Start of New Routine; Struggle with Spiritual Dryness

I don't know about y'all but I always start off a new routine with a lot of energy... and somewhere along the way (of the first week), I feel like crashing and burning because I tried to make too many changes at once. I have to remind myself that new routines take a while to get used to. I was used to getting up at 4 in the morning to drive my mother to work, five days a week, prior to my vacation. Now I'm used to waking up at 8-9 a.m. every morning. Since my vacation officially ends today, I have to get back to my old routine which, to be honest, is not at all appealing. Who wants to get up at 4 a.m.? No one. lol. But I know that I must so I just give in to the fact and try to do it with as much energy (despite some cranky mornings) as possible. This isn't the only change I'm making either.

As many of you know, I pray the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary but I don't stick to the schedule as well as I should. Sure, I do the "most important ones" (Prime and Vespers) without fail (unless I am so sick that I accidentally sleep right through the times). Most days I can get Terce, Compline, and Matins done (yes, I like to do it old school) but I fail with Sext and None. A couple of nights ago I wrote on this blog's FB page:

"Going through spiritual dryness, you never know how or when you're going to get out. Though I still feel stuck in it, it's much less. I thank God for putting the right person (at the right time) in my path because they are inspiring me to change a lot of things... and consequently renewing interest in certain faith related things.

P.S. If anyone is going through this, you're not alone. St. Teresa of Avila and St. Therese of Lisieux both struggled through it."

To be honest, I still feel like I'm barely getting out of the dryness. I will actually tackle this subject on its own soon. However, as I wrote, I was inspired by someone to stick to doing the Little Office like anyone would keep (or try to keep) the Liturgy of the Hours. It was also suggested in The Temperament God Gave You for my particular temperament (Phlegmatic-Sanguine representing) that, besides the Liturgy of the Hours (or Little Office in my case), the Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet would be good to keep in regular practice. While, of course, speaking to my spiritual advisor would be best, I'm going to start off keeping a more regular prayer schedule until the next time I see him. Side note: Just because I know my vocation doesn't mean I don't still need direction now and then. ;)
Anyway, which I am totally excited to feel less spiritual dryness, I have to make myself a note (possibly on a post-it) to remind myself of two things: 1) to not add too many things at once and 2) to not get discouraged if it takes me awhile to get the hang of this new routine.

My work schedule is going to have to be more discipline than before. While it's true that as a freelance writer I make up my own schedule, I have to really stick to it. That means going back to my restricted time on social networks and planning out everything in advance so that I can make the most out of work and my spiritual life. All I have to focus on are those two things but I don't want to get too caught up in either (especially not work). School and vocation are on the backburner until I get accepted somewhere (for the grad school part) and until God decides that it's the right time for me to focus on my vocation as a future wife and mother.  

Anyway, just wanted to share this before my vacation ends. Sigh. Two and a half weeks of vacation, you will be missed but we shall see each other again in December for the holidays. ;) Now back to listening to The Chieftains' Voice of Ages album, enjoy a bit of The Voice (fan of the show) and then read before bed. :D May this new routine go well. *crosses fingers*

I hope you all had a great weekend and have a wonderful week as well. If you have any prayer requests, please send them my way. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

The Rosary and My Mama

This is going to be quick since I have about 700+ pages to get through by Saturday and, well, I need to finish ASAP. (I take my side projects/duties seriously.)

Mom and I have been praying the Rosary every day (except for Saturday and Sunday when her arthritis was so bad that she slept most of the day/evening) and it's been absolutely wonderful. I've been wanting to get her to do it more regularly since her proper reversion shortly before my dad passed away and it's finally sticking.

I've noticed some changes in my relationship with her as a result of our daily Rosary. If we get into a typical mother-grown daughter argument, we'll put it aside for the Rosary. Her strong, outgoing temperament (she's a sanguine-choleric, the most extroverted of the temperaments) often clashes with my more mellow, introverted temperament (phlegmatic-sanguine; see previous post) so there is bound to be a bit of mama-daughter disagreements. When it comes time to praying the Rosary, it's like everything changes. I can't speak for her but I myself feel a lot more calm and forgiving about halfway through the Rosary. And, since I have the mysteries and the order memorized, mom won't pray the Rosary without me so it's a wonderful bonding time. She carries around her Rosary everywhere she goes, too. I'm so incredibly proud of the effort my mom is making in learning about our beautiful Faith.

