I’m Officially a Benedictine Oblate!

On August 22nd — the feast of the Queenship of Mary (OF calendar) / Immaculate Heart (EF calendar) — I became Sister Marie-Therese to the monks of Our Lady of the Annunciation of Clear Creek Abbey in Oklahoma. 

Yes, you read that right! After two years of novitiate — the first of which was spent as an Oblate novice with the Monks of Norcia (before transferring to Clear Creek) — I have finally made my Final Act of Oblation. Cue the tears of joy! 

If you’ve been following my journey, you’ve known what a roller coaster it’s been; how many years it took to get to this point. But I’m so grateful for everything that happened, the craziness of retreat at the Shrine of St. Maximilian Kolbe in June 2019 included. I wouldn’t change a single thing about my experiences. I won’t go into all of that as I want to focus on this specific event. 

During the St. Andrew Christmas novena last year, one of my intentions was that my eyesight would be good enough to enjoy a trip to Clear Creek as I wanted to visit and make my final promises. While my eyesight continues to improve against all odds (thanks, Bl. Carlo Acutis!), a trip didn’t seem in the cards for me this year. A planned trip in the Spring fell through when my mom began her first of many oral surgeries. Without my caregiver, there was no way I would be able to get there by myself; I haven’t regained enough of my eyesight to do all things myself. I had hoped that maybe by the autumn I’d be able to go but then my next round of doctor appointments began piling up for the autumn and it didn’t look like it was going to happen… until a dear friend invited me to tag along with her and her family on a road trip to the Abbey. We planned for the trip for a couple of months. I had my oblate name approved by my oblate master at the beginning of the summer, and prayed that if it was God’s Will for me to finally make my promises, that all obstacles would be removed. And they were. 

It ended up being a quick trip — 2 days on the road to CC, the weekend at the monastery, and then another 2 days back to L.A. — but it was the best trip I’ve had in my adult life (so far). Seeing the beauty of the states we traveled through (California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, and Oklahoma) made me think about God’s goodness and how the whole thing seemed to be a metaphor for life. I wrote about that on this Instagram post (click to read and see the pictures). I learned a lot about myself; gave me the confidence I had lost (or perhaps never really had) after the intense year I had last year with all my medical issues. 

I keep saying that I left my heart at Clear Creek because that’s what it feels like. I have never felt so much at home as I did at the monastery. Yes, that includes my actual home. I don’t know how to describe it other than I felt like I not only belong at Clear Creek but that it had always meant to be my home; that I never really knew what “home” meant until I arrived there. It’s technically already my spiritual home and the monks at CC are now my brothers and family but it feels like much more than that. It was so hard for me to leave; I didn’t want to. The room (“cell”) I stayed at felt like my actual room and even got a little misty eyed as I said goodbye (“but, really, more like a ‘see you soon’”) to it. Side note: it looks like the room where I stayed was once a cell of one of the monks which is pretty darn cool! I shared a couple of photos of where we stayed at this Instagram post.

The ceremony itself was quick but so beautiful. The ceremony happened before the Solemn High Mass. I knelt in front of the altar of St. Benedict and promised to live my life according to the Holy Rule of St. Benedict and the statutes of Oblates. I hand-wrote my final promises the night before the ceremony which I read aloud at the ceremony. It was the first time I’d written anything that long (or, really, anything beyond a word) since losing my eyesight last summer. It was also the first time I’ve read anything aloud in years, which was a bit nerve wrecking for me since I read very slowly due to my limited eyesight. But I did it! At the end, I got to kiss a relic of St. Benedict as tears rolled down my cheeks. I will never forget that moment. 

The ceremony was extra special because I was able to make my final promises with my dear friend with whom I’d traveled to CC. We had talked about hopefully being at CC at the same time one day but never did I imagine it would be so soon or for such a special day. I’ve known her for so long (since she was a teenager) and I’ve always admired her so to be able to not only share this beautiful experience with her but also be able to call her my sister for life was a true gift from God. 

I’ve written a lot on Instagram already so I’ll just link this last post I shared about the trip to Clear Creek. I want to avoid repeating myself too much but I will repost this bit that I think is important (for those who won’t be able to access my IG posts) regarding my Oblate name, which I know a lot of people were curious about:

“I initially wanted to go with ‘Francesca’ in honor of St. Frances of Rome but there were so many reasons …. why i ended up choosing the name of Marie-Therese; the biggest reason is that I wanted to honor my two biggest spiritual inspirations... Our Lady is the Queen of Virgins (thus my Queen & role model if God truly calls me to consecrated virginity). St. Therese is the saint with whom I most identify with in terms of temperament & the saint who has been a huge part of my life & the biggest moments of my life since my reversion 15 years ago. I chose the French version of Mary in honor of Clear Creek Abbey’s French Solesmes roots as well.”

I had been thinking about my Oblate name for literally years. What can I say? I’m a planner. Lol. I didn’t realize until after the name of Marie-Therese was approved that both were my co-patronesses for the year during which I became an Oblate novice. 

I’ve really grown to love and admire our Blessed Mother, especially this past year. Through her title of Sorrowful Mother, I was able to confront the deep wounds I had (and still have) in my heart, something that began this past Lent. It has brought a lot of healing and peace to both my life and my relationships with those who’ve hurt me in the past. Through her title of Immaculate Heart, I’ve begun to feel like I’m finally becoming the woman God has always meant for me to be. She is whom i most want to be like; my role model of true femininity and discipleship. 

St. Therese, despite being one of the most popular saints — is actually a sort of unsung hero when it comes to my health recovery. Yes, I bug Bl. Carlo for his continued intercession and I credit him for everything that led to my diagnoses but St. Therese has accompanied me throughout this journey as well. I was admitted to the hospital (where I officially began my recovery) in between her feast days in the EF and OF calendars last year. Whenever I’ve felt at my lowest or have had little relapses, I’ve found her autobiography to be a sort of spiritual medication for my weary soul. She’s been my heavenly friend for most of my adult life; one of the few saints that has been consistently in my life since my reversion. I’ve been told I remind people of St. Therese because of the sufferings I’ve been through; a humbling compliment as I feel like St. Therese had more holiness in her little pinky nail than I have in my entire body. I’m so far from having just an iota of her holiness but it’s been her Little Way that has helped me survived some of the most difficult times of my life. 

You see why I couldn’t choose between the two and why I was relieve that Fr. B approved the hyphened name? I couldn’t ask for two better patronesses who will accompany and inspire me as an Oblate for the rest of my life. 

I want to thank you all for the prayers… and donations. Two years ago, I felt called to become an oblate novice but didn’t have the funds for the Chicago retreat. On the suggestion of a now-priest friend, a GoFundMe was set up and the funds were raised in only 5 hours! This time around, I didn’t ask for any donations but a generous anonymous donor from my home parish donated some that really helped more than I thought, especially when we had to change hotels at the last minute for safety reasons in New Mexico. And, of course, the invaluable prayers which are worth gold. I know you guys have been praying for me and this journey and I cannot thank you all enough for them. Please know that I prayed for you all at the monastery because it was a team effort — you guys helped me get there. 

I know I will write more in the future but, at least, here’s a quick summary of the trip. I got home a week ago but I’m still unpacking what happened and it’s still sinking in so expect more posts in the near future. 

Okay, this post is sufficiently long, don’t you think so? Lol. Mea culpa. Y’all know my tendency to write a lot. 

I hope you’ve all been well! 

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!