Happy Happy, Joy Joy; "Things That Help" Anxiety.

I am bouncing up and down, full of excitement, because I received two (well, three if you want to get technical) things that have made me extremely happy. I get excited and happy pretty easily but these things have definitely brightened up my gloomy day.

First, I was checking my grades online and saw that I'd received a B for my English/British Literature course this semester! Yaaay! :D Considering how many lectures I missed, and how I started a week late because I switched schools, I am very happy with this grade. So, I now have a B in this class and an A in my Oceanography course. I still have to wait for my Philosophy of Logic and History of World Religions grades but, if my calculations are correct, I'm fairly certain I received a B in Philosophy (my hardest course) and either an A or a B in History. The History grade depends on that 10 page research paper I had to do last month (she's not done grading them yet). Either way, I did well this semester (despite my absences and illnesses) and I couldn't be prouder of myself. :D

What's the second good news? I received my Christmas presents to myself. I ordered the pair of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati books written by his sister... and they arrived yesterday in the mail. I didn't get them until today because it rained almost all day yesterday and no one wanted to go outside. Too cold. Anyway, I am super excited to have gotten them! I will be take a semi-vacation from the 'net (mostly from emailing and facebook) until probably the New Year and these books will definitely help me pass the time. :D

Oh yes, and my friend Kathryn got married today, which makes today even lovelier! Unfortunately, I couldn't make it to the wedding since it was thousands of miles away and I have pressing business at home (in the form of an English gentleman) and I'll only have a limited time to enjoy it so I couldn't have gone. Also, no money for flights.

And speaking of English gentlemen (like the transition? lol), I wanted to share with you something that my friend Mark, founder of Soul Food Cinema, sent me in regards to anxiety. He promised me this list a while back but I just recently received it and the permission to share it with y'all. I am calling him a (sort of) guest blogger since he did write this list. :D

"Things that help

• Doing things I genuinely enjoy doing – things that bring genuine lasting joy, as opposed to just fleeting happiness and a temporary high.

• Taking spiritual breaks and holidays, especially away from television and computer screens and other electronics. Spending time in front of the Blessed Sacrament more instead. Not watching television and films in the evening is a good one too – try reading instead.

• Reading scripture and really taking it in and trying to understand its context and meaning. The psalms are good at night time or in the morning too; they express all of our emotions for us!

• Proper preparation before whatever it is I’m doing. So praying beforehand, doing research, practising beforehand (e.g. if giving a talk/speech) etc.

• Belief in my heart for whatever I’m doing – I have to genuinely care about it and not just do it because I think I should, because I have to or because someone else wants me to do it.

• Writing down my thoughts and spending some time meditating over them, particularly writing down things to change in my life and then spending time in silence discerning which things I’ve written down have come from God and which things have come from me.

• Prayer and rosary throughout the day. Especially praying to St Dymphna (thanks for that one!). *ed. note: You're welcome, Mark. :D*

• Self respect and trust in God; especially for the talents I know He has given me.

• Other people praying for me.

• Relaxation and fun. Doing things for enjoyment’s sake. Seeing friends etc. playing something (a game, a sport, an instrument…).

• Making progress with those things I’m working on in life – moving forwards as opposed to standing still or moving backwards.

And things that don’t help

• Spending too much time alone.

• Trying to do things by myself without help and certainly without prayer.

• Keeping things to myself.

• Abandoning my faith (selling out) and my true beliefs in a vain and proud attempt to please other people rather than to please God.

• Not giving daily thanks to Jesus (in abundance!).

• Self-betrayal of God’s forgiveness, charity etc, by denying the gifts, opportunities and freedoms he presents me with.

• Disrespecting those who deserve respect, especially the poor and those people brave enough to openly declare their love for Jesus.

• Not serving others that need it; especially not using my particular gifts.

• Not being patient.

• Not praying first, instead of doing first.

• When people ask for help, giving them my solutions and bringing myself to them, instead of bringing them God’s solutions and bringing God to them.

