God's Plans for Me and Written Wednesdays #1

A couple of big things happened to me recently, most life-changing.

First, I got to help on a project for a huge Catholic ministry/company. I don't think I'm allowed to say who it was for (and I know, for sure, that I can't say what it was on) but let's just say I proofread a manuscript for a very well known Catholic author/speaker. It was my first experience as a proofreader and I was a bit intimidated since I didn't know what to do. Still, I mustered up the courage I had and I dove right in. I loved the experience and I hope it opens up new doors for future projects either with this company or other companies. Also, I will be recommending the book to friends when it gets published because it was that good.

Second, I started on another major project but this one is a lot more personal and it will take some time to complete. I'm almost two weeks into it and I'm nowhere near being done. Long story short, I was fortunate enough to catch up with someone whom I highly respect; someone who has been there for me -- mentoring me when they can -- for years. Sure, we will sometimes catch up via social media but it's always good to really catch up either in person or through a phone call since it's easier than just via messages. 

During our time catching up, I believe the Holy Spirit used him to get some very clear messages across to me; things I didn't particularly want to hear but most definitely needed to hear. And, if I'm being completely honest, things that were way overdue; things I should've dealt with a long time ago. It was one of those wake-up calls that feels like you've just been waiting for it. Does that make sense? For months, I've felt like God has been preparing for something major but I haven't exactly known what or how. I had an inkling what area of my life it would involve but I wasn't sure if it was just wishful thinking. I got a much clearer "this is part of my plans for you" message from God with this conversation. What I've embarked on since this conversation took place will only help me get what I feel God is ultimately leading me towards.

I currently can't openly talk about it because this feels like something that God wants me to do -- to experience -- and see through before I can share it with everyone else. I will share it someday when I feel like I've finally reached the destination God is pushing (a very reluctant) me towards... but it's not the time yet. I will just bookmark this blog post for future reference. All I will say is that it's going to be a very exciting time in my life; one I've been waiting a very long time to finally reach (when God thinks I'm finally ready to get to that point). How's that for vague, eh? lol. And if you've noticed a recent change, yes, that's very much the direction things are headed in. Good eye!

All I'm going to ask is that you all keep me in your prayers. There are various components that need to fall into place for it to work. I'm doing my part (and it's a major overhaul on my part; you'll know all about it when the time come) but there's only so much I can do. All of this is going to require me to trust God in a way I never have before; to abandon myself to his Divine Providence and follow His lead. As I said, I'm doing my part but it feels like a team effort with God has the (obvious) leader. I'm just following Him and I look forward to seeing where His love and will takes me.

Before I close this blog post, I wanted to share something new I want to do; it's called "Written Wednesdays." Basically, I'm going to share what I've written in the past week that's been published around the 'net since some of you don't have social media (shocking, I know, lol) and still, want to read articles of mine that get published.

Articles published in the last month (will become weekly after this post):

EpicPew:

• 20 Perfect Pick-Up Lines You Should Try
• The Scoop on the Spectacular Tears of St. Lawrence Meteor Shower 
• The Sackcloth and Ashes Campaign is Growing Fast
• Discover Your Temperament's Spiritual Gifts and Weaknesses with This New Quiz
• Every Student Should Know These Patron Saints 

CatholicChemistry: 

• 5 Relationship Novenas (August 22, 2018)
• Make the Most of the Single Season Like These 3 Jane Austen Heroines (September 5, 2018)

And that's it for now. I have a lot still do (have I mentioned that this big project takes up most of my day, most days?) and I want to get to it before I call it a night. I'm trying to use the laptop and social media as little as possible these days so once the laptop runs out of juice, that's it until tomorrow. :)

I hope you're all having a lovely week thus far!

As always, thank you for reading and God bless!  :D

Real-Life Plot Twist That Made Me Abandon Myself to God

Yesterday, I received the news that I could apply to do my SLPA license/fieldwork hours without having finished my degree. It turns out that two of the universities in Southern California that offer the fieldwork works will accept students who do the basic SLP courses. Each school has their own requirements and I qualify for one; I took and passed all but two courses (the ones I would've done next semester) and they were enough for this university. I was told that I could apply to start in the spring quarter. Cue the beginning of "Bohemian Rhapsody." ("Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?...")

I was pleasantly shocked and I felt an immediate sense of urgency and pressure to get this ready NOW. The application is only open for a week in January and, if chosen, I would have to go for an in-person grade review and orientation. The quarter would start in late March and I would be qualified as an SLPA by June. But I needed to do things fast... fast... fast! Furthermore, the course and fees cost about $3,300 out of pocket, which I don't have. Cue the panic. How am I going to raise a mint in so little time? PANIC!

I kept thinking, "But I didn't pass. I don't feel called it this field. Did I just not feel called to finish the degree but continue down this field?" There was A LOT of brainstorming and a big push from various people to go and do! NOW! Imagine trying to work on getting rid of your people-pleasing ways yet feeling pushed and pulled to do something "for the greater good!" by so many people whom you love. That's what I felt yesterday.

