Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer

Happy St. Brigid's Feast Day

2012-02-01T10:21:00.000-08:00

Happy St. Brigid (of Ireland or of Kildare; however you may call her)'s Feast Day!!! As a Hibernophile (side note: this means I'm someone who is fond of Irish culture, the Irish language, and Ireland in general), I love celebrating Irish saints' feast days. Today is actually the first time I am celebrating St. Brigid of Ireland's feast day because a) I was always preoccupied with something else and I'd forget and b) she's helped bring a little more Faith into my household.

As some of you (the earliest of readers) may know, I've participated in the Irish Fireside's Christmas and St. Patrick's Day gift exchanges for the past 3 Christmases now. This past Christmas I was looking for the perfect gift to give my Secret Santa and at one of the local Irish import shops in L.A. I found St. Brigid's cross. I'd seen the cross before and, me being me, I was immediately drawn to it. I had actually already selected a gift for my Secret Santa but the cross just seemed right so I got it instead. I loved it so much, I actually bought one for myself as well. The store owner (a lovely woman from Ireland) told me that the crosses were actually handmade with rush from the River Shannon... at the exact spot where it is believed that St. Brigid made her own crosses. This is actually a picture I took of the cross we have (which I placed over our picture of The Last Supper and a painting of a Mexican market):

From 2012-02-01

Ever since I bought the cross there's been more a desire to learn about more saints as well as actually following through with certain things (such as going to confession more frequently for my mom and keeping myself in line as long as I can without having the need to go to confession). It's like the cross, which we see more than once a day, reminds us that we want to live better lives and keeps that thought in our minds. It's wonderful. :)

I've actually been trying to go to daily Mass more often but either I haven't because of school/obligations or I am unable to wake up early enough to attend. Trust me, sometimes I'm so exhausted that nothing will wake me up. Today I actually woke up 15 minutes before Mass started and got there 2 minutes before it started (perk of living less than a mile from the parish). I was so happy to be there, to be able to pray the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy (which I started doing recently; every morning and at 3 p.m. if I can), and to be able to pray the Novena of the Miraculous Medal along with the priest and a pretty packed parish. I thought it was great that I was able to attend my first daily Mass of the year on St. Brigid's feast day. It feels appropriate and I feel so peaceful. :)

By the way, if you don't much about St. Brigid, I suggest you click the first link in this post; it'll take you to a brief bio on her. AND if you have kids or are a kid at heart (like me; long live arts and crafts!), the Irish Fireside's own post on St. Brigid's Day includes a youtube video on how to make your own St. Brigid's cross. :D

Alright, I don't want to procrastinate on my schoolwork because I have about 200 pages to read for tomorrow (oh, I wish I was kidding!) and I have to work on my Senior Thesis since my meetings for it are on Thursday mornings. :) I hope y'all are having a great week thus far. Oh, and don't forget that tomorrow is Candlemas. I hope to post something for it but I don't know since a) I'm going to try to find a Mass in the evening and b) I don't know how busy I will be for since I have more HW due on Friday for my online courses. Feel free to keep poking me about posting over often though. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Senior Thesis Work: Catholic New Media

2012-01-25T15:30:00.000-08:00

That picture is not of me, nor do I own it, but I have glasses like those and that is also an accurate portrayal of how I feel right now. lol.

Today is the day I start dedicating the bulk of my time to my Senior Thesis. I used the first 2.5 weeks of the semester to get myself used to the other classes and now it's time to buckle down and really start some major research.

Ever since I reverted to the Faith, I've been saving (read: bookmarking) articles that have interested me. That's almost 6 years (exactly 6 years this June) worth of articles. I am so incredibly glad I've done this because it's going to be really helpful. I'm going through my bookmarks (I've got them in categories) and picking those which I know will help me out.

Now, if you didn't know and haven't guessed from the title, I am doing my Senior Thesis project on Catholic New Media. Specially, I am doing it on how we Catholics of my generation (Generation Y) are using the internet for evangelization efforts. I've already gotten a ton of great material from those who are most visible (thank God for friends and acquaintances who are willing to help out) but it's still going to be quite a time consuming project. I have about 2 months or so (up to Spring Break) to get the majority of the Thesis written. Don't be surprised if the majority of my posts from now until then have to do with something related to Catholic New Media because that it where my focus will be.

The deeper I get into the research, the more I feel at home. I've had the desire to teach or, at least to get the Word out (correctly) somehow, and teaching in a classroom hasn't really felt right for me. Maybe by doing this Thesis topic (not my original, by the way), I will be able to finally figure out exactly what I am doing after graduation. It'll combine my love of Catholicism with my love of writing and my desire for getting the Word out and educating the younger generation -- I won't have to choose between any of them. It's a wonderful feeling.

Ironically, while I am doing the bulk of my research online, I won't be using Twitter or Facebook as much. I really have to concentrate on writing this Thesis as well as doing well in my other 4 courses. Of course I'll still pop up on Twitter and give random updates but it'll be even less than before because I want to do the best job possible.

So this is my very short (for me ;D) update on why I've been M.I.A. and letting y'all know what to expect. I'm going to be sharing articles that I find interesting as well as letting y'all know how much more I get hated by the Religious Studies department as my college. lol. No, seriously, I think they've given up on me. It's quite awesome. (Side note: oh, and by the way, thanks for the prayers for my music prof; I missed classes yesterday due to illness and she was nice enough to inquire about how I was doing. We'll see how tomorrow goes.)

Alright, that's it. I have my first couple of pages of the Thesis to present tomorrow so I should go and write more. :D

Hope y'all are having a good week thus far!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Quick Prayer Request

2012-01-23T18:08:00.001-08:00

This picture is accurate.

Just a couple of quick prayer requests because I have almost 100 pages to read by tomorrow morning and, though I am a speedy reader, I will more than likely be distracted throughout the night.

1) A day late but: On the horrible anniversary of Roe vs Wade, I'd like to ask you all to take a minute and prayer for all the lives lost and all of lives in danger. A life is a life and none of us should have a say in whether that life should be taken, especially so cruelly. Even when I was away from the Church in my teen years, I did not support abortion because I knew that was a baby that was being killed. Big kudos to those who were lucky enough to make it up to DC and to San Fran for the March and Walk for Life. Proud of all of you for making the voices of those countless babies heard.

2) If you're following me on twitter you might've heard about this: can y'all say a little prayer for my music professor? She's not being totally cool with us students and she actually made me cry in class last Tuesday when I was having a bit of anxiety. First she told me to not participate in class (by the way, the class is down to 4 people now) and then she tried to force me to participate before rudely telling me that I needed to stop my relaxation technique and to pay attention in class because I was being rude. Apparently trying to control my breathing (quietly and discreetly) in class while in the middle of a panic attack is rude and I shouldn't do it. Yeah. We're not happy in the class but we're stuck since we can't sign up for another class so can y'all please pray that she cools down and that the semester goes smoother for us (not just me; all 4 of us gals)? She's kind of ruining the experience of having nuns as professors for me. Thanks in advance.

That's all for now. I will hopefully have a proper post tomorrow when the stress levels hopefully go down to normal again. If you have prayer requests yourselves, let me know. I may be able to offer them up if music prof decided to humiliate me in class once again.

I hope y'all had a lovely weekend.

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Fainting in Confession and Getting Upset Over It

2012-01-16T12:32:00.001-08:00

Raise your hand if you blacked out during your confession this weekend. *raises hand*

There is really no big explanation for why it happened, it just did. I was fine all day. I drove to the parish (with isn't the closest one but the one in which our - mom's and my - preferred confessor is at) and I parked the car. I walked into the parish, genuflected, and got in line. I was in line may 15 minutes and I looked around at the beautiful stained glass windows in the parish. I went into the confessional, knelt down, and started my confession. About halfway through my list (yes, I make lists using one of the confession apps; I want to get everything in) I suddenly felt lightheaded and weak. I told my confessor that I felt dizzy and sat in the chair inside the confessional. I continued to go through the list of my confessions when I started feeling like I couldn't breathe, I broke out in a cold sweat, and I blacked out. The last thing I remembered was my confessor saying he absolved me from my sins (even the ones I didn't get a chance to confess), him telling me what my penance was, and then getting out and grabbing the nearest pew just in time for me to collapse onto it. It probably sounds more dramatic than it was but that's how it happened. I remember someone asking me if I was okay and being asked if I needed a medic which means it probably looked pretty bad.

The entire time I was in the pew (trying to control my breathing and to move a little since my hands and feet went into full on tingle mode) only one thought came to mind: I was upset that I didn't finish my confession. I was really, really not happy... to the point where I cried over it. I did it silently as I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I had gone nearly a month without going to confession (which is long for me since I like to go once every two weeks - even for venial sins) and I hadn't gone to Mass in nearly that long due to the Christmas Day food poisoning followed by two weeks of a nasty cold that kept me in bed and quarantined to the house. I remembered my penance so I did that while trying to get back to normal. Hey, just because I felt like burnt crumbs didn't mean I was going to push that aside. It took a couple more minutes to get myself well enough to walk back to my car (with the help of my mom). As soon as the fresh air hit me and I was safely in my car, I started to slowly feel better. As soon as I felt myself well enough to drive (I have to since my mother hasn't driven since a terrible accident that nearly cost her her life), I made my way back towards the house. I felt fine as soon as we left. It was bizarre.

The one thing I learned about this incident, besides "wow, I really do get embarrassed easily (even when I can't control certain things)" is that I really do take going to confession and being able to receive the Eucharist more seriously than I thought... which is good. I felt horrible that I didn't finish my confession properly but I still felt like a huge weight was lifted off of me. I'm not saying that if you feel like crumbs and don't think you could make it to/through confession you should still go (if I hadn't felt well, I would've waited to go to the Cathedral during the week for their noon time confession) but it just reminded me of how important it is to go to confession.

Not get all morbid on y'all but we have to remind ourselves of our mortality at least once in a while. For me, frequent confession helps me break out of my habits that can lead to sinning (though sometimes I have to go a couple of times to break the nastier ones). I like to remind myself that we, as human beings, make mistakes and that we're not perfect... but that we Catholics have such a wonderful sacrament that allows us to not get or keep ourselves away from God because of whatever sins we commit. Of course I don't mean that we can do whatever we want and think it's okay because we can go to confession to "erase" or strike those bad deed from our "record" later on (this is actually a sin itself). We all do things or have done things we've not been proud of but if we are truly repentant of those actions, we can go confess them and we can then continue to receive the body and blood of Jesus Christ (say it with me: transubstantiation is awesome). It helps keep our souls healthy and helps us get that much closer to Heaven when we do eventually pass on. This episode, as well as my father's story (I wrote about it in my first published article on Envoy Magazine), have really driven home this message. I know that the next time I go to confession (knowing me, it will be this weekend to get in whatever I left out last time -- for my own peace of mind) I will thank God for the opportunity to do so.