• Pursuing people (friends/girlfriends) based only upon shallow things e.g. looks, popularity, worldly success."

There you go. I think Mark wrote a fantastic list. A big reason why I wanted to share this because I've noticed that quite a number of people find this blog by searching "anxiety and Catholicism" or "anxiety and Catholic". They usually land on a post in which I cover a few things such as the patron saint of those who suffer from anxiety. There is something he mentioned, about taking spiritual breaks from the t.v. and 'net, that I hope to go more into depth next blog.

Okay, that is it for now. I am going to try to find a way to keep warm. I think I will drink as much tea as I can. Brr! And, okay, it's only like 54 degree Fahrenheit but that's very cold for us Southern Californians. lol. I'm just rambling on now. :D As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D
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Confession: I've Come Far (Advent Reflection); Superior Scribbler Award.

A good friend sent me something I apparently wrote nearly 3 years ago. It was uncharacteristic of me to write something like it, even then, but was shocked that I was capable of such a thing. I won't repeat what it said but, as you can guess, I was shocked that I'd written it. To be quite honest, I don't remember writing the profanities but my friend swears I did. That made me think I had a potty mouth which I'd forgotten about, but my friend reassured me that that was the only time I'd cursed. That, along with other things that reminded me of my past, made me think of how far I've come in just a matter of years.

Those who knew me when I was in my teens to 20 years-old would be surprised by how much I've changed. It's all for the best, too. I had horrible habits growing up. I wasn't the most honest person, I would act before thinking things through, etc. All of this was during my time away from the Church.

I've NEVER felt like I fit in in this city. Honestly, even now, I'm still trying to figure out my niche in the City of Angels. Growing up I would try to modify aspects of myself, some times for the worse, just to fit in with a group of people. This continued up until I got really sick with my anxiety and other illnesses. I made the conscience decision to cut myself off from the people who would continue to "help" me down the wrong path. Once I really got sick -- to the point of me being in and out of the hospitals -- I decided to change myself completely from the monster I'd become.

I look at all the illnesses I've gone through as a blessing from God. Every single pain, ache, panic attack, trip to the hospital... every single one of those things has only made me stronger. I truly thank God for every thing I've suffered because it's only brought me closer to Him and it's returned me to the faith I had as a child. Not only that, it's shown me what truly matters in this life.

Needless to say, I've sincerely repented and confessed to everything I did prior to my coming back to the Church. Not only that, but I've done a total 180. Lying (which was my biggest fault)? I absolutely HATE it with a passion and hate saying even the smallest "white lie". In fact, I would rather get scolded at and/or hated on for voicing the truth than lying about it. I never drank alcohol. I never did drugs. I never did anything I shouldn't have done outside of marriage. I never snuck out of the house. But I did lie, curse, and do more than should be allowed... and am truly and deeply sorry for ever having done it. It was wrong of me to do. All I can do now is learn from it and make my story known so that others won't fall into the same pattern.

Why am I so open about what I went through, you make ask? Because I want people to see that it IS possible to come back to the Church despite any sins you've committed. It IS possible to be forgiven by God. It IS possible to turn away from all of it, get your life straightened out, and start living it as the Lord wants you to. What a better time to reevaluate this than during this time of year. Advent is a time for penance so why not make the most of it and confess to your past sins so you can look forward to living a better life? If you don't think it's possible, read St. Augustine of Hippo's biography. You'd be surprised with how many saints committed sins before they repented them and then led a life of a true saint.

I will admit that I was inspired to write about this (and I can tell you, if you want to know actual details of what I went through and how I came out... it's all in the novel I'm writing), by a video I saw of Eduardo Verastegui's conversion story on the Spanish version of EWTN. He also went down the wrong path (though his and my life stories have been quite different) but repented his sins and is now doing all he can to help the Church with his vocation.

Now, having spilled my guts out to the public :D...

From Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer

I would like to thank Fr. Austin Murphy of Jesus Goes to Disney World for including this blog on his list of Superior Scribblers and would now like to pay the award forward. I don't think I can pass it back to him but I'd highly recommend you check out his blog anyway because it's awesome. I check it on a daily basis (whenever I can). I've even had self proclaimed Deist say she enjoys his blog. :D

First off, I'd like to award both of Rebecca's blogs awards.

Catholic in Film School is a great blog about, you guessed it, a Catholic in film school. This blog also has a lot of media centered content, from a Catholic's point of view, that I am sure you'd all love and enjoy. I've also been introduced to a lot of Catholic things for Los Angeles based people, such as L.A. Catholic Underground, by her and her blog. Maybe one day we'll join forces and write some kick tush screenplay. What do you say, Rebecca? lol. :D

Her other blog, Modestia, is a great site for young, modest women who are looking for great fashion finds. Who says you need to dress drab to be modest? Not this Modestia! I also love the fact that she spotlights celebrities that are good role models for other young girls and women (Selena Gomez and Ali Landry, anyone?).

Matthew's Fallible Blogma is one of the best Catholic blogs I've ever seen. Funny story, Matthew and I met on facebook -- adding him without knowing anything beyond the fact that he was Catholic. I normally wouldn't do that but thought, "Hey, another Catholic friend doesn't hurt!" I'm glad, though, because I would've never found out about this blog otherwise. Matthew presents things that are going on in our society in a refreshing, thought provoking manner.

Q's L.A. Catholic is a great way to find out what's going on in the Los Angeles Archdiocese. He does a superb job keeping us updated with the happenings here, while not shying away from making his (and, really, most of our) opinions known. He voices things that a lot of us which we had the guts to say.

Okay, so I am a little biased because she is my little adoptive "sister", but I can't help but love Delaney's Hat Full of Hope blog. It's great to see what a Catholic, home-schooled young lady thinks about. And it gives you hope that the future isn't as rotten as we might fear. Can't wait to see her in a play soon! :D

Now, pay it forward. The rules, from Bosco:

* Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
* Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
* Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to this post, which explains The Award.
* Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
* Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Alright, well, this blog should be enough for the next week... until my finals are over with. I have my History of World Religions final assignment due tomorrow but will try to have it done by tonight. Philosophy of Logic final exam is due on Tuesday night but will try to have it done by this weekend. My English Literature (Medieval to early 18th Century literature) final is on Wednesday and that will be my hardest one. Yes, save the hardest for last... lol. Wish me luck... because I'm going to need it. lol. :D I will be studying all weekend long.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Thanksgiving Thoughts; Remix Fun.

I hope all my fellow Americans (wow, sounds like the beginning of a speech) had a great Thanksgiving yesterday! I wanted to make a post but I was stuck in bed with a cold. I can't complain too much though. Yes, I did feel gross, I was all achy, and all I spent nearly 2 days in bed... but I got caught up on my prayers and I got a head start on my History of World Religions paper. That one is due tonight (eesh!).

I am skipping on today's big sales because I'm not fully recovered from my cold and it's (finally!) cold outside and I have to write that 10 page research paper on the sacred art of 3 different religions. I have 4 BIG art history books to go through. I'm just thankful that my Philosophy of Logic professor spared us work yesterday.

You know what else I'm thankful for (in the past year)? My amazing parents. My overprotective older brothers and sister -- and their families. Both of my younger adoptive sisters (one of whom gave me a blog award that I will post next time :D. Thanks D!). My friends who are like family (which consists of virtually all my friends; many of whom have asked my mom to adopt them, lol.) That my father was able to beat his cancer for the second time. That one of my best friend was able to beat her ovarian cancer. That everyone is happy and healthy. That I've been healthier than I have been in years. Most importantly, I am thankful for everything God has done for us. I am grateful that I've been able to get closer to God and have been able to do the same to my parents. You guys have NO idea how happy I am that my parents have started praying and going to Mass more often! I could continue the list but it would get much longer and I still have to work on my paper. lol.

