Lent with a Limited Diet

I can't fast during Lent. I couldn't fast before because of this hypoglycemic-type illness that I inherited from my mom, but I really can't fast these days because I need the calories. I am medically excused from fasting... and I'm actually also excused from abstaining from meat (as I was last year) because chicken is one of the few things I can eat without problems. Trust me, I asked a priest last year (I've had the same problem for a year and a half now) because of how limited my diet was/is and I was told that I can eat chicken if it's the only way that I can get my calories in. I need at least 1860 calories per day to gain weight, which is not easy if you can't eat all foods.

Before anyone starts listing what I "can" eat, saying that I have other options, please don't. I appreciate it but you guys don't know just how much I struggle with foods right now. I've tried high calorie every food I can think of and I've have problems with a number of them, mostly sensitivities to the foods that aren't quite allergies but bad enough for me to feel sick.

I can't eat fish because my tongue got a bit swollen the last time I tried it. I can't eat quinoa because it wrecks my stomach. I have some sensitivities to avocado so I can't eat 'em. Soy bloats me. Basically, I can't eat a number of things because of how bad my stomach currently is, most fruits included. I can't eat or drink any dairy or eggs because I have allergies to them. Trust me, I struggle to get my calories in on a daily basis so it's even more difficult during Lent so I am trying to stay away from chicken on Fridays.

Since I cannot fast, I have to find another form of penance... which has been not sleeping these days because of my PTSD. I actually did sort of do a form of penance yesterday for eating on Wednesday. I won't be able to do the same penance on Good Friday but I'll ask my spiritual director for some help. It's hard though. I don't like that I'm sort of excluded from participating in the fasting because of my stomach problems. Prior to my stomach problems, it was easier. I could eat pasta and other good foods. Now? I can't because of how acidic most of them are. It's a pain but it's what I have to go through.

I'm sharing this because of the comments about "not trying hard enough" or not wanting to "suffer" during Lent. It's off but, you know, some people who don't know will assume and I wanted to set the record straight. To recap: I am medically excused from fasting because of limited my diet is but I still try to stay away from meat unless it's the only way I can get my calories in. At the moment, I can get my calories in on Fridays without meat but if there's ever a chance that I can't, I know I'm good.

And, if you're wondering, yes, I will confess any meat consumed during Lent (such as on Ash Wednesday because I didn't have anything to eat... and I still came under my calorie count). I know I'm excused but I still feel guilty... in a good way. I say in a good way because I hope it means that I care.

Anyway, this is today's blog post. I was kind of stumped about what to write so I sort of wrote this on a quick whim. I'll try to think of better topics. ;)

I'll be back tomorrow... even if all I do is post some of my favorite Catholic themed memes found on tumblr. lol. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Fat Tuesday, Back to the Hospital and Old Friends.

I have eating as much meat as I could today because tomorrow is the first day of Lent and that means no meat! My mom made these really good spicy pork chops and dad made chicken soup so... WHOO! lol. I know I'm excused from fasting because I'm sick (I made sure I knew if I was excused) but I still won't eat meat tomorrow or on Fridays. I actually am fasting for the first 12 hours of the day (I am going to be eating until 11:59 p.m. tonight) but that won't seem like a big deal because I will be sleeping for about 9 - 10 of those hours. lol. I usually don't eat much meat in the first place so abstaining for meat isn't a big deal for me. I have other things to eat. :D I bet restaurants love today because they know the day before Lent is the day everyone goes out and eats all these delicious foods we have to give up for 40 days. ;)

I didn't do much today. I went to vote for the candidate I believe would be a great president and then came home and waited 'til I had my doctor's appointment. I was surprisingly mellow today, in terms of not worrying about the appointment, but I should've probably been nervous because I found out something that made me wig out for a few minutes. I actually went in for one thing but the doctor decided to check something else while she had be there and she discovered something on my right side, which I will have to get an ultrasound for. *groans* So, it's back to the hospital to get more tests done, more blood drawn, and more stress put on me. I have a feeling one of my best friends isn't going to be too happy with this added stress I was given because he's trying to keep me relaxed. Sorry hun! While I was on the verge of tears when I first got the word, I am very calm right now. I don't know why. I mean, this thing could potentially be (God forbid) breast cancer (and, yes, it's possible even at my age) but I think I've dealt with so many of these things that I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions. I am not going to make myself more anxious by worrying about it. I'm just going to pray to God that it all come out alright and that it's nothing I can't handle. Okay, I'm a little scared and nervous but at least I'm not going crazy. At least, not yet. lol. See? I'm trying to keep my sense of humor. *sigh*

I could sit here and do the whole "Why me? Why again? Haven't I suffered enough?" bit but I don't see a point in doing it. I always say that God never gives us things we can't handle so I'm not even going to start questioning it. I'm just going to look at it as yet another thing that will keep me on track with my faith and that will make my bond with God that much stronger. I'm just going to focus on my anxiety (because THAT is the thing I am most worried about) and also focus on getting in touch with old friends.

A few nights ago I had a dream about old friends from a former school of mine. Yesterday I decided to try to get in touch with them again (by the by, they're all guys :D). These 3 guys are some of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. They'd walk me to classes (not all of them though, lol), they'd walk me to my car to help me with the creepy weirdos that used to follow me, we used to hang out when we could... these guys were/are just awesome. I missed them and this dream sort of made me realize it. Today I talked to one of them for a bit, which was awesome. He doesn't live too far so hopefully we'll get a chance to hang out before he moves away. Hopefully their girlfriends (yes, all 3 have girlfriends) don't mind me getting in contact with them again. I'm just trying to see how the guys are; I come in peace. lol. Besides, I'm not "on the market" so they have nothing to worry about. :D I love getting in touch with old friends... which is what I have been doing a lot of lately. Last year, it was childhood friends (and all boys, too, lol) who found me. This year, I'm putting the effort in touching base with some of my friends from a while back. :D All of this reminds me... I need to e-mail Mr. Navy (a friend I've known since kindergarten) about an old picture I found from when we were 5 years old. I bet he'll get a kick out of it. :D

Alright, well, it's nearly 11 p.m. so I have about an hour left to completely stuff myself before I can't eat anything anymore. lol. By the way, this 12 hour fast is something my dad told me about. They used to fast for the first 12 hours of Ash Wednesday in Mexico (at least, the part his family's from) so that is where I got the idea. I will have to talk to one of the priests about the other fasting days soon; I didn't get a chance to talk to them today.

As usual, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D