Anyway, just wanted to share this experience with y'all. I actually have a ton of reading to do (a couple of chapters so that I am prepared for tomorrow's classes) and this was kind of procrastinating. lol. Oops. Well, it was for a good cause. lol. ;)

I hope y'all had a great weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Profs Don't Like Me but Like Abortion

2012-01-12T14:20:00.001-08:00

Okay, the title got your attention. Good. Complete truth. Let me fill y'all on how week one of my final semester as an undergrad went. It will be short because I have homework to do. ;)

I was really excited yet slightly nervous about starting the semester because it's my last one and I feel so pressured on doing well on my 40-50 page Thesis (by far the longest one from all departments at the school from what I've been told). Basically, if I bomb my Thesis I will not graduate. No pressure or anything. ;) The week started off well. I was kind of lazy and not wanting to do anything (hello, senioritis) but I still did things because I want to stay ahead. The faster I can get things read and written, the more time I will have to edit and polish my Thesis later on. I think things through. ;)

From day one my music professor made it obvious that she did not like me. I guess my reputation as the "traditional (read: orthodox) hell-raiser" ("if hell existed, which it doesn't") slash public enemy number one (again, because I am not liberal and I'm very religious -- a very dangerous combo in their eyes) proceeds me. I never had a chance. I tried. I'm a people pleaser... to a certain point. She's told me twice (in two days) to be quiet, even though all I did was mention the kind of music that I listened to... in a music class, so I'm going to stay quiet. She wants me to be silent, I shall be silent. Apparently I'm not allowed to contribute to the discussions in class... and no one else wants to contribute so... That's fine. It's not going to hurt me. :) I hope I'm wrong but everyone can tell that she's not too fond of me. I'll say a Hail Mary for her and just keeping on swimming. ;)

Another professor, who apparently does like me (even though and especially because our beliefs clash), basically sung the praises of birth control and abortion for about 15 minutes today. I literally felt like I am going to throw up. I felt physically ill the entire time she was speaking. No worries, though, I made my thoughts clear and she is totally okay with it. It's quite interesting that she (one of the few non-religious professors I've had) actually welcomes my opposing views... and she still smiles and makes me feel like it's totally fine to not agree with her. It's odd but I kind of like that. I know that I will be able to speak my mind (and I will when topics like abortion come up) and it will not affect me. It's refreshing because, as I said last year, I would've gotten marked down on my assignments for not being in agreement with any of the other professors. That is awesome. Talking about how birth control and abortion "save women" *insert eye roll* is not... but I can speak up against it and (FINALLY!!) not be penalized for it. I'm not going to go into everything she said but it's the usual feminist "birth control and abortion is the best thing for women" dribble most pro-choice people spew. I'm not going to be rude or argue for the heck of it but I will speak up if I feel, like today, that it is necessary. Gotta protect the babies. :)

By the way, there were no posts for a week because I was sick until a few days ago (nasty cold; I spent most of my days sleeping) and then I started the semester. My semester isn't looking too crazy; the biggest chunk will be my Senior Thesis (which is on Catholic New Media if you didn't know). I think I will have time to write quite regularly. Maybe not every single day but at least 2-3 times a week. I will try not to vent/rant about my classes but if something interesting happens, I will share. :D

That is it for now. I have a very exciting project coming up that I will fill y'all in on (whether it ends up materializing or not) as soon as I am able to say anything. Let's just say that it's in the direction that I want to go in after graduation. That's all I'm saying for now. ;)

I hope everyone who returned to school this week is having a better week than I had. If not, hey, we're all in this together. If you have a particularly bad professor or if the semester is looking pretty dismal, let me know and I'll start a novena for you. ;) Quite a number of us are graduating this Spring; if you are one of them, please let me know as I am going to start a novena for high school and college seniors next week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Happy (Belated) New Year & Resolutions

2012-01-03T15:30:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favorite shots from this NYE celebrations in London. I didn't take it (I was, sadly, stuck in L.A.) but I found it on tumblr.

Sorry for the belated New Year post but I have had a nasty cold (possible throat infection) for the past couple of days. I've spent most of my days in bed, resting, but I've finally gotten out and about. It doesn't hurt that it's over 80 degrees in my part of L.A. :)

Though I am sad that I was not able to attend Mass on Christmas (food poisoning) and New Year's Day / feast of Feast of Mary, Mother of God (too weak/fatigued) I did give thanks to God for (despite being ill) having a good day those days. That is actually a resolution I have this year: thank God for every single day. Being sick reminds me of something: most of us only pray when we are in need of something. I'm not saying it's bad to pray when we need something; we should just keep praying, even when things are going well. I think many of us neglect to take time out of our day to pray when everything is going well.

Last year I started keeping track of who needed novenas. I did a couple whenever friends asked me and it was the best feeling. I was doing well but these friends needed prayers so I did novenas for them. As I said a couple of blog posts ago, we see so much mud slinging amongst fellows Catholics (especially on twitter when we don't agree on things) that I decided to make it another resolution: pray for others... especially if they do something against you. A Hail Mary (I almost wrote "Ave Maria" lol) when you're angry at someone helps. A lot.

Of course I have other resolutions: to not over study, to not use the blow dryer (at all, to take more walks and to do some hiking when I can, etc. But the most important are to thank God for each and every day, to pray for others, and to avoid sinning as much as possible and receive the Eucharist daily (when possible). Hmm... maybe I should try getting back into the habit of a daily Rosary and chaplet of the Divine Mercy at 3 p.m. as well. If I don't over study like last semester, it can be possible. :)

Anyway, just a semi-quick post to wish y'all a Happy New Year and to share some of my resolutions. I hope God blesses each and every one of us this year... especially since it seems like most of us had a pretty crummy year last year. Hope y'all are having a great start of year so far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

2011: The Year This Nerd Fell in Love

2011-12-31T12:24:00.000-08:00

One of my best friends, Danica Clark, took this picture earlier this year when she was visiting Los Angeles. By the way, no, that is NOT an engagement ring. That is a claddagh ring that I've worn as a "promise" ring since my 23rd birthday -- as in, I promise to remain chaste in thought and action and this is a reminder that my heart belongs solely to God until the right man comes along. When that man finally shows up, he must be willing to share me with God. ;) That is why I chose this particular version of the claddagh ring: the heart symbolizes my heart, the crown on top of it to remind me of God and how He holds my heart, and the Celtic Trinity knot (triqueta) to remind me of the Holy Trinity. Traditional versions have hands holding the heart instead of the Trinity knot holding the heart in place. :) Just a quick note before I get into the rest of the post. ;D

Last year was the year this nerd grew up. This year was the year that this nerd fell in love. Before anyone jumps to conclusions, let me just clarify that I do not mean romantic love. :) This was the year that I learned to love life again. After having spent most of 2009 and part of 2010 numb following my father's death, I was revived this year. As cheesy as it sounds, everything looked new and fresh... like how you imagine the start of Spring to be like. The cold, the clouds, and depressing state disappears and a new life begins. That is how it was for me. The flowers bloomed, the sky got brighter, and the warmth enveloped me once again. There were new lessons I learned that will stay with me for the rest of my life; lessons that will contribute to making me a better person.

Lent was probably the most significant time for me this year. On Ash Wednesday, my buddy Joe and I got the privilege of getting to chat (very briefly) with our new archbishop, Abp. Jose H. Gomez... and he blessed the Rosary I had just purchased at the Cathedral gift shop for my new car before we left. Pretty cool way to start, if you ask. (side note: I also attended his Installation Mass, which was emotional for me because I feel like it's a new era for us Angelenos; one we truly needed.) While I did not do everything I wanted to do during Lent, I certainly felt the impact what that specific time was all about. I truly celebrated Lent more properly this time around. It was strange because of everything I had experienced the year and a half prior to it. We lost my niece's daughter (my dad's first great grandchild) on St. Patrick's Day. Everything that followed made me appreciate the family I have and made me grateful for what I do have.

In March I bought my first car with the help of my big brother, Pedro. I began taking driving lessons (shout out and a "thanks" to Joe who spent weeks teaching me how to drive before I got a professional to get me ready for the driving test). I got my license in May, weeks before my 26th birthday. A couple of "bucket list" items crossed off my list before your next birthday is not too bad. ;) The fact that I am now a licensed driver and that I have been able to drive on an almost daily basis (though locally) is something I would've only dreamed of a few short years ago. The fact that my anxiety has subsided (though not completely; I still have my moments) enough to be able to drive and that I am able to have that freedom is a huge blessing. It was interesting to see how my friends reacted to the excitement I showed while I was in the process of practicing for my driver's test. I'm sort of a late bloomer when it comes to a lot of things and this was just one of them.

Another thing I'm sort of "late" with: graduating college. Something I accomplished recently: I made the Dean's List at my CINO college. 3.8, baby! :D I worked my tush off for that and I did it without compromising my beliefs which was a miracle. I let the anger I felt towards the place (anger that they openly defied authority and taught us things that hurt our Faith more than anything) go and I decided to "kill" them with kindness and with my own hard work. Of course, it helped that I only had one Religious Studies course in the Fall and that everything else wasn't too bad. I declined an invitation to join a national honor society because I didn't feel right taking it. I also did not want to let it go to my head. I've worked hard in college and knowing that is enough for me. I will continue to work hard next semester and hope that I will finish with the same mentality I have now. I am still unsure if I will pursue a Master of Arts in Theology or Creative Writing but I have loads of time to think about that.

So, did I fall in "love" love? No. I have yet to fall in "love" love. No luck in that department but I'm enjoying this time of preparing myself for my future spouse and of being single. Also, I've been too busy with school and other things so I had no time to date. I did, however, decide to that I am now at a point in my life where I can restart dating so we'll see what happens next year. I am far too independent for my own good so I am glad I've had a chance to get it out of my system while I still can. lol. My time will come when God says it will. And this is probably the closest any of y'all will get to knowing about this part of my life until I marry. lol. Merry (late) Christmas. ;)

So, while I did not fall in love love, I fell in love with life. I have this new-found appreciation for things I had been taking for granted. Yes, I did have a gnarly (I'm from Southern California; we use words like that ;)) throat infection that lasted two and a half months. Yes, I still occasionally have anxiety and panic attacks (though the least amount I've had in years). Yes, I am still unemployed (and not by choice) and mom and I are having the worse financial crisis we've ever had. Yes, I still dislike my school and look forward to the day I graduate. Yes, I still have goals that I wish to achieve and have not had the opportunity to complete yet. In spite of everything, I am truly happy and I love my life. I love that God has shown me the right time to reflect on what's truly important. I love that my relationship with Him has only gotten better. I love that my mom's relationship with Him is stronger as well. She now goes to confession regularly and rarely misses Sunday Mass now -- something that 2-3 years ago would've seemed impossible. I love who I am and who I'm becoming as a get older. I don't think I've ever used the word "love" so much in a single blog post before but, hey, y'all knew I'd be talking about love. ;)

I could go on and on but I think y'all get the gist. I am happy that I've learned to love once again and that I am taking this into the next year. :)

Anyway, this is it for this year. Thank you for sharing yet another year with me. A special thanks to my guest blogger, Andrew, for giving me something good to post when I had writer's block. Thank you to my friends for sticking by me during my crazy moments, especially poor Angelica, Danica, and Delaney who got most of the craziness. lol. My journey is not yet over and I look forward to another year sharing it with y'all. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

And the 2012 Patron Saint is... Drum Roll

2011-12-30T15:10:00.000-08:00

It looks like both St. Catherine of Siena and St. Teresa of Avila will be sharing patron saint duties this coming year. :D

Both saints are patronesses of those ridiculed for their piety and against illnesses/of sick people... were y'all trying to tell me something? lol. St. Catherine of Siena is also a patroness against temptations and St. Teresa of Avila is a patroness of writers.