Oh, and I'm also thankful for iTunes, and cell phones, and books, and digital cable, and TCM (Turner Classic Movies), and french fries, and Mexican food, and airplanes which take me to different countries, and laughing babies, and babies named Charlie who bite their brothers' fingers... HAHA. I'm not (entirely) serious here. :D

Alright, I should go work on my paper, but before I do, I will leave you with a video I thought was so awesome. During YouTube Live (yeah, I missed it) they had a lot of big youtube names performing. One of them was DJ Mike Relm and he remixed two videos that were HUGE on youtube. The second remixed video is probably my favorite.



Okay, back to work. :D Oh yeah, and if you haven't vote on the poll, please do so. It ends tomorrow night. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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Remember to Vote!

I have my make-up English Lit midterm exam tomorrow so I will make this VERY short.

Please remember to vote tomorrow! Every vote counts, and it looks like this election will be close. I'm voting just as any good Catholic/Christian citizen would. No need to tell you how I feel about the propositions or candidates. I hope y'all will do the same... even if people get upset with you for it, just like my dad did with me. Yes, he's angry at me for voting for a certain candidate. *shakes head* I am definitely not apologetic, though. I love my dad and all but I simply cannot vote for a candidate that's pro-abortion... I just can't.

Alright, well, I have a LONG day ahead of me... voting in the early morning, midterm after that, Philosophy of Logic after that, more English after that. Oh, the joys of being a college student. lol.

REMEMBER TO VOTE! 'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Checkin' In; My Poor Hair; Check this Out!

Just checkin' in here. Sorry it's taken me a while. School's been crazy these last couple of days -- Philosophy of Logic midterm exam (passed!), Shakespeare skit for English Lit class (done!), assignments for History of World Religions, and two papers, one assignment, and one test for Oceanography for this weekend. Lots of reading and memorizing. I did get extensions on some classes because of the fires (schools were closed for two days) but I want to do everything on the original due date because I want to have a social life sooner than later. lol. :D No time for much fun at the moment.

One thing I did get a chance to do yesterday was get my hair cut. Boy, do I regret letting the new lady cut my hair. I said "No Bangs" maybe 4 times while I was there. What happened? She gave me bangs... and cut like an inch higher on one side than the other. She did not listen to anything I asked her to do. My hair looks atrocious. I'm so bummed that it looks that bad. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's just hair and that it'll grow out. For now, bobby pins and ponytails will be my best friends. *sigh* Oh well, that's what happens.

One more thing before I go (so much due this weekend!). I recently got contacted by an author about a book that's being released in the near future. I got to see previews of it and it looks really good! The book is called "Hear My Voice" (A Children's Translation of the Gospel Readings of the Catholic Mass for 2009) and you can check it out here. I will be reviewing it as soon as I get my copy of the book (which will hopefully mean around tomorrow/beginning of next week); as soon as I have free time to do so. :D

Alright, I need to go eat a little more (still hungry -- it's 9 a.m.!) and then study for all that's due tonight and Sunday. Fingers crossed I can handle all of that without anxiety. *crosses fingers*

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Much Better; Feeling the Love of the Blessed Virgin Mary

I am feeling better today. I missed class yesterday because I woke up feeling very warm (and I was, I checked with a thermometer) and with a headache. Ugh. I honestly like missing class because I feel like I fall more and more behind. There's no way I would've been well in class though. My temperature didn't go down (much) for the rest of the day but at least the headache stopped until about after 1 p.m. But, positive thing, I was able to rest a little (which means faster recovery) and I got to feel closer to our beloved Mother, Mary. :D

I went through a really hard time yesterday morning. I shut the door in my room, knelt down in front of the big Our Lady of Guadalupe and bawled my eyes out. Of course, I also prayed in between sobs. Feeling like crumbs, I somehow found the strength to kneel and stay like that for quite some time. I asked Our Lady to help me understand why some things were said and why I felt the way I did. There was a time when I asked her to please make someone stop saying what they were because it really hurt my feelings, but I ended up changing it to "please help them understand that what that person is saying is very hurtful and doesn't help matters." I honestly felt very alone... and then, a bit later, I had this beautiful feeling like there's no way I'm alone. It's really weird but I felt as though I had our Blessed Virgin Mary there with me. I don't know how many Hail Marys I prayed (I lost count) until I felt better, but I DID feel better.

