What I Learned Wednesday #23: Married Men and Temptations Edition

This post was originally going to be a follow up to last week's Speedy Questions post but I've had a very interesting week (blog post title should give you hints) so I'll write about that instead. I think it's more important to share some things that I realize that some of y'all also go through but don't talk about. Some of you may be uncomfortable with the topics but I haven't seen them posted anywhere and I know I cannot be the only person who goes through these things.

1.) As a single young woman who knows her vocation but has yet to find that special fella, it's very easy to fall into different types of temptations. You guys know I'm notoriously private about my relationships and this part of my life but I need to share this. During the volunteer work I've been doing lately, I met a nice fella with whom I could easily talk to because our personalities and temperaments just click. He is (to a T) the kind of guy that I like (except for the "he's not Tom Hiddleston" part, lol). My mom likes him, his mom likes me... so what's the problem? He's married! I knew this beforehand because my mom told me a long time ago so I was cautious. I am not the type of person to break up a relationship (even if it's just dating) so I made sure I didn't do anything that would be inappropriate. The moment he said something that let me know there was interest on his side, I avoided the guy as much as I could. I don't know his wife but I respect his mother, myself, and the sanctity of marriage to put either of us into any further temptation.

I know some of you will get upset at me for saying that I avoided him because I did nothing wrong, but that's the thing -- I could easily fall into temptation myself. I'm not saying I would ever go there (I wouldn't) but why push my luck? I'm a human being and I make stupid mistakes all the time. Guys aren't one of them (hi, still single here, lol) but that's not to say that I'm not susceptible to it not happening to me. The devil is sneaky; he'll find a way to turn something innocent into a terrible temptation. And, for the record, yes, for a split second some thoughts did enter my mind but I quickly recognized them and knew that they were not the type of thoughts I would normally have. I said the prayer to St. Michael Archangel and then spoke to the priest in the confessional about it (it all happened on a Saturday).

2.) What I'm trying to get at with this example is that, we single young women (and men!) need to be very careful to avoid temptation. My temptation could've easily become letting him appeal to whatever vanity I have by letting him (inappropriately) compliment me and call me beautiful (which he did). My temptation could've been making excuses for his actions because of the attention I was getting. My temptation could've been letting him commit adultery in his heart by letting myself stick around. Again, some of you may have issues with the way I phrased that last sentence but it is what it is. I have as much responsibility as he does to help each other avoid any kind of temptation. And I know some of you have been there or have been on the other end. I've heard of friends who have had their spouses hit on by coworkers, etc. It's terrible. I've seen relationships and marriages broken up because of people who have either simply tempted someone to be unfaithful (though it never went far enough) or have flat out broken up relationships.

3.) I see so many young woman (and men, I see y'all on Twitter, too) lamenting being single and having a deep desire to have any sort of attention that they don't even realize what harm they could be doing to themselves and others. I have amazing guy friends, many of whom are married at this point as we're mostly between mid-late 20s to early 30s. I know and am friends with their wives. They have my back (and act like big brothers) and I have theirs. I love them all (platonically) but there's a fine line that cannot be crossed. Even if they're just dating, there's a fine line between friendship and flirting that is clearly drawn. If I feel like one of them is dangerously close to that line (and it has happened), I make sure my actions speak for themselves. I pull back and even cut off all contact from them if necessary. If they don't get it, I will spell it out for them as bluntly as I am able to with my Jane Bennet tendencies. As I like to say, "homegirl don't play that."

I hope this post didn't seem like I am full of conceit and think of myself as someone who can cause temptation 'cause I don't. In fact, I am actually surprised I had this happen to me. I actually wanted to ask the guy what he was smoking when he said I was beautiful but I opted to pretend that I hadn't heard him and I physically removed myself from where he was.

I wrote this post because I've seen and heard it happen to others and I just want some people to know that no amount of flattery is worth causing problems. Even the nicest person can have a moment of weakness and make a huge mistake. Like I said, temptation will present itself whenever it gets a chance so we must be on our guard. I am just grateful that I have amazing spiritual direction, great friends who pray for me (and I did let two friends know about my predicament as it happened) and that God has blessed me with a hyper awareness of things (except when single guys are flirting with me; I'm clueless then. lol).

Anyway, that's all for now. I am super behind on NaNoWriMo (volunteer work, errands, and illness -- grr!) and I want to get some work done before the CMAs. Go Hunter Hayes (even if I am not even sure he's nominated for anything. lol).

I hope y'all have had a great week thus far. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Twitter; Twilight Series Review.

See? New post in a couple of days. I'm getting better at this. :D I've had a break from school due to my being sick again so I've had time to catch up on schoolwork, emails and twitter.

I have been meeting many cool Catholics on twitter. Someone was smart enough to compile a list of all the Catholics on twitter (on Tweet Catholic) and we've all been "following" each other. It's great to see how nice everyone is! If you have a problem, you'll get at least two people replying to you within the minute. I've had my twitter account for about a year and some change but I've only started updating regularly in the past 2 months. If you want to be added to the list, or see who's on it, please visit their site. :D I'm somewhere in the 120s. You'll recognize my username (nerdwriter) and name. Oh, and please feel free to add me if you already haven't. :D

One thing I've been meaning to write about for months is my review on the Twilight book series. I already sort of reviewed the movie but not the books. I need to say that I saw the movie before I read the books. I seriously try to keep away from these type of fads but I caved and saw the movie, then read the books. As I said with the movie review, I was surprised. I actually liked the movie more than I thought I would. It was tame compared to the books. The books were... wow. I actually read the entire series (four books between 500+ and 700+ pages) in a week. (side note: This was all before I headed back to school.) I was going to do a book by book review but that would take forever and I won't have time for it in a long while. Instead, I'm going to give you guys my impression/review on the entire series.