I hope to learn more about their lives this coming year and hope that they help me (and those who wish to have them as their patronesses for 2012 -- I don't mind share) through my journey as a Catholic.

Thanks to all who voted!

Congrats Dan and Angela!

2011-12-29T12:49:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, Dan and Angela will be united in holy matrimony. The fact that they're getting married on the Feast of the Holy Family is wonderful.

Whether you know them through twitter (@CatholicDan and @inspiredangela) or through some part of the Catholic New Media in which they are both active participants... or even if you don't know them at all... I'd like to invite you all to pray for a happy, blessed marriage.

Dan and Angela - while I sadly cannot be there, please know that you two are in my thoughts and prayers on your special day. I love you both very much and I wish nothing but the absolute best for the two of you! <3

The Holy Innocents Are Not a Joke

2011-12-28T14:40:00.000-08:00

Again, just a random thought but one that I feel strongly about: why do they use this day, on which innocent lives were taken so brutally, to play tricks on people? I know some Hispanics use this day to pull pranks on each other, much like we would on April Fools Day... but it seems completely inappropriate. Really? You're using this day of all days to pull pranks but don't do anything on a day that was invented for this purpose? No me gusta. Anyone know where/when this tradition started from or does anyone else think it's completely disrespectful?

Clean-A-Thon Update

2011-12-27T23:15:00.001-08:00

Just a little update to let y'all know that while I am doing the clean-a-thon (which usually goes until the last day of the year) I won't be posting full length posts. Instead, I am going to be writing little blurbs of random thoughts. The end of year review WILL be posted in full length since I wrote it a week ago. I plan ahead. ;)

Please say a little prayer for me as my father was a hoarder (no, seriously... you should see his old room) and I am feeling under the weather and have to do most of the cleaning myself while my mom works. Thanks in advance. :D

Feeling God's Love Despite Food Poisoning and Attacks

2011-12-26T13:50:00.000-08:00

The reason why there were no posts the 24th or yesterday were because I spent the night of the 24th into the 25th, most of yesterday, and part of today in bed with food poisoning. A neighbor made these really delicious tamales but, of course, they made me sick. I felt absolutely horrid yesterday so that is why I didn't get a chance to post the last two blog posts I had planned. I started one on the 24th but I fear the information is now irrelevant so I decided not to post it. Basically, it was about the Christmas traditions we were going to have yesterday but since none of them happened... well. You got it. :) Ah, well. Que sera, sera.

I didn't attend Mass yesterday because of how badly I felt. I think I felt worse that this was the 5th consecutive Christmas (since my reversion) that I hadn't gone to Mass. The first three years I couldn't attend because I had major anxiety and I could barely leave the house (yes, it was that bad). I was sick last year too (a combo of anxiety and something else). I couldn't have gone though; not in the state I was in yesterday. If I wasn't lying down, I was in trouble... and even when I was lying down I felt sick. I'm actually still experiencing a bit of stomach cramping as I type this out but I'll be fine. :) It's sad though. Something always gets in the way of Christmas Mass. :( One day it'll happen. :)

On the bright side, though I've been attacked lately (more on that in the paragraphs after this one), I felt (and still feel) God's love throughout the whole thing and that's the wonderful thing about Christmas. You may be in the crummiest situation but you know that things will still get better because God wants what's best for you. Whether you're sick, you get your heart broken, or are financially strapped, you know that God will pull you out of it at some point. Isn't that what Advent and Christmas are about? Focusing on the hope, the love, the joy, and the peace that comes with the birth of Christ. Because he was born, we know that knowing is impossible where God is concerned.

It's kind of funny that I feel like I've been experiencing spiritual attacks for the past couple of weeks yet I still feel this way. Apart from the food poisoning, the personal attacks, the number of nightmares I've had all Advent in which I find myself battling against the evil one (and in one of them, he laughed in my face until I started praying a Hail Mary and then he got mad) and all of that, I still feel God's love. My worst weaknesses, which make me most prone to sin (which I haven't given into), have been attacked as well. Think of your weaknesses and multiply them by about 50 and you have my situation. This is not unusual for me; I usually experience this during Advent and Lent but, still, not happy. I am already in need of confession because I lost my temper recently but it could've been worse. Much worse. Side note: By the way, I am not being scrupulous when I say I need to go to confession for this particular thing -- though I was certainly accused of it on Christmas Eve. I know my faults and my weaknesses and I know that certain things, though they may not seem "so bad" to some people, I need to confess on the urging of my confessor so that I can be more aware of it in the future (and thus avoid it if I am able to).

Oh, and by the way, I do share some pretty personal things on this blog but it's all been things I've felt like sharing. Before I get more into this I'd like to say: wow, I cannot believe this blog is 4 years old as of yesterday. I got the idea on Christmas Day 2007 to open this blog a year into my reversion to sort of keep track of how I was doing. The topics and my style of writing has changed from the early days. It's been nice to be able to go back and read the first couple of posts. I was so different back then. I really did not know what I was doing but I tried. I still don't know what I'm doing but that's okay. lol. My first readers were my best friends. Now I have readers I don't personally know from all over the world (I think I've reached all continents, except Antarctica, at this point) but whom I now consider part of my little online world. :)

For the past couple of weeks I've been wanting to take this blog in a slightly different direction: have it be a little more faith based. It's going to be one of my New Year's Resolutions. I want to get back on track of my original purpose. I think some of you have noticed what I'm talking about, especially with the last couple of posts. Things will be and look slightly different come January 1st. That's all I'm saying. Y'all will just have to stay tuned and see what I mean. ;)

Okay, going back to what I was saying: like I said in my failure post, I make a lot of mistakes and if a mistake of mine can help someone else avoid making that mistake, then I am fulfilling the whole reason why I even started this blog in the first place. Up to that point, I didn't know of any other blog that had any sort of personal stories about having anxiety/panic attacks and having it tied with Catholicism or faith in general. A lot of my early posts were about this topic (the St. Dymphna post remains one of most viewed to date). My anxiety is no longer as bad as it was then (though I know it's going to be a lifelong affliction I will have to deal with) so the posts aren't as frequent. My life at the moment is about school and how my mistake in choosing the CINO college is affecting me. I'm sure if I'm still blogging when I get married and have my children I will write about that.

I've always wanted to write things that other people wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable writing to show others that if they're going through the same thing, they're not alone. My anxiety posts introduced a lot of people to St. Dymphna and I am so happy that God used me to help them in some way. I've had two people tell me they sought help for their anxiety (one ended up being thyroid related and other other got counseling) and that is the reason why I started blogging. How many of us have felt alone when we thought we were the only ones going through something? How many of us felt despair during those times? No one wants to talk about suffering anxiety because of stigma attached to it but I didn't care as long as it helped at least one more person. Likewise, I write about stuff I stink at and things I learn from mistakes I make because I want to show that it's possible to be completely flawed but still have an ardent love for life and for God. As I wrote on my Google Talk status yesterday: the love between God and I is something that nothing will be able to damage, no matter what dumb I thing. He's going to love me no matter what and I'm going to try to live my life in a way that shows that I love Him too.

As I've mentioned before, I don't share everything because I feel like there are certain parts of my life that should be kept between myself, the other person, and God. By this I mean, I will very rarely talk about my own relationship stuff because I'm notoriously private about it. There's even a running joke between my closest friends that I will probably marry and have children and people won't find out about it until my children are grown. lol. There are a number of other topics that are off-limits so please don't be offended if you tweet, comment, or email me a question and I don't want to answer. It's not personal against you, I'm just not comfortable talking about it.

Also, please don't so negative and hurtful with some of your comments. You might be having a rough day or something but please don't take it out on me. I was personally attacked twice on Christmas Eve for something I shared and it wasn't too pleasant. I feel like we should stop judging each other (especially when we don't have all the facts to make those judgments with) and really support one another because no one is perfect and we all undoubtedly mess up from time to time. There is no reason why, during one of the most special times of the year that should be filled with love and happiness, we should feel like it's okay to be so negative towards each other. Hugs, not hate, people. :)

Okay, and now this blog post is longer than intended. I'm sorry. lol. That is what happens when you're in bed for almost 48 hours. :)

Anyway, I hope y'all had a wonderful Christmas full of love, warmth, and all that goodness that makes these days special. :D Oh, and please don't forget to vote for the patron saint for 2012. There are only 3 full days left to vote so please get 'em in. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Ooh, My CINO College Is in Trouble...

2011-12-23T15:12:00.000-08:00

"Finally!" I know. lol. The reason why I waited so long to write this post is because I wanted a) get my final grades for the semester before I posted (3.8 for the semester, baby!) and b) I was so disappointed with what I "learned" and I didn't want to write a post full of rants. I hope to be as diplomatic as possible when I write this but... fair warning, we all know how much I do not like my CINO (Catholic In Name Only) College.

First off, let me say that I am not going to expose my school by giving name of it or of the professors because I want to graduate next May (lol) and I've heard that they are "sue happy" and they've already sued a former student for "slander." Yes, I wrote slander in quotes because it really isn't... and they know it. You see the title? Yeah, I've had three separate confirmations from professors (both within the department of my major and outside the department) that they actually don't teach what they're supposed to. One professor said that all professors in Catholic colleges sign something (very vague) that says that they're not supposed to teach liberation theology... but they still do. This professor acknowledged that they would get into trouble if others found out what was being "taught." Another professor confirmed that what they "teach" is liberation theology but they try to find ways to call it something else so that they won't get discovered (something I also got from my confessor -- who is not affiliated with the school -- when I mentioned it). Yup. They don't seem to care that we know these things because they pride themselves in it and because a lot of my classmates agree with me. Most do but there are some of us (a very, very, very small portion of us) who are so excited to be graduating in a little over 4 months because we are not happy.

This semester I was lucky enough to have only two classes that were Religious but they were... interesting. In one we had the odd lectures that were surprisingly orthodox (though I suspect that was for my sake as it is well known in the department that I am "traditional" one). It was not as bad as some of my previous courses but you could tell that they were really pushing the liberal agenda at us because all but one of us were seniors and we're graduating in May. I made a new friend in the class whom I suffered with. She has it well hidden that she's orthodox because it's kind of dangerous to be known as not being in agreement with the liberalism, but we definitely had a chance to talk when we were just so disappointed in what was being taught. The other class had some blatant anti-Catholic literature that made me want to cry. I actually think I did cry once. It was so bad.

I recently found out that my school has also aligned itself with a very well known politician that is pro-abortion and pro a bunch of things that are against Catholic beliefs. Um, yeah. My school's in trouble alright. Not in the "ooh, I'm telling and then y'all can sue me" way but... the school is in danger of getting worse and being responsible for misguiding so many young men and women that attend it. I would love to go back one day and become a professor so that I can teach what is the Truth. I probably wouldn't last long (a professor already left because they did not want her to teach certain things) but I would try my hardest to change things.

This is one of the biggest reasons why I majored in Religious Studies and why I want to teach. I want to help however many people I know that all of that will actually end up hurting them in the long run. It's no longer me being rebellious against them and being so "loud and proud" of being "traditional" (I don't even like using that term but they use it); it's about saving these kids. I've seen so many of my classmates go in with the right mindset and then come out (one short semester later) renouncing what proper Catholic education they were given prior to attending this school. It's so sad to see this and I try to speak up as much as I can but since I'm only a "student" and I "don't know better than they do; I'm wrong, they're right," I don't get taken seriously by many of my classmates. I do help some but I sadly cannot help them all.

