Messes and Brothers and Podcasts! Oh My!

Messes. Messes everywhere. I'm itching to get them cleaned up but I'll blog first because I don't know when I'll have time to write (or even read!) again.

If you've been following me on Twitter, you know that we had new carpet installed in our entire apartment last Friday. Thank goodness! Our carpet was about 15 years old and we were having major allergy problems with it, not to mention that the nails were starting to poke out. We started moving things on Thursday morning because it was scheduled to be done on that day but they ran out of time. Anyway, moving everything and having the old carpet ripped out meant that I had to disconnect the wifi since the cable modem is set up in the living room and can't be moved from that specific area. Yes, I was technically internet-free (at least via the laptop and iPod touch) for a while. It was quite liberating. I actually kept things unplugged for hours longer than necessary. I had my basic internet needs met by my phone and even then I didn't use it too much. It was great. That's part of the reason why I haven't blogged lately. That and...

My brother is visiting for the week! Hooray! He arrived on Saturday night. I was supposed to get my car back in time to pick him up from the airport that day. Nope. I called the mechanic (I kid you not) about 25 times all day trying to get a hold of him so I could get my car on time. At around noon he promised he would have it done before 7 p.m. Nada. He didn't call me back until around 9 p.m. (while I was arriving at the airport in my neighbor's van) telling me that he had the wrong power steer part and that he'd have my car ready for Monday night. Guess who still doesn't have her car back on Tuesday afternoon. Yep, still me. Thankfully my downstairs neighbor was kind enough to drive us to the airport to pick my bro up and then broski rented a car for the week (which I wish I could've prevented with the use of my own car) so we're set until this weekend when he goes back home.

Having my brother here has been great! We missed him terribly. I've been out of the house every day (except today) that he's been here which has been great but draining. I'm pretty sure his extrovert nature doesn't get that my introvert nature needs to recharge after days of going out. We've been to various parts of the city and county over the last couple of days. All that traffic. All those people. If I didn't have to wait for a call back from the city inspector (because they still haven't finished my bathroom; it's been 3 months now) nor had to take care of stuff here, I would've probably gone with him elsewhere today.

I'll be honest and say that I'm grateful to have the excuse to stay home today because I'm exhausted. He's an extrovert and bounces back quickly. I don't. I need my "give me a few hours to myself" time. lol. I'll be okay in a couple of hours, I'm sure. I felt bad not going with him on his mini road trip but, seriously, I need to recharge.

That's been my life in the last couple of days: messes from the carpet installation and hanging out with my brother. There's one more thing: this is not the official announcement but I'm toying with the idea of keeping a weekly Spanish-language Catholic podcast. The idea of a podcast has been presented to me by several people over the years but it never seemed like the right move or the right time for me. However, after searching for some podcasts for my mom, I noticed the need for them. Since my Spanish-language blog idea didn't get past the initial posts (I simply spread myself thin during a time when life was too crazy), a podcast seemed like the next logical step.

The yet-to-be-named podcast will follow the same idea as the Spanish-language blog only it will be in audio form so I don't get overwhelmed with too much writing when I return to school in April. There's something about hearing the tone of a person's voice instead of just imagining it in your head that makes a big difference in trying to get certain messages across; there's no guessing or miscommunication. I'm not a fan of my speaking voice -- especially in Spanish because I apparently have no identifiable accent -- but it's something I really want to do. Again, this is not an official announcement until the details get worked out but, God willing, I will have something by sometime next month. This month is all about my brother's visit and trying to get a few loose ends taken care of before I put my time and effort into something else. I'll be praying for guidance between now and then. :)

Anyway, this was just a little (ha!) update from me. Not sure when my mom and/or brother are getting home so I'm going to crank up my favorite tunes and get some work done while I have the house to myself. :D

I hope y'all are having a good start of week!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Youthful Looks, Childlike Wonder, and How Opinions Affect Me

This is not going to be one of those "wah, no one takes me seriously" posts. It's going to be... well, you'll see. It's going to be relatively short, too. ;)

I have something that is both a blessing and a "curse" -- my youthful looks. I have to admit, it's kind of funny to see people's eyes bug out when I tell them I'm a decade older than they think I am. I usually get between the ages of 16 and 20 (with 19 being the most common age guessed) even though I'm actually a few short months away from my 29th birthday. Yes, I know it's not lady-like to say how old I am but most people don't believe me anyway. However, as fun as that may be at times, it's also a "curse" because people don't take me as seriously as I'd like because they think I am too young.