I liked and disliked the series at the same time. I loved, loved, loved that it was surprisingly pro-abstinence and pro-life. Yes, underneath all that lusting Bella did, and despite her numerous attempts to get Edward to give on his "not until marriage" deal, it was kept very PG-13. In fact, Edward kept reminding Bella (often annoyed at her persistence) that he wouldn't even consider it unless they were married... and even then, he wasn't too keen on the idea because he could hurt her. But, as I said earlier, there was way too much lusting and I can definitely see reviews by others about it not being suitable for young teenagers. The last book was quite intense (I actually got physically sick from reading it because of the gruesome details). There were a few redeeming qualities though. Bella and Edward got married in the traditional sense, with a pastor. They waited until their wedding night to get intimate (and, thankfully, Stephenie Meyer just implied it and didn't go into great detail about it). AND when Bella gets pregnant (don't get me started on this), Edward and most everyone else is wanting Bella to "get rid of it". Bella refused to get an abortion, and even got her "sister-in-law", Rosalie, to protect her against any possible attacks. Bella got close to dying during her pregnancy, and especially during the too graphic birth scene, but she refused to have the abortion. She would coo to her stomach that she loved him/her and that nothing would make her change her mind about giving birth. I greatly appreciated the fact that Stephenie put this into the novel, especially considering how many young women have read the books. Bella's love of her child mattered more than her life, which many women in real life have also done. I've read several articles on Catholic women diagnosed with cancer and other illnesses, whom all gone through the pregnancy and have died either during childbirth or shortly after. St. Gianna Beretta Molla is an excellent example of this.

Sadly, beautiful messages such as that were seem to be overshadowed by other events in the series. Besides the lusting, which I've already mentioned and which is ever present throughout the series, there are some serious issues. First, a lot of graphic and detailed images that are put into your head. I would be weary of my younger adopted sisters on reading the first couple of books, and I would snatch the books out of their hands if they got the last two in their hands. Particularly, the last one where there's way too much sexuality for their own good -- both implies and described. There were a few other things that bothered me. Bella was too wrapped up in Edward. So much so that when he left, she fell into a deep depression and was just completely unbearable. I honestly think it's completely unhealthy to have your world revolve around someone that intensely. Edward, though I liked his character more than Bella's, was also very possessive (sometimes on an unhealthy, creepy level) of Bella. I understand that they felt an intensity in their relationship but it was too overdone. It gives girls the wrong ideas and will give them fantasies that THIS is the type of relationship you should have.

I can't count how many times I've heard girls fantasize about having a Twilight style romance. It disturbs me to the core. In a recent article of the Busted Halo (called Twilight Zone), Marie Pitt-Payne is quoting as saying she believe the books are "an equivalent to soft porn … for girls." I have to say, I agree but only when it comes to the last two books. The first two books barely squeak by as being very intense teen novels. The last two, under 18 beware! If I didn't keep reminding myself to look for some redeemable qualities in the books (trying to find some things that could be viewed as positives, such as the underlying abstinence and pro-life messages), the messages (up to Bella's pregnancy and the birth of Bella and Edward's daughter) would've been completely lost. It's very easy to get sucked into the romance and I can see how women are falling for Edward (and the movie's actor, Robert Pattinson) left and right. But, I think they should remember that a) it's a fictional story and, b) like most fictional stories, that's not how things work in the real world.

In the real world, Bella and Edward's love affair doesn't exist. Heck, they don't exist. To try to replicate it is dangerous. As I often say, if a man wants to win my heart, he must first find his way to the Lord. I think it is incredibly important to know yourselves and have a relationship with God before you enter a serious relationship. Also, it is NEVER a good thing to play with temptation. Seeing just how far you can push it, which is what Bella often did with Edward. She pushed his buttons, trying to get him to cave, until he got so upset she dropped the subject. Playing with fire will get you burned. Have people forgotten that lust is one of the Seven Deadly sins? Also, there's too much idolatry of another person. I can probably find all Seven Deadly sins in the book if I looked hard enough.

This entry is getting really long so I will try to wrap it up. In a nutshell, do I recommend these books? A definite "NO!" to the younger readers. To the older reader I'd say, if you really want and if you can't help but read them out of sheer curiosity... read with caution and know yourself and your faith before reading them. While there are good moral messages in the book, it's mostly lost underneath piles of things that you'd probably go to confession for (if you think about it too much). Again, read if you must but I'd put up a caution flag on it.

Alright, well, I think that's all I can really say on it. I tried to give you guys the gist of it because I know I tend to write more than I should. What can I say? I'm a writer. :D I'm going to go enjoy the next hour of my night (to bed early) and think about my novel. It's coming along well and all I need to do is finish writing it. I already have enough material to complete the story. I think I might have a sneak peek coming up in the near future too... ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!
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