I sincerely wish that my school gets its act together or that they formally drop the "Catholic" from their description because we're not taught Catholicism properly. Most of the time in Religious Studies classes, we don't even get much Catholicism. The Ex corde Ecclesiae (which one of my professors didn't name but I learned about on my own) is not being followed. Why should a school, whose professors blatantly trash the Pope, priests and the Church's teachings, get to keep a Catholic identity when it's anything but? I don't get it. It's like false advertisement. If I'd known all of this way before I committed myself to finishing my degree at this school, I would've gone else.

While I no longer get graded down for my assignments (I'm pretty sure they know I'd do something if they continued doing it), I'm still not happy. It it well known that I am public enemy #1 of the department. I'm sort of infamous at the moment for this. I'm known as "that super religious girl." lol. So people know I have a blog (because a "friend" exposed me as a blogger) but they don't know which one it is or my pen name. (Though, after I receive my diploma, that will change.) I don't like trouble but I'm not going to back down when I see or hear the Church being trashed. It's not right. I love God and I love the Church so much that it hurts me when they speak falsehoods against Him and her. I do have a little over 4 months to go (and that is if they approve my Thesis, which I've already been warned that I could "bomb" thus keeping me from graduating) so... lots and lots of prayers from now until early May.

Anyway, that's my recap of the penultimate semester at my CINO college. I did not write a list of things I was "taught" this semester because I would've started ranting about it. I may one day write everything down but at the moment, I'm just letting my prison sentence... er, I mean, my last couple of months pass before I can give me final evaluation of my "education" at this school. Now I just need your prayers because my Thesis is going to be a battle. They already want me to change things to fit their liberal views but I'm stubborn and it's my Thesis so... not going to happen. Sorry. ;) I hope that those of you at other CINO colleges know that you are not alone and that I will be praying for y'all because I know how much this situation stinks.

That's all for now. I will have posts earlier tomorrow and on Christmas day (which is also the 4th anniversary of this blog.) Oh, and, P.S. don't forget to vote for the patron saint of 2012 (the poll is on the right hand side). You may vote for however many saints you'd like. Right now St. Catherine of Siena and St. Teresa of Avila are in the lead and Mary, Undoer of Knots is only (as of this point) one vote behind. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

This is Why I Love My New Church.

2011-12-19T17:37:00.001-08:00

Okay, so, technically it's a chapel of ease. There are no Masses during the week but that's okay, I can always go to a closer parish for that. On Sundays there are only two Masses that are celebrated, both in the morning.

There are two priests: one (in his 70s-80s) who celebrates the first Mass and another (in his late 30s-early 40s) who celebrates the second Mass. I have never heard two other priests give homilies like they do. It's relevant and they aren't afraid to talk about topics that other priests wouldn't dare mention. They are honest yet approachable and charismatic.

This chapel has been in existence since the late 1700s. The altar has remainded unchanged for goodness knows how long. It is absolutely beautiful. It is very small but it feels more open than most other parishes I've attended.

The average age of those who attend is about 60. There are very few of us who are under 30. The children that attend with the parents are well behaved and when a meltdown begins, the parent quietly steps out with the child. More women wear mantillas than I could ever imagine in a single church. Most of the mantillas wearers are in their late teens to late 20s. No one is ever dressed inappropriately (read: miniskirts or other things that expose too much flesh). Have I mentioned that the altar boys are actually altar boys? They range from elementary school age to late teens/early 20s.

Everyone is genuinely attentive and active during the Mass. Never have I attended a parish in which everyone sings... loudly and joyfully. Even if it's off key, no one notices because we're all too focus on being there for God. When the organist starts playing and the beautiful music envelops the church, there is a sensation of happiness and openness that my heart begins to feel. Some people still mess up the "with your spirit" parts but we all smile and continue on. When the priest delivers the homily you can hear a pin drop. When you walk in or walk out, you get a smile and a handshake from one of the ushers.

There is no clapping (see the post picture) or anything that takes away from the Mass. Everything is done with reverence. Never, in the past month and a half that I've attended, have I ever felt that I am not there for God. It's not about us (which is how I've felt at most parishes; it's more about the people than God); it's about Him. It is about hearing the Word and taking it into our hearts. There are little to no distractions during the Mass and it makes it that much better.

Here is the thing that I best love about my new church: despite it being for the cremé de la cremé of those living in my part of Los Angeles, you don't feel it. There is no pretentiousness. Yes, they dress nicely and drive nice cars, but if you're not materially rich, you don't feel ostracized. I had no idea that some of the (economically) wealthiest people in L.A. attended Mass at this church until one of my Godmothers brought it up. Total shocker when I first heard it. Unlike some parishes where you feel like you get criticized for the smallest things or even given dirty looks if they deemed you unworthy (seriously, I've felt this on more than one occasion), all you feel is a sense that they've embraced you into their little tight-knit community. And, again, it's not about you or them... it's about getting together and focusing on God. He is the reason why we get together every Sunday morning.

Anyway, I just wanted to share these random thoughts that I've been having the past couple of Sundays. I've never felt so comfortable, at home, and at peace during a Mass as I have at this church. Thank God that mom and I not only agreed on a parish we both liked, but that we also look forward to every Sunday morning. :)

btw, yes and no, this was and was not a filler post. I would've posted it yesterday but I got preoccupied with something else. :) The CINO post is still a work in progress as I'm trying to be as diplomatic and uncritical as possible. It's hard but it can be done. :D

I hope you all had a great weekend and are having a great beginning of week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Please Pray for a Fellow Blogger and Her Baby

2011-12-17T17:27:00.000-08:00

I came across the link to this blog post by Christine at Our Ordinary Life through twitter retweets. I didn't make it through half way before I started crying. I cannot imagine what Christine, her husband, and baby Sly are going through right now. The poor little angel needs our prayers because he is going to have a long recovery ahead of him.

I'm personally going to start a novena to the Infant of Prague for baby Sly if anyone wants to join me. Little man's Christmas will be spend in the hospital and the gift we can give him and his parents is that of prayer. I don't personally know any of them but it pains me to see children suffer.

Please keep them in your prayers!

It's a Proud Moment When...

2011-12-16T16:20:00.001-08:00

Just a random thought that I wanted to share: it's a proud moment when your mother (who once fought against going to Mass and confession) says she's looking forward to going to confession tomorrow and confirms that she has become used to it. We've come a long way from nearly three years ago, haven't we? Gone is the mama who hated the thought of my becoming a nun and in her place is a mama who hates missing Mass and loves going to confession... and does everything in her power to avoid sinning. I am truly a proud daughter. :D

Help Me Pick 2012's Patron Saint

2011-12-15T12:24:00.000-08:00

Most of you know the drill: I've picked saints I believe may help me in the upcoming year. I pick them based on what they are patrons of; things (vocations or otherwise) that fit me personally. I tend to also look into the life of the saint during the year in hopes of my learning something new. St. Therese was a HUGE help this year and I thank all of you who voted for her last year. :D

Now, three of the saints have been previous patron saints of this blog but are allowed back on. As long as they were not the previous year's patron saint (meaning no St. Therese [2010] or St. Cecilia [2009] on the list until 2013) they are back on the list.

Bl. Giacomo (James) Alberione (some consider him a patron of Catholic New Media)
Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati (patron of students and youth; patron of this blog in 2008)
Mary, Undoer of Knots (one of the Blessed Virgin Mary's many names)
St. Brigid of Ireland (patroness of scholars and printing presses)
St. Catherine of Alexandria (patroness of teachers and unmarried girls; whom my novel's heroine is named after ;D)
St. Catherine of Siena (patroness of people ridiculed for their piety and against temptations)
St. Dymphna (patroness of those who suffer from anxiety; co-patroness of this blog in 2007)
St. Francis de Sales (patron of teachers and writers)
St. Lucy of Syracuse (patroness of writers and those who suffer from eye problems)
St. Paul the Apostle (patron of writers)
St. Raphael the Archangel (patron of happy meetings, travelers, and youth)
St. Teresa of Avila (patroness of writers and people ridiculed for their piety; co-patroness of this blog in 2007)

The poll (over there on the right hand side --->) will be opened until December 30th at 4 a.m. PST. Odd time, I know, but that's the time I usually wake up. ;) And, I say it's never a popularity contest but it always ends up being so... lol. Just please vote for whomever you think would be a good patron saint for me to have during the year; the one who will help me on my journey. :D Oh, and you may vote for however many saints you want. There is no limit. :D Okay... have fun. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

10 Things You Didn't Know About Me...

2011-12-13T12:24:00.000-08:00

I like to do this once a year since I get new followers who know little about me. This is just a fun list of ten random things you might've not known about me.

1. I can juggle. I learned how to juggle and balance things on the tips of my fingers when I was about 7 years old. I can juggle most things and I still have pretty good balance.

2. I've been an Anglophile and Hibernophile for as long as I can remember. I used to love British and Irish boybands in my pre-teens and early teens and was never into their American counterparts.

3. I used to take everything apart to figure out how it worked. Vacuums, TVs, computers, etc. I don't do it as much anymore but I still like the idea of it.

4. Speaking of taking things apart for fun, I was a member of the Bob Vila's Kids Club when I was younger. To this day, I still like building things. Home Depot remains one of my favorite places to waste time.

5. I like random scents: the "new book" smell, fresh cut grass, the way the pavement smells when it starts raining, etc. I love the smell of flowers before I see them. I am very scent oriented. Ironically enough, it took me years to find a perfume that went with my body chemistry.

6. I cannot wear lipstick or most makeup. I've found out that I look weird with most makeup... like I'm a young girl trying too hard to look grown up. Suits me fine since I'm not big on wearing it anyway.

7. I wore jeans and pants up until a few years ago out of rebellion. My dad (you read that right) used to dress me in the girliest, frilliest dresses imaginable so when I got the chance to make my own wardrobe decisions, I went all trousers. Now I prefer skirts and dresses.

8. I can do many voice imitations -- speaking and singing. Only those closest to me have ever heard them though. They only come out when I'm at my silliest. :D I once considered becoming a voice-over actress.

9. Ms. Shelby Flint was my vocal teacher when I was growing up. She is the one who taught me to sing properly.

10. I wanted to be a nun when I grew up and St. Francis of Assisi was my favorite saint. To this day people will randomly ask me if I remember when I used to say, in a matter-of-fact voice/tone, that I was going to grow up to be a nun... particularly a Carmelite.

And now you know things very few people knew before I posted this. :D Yes, this is another filler post until I can get the CINO post ready... which I think may get scheduled for tomorrow. ;)

Anyway, hope y'all are having a good start of week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless.

What Advent Is....

