (now Mass comes before any exam or coursework I may have that weekend). I think I've figured out the path (for both big and little v vocations) God wants me to take and have made a lot of progress in them. Now to reorder and fix a couple more things in my life, especially when it comes to facing my fears. I've started work on that but it's still going to be a massive uphill battle for me since it's going to mean undoing years of bad habits and negative thoughts. What a better way to spend my Lent (and the weeks leading up to the 100th anniversary of Our Lady of Fatima) than to work on my relationship with God and making the most of my second chance?

Before I end this blog post, I have one more thing to share: in case you're wondering, no Mass again this past weekend. We wanted to try for Saturday but I got sick and then Sunday was a mess as well. That's officially 8 Sundays without Mass (though I have attended Mass at least twice -- during the week -- in the past 8 weeks). Still, I'm going to try again and I'll fight through the lightheadedness and other obstacles to the best of my abilities. We have a plan for this week and the weekend and any prayers you can offer up so that we can get to confession and Mass would be greatly appreciated.

Alright, that's enough for today. I have more to share but they're different topics so I'll just break them into different posts. I'm taking it easy today since I've had a busy couple of days so I may write more blog posts now and schedule for later in the week. I have a big exam this weekend, a research paper due next week, and another huge exam the week after that so I'm going to try to blog when I can and schedule them so that there aren't big gaps in between blog posts. :)

I hope y'all are having a lovely start of the week! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

100th Post; Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary; White Hispanic: Que?!

Happy Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary day! Yes, I've made it into my own sort of holiday! :D I think it's entirely appropriate (and I LOVE the coincidence) that my 100th blog post landed on one of her feast days because of the devotion I have to her and the Rosary. Also, something not a lot of people know about, my journal is basically letters written to the Blessed Virgin Mary. I write to her as if she were going to physically receive the letters. It's my way of keeping her in my life on a daily basis (or semi-daily; depends on my schedule). It's been suggested that I turn the journal into a book because of the content but it's way too personal for me to do that. Maybe in the future, when I've lived my life, but not now. So now my friends know what I'm writing (I write the letters by hand; my novels and screenplays on computers).

Anyway, I get VERY happy on the Blessed Virgin's feast days because of my love for her. In my opinion, she is ultimate role model we women can have. No, I take that back; not only for women but for all. She was selfless, caring, giving... and she still is. I've never heard of her denying anyone help whenever they've prayed for her intercession. Whether the prayers are to her as Our Lady of Guadalupe, Our Lady of Lourdes, Our Lady of Fatima, etc, she will never let us down because we are her children. Her love and compassion for us is boundless. I've felt a strong connection to her basically since I was born. I was baptized at the Church of Our Lady Queen of the Angels (here in L.A.) which is dedicated to her. When the big 1994 Northridge earthquake happened, the big framed picture of her (as Our Lady of Guadalupe) that hung in my room was the only thing (along with a picture of me in my first communion dress) that didn't fall off the wall. More about that here. There are more examples but you get the gist. I think it's because of the connection I feel with her that I started praying the Rosary. And, I have to admit, she's a HUGE reason why I stopped being an inactive Catholic (ie- not attending Mass) 2 years ago. St. Jude also gets credit here but our Blessed Mother was really the "force" that really got me back to where I am today. For that, I am truly grateful. I hope everyone takes at least a minute out of their time, today, to give thanks to her for all she's done for us. Even if you've never asked for her intercession, remember that she was the one who gave birth to, and cared for, our Lord Jesus Christ. :D What better day to say at least one "Hail Mary" or at least one Rosary decade in her honor than on the day we celebrate her being named Queen of Heaven and Earth, of angels and saints? Go on, take a break from reading this blog and say a "Hail Mary"... I'll wait. :D Done? Good!

Deviating from the loveliness that is Our Blessed Mother, I want to ask something to the readers of this blog. Are any of you, who were born here (in the United States) and are of Hispanic and Latin heritage, bothered by the term "White Hispanic"? I don't know why but that term kind of makes me cringe. I usually say I'm American but of Hispanic heritage. I don't know; maybe I'm too sensitive to the phrasing but, honestly, I don't see the point of adding "White" in front of the Hispanic part. And don't get me started on how sometimes people don't think I'm Hispanic until I speak Spanish. Many jaws have been dropped when I've done that. lol. Physical traits and skin color is not going to help you figure out where a person's from. And if y'all think I'm making it up, wikipedia has a page just on this topic. Yes, take what's written on wikipedia with a grain of salt because people can edit the pages but it sounds legit. Anyway, if you have any comments on that, don't hesitate to leave me a comment or e-mailing me at my gmail address (it's part of my profile). I'm curious to hear what others have to say on the matter.

Anyway, I'm off to finish doing my e-mail and facebook rounds (make sure I've answered all messages) before praying the Rosary. Whoo! :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!
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The Rosary, and Holy Cards.

If there's one thing that's always helped me center myself, it's praying the Rosary. I've made it a promise to pray the Rosary twice a day as a Thank You for keeping to Our Lady for keeping my feeling well during the day. It works. You can argue that it's my deep faith that keeps me optimistic but I still owe a big part of my sanity to St. Dymphna and to Our Lady. I'm relieving St. Jude Thaddeus from intercession because I feel like I asked him way too much 2 years ago when I was first sick. He's still one of my patron saints, though. :D

Something else that I can always count on... at least one my friends knowing EXACTLY what I need when I need it the most. I received two Holy Cards (and a little angel pin with my birth month colors) today as a gift from one of my best friends. One card was of Mother Teresa and the other was of Our Lady of Fatima. I LOVE collecting Holy Cards with prayers on them because I think it's important to pray and to also have a little reminder of each saint with you. To paraphrase something on one of the episodes of That Catholic Show, having the little prayer/holy cards is like having a picture of a family member... only they're saints. :D

Okay, well, sorry for SUCH a short entry. I've been lightheaded and just feeling horrible all day. Seriously, I was in my bedroom most of the day. Blah. :( Anyway, thanks for reading and God Bless.

P.S. Happy 28th Birthday to El Capitan -- Steve Gerrard (Gerrard... can kick a ball 40 yards... he's better than Frank Lampard... Steve Gerrard, Gerrard). :D
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