Who would've thought my mama (who just four years ago used to use excuses to get out of attending Mass and who just started going to confession three years ago) and I would reach this point? I'm a little pressed for time right now but I'll go back through my blog posts one of these days and compare how my parents were prior to their reversions and how my mom is now and how my dad was before he passed away. I wanted to post something yesterday (and it would've been appropriate since it was St. Monica's feast day) but I've been crazy busy. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to share this little gem. For those of you who have family members who are currently away from the Church, don't fret. It takes a lot of time and a lot of patience (again, just look at St. Monica and St. Augustine of Hippo as an example) but remember that miracles do happen. I got my dad shortly before he died (after being away from the Church for 40+ years; all credit to God, I did nothing). Nothing is impossible with God. :D

I hope y'all are having a great start of week. If you need prayers, please let me know. And now, back to Middle Earth I go. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D



P.S. If you get the link to this blog post via twitter it's because I have twitterfeed and it automatically posts the link as soon as I have a new blog post published. I am still away until Saturday. :D

Working with My Phlegmatic-Sanguine Personality

I know I wrote about this two years ago but I wanted to revisit it since I've noticed a couple of things in the last couple of days that I hadn't noticed before. I thought about my phlegmatic-sanguine personality and how it was playing a big role in my post-grad plans... and it was a much needed reflection.

For those who are new or don’t remember what I wrote (or don’t want to read the previous blog post), as a phlegmatic-sanguine I have the following traits: “tendency for introversion,… peace-loving, conservative, well-balanced, easy-going, with a dry wit and a talent for bringing people together.” I am also outgoing but only with my close friends… and I know many of you who know me personally can vouch for the fact that this is indeed true; I’m terribly shy and quiet when I first meet someone but once I am completely comfortable with them, I’m a massive goofball. On the flip side,  I can also “be deeply wounded by sarcasm, harsh criticism, and anger when it is directed at [me].” I could go on and on but you get it. If you’ve known me for years and agree with the description, raise your hands. Oh, wow… everyone. Okay. lol.

Here is what has been replaying in my mind the last couple of days… especially since I realized that it was very much true: “A danger for the phlegmatic-sanguine is to be satisfied with achieving less than what he is capable of -- whether because he tends not to plan for the future or because the more challenging goals seem to be too much trouble.” Furthermore, it says that “because [I] place a high priority on harmonious relationships and cooperation, [I] will be tempted to conform to the expectations and goal of those around [me]. Thus, [my] goals may be lower than they ought to be…” Ding, ding, ding, ding!

You know, I never thought I actually had a problem with this until I realized that that was exactly what I was (and am) going through. I am settling for less than I am capable… and this fact was confirmed when I asked. I think I’ve always done this but I’ve always used excuses for my decisions. Now that I don’t have an excuse (well, I do but I don’t want use it anymore), maybe it’s time to try to push myself to do something that I’m scared of. Though I was encouraged to, I didn’t go for Oxford a few years ago. Though I was encouraged to do a number of things, I didn't do them... and it may be because of the fear of failure which is, unfortunately, a common trait amongst up phlegmatic-sanguines.

I have found jobs that would be okay for me (I wouldn't love them but they would bring in a steady income) but I didn't even apply for them because of my anxiety. It's been so ridiculously out of control that I've been playing it safe. I've also found some great jobs I could do at home (freelance writing) but have yet to apply for them because I have so much going on and I know that adding more things will only overwhelm me. However, for the first time since I've graduated, I've given myself a specific deadline to get all my side work (which I am, sadly, not getting paid for) done. This includes getting my novel done (how many times have I said this?) as well as some guest posts for a couple of side projects (which I will soon be able to talk about). Before I finish everything, I will start applying for these freelance writing gigs and, hopefully, I will be able to get my writing career started. I need goals. I need plans. I need to stop being so afraid of failure. (Oh, and for the record, I've currently ruled out teaching because I wouldn't be able to do it with my anxiety; I'm going to work on this while I work on my Masters. My heart isn't currently in it.)

I have a list of grad schools I'll be applying to next year. I was going to do it this year but, really, I have so many financial responsibilities on my plate at this time that I can't afford to take more time off from work. I have narrowed my search to about five colleges -- four Catholic (and I mean orthodox Catholic, not CINO) and one public (which is also out of the country.) I'll be apply for a Master's in Theology / Biblical Studies at the Catholic schools and I'll be applying for a Creative Writing Master of Fine Arts at the public university. I don't want to sit around and wonder "what if" due to the fact that I was scared to apply for a Creative Writing degree.

As for how I am combating any spiritual laziness and/or attacks (and I feel like I've been enduring a couple of these lately), I'm also taking the advice (from the book) about what to do to stay on track. I pray the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary (it's part of the brown scapular enrollment), the Rosary (which I do daily; fun story about this on Monday), and keeping a sort of prayer journal to keep myself in check. It's so easy to say "I'm so exhausted... I'll just pray later." I've had a couple of those days in the past two weeks but I've still gone ahead and prayed because it could become a bad habit later on.

For the tl;dr crowd: basically, I am working with my temperament's strengths and weaknesses in order to do both what God wants me (which, to be honest, I am still not sure of) and to not get stuck doing less than I am capable of.