2011-12-12T20:11:00.001-08:00

Okay, so, this is sort of a cop out (having a video instead of writing it myself) but I am still busy (unfortunately, I had some surprise time wasters pop up these last couple of days) so no post just yet. Maybe tomorrow, if life slows down a bit. :) Anyway, I thought Busted Halo did a pretty darn good job at giving the basics so I thought it was worth a share. :)

By the by, CINO college post is a work in progress because I am trying to find a way to make a decent post without ranting about my prison sentence, er... my last year studying at the chamber of torture... err, school. See? Not so easy. ;)

Also, I am posting my annual patron saint poll (to pick this blog's patron saint for the year) so if you have any suggestions, please tweet me or leave me a FB comment. :D Poll goes up on Thursday. ;)

Sorry for the small update but my time management skills are not used to the type of work I've had to do recently. I promise I'll try to make things work and post something soon. :D

Oh, and I hope y'all had a great feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Just a Quick Question... (CINO College Related)

2011-12-05T12:19:00.000-08:00

Yes, I had to include the Jeopardy theme song. lol.

I'm doing my last round of finals so no long, detailed post just yet but I thought I'd pose this question while I get around to writing this semester's recap of my experience at the CINO college: if one professor admitted that they are not supposed to be teaching liberation theology at my school, if another professor admitted that they all signed something saying that they wouldn't (but they still do), and if a priest friend (who is not a part of the CINO college) was utterly surprised when I told him what I was being taught as he knows it's not allowed... how much trouble would my school get into if they ever did a report on what is being "taught" and what should be but isn't?

And with that mini update/question, I am off to finish my finals. I technically don't have to finish one until Wednesday but I want to get that one and tomorrow's finished today. I have my last final on Thursday morning but, if all goes according to plan, I may have a blog post ready for y'all tomorrow. :)

For everyone doing finals this and next week, may the Holy Spirit help keep our minds healthy and remember that St. Joseph of Cupertino (patron of exam takers) is your friend.

I hope y'all have a great weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Proud to be a Prude

2011-11-26T13:45:00.001-08:00

Yes, you read the title correctly -- I am proud to be a prude! I do not get offended when being called one for various reasons but first I will tell y'all what prompted me to blog about this.

Two weekends ago I went to watch the latest Twilight movie. Okay, I'll give you a couple of seconds to voice your opinion of this. Go ahead. Out of our system? Okay, I'll give you two more seconds. Done? Okay, so, I should first say that I went because a) mom's a big Peter Facinelli fan and b) I was curious to see how it compared to the book. I read the entire series two years ago so the curiosity got the best of me. I also wanted to be able to contribute to the whole debate on whether Breaking Dawn was pro-life or "anti-life" and I can't do that if I didn't have proof to back it up. Since I had read the books, I knew there were parts I would not be entirely psyched to see. Watching the sex scenes with your mom is awkward enough but I actually looked away during those parts because I had an idea of how they would play out. It's not the first time I've done this.

I will be the first to admit that I will look away during these scenes. My friends who have gone to the movies with me will attest to this. One of my guy friends even (jokingly) puts his hands over my eyes when any PDA is shown on the screen. I'm okay with the kissing as long as it doesn't go too far but as soon as clothes start coming off and/or we see things going that way, I look away. It's something that I've done since I was little (my parents would change the channel or ask me to cover my eyes) and it's something that I've continued to do even though I am 26 years-old. I just feel that it's something that I can do without seeing.

I know that I have an active imagination (which can be a blessing or a curse) and a good memory and I also know that things I can't un-see will undoubtedly replay in my head a couple of times before it moves on to something else. To avoid any sinning in the future, I've opted to use this (looking away) as a way to make sure that I don't have anything extra to confess. Also, I know it's fiction but it feels like an invasion of privacy to watch two characters in an intimate act. To be completely honest, I know I am too innocent when it comes to these things and I'd love to keep that about myself for as long as I possibly can.

I've been called a prude by a professor (to my face, in front of the entire class) before. Of course, she "excused" herself about talking about pornography (quite explicitly) to the "prude" in class which would've embarrassed me if I weren't proud to be one. I have no problem with sex within a marriage, the purpose of sex (which is for procreation) or anything like that but I do feel like when it's shown for "entertainment" purposes that it's unnecessary. Theology of the Body? Awesome. Having sex scenes to make a movie or book more interesting? Lame. Seriously? If you can't make anything without having sex in it to keep the audience's attention then it probably isn't that good to begin with and thus not worth my time. Now, if you enjoy this well... to each their own. Personally, I just don't see the purpose of having it to make things "more interesting." As I said, I think it would be easier to sin by having lustful thoughts after watching such things but maybe that's just me.

So, for those of you who have recently called me a prude for "not acting like an adult" by refusing to watch sex scenes -- THANK YOU! I will proudly take that as a compliment. I would've gone deeper into this subject but I have two finals to complete tonight, as well as a trip to a local parish for confession in an hour, so it'll have to wait in case this topic ever comes back again... which it might considering a recent article about how the problem of pornography has gotten worse amongst Catholic men. Considering that I have an update on my music purge coming up for Monday (which will be scheduled since I will not be home) I might touch on this subject again.

Anyway, I have to go examine my conscience and then drive to the parish before I can start my finals so I should stop writing. :)

I hope y'all have a great start of Advent. I might have something written for tomorrow but I am not 100% sure. If I can't complete one of my finals tonight, I might have to spend tomorrow finishing it and will therefore not have time to blog. Either way, have a good Sunday and hope the new translation doesn't trip y'all too badly. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

I'm Thankful For...

2011-11-25T12:00:00.000-08:00

I'm a day late on this but it's better late than never. :) So, lack of posts is (once again) due to homework and then I lost my wifi and internet connection for a day but I'm back on and here to update y'all. By the way, I am doing this instead of my first final (haha, oops) so I'm going to try to finish it rather quickly. :)

I decided to write one thing I'm thankful for according to how old I am. So, since I am 26 years old, I am posting 26 things I'm grateful for. It wasn't easy but it was a good challenge. Got it? Okay; let's begin. :)

I'm thankful for:
1) God's love, mercy, and grace. Without it where would I (or, really, anyone) be?
2) The Eucharist. Do I really need to explain this one? :D
3) The Church. The longer I'm at my CINO college, the more I fall in love with the Church, her people and our Faith.
4) My Family. It's a given. ;)
5) My Friends. The majority of my friends are like adoptive brothers and sisters and I'm grateful for every one of them.
6) My Health. While I did spend 2.5 months with a horrible throat infection this summer and I've had three bad anxiety attacks this year, I've been so much healthier than I have in the last 5 years.
7) That I'm almost done at the CINO college. I'm a little over 5 months away from the graduation date. While I'm still trying to get my thesis proposal approved (more on that soon), I am that much closer to getting out.
8) Our New Archbishop. Not to be rude or rag on Cardinal Mahony but the L.A. Archdiocese desperately needed someone like Abp. Gomez to come in. I'm excited to see what the future will bring.
9) For music. Music's always been a big part of my life but this year it's been one of the things that's helped me get through some of the more stressful moments of my life.
10) To be living in the country I'm in. Yes, I have some issues with a few things here and I often say I want to move to Canada or Ireland but, let's be honest, we are better off than those living in countries such as Africa where there is a lot of starvation and other war-torn countries.
11) This kind of goes back to family but, the sacrifice my parents have made for me. My mom is my rock and she gave up a lot of luxuries so that I could grow up as well as I have. Dad also sacrificed a lot for me when he was alive.
12) This one also goes back to friends but my girl friends who keep me strong. Some of my best friends (Angelica, Delaney, and Danica are amongst them) recently helped me get through something difficult in which I needed a lot of support from friends and I am so incredibly grateful that they were there for me.
13) The Wonderful #CathSorority gals that I've come to know in the last couple of months. Coming from a place in which faithful Catholic women are almost nonexistent or too far to see on a regular basis, it's nice that we have this support system online.
14) Twitter and Facebook Friends. Yes, I really did go there. When any of us need prayers, these are the people who (whether we know each other in person or not) will always have your back with prayers. When my father passed away two years ago, I had so many strangers tweeting me with condolences and prayers. It was an amazing feeling.
15) People like Patrick Madrid and another (currently unable to talk about) person/publication who've given this girl a chance to write and get published. Sometimes you need a person to believe in your dream (mine is to be a writer) to give you the confidence to go ahead and pursue it.
16) Patron Saints. Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati keeps popping up every where I go. St. Therese of Lisieux kept me focused this Lent. St. Jude's coming through for many friends. Hooray for patron saints who don't let you down!
17) Catholic New Media. Hello Thesis paper topic that has been approved but yet not entirely approved. In all seriousness, if it wasn't for it, I would've felt alone during my reversion to the Faith five years ago. I wouldn't have met the people I have nor would I have learned as much as I have.
18) Friends at CINO college. We are the minority but there are two or three fellow classmates/friends who are in the same "Get me out of this CINO college!" boat. It's nice to have that kind of support in that kind of environment.
19) Lent and Advent. Okay, I'm running out of things (that are said in all seriousness) so this is kind of cheating but these are some of my favorite times of year. I am forced to look at myself and make some necessary changes. Both have helped me get more serious about my Faith.
20) Spiritual Advisers. I spent 2 years without one because my last one, Fr. Leo, passed away two years ago this month but I have a new one and he is seriously the best. I've gotten back on track thanks to him.
21) The Rosary and the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy. It reminds me of a shirt I once said that I had a picture of a Rosary and said "Have you called your Mother lately?" I can't think of two better devotions to help you remember what really matters in life when things are so crazy you feel overwhelmed.
22) My New Parish. Mom and I found a new place to attend Mass which is more to our liking. I'm sorry if this sounds snobby but I don't like the clapping and the dancing during Mass. It's simply not my cup of tea. Our new parish has an organist, women wear mantillas, and we have altar boys (well, young men). I'm not a "trad" but I do like the Latin Mass and this is the closest thing we get every Sunday.
23) Having a paycheck coming into the house. Although my mom is currently the only one working since I haven't gotten any job I've applied for (and thus we've had to cut a lot of things out we'd become accustomed to), I am grateful that there is at least some income coming in. Yes, our belts are tight, I can no longer travel as often as I wish, and we are living paycheck to paycheck but it could be worse. I know God will always provide for us.
24) Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati's Financial Intercession. When I first started at the CINO college, I asked Bl. Pier Giorgio for his intercession since tuition is over $31K a year and I didn't want to go into debt with student loans. I'm going to graduate with only $2K in loans thanks to my generous Cal Grant (which I had to fight for earlier this year) and a massive grant given to me by the CINO college.
25) Vegan foods. Go ahead and laugh but with my dairy and egg allergies, I was losing a lot of important nutrients. With my discover of more ingredients I can use to substitute dairy and eggs and still get the calcium and protein I need, I've been able to stay healthier longer.
26) Basically, everything... good and bad. I wouldn't have grown or come to appreciate all of these things if I hadn't gone through the good AND the bad. It makes my life experience that much richer.

Okay, that took longer than I anticipated but I don't often publicly express what I'm thankful for so it's okay. And now I've realized that I'm running late to pick up my mom from work so I gotta run.

I hope y'all had a great Thanksgiving Day. Remember that it's more about what the day symbolizes than how many amazing savings you can get.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

St. Cecilia Novena - Day Nine

2011-11-21T15:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, this is my own personal St. Cecilia statue. I took this picture two years ago and the statue now sits on top of a record player. Yes, I own a record player. And a guitar. And sheet music. And way too many (legally) downloaded songs. Have I ever mentioned that I've always been a massive music nerd and that St. Cecilia was the perfect confirmation saint when I was confirmed at 13? Yeah.

