Thursday, May 24, 2018
Seeing God in the Middle of Two Crazy Weeks
Last week took the cake for the craziest week I've had in, golly, over a year, maybe? It started with food poisoning last Monday. That led to a last-minute doctor appointment on Friday morning because there was concern that I was dehydrated. Then on Sunday, I ended up in the Emergency Room because I had a bad reaction to something I had eaten (which only aggravated a stomach virus I've just recently gotten over). It was a very intense week -- and this is just the health stuff. Thankfully, this seems to have been the worst of it... and good came of it.
The blood work ordered at the ER shows that I was as healthy as could be. Sure, my platelets are still on the lower side of normal but they've actually gone up 10k from April. My white blood count was also a bit low but I'm still getting over an apparent virus so that's expected. My follow-up appointment this past Tuesday brought more good news. The doctor who saw me (new to me) was very patient and very thorough with his explanations. There is nothing of concern; not even with the low platelets. In fact, they consider me to be very healthy.
The fatigue and dizziness I've been experiencing lately? The only explanation they can come up with is the constant stress I've been under. I've lost a lot of weight and, although my insomnia ended also two weeks ago, I've been oversleeping again but they're chalking it up to stress because, well, it's been there for months. It's all good news... even with the punk dizziness being a pain and keeping me from driving some days.
Somewhere in the middle of all that craziness, I was able to not only go to confession for the first time in about 8 weeks, I also received the Anointing of the Sick which I was not expecting. It all started when I was feeling a bit recovered from the food poisoning so I drove out to our local Trader Joe's so stock up on food for me. However, I wasn't as recovered as I had thoughts and I felt like passing out while I was driving so I made a detour to a local parish on my route to TJs.
I wasn't even the person to suggest the detour. My mother, who was with me (it was her day off), suggested we stop by since it was on the way. We were originally only going to stop by to pray but something in me said, "Go into the parish office and ask to talk to a priest." It was a strong pull so I went ahead and went to the office. No priest was available but I was informed that a priest had recently returned from a trip and had no appointments. I left my number and hoped for the best.
The following day, the priest (we'll call him Fr. R) called me and asked if I wanted to go in for confession. I jumped at the chance and drove out there. I had a long, general confession. He asked me if I had been sick for a while. I told him I had been (this was prior to my finding out I'm healthier than I seem). He said he wanted to administer the Anointing of the Sick because my spirits were low (depression has been threatening for months) and I've been struggling with other things that the Sacrament could help alleviate.
I cried the second the oil was anointed on my forehead and even more when it was placed on my palms. The anger, fear, and depression that had been threatening and/or plaguing me for months were replaced with an overwhelming sense of peace, joy, and love. I still feel a lot more patience, grateful, hopeful, and happy nearly a week after it. I've also found myself feeling more like myself, not the gloomy, defeated version that had been around since last October.
Later today, I have my first spiritual direction meeting in 2.5 years. For those of you who have been reading the blog that long, you know that bad car accident on the anniversary of the Miracle of the Sun (which happened during the 3 o'clock hour following my penultimate SD meeting; coincidence, right?) triggered the end of my meetings then. Not only because my car was basically totaled but because my former SD kicked me out of his office the following month; my last SD meeting.
I felt rejected by my former SD... and, in a way, rejected by God. I'm inclined to believe it was unintentional but he made me feel like I had no business being Catholic; like I was wasting my time because I was a hopeless cause. My health tanked. I found a parish community I liked and then I felt rejected by them (this was a little over a year ago). I struggled to keep my faith intact during that time. To have a priest I once respected make me feel like dirt (again, I'm going to say it probably wasn't his intention) and then have those whom I reached out for friendship within a community I liked also do the same was hard for me. I almost left the Church last year... and I just started to get back into my "Catholic groove" in recent months.
I'm happy to say that in the middle of the past two (crazy) weeks, I've been able to see God and to rely more on His plans for me... even if I don't understand any of it. I saw Him in the kind priest that offered the Anointing of the Sick and heard my confession. I saw him in the concerned Uber driver who drove me to the E.R. at 4 in the morning. I saw Him in the doctors that saw me in the past week. I felt His presence even when the nurse at the ER was rude to me and made me feel like a burden on them. (side note: she made me wait almost an hour to use the restroom and kept asking me to repeat myself because I apparently don't know how to speak.) The fact that I was able to pray the Rosary, do my morning prayers, and everything else on 2-3 hours of sleep, at the ER, and not focus on myself or what I was experiencing proved it.
I trusted Him... and still do. I'm sure that all the trials I've gone through are either purgative or they're preparing me for something amazing that He has in store for me. I know that the health scares, the dizziness, the feeling rejected, the financial struggles, the car problems, having my heart broken (yes, I recently had my heart broken though only 2-3 people knew about it)... it will all bring me closer to God. I endure it all and take comfort in knowing that His plans are always much greater than mine.
One more thing before I wrap up this post... my third novel has been delayed because of all I've gone through. The oversleeping, undersleeping, oversleeping, viruses, etc -- it all delayed things. I hope to finish it soon and have it published before the official start of the summer. Please say a prayer for me as every time I work on it, I get a massive thwack. Every. Single. Time. The last time I worked on it (prior to yesterday) was on Sunday, shortly before I ended up in the ER. I worked it on it last night and the fatigue is overwhelming today. Yep. Coincidences, right?
I hope to blog again Saturday because my novel eBooks will be going on sale for 99 cents to celebrate my upcoming birthday (the big 33 on the 30th!) and one of them has a specific link for the sale. I'll share those links on Saturday (God willing).
Alright, I need to get ready for my spiritual direction meeting. I've felt super fatigued and lightheaded today but, thankfully, it's less than a mile away and I can take side streets and/or walk (not too dizzy to walk) if needed. :)
I hope you're all having a lovely week thus far. Thank you all for your continued prayers!
As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D