For most of the day, I felt like people were rushing and pressuring me to go forward and get that spot (only 35 cohorts per quarter allowed)... and do it NOW! "Think about the money! Think about your financial situation! Think about your Mom!!" The pressure got so overwhelming that I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I didn't know what to do. I was overwhelmed. I felt agitated... restless... anxious... pressured... I came close to snapping at people (which I hate doing; thankfully, I didn't), a sign that I was stressed beyond my personal limits. I felt like people were getting upset with me (they were certainly acting that way) for not wanting to continue down this path.

Towards the end of the day, I was emotionally drained and told my mother, "I feel depressed. I feel overwhelmed. I hate this pressure. I hate that people are pushing me to do this. I don't feel called to this; I haven't for months. I felt a huge sense of relief and peace when I decided to do something else. Now, this?" Then I said something that just randomly popped out of my mouth, without thought...

"I feel as if I'm turning my back on God; as I'm trying to take care of the situation myself instead of trusting Him to lead me to what He wants me to do." I'm calling this a Holy Spirit mic drop because I hadn't realized I was doing just that until I said it.

I remembered that both Fr. Jacques Philippe and St. Francis de Sales have mentioned that one feels that restlessness and agitation, it's not coming from God. After I said that I felt like I was abandoning my resolution to trust God and His plans for me, it clicked. It also took one of my best friends reminding me (and being the only person who was angry on my behalf about all the pressure I felt from others) that the stress of the career path always resulted in my decline in health; that no amount of money or career prestige was worth the cost of my own health.

I asked God forgiveness for my temporary lack of judgment. In a conversation with Him, I reminded myself that I've been praying the 54-day Rosary novena for weeks now (it ends on Sunday) and that the signs have pointed to me leaving behind the SLP/A field and trusting Him (and our Blessed Mother's intercession) when it comes to finding a job to pay back my student loans and helping Mom out with bills and groceries.

That immense anxiety and agitation I was feeling? It completely disappeared as if He had wiped it clean from my very being. I once again felt the strong resolution to trust Him completely and not worry about my financial situation; that He will provide one way or another. My mind was calm. I felt that wonderful serenity that I had lacked (which actually began with me having a nightmare involved the devil and me waking up with my heart racing) all day (into the nighttime) yesterday.

So, that's what I'm going to do... again. I'm not going to worry about the job situation. I am actively seeking (don't think that I'm just lazying around doing nothing). I'm still hoping and praying that God will provide when I'm ready.

If, in the future, God wants me to get my SLPA license, I have 5 years to do my fieldwork hours (as per the time limit the particular school has) before it's too late. But, right now, it's obvious (at least to me) that His plans include me doing something else and I just need to patiently wait to see what they are. Again, I'm not passively sitting around doing nothing; I'm trying to see which of the options I have (that is not SLPA related) is the one He wants me to take.

People will think I'm foolish for taking this approach but I'm okay with that. There will be people who think I'm throwing away financial security and "my talents and gifts" but I don't mind. There are people who dislike when others say that the Lord will provide but I hope God uses me and this situation to help others see that perhaps if we trust more in Him and His plans for us things will turn out for the best. Call it naive. Call it foolish. Call it the blind idealistic/optimistic part of me that is taking over.

I wholeheartedly and completely give up my fears and what others think and say and give myself entirely to God; to do His will in whichever way He calls me to do. 

As the Prayer of Abandonment to Divine Providence by St. Jane Frances de Chantal says,

"O sovereign goodness of the sovereign Providence of my God!
I abandon myself forever to Thy arms.
Whether gentle or severe,
lead me henceforth whither Thou wilt;
I will not regard the way through which Thou wilt have me pass,
but keep my eyes fixed upon Thee,
my God, who guidest me.
My soul finds no rest without the arms
and the bosom of this heavenly Providence,
my true Mother, my strength and my rampart.
Therefore I resolve with Thy Divine assistance,
O my Saviour,
to follow Thy desires and Thy ordinances,
without regarding or examining why Thou dost this rather than that;
but I will blindly follow Thee
according to Thy Divine will,
without seeking my own inclinations.
Hence I am determined to leave all to Thee,
taking no part therein save by keeping myself in peace in Thy arms,
desiring nothing except as Thou incitest me to desire,
to will, to wish.
I offer Thee this desire, O my God,
beseeching Thee to bless it;
I undertake all it includes,
relying on Thy goodness,
liberality, and mercy,
with entire confidence in Thee,
distrust of myself,
and knowledge of my infinite misery and infirmity.
Amen!"

There. I said it... and I commit myself to sharing this new part of my journey because I want you all to experience what things God can do when we give ourselves completely to Him. My world may be turned upside down and I may end up doing things I would've never imagined but that is the beauty of it. I trust Him completely.

Your will, God, not mine.