Resignation to God's Will and Survival

Wow. It's been two weeks since the last blog post. I don't think I've gone so long without writing a blog post since my father's death in 2009. If you're not following me on Twitter or any other social media platform than you might've not known that I was in extreme, crazy study mode for the past two weeks. I had three final exams over 4 days, the last two of which I did this morning. I'm behind on sending a friend Advent meditations (oops!). I have a lot of email content to get through from the past couple of days. I've been posting novena reminders later than I would've liked. I've just been really busy with studying for exams and the last couple of assignments to finish. However, I'm done... and I'm back!

I have my final grades already. I didn't fail single class though I will have to repeat two because of a B- or better policy that my school's program has. Yes, even though I was about 3% away from that B- (in the class in which a classmate plagiarized her part of the group research paper and sunk all the group members' grades), I still have to repeat it. It's okay. I'm at peace about the whole thing which, I believe, is a continuation of possibly having (finally!) learned to have complete trust and total surrender to God's will. I didn't get to study as much as I would've liked because I was constantly reminded that I needed to slow down and take care of myself in the days leading up to the finals. I slept 10 hours yesterday and had a bunch of stuff to do so I had little study time and I still managed an 81% of today's exam. Basically, I did what I could, I stopped relying solely on what I could do, and I trusted that I would pass the exams if it was God's will for me to continue down this path. I have to say, the results were pretty awesome. 

I could've gotten better grades and passed the two classes I have to retake but I've resigned myself to the idea that I did the best that I could under the circumstance and for that I'm glad. I didn't ask to have an acute kidney injury nor to have 3 heart holsters fitted during the semester. I didn't ask to have all the medical issues I had for the first couple of weeks of the semester, which manifested in the horrid symptom of intense fog, making it impossible to memorize the terms for and concentrate on the first couple of exams. I could be angry about what happened with the plagiarism and blame the classmate but I've chosen not to. Yes, it's completely unfair to be penalized for something I didn't do. Yes, it's going to push back my graduation date for another 6 to 12 months longer than anticipated. Yes, I'm going to have to chance my plans. However, I firmly believe that everything happened for a reason and therefore I'm just going to go with the flow. Things will work out for the best in God's time; I've done all I could do on my end. Next semester I'm doing 2 courses (and will continue the 2-course per semester pattern through graduation) I have to retake and just focus on those because of the amount of memorization it requires. 

The old me would've been stressed out because I have to repeat two courses... which means more student loans... which means it'll take longer for me to begin working. The current me is saying "thank goodness I'm going to have two courses I'm already familiar with and I'm glad the professor for one course will let me submit all the work I did this semester for next semester." The current me is more excited about the fact that I can enjoy the rest of Advent with a mental peace I've been aching for since the semester began. I'm not thinking about long term goals. I'm no longer feeling a little ashamed and pathetic for not finishing school when I wanted. I no longer feel like I have to prove myself and what I'm capable of doing (mentally). I'm not comparing myself to others. I'm letting my natural optimistic side take over. Optimism and resignation to God's will is a great combo for me. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to share this little (ha!) update since I had the time to blog. I only slept 4 hours last night so I think I should go take a nap before it gets later and the nap then interrupts my sleeping schedule, which is already of whack.  If there are terrible typos or missing words... I have the lack of sleep as my excuse. ;) I hope to blog more often now that I have an entire month free before the Spring semester begins. Yay! Oh, I'll be writing about my plans soon. ;)

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend! :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Oh Snap, It's Finally Happened...

Yes, Eleventh Doctor, I'll get to it as soon as I'm done with this post. ;)

A few things have finally happened and it's making me both nervous and excited. 

First: it FINALLY hit me that I'm basically done with my undergrad career. It wasn't until my Harlem Renaissance professor reminded us that this week is our last week of classes (next week is finals week) that it really hit me. I'm done. I'm done? I'm done! Of course I still have finals to do and a couple more assignments that are due this week but I don't have other major things to do. I'm going to miss homework and learning... but not the school. As I'm writing this post, I am simultaneously chatting with friends on Facebook about how unhappy my time at this school has been.

Of course, I don't have to tell y'all that; you've all read more than enough posts about my experience at the CINO school. I will miss some professors (like my Harlem Renaissance and College Algebra professors) who actually believed in and encouraged me. Come to think of it... besides the aforementioned professors and my Western Literature/Norse Mythology professor, I didn't have much support from the others. And to sum up my experience with two current issues: two weeks later and I have NOT heard from my Thesis adviser about any changes to my Thesis before the deadline... and the semester ends next week. Prior to that I tried to contact her for a month and a half but she claimed to have not received any of my emails. Also, my mother attended a school concert with me last week (as it was mandatory and she wanted out of the house for a couple of hours)... and she personally witnessed how poorly I am treated by professors. One of them gave me the stink eye and was overall not nice. At least now I have witnesses to rudeness I experience.

Second: Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, St. Therese of Lisieux, and St. Jude Thaddeus -- just a general shout out to my heavenly buddies who helped me make it through my two year journey at that school. Without their intercessions, I don't think I would've come out relatively sane. I've had friends drop out and/or transfer out because of the mistreatment we receive if we aren't in agreement with their beliefs... which are mostly against Church teachings too. Of course. If this isn't proof that prayer and hard work pays off, I don't know what does.

Third: I just realized that I am finally getting thrown out into "the real world." That is a bit scary, especially being aware of how scarce jobs are. There are a few jobs within the L.A. Archdiocese that I am going to apply for but most of them ask for either a Master's degree or extra experience which I don't have. However, I am a fast learner and I am passionate about my faith so I'm sure that God will open the right door for me. My biggest anxiety inducer is the uncertainty of it all. I don't know how soon I'll be able to start working or if I'll have to look elsewhere. And, of course I will be going for my Master's degree in a year but still it's completely odd for me not to be in school taking at least one class.

Fourth: (my, I do love making lists, don't I? lol) Despite all my venting, I have come to the conclusion that I am grateful for everything that's happened. Yes, I'm even grateful for all the humiliation, crying, and panic attacks I experienced this semester from my music professors. I truly believe that every negative thing is a character builder and thus I am glad that I experienced them. I feel like I'm coming out of this experience a lot more confident than when I went in. I also feel stronger in my faith and beliefs. The passion I felt about sharing my faith with younger members of this generation (children to those starting college) had gone out for a while shortly after my father died but it has reignited... and Lord help the person who dares talk smack about my beloved God, Pope Benedict XVI or Roman Catholic Church because I have no qualms about sticking up for any of them.

Anyway, just wanted to write all of this out before I get busy with schoolwork. I have a chance to get all but one of my finals completed by Sunday of this week so I am going to definitely attempt to do it. :D OH! And if any of you have prayer intentions, let me know so I can offer up the next two weeks for them. Doesn't matter what the prayer intention is nor do you have to tell me what it is, just let me know that you have one and I'll write it down in my notebook so that I can get everyone's intentions in. :D

And since it is Monday here's a song that I wanted to share. It's called "Pray about Everything" by Luke Bryan. Yes, it's a country song. Raise your hand if you did not see that coming. lol.

 

Alright, I'm off to do homework. I hope y'all have a great week!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D