Anyway, if you've made it this far, congrats! Novenas are not easy to get through. I hope St. Cecilia intercedes for whatever it was that you asked. If for some reason you don't get the specific result you wanted, remember that she intercedes but it's up to God and His will. Sometimes we don't get what we want but we will always get what we need.

------------------
DAY NINE
Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, have mercy on us.
Lord, have mercy on us. Christ hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.

God the Father of heaven,
Have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world,
Have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit,
Have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God,
Have mercy on us.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us. (repeat after each line)
St. Cecilia,
St. Cecilia, wise virgin,
St. Cecilia, whose heart burned with the fire of divine love,
St. Cecilia, apostle by your zeal and charity,
St. Cecilia, who converted your spouse and procured for him the crown of martyrdom,
St. Cecilia, who by your pleadings moved the hearts of pagans, and brought them into the true
Church,
St. Cecilia, who did unceasingly see your guardian angel by your side,
St. Cecilia, who mingled your voice with the celestial harmonies of the virgins,
St. Cecilia, who by your melodious accents celebrated the praises of Jesus,
St. Cecilia, illustrious martyr of Jesus Christ,
St. Cecilia, who during three days suffered most excruciating torments,
St. Cecilia, consolation of the afflicted,
St. Cecilia, protectress of all who invoke you,
St. Cecilia, patroness of holy canticles,
St. Cecilia, special patroness and advocate of all singers, musicians, authors, and students,

We salute you, O Virgin, who gave your blood for the defense and faith of Jesus Christ.

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Graciously hear us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Have mercy on us.

God glorified St. Cecilia,
And He crowned her virtues.

Let us pray, O Eternal God, who gave us in the person of St. Cecilia, a powerful protectress, grant that after having faithfully passed our days like herself, in innocence and holiness, we may one day attain the land of beatitude, where in concert with her, we may praise you and bless you forevermore in eternity. Amen.

Hymn
Let the deep organ swell the lay
In honor of this festive day.
Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Cecilia with a two-fold crown,
Adorned in heaven we pray look down,
Upon thy fervent children here
And harken to their humble prayer.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

-----------------------------------

If you're reading this without a link from twitter or the FB page it means I am currently at Disneyland and this posted right on schedule. I will be back tomorrow with a regular post. The semester is winding down, and I have one less class to worry about, so I now have the luxury of posting regularly. :) Anyway, thank you for this praying this novena with me. With the response I've gotten, I may do a couple of these (but for other saints) throughout the year next year. :)

As always, thanks for reading, and God bless. :D

St. Cecilia Novena - Day Eight

2011-11-20T11:38:00.000-08:00

DAY EIGHT
Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, have mercy on us.
Lord, have mercy on us. Christ hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.

God the Father of heaven,
Have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world,
Have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit,
Have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God,
Have mercy on us.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us. (repeat after each line)
St. Cecilia,
St. Cecilia, wise virgin,
St. Cecilia, whose heart burned with the fire of divine love,
St. Cecilia, apostle by your zeal and charity,
St. Cecilia, who converted your spouse and procured for him the crown of martyrdom,
St. Cecilia, who by your pleadings moved the hearts of pagans, and brought them into the true
Church,
St. Cecilia, who did unceasingly see your guardian angel by your side,
St. Cecilia, who mingled your voice with the celestial harmonies of the virgins,
St. Cecilia, who by your melodious accents celebrated the praises of Jesus,
St. Cecilia, illustrious martyr of Jesus Christ,
St. Cecilia, who during three days suffered most excruciating torments,
St. Cecilia, consolation of the afflicted,
St. Cecilia, protectress of all who invoke you,
St. Cecilia, patroness of holy canticles,
St. Cecilia, special patroness and advocate of all singers, musicians, authors, and students,

We salute you, O Virgin, who gave your blood for the defense and faith of Jesus Christ.

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Graciously hear us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Have mercy on us.

God glorified St. Cecilia,
And He crowned her virtues.

Let us pray, O Eternal God, who gave us in the person of St. Cecilia, a powerful protectress, grant that after having faithfully passed our days like herself, in innocence and holiness, we may one day attain the land of beatitude, where in concert with her, we may praise you and bless you forevermore in eternity. Amen.

Hymn
Let the deep organ swell the lay
In honor of this festive day.
Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Cecilia with a two-fold crown,
Adorned in heaven we pray look down,
Upon thy fervent children here
And harken to their humble prayer.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

-----------------------------------

St. Cecilia Novena - Day Seven

2011-11-19T19:03:00.000-08:00

DAY SEVEN
Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, have mercy on us.
Lord, have mercy on us. Christ hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.

God the Father of heaven,
Have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world,
Have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit,
Have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God,
Have mercy on us.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us. (repeat after each line)
St. Cecilia,
St. Cecilia, wise virgin,
St. Cecilia, whose heart burned with the fire of divine love,
St. Cecilia, apostle by your zeal and charity,
St. Cecilia, who converted your spouse and procured for him the crown of martyrdom,
St. Cecilia, who by your pleadings moved the hearts of pagans, and brought them into the true
Church,
St. Cecilia, who did unceasingly see your guardian angel by your side,
St. Cecilia, who mingled your voice with the celestial harmonies of the virgins,
St. Cecilia, who by your melodious accents celebrated the praises of Jesus,
St. Cecilia, illustrious martyr of Jesus Christ,
St. Cecilia, who during three days suffered most excruciating torments,
St. Cecilia, consolation of the afflicted,
St. Cecilia, protectress of all who invoke you,
St. Cecilia, patroness of holy canticles,
St. Cecilia, special patroness and advocate of all singers, musicians, authors, and students,

We salute you, O Virgin, who gave your blood for the defense and faith of Jesus Christ.

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Graciously hear us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Have mercy on us.

God glorified St. Cecilia,
And He crowned her virtues.

Let us pray, O Eternal God, who gave us in the person of St. Cecilia, a powerful protectress, grant that after having faithfully passed our days like herself, in innocence and holiness, we may one day attain the land of beatitude, where in concert with her, we may praise you and bless you forevermore in eternity. Amen.

Hymn
Let the deep organ swell the lay
In honor of this festive day.
Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Cecilia with a two-fold crown,
Adorned in heaven we pray look down,
Upon thy fervent children here
And harken to their humble prayer.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

-----------------------------------

St. Cecilia Novena - Day Six

2011-11-18T21:16:00.000-08:00

DAY SIX
Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, have mercy on us.
Lord, have mercy on us. Christ hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.

God the Father of heaven,
Have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world,
Have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit,
Have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God,
Have mercy on us.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us. (repeat after each line)
St. Cecilia,
St. Cecilia, wise virgin,
St. Cecilia, whose heart burned with the fire of divine love,
St. Cecilia, apostle by your zeal and charity,
St. Cecilia, who converted your spouse and procured for him the crown of martyrdom,
St. Cecilia, who by your pleadings moved the hearts of pagans, and brought them into the true
Church,
St. Cecilia, who did unceasingly see your guardian angel by your side,
St. Cecilia, who mingled your voice with the celestial harmonies of the virgins,
St. Cecilia, who by your melodious accents celebrated the praises of Jesus,
St. Cecilia, illustrious martyr of Jesus Christ,
St. Cecilia, who during three days suffered most excruciating torments,
St. Cecilia, consolation of the afflicted,
St. Cecilia, protectress of all who invoke you,
St. Cecilia, patroness of holy canticles,
St. Cecilia, special patroness and advocate of all singers, musicians, authors, and students,

We salute you, O Virgin, who gave your blood for the defense and faith of Jesus Christ.

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Graciously hear us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Have mercy on us.

God glorified St. Cecilia,
And He crowned her virtues.

Let us pray, O Eternal God, who gave us in the person of St. Cecilia, a powerful protectress, grant that after having faithfully passed our days like herself, in innocence and holiness, we may one day attain the land of beatitude, where in concert with her, we may praise you and bless you forevermore in eternity. Amen.

Hymn
Let the deep organ swell the lay
In honor of this festive day.
Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Cecilia with a two-fold crown,
Adorned in heaven we pray look down,
Upon thy fervent children here
And harken to their humble prayer.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

-----------------------------------

St. Cecilia Novena - Day Five

2011-11-17T21:56:00.000-08:00

For the record, I am basically posting the same novena every day as a reminder so if I ever post it super late (like tonight), you can still do it using the previous day's post.

-------------------------------------

DAY FIVE
Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, have mercy on us.
Lord, have mercy on us. Christ hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.

God the Father of heaven,
Have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world,
Have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit,
Have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God,
Have mercy on us.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us. (repeat after each line)
St. Cecilia,
St. Cecilia, wise virgin,
St. Cecilia, whose heart burned with the fire of divine love,
St. Cecilia, apostle by your zeal and charity,
St. Cecilia, who converted your spouse and procured for him the crown of martyrdom,
St. Cecilia, who by your pleadings moved the hearts of pagans, and brought them into the true
Church,
St. Cecilia, who did unceasingly see your guardian angel by your side,
St. Cecilia, who mingled your voice with the celestial harmonies of the virgins,
St. Cecilia, who by your melodious accents celebrated the praises of Jesus,
St. Cecilia, illustrious martyr of Jesus Christ,
St. Cecilia, who during three days suffered most excruciating torments,
St. Cecilia, consolation of the afflicted,
St. Cecilia, protectress of all who invoke you,
St. Cecilia, patroness of holy canticles,
St. Cecilia, special patroness and advocate of all singers, musicians, authors, and students,

We salute you, O Virgin, who gave your blood for the defense and faith of Jesus Christ.

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Graciously hear us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Have mercy on us.

God glorified St. Cecilia,
And He crowned her virtues.

Let us pray, O Eternal God, who gave us in the person of St. Cecilia, a powerful protectress, grant that after having faithfully passed our days like herself, in innocence and holiness, we may one day attain the land of beatitude, where in concert with her, we may praise you and bless you forevermore in eternity. Amen.

Hymn
Let the deep organ swell the lay
In honor of this festive day.
Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Cecilia with a two-fold crown,
Adorned in heaven we pray look down,
Upon thy fervent children here
And harken to their humble prayer.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

-----------------------------------

St. Cecilia Novena - Day Four

2011-11-16T15:23:00.000-08:00

The horrible, debilitating anxiety I was experiencing lasted two and a half days. I missed both of my classes yesterday and a meeting today because of it but I'm feeling better so back to earlier posts. :D

----------------------
DAY FOUR
Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, have mercy on us.
Lord, have mercy on us. Christ hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.

God the Father of heaven,
Have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world,
Have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit,
Have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God,
Have mercy on us.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us. (repeat after each line)
St. Cecilia,
St. Cecilia, wise virgin,
St. Cecilia, whose heart burned with the fire of divine love,
St. Cecilia, apostle by your zeal and charity,
St. Cecilia, who converted your spouse and procured for him the crown of martyrdom,
St. Cecilia, who by your pleadings moved the hearts of pagans, and brought them into the true
Church,
St. Cecilia, who did unceasingly see your guardian angel by your side,
St. Cecilia, who mingled your voice with the celestial harmonies of the virgins,
St. Cecilia, who by your melodious accents celebrated the praises of Jesus,
St. Cecilia, illustrious martyr of Jesus Christ,
St. Cecilia, who during three days suffered most excruciating torments,
St. Cecilia, consolation of the afflicted,
St. Cecilia, protectress of all who invoke you,
St. Cecilia, patroness of holy canticles,
St. Cecilia, special patroness and advocate of all singers, musicians, authors, and students,

We salute you, O Virgin, who gave your blood for the defense and faith of Jesus Christ.