Here is my dilemma: life is a continuous learning experience and I still have very "child-like wonder" when it comes to certain things. I'm interested in seeing how things work and/or learning new things I don't know much about so I tend to ask a lot of questions. A lot. I don't care if the questions sound silly; if I want to know something, I'll ask in a way that will help me get the information I'm looking for. Sometimes I get these "where did that come from?" or "wow, how precocious" comments because they think I'm just a kid. It can be a little insulting at times but I've gotten use to it at this point.

Long story short... I was listening to Sr. Mary Magdalene of the Divine Heart (formerly Channing Dale)'s old podcast, This Catholic Life (still up on iTunes), and the fifth episode (in which she talks about St. Therese of Lisieux) reminded me of an old blog post I wrote a few years ago about having that childlike wonder. I can't find that blog post now but I do remember writing and posting it. Anyway, it got me thinking about how different my blog posts were then versus how they are now.

Now, I know that it shouldn't be a surprise that the posts are different. I was 22 years old when I started this blog; that was 6 years ago this past Christmas. I know that I've grown and changed... but I've also become very aware that a big part of why my posts have changed has been because of others' opinions of me and what I should be writing about. Look at my posts from May 2009 and earlier and compare it to one of 2010 and later. Completely different tones. Yes, you can also say that my father's death really changed me but I really think it's more of the comments I got.

Anyway, as I was listening to the podcast (and reminding myself that I needed to find something else to give up for Lent), it hit me that I've lost the joy of blogging because I feel like I can't express myself the way I was used to. I feel like I've gotten so much of the "oh, how cute; she's so young!" comments (along with the very "helpful" comments about what I should and should not write) that I've stifled that part of myself in order to not seem as young as I look. I took listening to Sr. Mary Magdalene's voice to make me realize just how utterly silly that is. I am still very young at heart and I still have that childlike wonder even though I'm in my late 20s. Yes, this is why I get excited about going to Disneyland. lol.

What's the point to all of this? Well... just be prepared for the "old" "precocious" Emmy to start writing again. I'm sorry but I'm done caring what negative things others say about me. It's taken this people-pleaser years to get out of the habit but I'm prepared to really give it up for Lent... and for good. It's going to be easier said than done but I am writing it because I want to be held accountable. So, if you see me going down that road on Twitter... feel free to call me out on it.

I'm sure some of you will read some of my upcoming blog posts and say to yourselves "ugh, you didn't know that?" or "ugh, why are you asking such a dumb question?" but I want you to remember that I am still learning about the faith and about life in general. I am still very young in some ways and I may not always be eloquent in how I ask things but it's because I am so enthusiastic in what I am learning that I cannot always contain that excitement. Please, bear with me.

Also, a friendly reminder: "childlike" and "childish" are two completely different things that should not be confused with each other. Capisce? lol.

Just a little heads up in case you don't want to keep going on this journey with me; it won't hurt my feelings.

Anyway, I really want to finish listening to episode 6 before I do anything else so that's it for now. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Happy New Year!; Resolutions.

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope everyone had an amazing time ringing in the new year, and that no one partied too hard. I was in my pajama pants, actually. lol. We stayed in (as did quite a number of my friends, surprisingly). The highlight of my night was when my parents decided to make a Miss C.N.W. sandwich out of me. First, my mom hugged... and then dad hugged me while my mom was hugging me, putting me in the middle. I don't think they've ever done that, so it was a lovely way to start the year. :D Oh, and it's been established that I'm the only one in the family who can actually wear the color yellow without looking sick or washed out. lol.

I went to sleep fairly early because I wanted to go to Mass this morning. I stayed up long enough to watch the beginning of the live Mass from the Vatican. How sweet was Pope Benedict XVI walking towards the altar? He would stop every time he saw a child to touch their little heads. Awww. It was so darling. :D I didn't watch the entire Mass because I didn't want to fall asleep at Mass. Unfortunately, I didn't end up making it. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. (only 3 hours of sleep) in pain, which was no picnic. Luckily, since I'd eaten before I went to bed, my stomach wasn't too empty and I was able to take medication (hooray for Advil) within a half hour and thus fall asleep an hour later. I still feel a little bit of pain but it's so much more tolerable than this morning. Don't worry about it, though. It's expected pain and I'm in a very happy, optimistic mood which isn't being spoiled. :D

Oh, and before I continue: I'd like to thank Corey and Liam from the Irish Fireside for the lovely shamrock Christmas ornament they sent me as a "thank you" for a contribution I made to their podcast. It's lovely. I got the package today, along with a note that I've officially been adopted by the Irish. Haha. Rock on! I highly recommend their podcast if you're a fan of Ireland or would like to one day visit Éire. I'm looking forward to meeting them in the very near future. :D