Every time I go through something where I feel like that -- like I'm alone in this world -- I always pray to her, and to the Lord, to please help me feel like I'm not alone. And every time I ask that of them, I always feel a warmth in my heart that's indescribable. It erases irrational thoughts I have in my head and it makes me feel so much closer to Our Blessed Mother and to Our Lord. It's amazing. I wish I'd started doing this, praying to them, at a earlier age (despite being the youngest of 7, I grew up as if I were an only child)... it would've saved me a lot of heartache. It is definitely something I will teach my (future) children to do. Hopefully they won't stray as I did; though I'm incredibly happy that I found my way back. :D

Alright, well, I'm going to go over my notes for the Philosophy of Logic course because we have a big test due today... then go read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight for British Lit... then try to finish my History of World Religions assignments early... so I can cram for my BIG MIDTERM (oh, how I dread that word) exam for Oceanography. Remember, my Oceanography course crams 16 weeks worth of work into 8 weeks so it's midterm time. *shudders* Prayers to St. Joseph of Cupertino, St. Thomas Aquinas, and St. Dymphna (for my sanity) will be said this entire week. Oh yeah... bring it on! lol.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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Philosophy of Logic, God, and Narnia.

This is going to be a semi-quick blog because I still have a discussion thing to write for my Philosophy of Logic course which is due in like... 8 hours. It's something I can do in a couple of minutes but I want to get it done early.

I just finished my third and fourth Philosophy of Logic quizzes/exercises. My professor lets us re-take them twice if we get them wrong the first time. I've gotten a couple answers wrong... on purpose. There are some answers that I don't agree with, i.e. "Only things that are material exist. Therefore, God does not exist." (Friedrich Engels, Socialism: Utopian and Scientific). For this particular quote, the answer is that the statement is correct, well, according to the test answer and the quiz's objective. I obviously don't agree, though I can see how it would be the "correct" answer, so my answer was that the statement was an assumption (inductive vs. deductive for you Philosophy buffs). I got the answer wrong and then had to go back and fix it to the "correct" answer it. Maybe next time I'll just leave it like it is, even if it's a borderline grade and thus getting me a lower grade. Like I said, I understand how some people would argue that Friedrich would be correct but, though we can't see God, we can see what He's created therefore we know He exists. Unfortunately, I can't say that because it's a multiple choice quiz and no essay portion. We'll see what I do next time.

One thing that made me smile was when I saw a Chronicles of Narnia reference in the fourth quiz/exercise. Well, to be precise, it was a quote from Professor Kirke (The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe book): "There are only three possibilities. Either your sister is telling lies, or she is mad, or she is telling the truth. You know she doesn't tell lies and it is obvious that she is not mad... we must assume (ed.: conclude, on test) that she is telling the truth." I got the answer correct. lol. I love little unexpected surprises like that. :D

OH!!! Quick novel/screenplay update: it's going well. I've been finding time to work on it despite my crazy schedule. To give you a hint of the mood/tempo of the scenes I'm currently working on... listen to the song "Outside" and "Strange and Beautiful" by Aqualung. Specifically, look at the lyrics. That's all I'm saying. :D

Alright, well, I've got to get back to work. I need to finish my work (for the week) for Philosophy of Logic and then finish my History of World Religions work early so I can hopefully take a carefree road trip tomorrow. Sorry the blog was a bit academic but, what can I do? I'm immersing myself into all my courses. :D

'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D
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