And for those of you who would love to help me out, feel free to bug the crumbs out of me if I'm close to these deadlines and have not finished anything:

- August 30: Book reviews for The Good Bad Boy by Fr. Gerald Brennan, If the Swords in England by Barbara Willard, The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien, and The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring by JRR Tolkien. The first two books are done (read) and I am currently tackling The Hobbit. I hope to have it and The Fellowship of the Ring read by mid next week with the reviews submitted by next weekend.

- September 12: Side project posts completed.

- September 29 (Archangels feast day): Novel completed (includes edits and any other excuses I may have). I may need at least two or three more beta readers for this.

I hope to have some freelance writing gigs lined up around October 15 (St. Teresa of Avila's feast day; appropriate, no?) at the latest. I hope to have that started in a couple of weeks but it may take me a while. We'll see. God will provide some employment... I know He will. I'm also asking Our Lady, Mother of Divine Providence as well. I am covering all my bases here. ;)

Anyway, this has gone on too long now. Oops. Sorry -- I like to write. lol.

I hope y'all have a wonderful weekend (at least what's left of it.) :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

I'm a Phlegmatic-Sanguine, What's Your Excuse?

When Delaney lent me this book, The Temperament God Gave You by Art and Laraine Bennett, it had been on my amazon wishlist for at least a year and a half. I've always been interested in these kind of personality tests because they've proven to be very insightful... and the fact it explained things from a Catholic point of view made it that much more appealing to me.

I had previously taken the Four Temperaments test on Catholic Match (a couple of years ago when I was briefly on the site). The first time I received Sanguine-Phlegmatic as my result but it didn't really sound like me. There more things I disagreed with than not. When 4marks split from CM (or at least that's how I remember it) and allowed us to keep our profiles without having to stay on CM, I did just that and re-took the temperaments test. This time I received a 63% Phlegmatic and 37% Sanguine. After reading it, I knew that I had finally taken the test properly and had gotten it right.

After receiving the book I decided to once again do the test and it revealed that, indeed, I am a Phlegmatic-Sanguine. So what exactly does that mean? Well, in a nutshell, that I'm an introverted, empathetic gal who has to be careful not to get easily discouraged (I never do but...) or even fail to attempt something out of fear of failure (which I sometimes do). What I appreciate about this book is that it is honest but doesn't make you feel like you're completely flawed or weird. Though it does point out your weaknesses, which were pretty spot on with my own temperament, it also offers great advice without being preachy.

One of my favorite sections (though, it's hard to choose THE favorite) was definitely the chapter on your temperament and your spiritual life. It offered prayers one could recite to help with the spiritual weaknesses one has. As my primary temperament is Phlegmatic, my spiritual gifts are: peace, understanding, counsel, and meekness. On the flip side, my spiritual weaknesses are: sensuality, sloth, and complacency. I'm not even going to lie, I do struggle with sloth especially lately with all the blues I've been feeling. The saint who shares my temperament is St. Thomas Aquinas (who is a buddy of mine, as my good friend Angelica would say) so I know who to look up to when I feel myself slipping. For someone with my temperament the Rosary, the Liturgy of the Hours, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, the brown (Our Lady of Mount Carmel) scapular and Miraculous Medal are all recommended to enhance my spiritual life. I actually found this beautiful Miraculous Medal (which they were apparently giving away to whoever got there first and it was the last one) at my parish when I returned to the Church a couple of years ago and I believe it has helped me.

After I told my mom about how much I loved the book, we tried to find the Spanish language equivalent of it for her but there wasn't one. I ended up translating both the test and results to her. She ended up being a Sanguine-Choleric and my father (which we collaborated on to see if we would get his temperament right; we did) was a Choleric-Sanguine. Apparently I inherited my Phlegmatic side (as well as my multi-colored hair) from my paternal grandmother seeing as how both my parents are/were incredibly extroverted. We would laugh while I was translating things because they were spot on with all of us. I went back to the Parent-Child section, which advises parents on how to better motivate their child according to each's temperament, and read advice for my mom. Again, it was like the authors had been observing the interactions between my mother and I and I think it helped both of us understand the other better. It's certainly helped the relationship between her and I greatly as it really opened my mother's eyes to a problem we were having; our differing temperaments were clashing when it came to a certain issue but now my mom understands as do I.

I can't really go into a lot without writing entire paragraphs straight out of the book. If you want to learn more about yourself I would definitely recommend you checking out this book. If you've taken the test on 4marks, this book goes into more detail than on the site. (Btw, according to 4marks I am part of the minority of people that are phlegmatic-sanguines.)

Alright, well, I don't think this was much of a book review but I don't really think this book is one that can be reviewed properly without actively reading and engaging in it. Again, I highly recommend it and I think it will definitely help understand yourself and others. I definitely took a lot out of it and I know you will too. :D

I guess that's all for today. It's 100 degrees Fahrenheit (it was 101 yesterday) so I'm going to find a nice cool place to sit down and continue reading a book on Catholicism. :) I hope everyone is staying cool and out of the heat. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.