Anyway, since it is the New Year, I have some resolutions. Very simple resolutions. First, to learn to be more patient. I will admit I am not always the most patient person, especially when I have anxiety. I think that once I learn how to control my occasional impatience, it'll make a lot of difference in how I handle things like panic attacks. Second, I will try to exercise as often as I can. I HATE exercising. I am blessed enough to not have to exercise because of weight issues but I definitely think I need some serious exercising so that I will hopefully stop feeling so fatigued and lethargic. That and it will be good for my heart as well. :D Third, I will do my homework or work first and play (get online/watch tv/go out) later. I like to joke with my friend Dave that we're part of a Procrastination club which we will create... tomorrow. I'm a hardcore procrastinator and it's caused some stress this past semester. I wasn't always like this so, I'll have to work on getting back into my old habits of doing homework first and then treating myself to free time. That's about it. Like I said, real simple solutions.

Alright, well, I am going to rest a bit. I'm feeling a little warm and whatnot. To be fair, I'm all covered up and it's been in the 70s today in L.A. (awesome weather!) so... yeah. lol. Hope everyone had a great start to the year. And I REALLY hope that those of you who could go to Mass, actually went. It was a day of obligation!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Scary Dream, Catholic Podcasts, and Let the Planning Begin!

Honestly, not much went on today. I had a finance meeting (oh yeah, I'm getting into taking care of business) which went alright. I'm a bit worried about money issues because my family's been living paycheck-to-paycheck lately and I have to take care of some big expenses. Chaotic but it's good for me to start dealing with these things again because it makes me feel like I did before I got sick. YAY!

One not so good thing -- I had one of the scariest dreams this morning. I woke up saying "Ave Maria Purisima" which roughly means to "Hail Mary, the Purest" in Spanish. It's something one says, in Mexican culture at least, when you get a sense of something evil. My dream was pretty intense, I was actually fighting with the devil (which isn't the first time I've dreamt it) because he was tempting to into doing something completely immoral but my will was too strong for him. Then I felt this strong wind trying to pull me into darkest. As soon as that happened, I started naming saints to help me. I started calling "St. Teresa of Avila... St. Jude Thaddeus... St. Michael Archangel... St. Raphael Archangel..." as soon as I remembered to call on Our Blessed Mother, I woke up... and said Ave Maria Purisima. It's completely scary. Every time I've had dreams that I'm fighting against evil, I've always won... like that time my house was surrounded by darkness and I took a white stone/light in my hands and make the darkness disappear. I believe I wrote an entry about that a few months back. Still, it's scary to dream and I will definitely talk to a priest about this.

Moving onto something nicer... I've been catching up on this awesome Catholic podcast called The Hands and Feet Show. I love that the show is VERY relatable to young people -- especially us in our late teens and 20s. They aren't afraid to tackle any issues, no matter how taboo or controversial, while keeping everything faith related. I definitely recommend it to anyone who doesn't shy away from any topic. You can check them out here (http://sqpn.com/category/talkshows/hands-and-feet/) They're part of SQPN which has a slew of awesome Catholic Podcasts. Definitely recommend all of 'em -- all of Fr. Roderick's podcasts, Rosary Army, the Saint Cast, etc. And, speaking of Fr. Roderick, he's in Rome this week and he's already done a podcast there. It sounds like Rome would be my kind of place... as soon as I get over my anxiety.

We've got it all planned -- as soon as my therapist gives me the thumbs up for traveling to big, crowded cities (that I haven't been to before), I'm visiting them. :D I already have my list of cities (mostly in Europe)... and, to be honest, it's more of me checking them out because I fully intend on living out there in about a year or so. Well, in France or another country in Europe. The idea of living in France popped into my head a few weeks ago. I already understand and speak a tiny bit of French so I need to really learn the basics but otherwise, I'm intrigued. I also heard that someone that doesn't completely repulse me (which is my way of saying "you rock, you big nerd!" hahahaha!) wanted to go and live there I thought "Dude, then let's go!" We always seem to want to end up in the same place at the same time without telling each other. I'm always surprised and think he's reading my mind. If it's not being in New York at the same time (we're both kinda tired and done with NYC now), it's being somewhere else. So, now I'm going to plan -- for myself -- to move out to one of the cities on my list and I won't tell anyone until I'm there... and we'll see what happens. I'm excited though. The planning aspect is awesome. It does mean I will have to learn about 4 different languages ('cause I haven't decided where I want to go) but I'm excited! The travel bug has bitten me again. YES! lol.

Alright, well, I have pretty exhausted -- don't know why -- so it's about time I call it a day. As usual, thanks for reading and God Bless.
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