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Graciously hear us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Have mercy on us.

God glorified St. Cecilia,
And He crowned her virtues.

Let us pray, O Eternal God, who gave us in the person of St. Cecilia, a powerful protectress, grant that after having faithfully passed our days like herself, in innocence and holiness, we may one day attain the land of beatitude, where in concert with her, we may praise you and bless you forevermore in eternity. Amen.

Hymn
Let the deep organ swell the lay
In honor of this festive day.
Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Cecilia with a two-fold crown,
Adorned in heaven we pray look down,
Upon thy fervent children here
And harken to their humble prayer.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

-------------------------------------

I probably won't do a regular post until the novena is over so there isn't too much. :)

Anyway, thanks for praying this novena with me. We're almost halfway there. :D

St. Cecilia Novena - Day Three

2011-11-15T20:11:00.000-08:00

DAY THREE
Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, have mercy on us.
Lord, have mercy on us. Christ hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.

God the Father of heaven,
Have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world,
Have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit,
Have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God,
Have mercy on us.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us. (repeat after each line)
St. Cecilia,
St. Cecilia, wise virgin,
St. Cecilia, whose heart burned with the fire of divine love,
St. Cecilia, apostle by your zeal and charity,
St. Cecilia, who converted your spouse and procured for him the crown of martyrdom,
St. Cecilia, who by your pleadings moved the hearts of pagans, and brought them into the true
Church,
St. Cecilia, who did unceasingly see your guardian angel by your side,
St. Cecilia, who mingled your voice with the celestial harmonies of the virgins,
St. Cecilia, who by your melodious accents celebrated the praises of Jesus,
St. Cecilia, illustrious martyr of Jesus Christ,
St. Cecilia, who during three days suffered most excruciating torments,
St. Cecilia, consolation of the afflicted,
St. Cecilia, protectress of all who invoke you,
St. Cecilia, patroness of holy canticles,
St. Cecilia, special patroness and advocate of all singers, musicians, authors, and students,

We salute you, O Virgin, who gave your blood for the defense and faith of Jesus Christ.

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Graciously hear us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Have mercy on us.

God glorified St. Cecilia,
And He crowned her virtues.

Let us pray, O Eternal God, who gave us in the person of St. Cecilia, a powerful protectress, grant that after having faithfully passed our days like herself, in innocence and holiness, we may one day attain the land of beatitude, where in concert with her, we may praise you and bless you forevermore in eternity. Amen.

Hymn
Let the deep organ swell the lay
In honor of this festive day.
Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Cecilia with a two-fold crown,
Adorned in heaven we pray look down,
Upon thy fervent children here
And harken to their humble prayer.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

-------------------------------------

St. Cecilia Novena - Day Two

2011-11-14T20:15:00.000-08:00

Sorry for a late post but I had a pretty bad series of panic attacks (and I know what triggered it so I can avoid that in the future). All is not 100% better but I feel much better than I did 3-4 hours ago. Anyway, roll on day two. :D

DAY TWO
Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, have mercy on us.
Lord, have mercy on us. Christ hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.

God the Father of heaven,
Have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world,
Have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit,
Have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God,
Have mercy on us.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us. (repeat after each line)
St. Cecilia,
St. Cecilia, wise virgin,
St. Cecilia, whose heart burned with the fire of divine love,
St. Cecilia, apostle by your zeal and charity,
St. Cecilia, who converted your spouse and procured for him the crown of martyrdom,
St. Cecilia, who by your pleadings moved the hearts of pagans, and brought them into the true
Church,
St. Cecilia, who did unceasingly see your guardian angel by your side,
St. Cecilia, who mingled your voice with the celestial harmonies of the virgins,
St. Cecilia, who by your melodious accents celebrated the praises of Jesus,
St. Cecilia, illustrious martyr of Jesus Christ,
St. Cecilia, who during three days suffered most excruciating torments,
St. Cecilia, consolation of the afflicted,
St. Cecilia, protectress of all who invoke you,
St. Cecilia, patroness of holy canticles,
St. Cecilia, special patroness and advocate of all singers, musicians, authors, and students,

We salute you, O Virgin, who gave your blood for the defense and faith of Jesus Christ.

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Graciously hear us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Have mercy on us.

God glorified St. Cecilia,
And He crowned her virtues.

Let us pray, O Eternal God, who gave us in the person of St. Cecilia, a powerful protectress, grant that after having faithfully passed our days like herself, in innocence and holiness, we may one day attain the land of beatitude, where in concert with her, we may praise you and bless you forevermore in eternity. Amen.

Hymn
Let the deep organ swell the lay
In honor of this festive day.
Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Cecilia with a two-fold crown,
Adorned in heaven we pray look down,
Upon thy fervent children here
And harken to their humble prayer.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

-------------------------------------
Keep it up, y'all. :D

St. Cecilia Novena - Day One

2011-11-13T17:43:00.000-08:00

I should be doing the last of my coursework for my Social Diversity course (and I want to be done in the last 3 hours so I can watch a cute movie on TV :-P) but I remembered that St. Cecilia's feast day is coming up on the 22nd and I wanted to post the novena. Since she is my confirmation saint (I was confirmed at 13 outside the U.S.) I thought it would be fitting to post her novena daily so that everyone who wants to do the novena will stay on track. ;)

I got this novena from the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia in Nashville.

DAY ONE
Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, have mercy on us.
Lord, have mercy on us. Christ hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.

God the Father of heaven,
Have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world,
Have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit,
Have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God,
Have mercy on us.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us. (repeat after each line)
St. Cecilia,
St. Cecilia, wise virgin,
St. Cecilia, whose heart burned with the fire of divine love,
St. Cecilia, apostle by your zeal and charity,
St. Cecilia, who converted your spouse and procured for him the crown of martyrdom,
St. Cecilia, who by your pleadings moved the hearts of pagans, and brought them into the true
Church,
St. Cecilia, who did unceasingly see your guardian angel by your side,
St. Cecilia, who mingled your voice with the celestial harmonies of the virgins,
St. Cecilia, who by your melodious accents celebrated the praises of Jesus,
St. Cecilia, illustrious martyr of Jesus Christ,
St. Cecilia, who during three days suffered most excruciating torments,
St. Cecilia, consolation of the afflicted,
St. Cecilia, protectress of all who invoke you,
St. Cecilia, patroness of holy canticles,
St. Cecilia, special patroness and advocate of all singers, musicians, authors, and students,

We salute you, O Virgin, who gave your blood for the defense and faith of Jesus Christ.

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Graciously hear us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world,
Have mercy on us.

God glorified St. Cecilia,
And He crowned her virtues.

Let us pray, O Eternal God, who gave us in the person of St. Cecilia, a powerful protectress, grant that after having faithfully passed our days like herself, in innocence and holiness, we may one day attain the land of beatitude, where in concert with her, we may praise you and bless you forevermore in eternity. Amen.

Hymn
Let the deep organ swell the lay
In honor of this festive day.
Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

Cecilia with a two-fold crown,
Adorned in heaven we pray look down,
Upon thy fervent children here
And harken to their humble prayer.

Let the harmonious choirs proclaim
Cecilia’s ever blessed name.

----------------
Anyway, back to homeworkland I go. :D I hope y'all had a great weekend. :D

God Bless,

School. Brain Fried. Update.

2011-11-12T19:29:00.000-08:00

<-- That was me last weekend when one of my professors decided to spring a surprise 8-12 page research paper on us (with only two days to finish it)... which was the weekend from heck. More on that soon...

I'm sorry for the lack of updates for the past two weeks. If you're following me on Twitter or FB then you know that I've had a rough two weeks filled with exams, papers, and presentations. I took all of yesterday and most of today off because my brain was on the verge of being metaphorically fried. I spent the last week with a headache because of all the things I had due in such a short amount of time. I wrote at least 55 pages in about 4 days so... I'm tired. Luckily, this is my last weekend of work for three classes before finals so it's all smooth sailing after tomorrow. :D

Not much going on besides school. Trying to get ready for Advent, the new Mass translation changes, and an updated Christmas traditions post. I am crossing my fingers for a seasonal job I applied for. I was told that they would do more interviews next week so we'll see what happens. Hopefully it's good because I could definitely use the paycheck for stuff like food. Hmm... what else? Oh yes, I've finally settled on my Thesis which I will start soon. I actually have to turn in my proposal next week. I'm quite excited for it... especially since it will involve some of you. That is all I am saying until I get my proposal approved. ;) Besides that, not much going on. I'm all schoolwork all the time. I have no life outside of school. I will be doing an end of semester post to update y'all on the penultimate semester at the CINO college. Here's a sneak preview: a professor (who just happens to be well qualified to say this) reluctantly admitted that the school is a CINO college... before telling us to be proud of being taught liberation theology. Seriously. I will write the entire recap within the next two weeks since I am doing a couple of my finals next weekend and will be done with the semester in the next 2-4 weeks. :D

Alright, that is all you get from me. I have quizzes and discussion posts to do today and then I have more stuff to do over the weekend in preparation for my first finals next weekend. Busy but a happy busy because it means I am that much closer to graduating and being done at that school fo-evah. Yes, I purposely spelled it that way. ;D

I will try to update on Monday but I might not even be home that day so if no one sees anything by Wednesday afternoon, you have my permission to bug me again. ;) Those of you who have my number may text me until I cave. lol.

I hope y'all have a great weekend and that those in school get through the last couple of weeks in one piece. We're almost done. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Stop and Smell the Roses. Laugh a Little.

2011-10-28T19:36:00.001-07:00

From what I've seen online via Facebook, twitter, emails, etc. it looks like a majority of us are having a hard time with one thing or another this week. So for the next couple of minutes I want y'all to stop what you're doing and watch these videos of Tim Hawkins being awesome.

Remember to stop and smell the roses once in a while. We're all stressed and that's not good for anyone. And, yes, this is a filler post because I will get bugged again if I don't post something soon. I am doing my last midterm right now (argh) so the St. Jude (Happy Feast Day) post is postponed for now. :D

Anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed some of the videos... especially if you hadn't seen them yet. :D Back to the front lines of the war zone (Christology midterm after all; remind me to tell y'all about the fun I'm having with the liberation/feminist theology I've been having this past week ;D) I go.

'til next time, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Grad School and Music Monday: Hunter Hayes

2011-10-24T14:14:00.000-07:00

No, your eyes don't deceive you... this is yet another update. I'm getting better at the updating. ;) A special thanks to those who actually bugged me once they heard my second to last midterm was completed. lol.

Still not much going on my end except more and more schoolwork. 6 more months... just 6 more months at the CINO college and then my real education can continue. As soon as the semester is over I'll give y'all a little review of how my penultimate semester went. And, speaking of school, I've been looking at which schools I'd want to apply to next year as I want to take a year or two off to work before I go for my Master's.

I am not sure I want to pursue Theology or Education for my Master's. I am currently being pulled in the direction of a Master's in Creative Writing, Literature, or Journalism because, as much as I'd love to teach, I feel like I'd be happiest writing. It's just something I've been feeling lately, especially after all the novenas I've done regarding my vocation. Of course, making a living by writing is difficult so I'd want something to fall back on and that is why I'll keep my options open. I do have schools in mind and if I do end up wanting to go for my Masters in Theology so that I may be able to teach at a higher level, I already know where to look. Right now John Paul the Great in San Diego (they offer a Biblical Theology Master's degree that I am very interested in) and the University of St. Thomas in Houston are on top of that list but it's only the beginning of the search. If I do end up doing a Creative Writing Master's degree I am most likely going out of the States to do so.

It just started to hit me how fast the "real world" is approaching and how I feel unprepared for it. I do have post-graduation plans but with the economy being so unstable and more and more of my friend struggling to find jobs, I realized that I have to have some backup plans. I'm sure this is something everyone who graduates college goes through but it's my first time going through this AND I feel much younger than I am (quite possibly because most of my classmates are younger... and I regularly get told that I look like I'm under 21) so it's a little weird for me. lol. I am going to take things as they come and just be prepared for whatever may come my way. At the moment I'm just focused on getting through my classes in one piece this semester and also getting ready for my 40 page *groan* Thesis next semester. I feel another novena coming on... after I do the one for St. Jude's feast day (on the 28th) and the one I started last night for the Holy Souls in Purgatory.

I normally have movie or music reviews on Mondays but I am waiting to go watch The Mighty Macs this week so I can review it and Courageous together in a single post so look for that next week. :D Still, I want to renew the Music/Movie Monday tradition so here's a song off of Hunter Hayes' debut album. Yes, it's a country song but I love country music and country singers like Hunter Hayes who aren't afraid of singing about God, love, AND their mama so here we go. ;) The song is called "Faith to Fall Back On"

My favorite part of the song is when he sings the "prayer":
"God, I don't have to see you. I know that you're there
'Cause there were times I thought I wouldn't make it home
But I kept a little faith to fall back on.
Yeah, and I've learned to put my trust where it belongs
And I've gotta little faith to fall back on."

It's a good, catchy song. I've had his album (which just came out two weeks ago) on repeat since I was able to get it so I just thought I'd share one of the songs. :D

Okay, I technically have about a week to finish my last midterm (they dragged out my midterms for an entire month; unbelievable) but I want to finish and relax a bit so I shall try to finish it today or tomorrow. That means no new post from me until probably Wednesday or Thursday. I'm trying to get back on a schedule. I'm sorry my posts have been a little boring lately. I will eventually have more faith based posts (not just talking about the woes of senior year, lol) 'cause that's an area that's been on hold but I need to work on that. :)

Anyway, I hope y'all had a great weekend and have a great week. As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

No One Has Ever Become Poor By Giving

2011-10-19T17:39:00.000-07:00

Anne Frank wrote in her diary, "No one has ever become poor by giving." I know our economy is a big dirty diaper that no one is able to change (lovely image I just gave y'all, right? lol. sorry) but who said we could only give financially? In the last couple of weeks I've seen a lot of great charitable acts and it's made me want to give back as well.

A few weeks ago, as I was waiting to make a left turn at the light, I saw a man in a wheelchair having trouble crossing the street and dropping things along the way. Another man, going in the opposite direction, met him, picked up the things that he had dropped, and then wheeled him across the street. It warmed my heart to see this because, let's face it, we don't see this often.

Two weeks ago, while in line for confession, an older woman walked in out of breath. We made room so that she could sit and she told us how many buses she had to take to get to the parish. When the woman behind us heard that she had come from her direction, she offered to drive the older woman back home. Considering it was over 95 degrees that day and that the older woman was at least in her 80s and could barely walk, it was a lovely act of charity.

I've noticed that when most people encounter someone who needs help they will walk on, looking elsewhere (and therefore pretending that they don't see anyone in need of help), and do nothing. Let's be honest, we've all done this at one point or another. I'm not perfect and I've been guilty of this in the past when I've thought someone else (who was closer) was going to do something... and then I felt like crumbs when I saw that I should've taken that chance because no one did anything.

I've been told (twice) by professors at my current college that doing acts of charity is inherently a selfish thing to do because even if we don't get a "thank you" or recognition, we still feel good and therefore it becomes a selfish act. *pauses, rolls eyes, sighs.* Don't you just love what they "teach" us at my school? lol. Anyway, I will wholeheartedly disagree. I don't think we are selfish for wanting to help others in need, even if that need is not great.

I've read about the acts of charity that other saints have done (especially those of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati who continues to be one of my go-to saints when I need a good tush kicking) and it's inspired me to do the same. I don't do great things but I help when I am able to. I don't do it to feel great but because I know that it's how God would want us to act. Sometimes I see people on the street asking for money for food and I think "Golly, I wish I could give them something in return but I don't have anything on me." It's easy to say that I can't give because I don't have (at least when it comes to money) and I forget that I do have other non-materialistic things that I can give and I try to keep that in mind.

So, I'm proposing this challenge to all my blog readers as well as to myself: even if you can't give because you don't have a job or because you can barely make ends meet, try to think of ways to give back. Even if it's anonymously or just a random little thing (like holding the door open when someone is carrying a heavy load or a screaming toddler in their arms). If you have a special talent, try to figure out how you can use it to help others. I have yet to figure out my special talent but I know that I have a big heart with a lot of love to spare (as I've been told by friends) and I'm going to try to figure out how to use it to help others. Do just one act a day if possible. Trust me, you can even do something around the house; something as simple as helping your spouse, parent, or roommate with something they can't get to because of whatever reason. We see so much hate and unnecessary drama that it would be nice to see a change. Remember that "no one has ever become poor by giving" and I hope some of you accept my challenge. I'm going to call it my Charity Challenge. Don't tell me or anyone else what you did/have done, just do it. :)

Anyway, I start my last round of midterms tomorrow (last two were postpone for this weekend) so here is my last post until I can get them done. :D You may all resume the bugging after Sunday night if I don't update soon enough. :D

I hope y'all have had a good start of the week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

So, I Fail. A lot. Often. But That's Okay.

2011-10-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

I've been failing to do a lot of things lately. Keeping this blog updated? Massive, obvious fail. I missed St. Francis of Assisi's feast day, St. Teresa of Avila's feast day (but with good excuse), etc. Unfortunately this semester has been the hardest for all my fellow seniors and I and we all spend our free time playing "catch up on the reading." Studying for my Norse mythology midterm last week? Fail. Even though I crammed and was prepared enough, I blanked out from the information overload. I JUST caught up with all but one of my classes and that is only a day behind so it's doable. We had a "mid-semester" break which was spent sick with a bug (which kicked in on Norse mythology midterm day) and then catching up on coursework and doing midterm #3 of 5. No one that I know from my college had a break which pretty much tells you how intense things are. There are some other things that I've noticed I've been failing on as well.

One of the things that I have been getting better at is trying to have a social life... though I realized how much I needed to change some things this past Saturday. I was blessed enough to get the chance to spend some time with Miss Claire Christina of In Te Speravi on her short trip to Los Angeles. We spent 2 hours stuck in Hollywood traffic (oh but it was fun, lol) after picking her up from the airport. We got to chatting about a lot of things I normally wouldn't talk to my other friends about. After we got to our destination and I met some of her friends (and spent an hour chatting before I came back home), I felt so great. I felt so comfortable and so happy and I realized that that (a social life) is what I both need and want... yet fail at as well.

Now, I'm not knocking my friends. I love my friends dearly (and many are like my brothers and sisters) but I don't get to see them as often as I'd like because of location, work, or family responsibilities. And I've also been so used to spending the majority of my time at home that I don't know anything else. I spent 7 years of my life taking care of my father so all my "wild and crazy" years have been spent at home. I spent the year (last year) after my father's death in a numb mourning and I've just started feeling like myself again in the last couple of months. While I am shy (at least until I get to know people better and get comfortable to let the silly nerd flag wave), I do like making plans and going out my friends. Now that my anxiety is getting to the point where I CAN make plans to go out and not bail (unless I feel utterly uncomfortable in the situation for one reason or another), I do have that desire to go out and just hang out with my girl friends or even my guy friends since the guys seem to have more free time than us girls. lol. I am undoubtedly going to fail at some social things because I am so out of practice but that's okay.

It's okay that I fail because I learn from things I don't succeed at... and I'm stubborn enough to do things repeatedly (and allow myself to fail in the process) until I get it right. Blogging? I will get better at it. I seriously need someone to get all up in my grill if necessary to remind me of this blog not being updated every 3 days (at least). Studying? I over-studied at the beginning of the semester so I lost a lot of time. I now know what each professor wants so I know what to concentrate on. Midterm was the last of my wigging out and over-studying. lol. I will try harder to reassess my time management so I can get a study break at least twice a week for some blogging or free time for me. Social life? That's going to be a little harder. I have no idea where to start other than attending more Catholic Underground, Los Angeles events... though they are now over for the year. I don't know how else I'll try to better my social life but it's something to work on. I'm finally getting around to the idea of dating again for the first time in several years (again, I never had much time for it) and that is a whole different battle I will tackle when I get there. AND, the biggie, spending more time praying. With my crazy schedule, I barely have time to eat (or I'll read while I eat) and it sucks (pardon my language) because it's hurting my relationship with God. I fail at this, a lot, but I will get better at it and I know God knows that I try my hardest.

The older I get, the more comfortable I am with my flaws and with my limits. Accepting that I can't always do everything right (Little Miss Perfectionist is calming down, lol) and I embrace that. It's through trial and error that we learn, we grow, and we then get closer to God. I can now hear my confessor and the priests that have often told me to stop being so hard on myself rejoicing right now. lol.

Alright, well, I've designed half of my Mondays as "study break time" before the next one (Thursday evening). Depending on how my last two midterms go, I hope to write something Thursday. I think tomorrow is one midterm and the last one is due on Sunday (but I will work on it during the week to turn in early because I fail to rest of Sundays and want to work on that). Someone poke me on FB, write something on the Fan Page, or send me a message on twitter if you don't see an update by Friday afternoon. I give y'all permission to bug the heck out of me. lol.

Anyway, I hope y'all had a great weekend and those going through midterms make it through in one piece. ;)

As always, thank you so much for reading and God Bless! :D

Happy St. Therese of Lisieux Feast Day!

2011-10-01T18:12:00.000-07:00

Since it's St. Therese's feast day today, and I'm a big fan of having fresh flowers in my room, I decided to buy some roses... and these are them. (side note: I got the framed picture of St. Therese from a Carmelite nun too but that was a while back. :D)

Well, as the title says, Happy St. Therese feast day! She's one of my favorite saints, one of my heavenly buddies, and this blog's patron saint for the year so y'all know I had to do something extra special this year. :D

I've learned a lot from St. Therese this past year -- a lot. I feel like she's taught me how to better my relationship not just with God but with friends and those who are part of my life. I carry around a set of sacrifice beads wherever I go and through the little sacrifices I make throughout the day (and especially at school) I've learned how to be more patient as well as how to let the smaller things go. Earlier this year I read Lenten Journey with Jesus Christ and St. Therese of Lisieux by Fr. John F. Russell, O.Carm and it definitely enriched my experience during Lent. I've done several novenas for my friends as well as myself and she's never failed to show us one of her many roses. In fact, I am currently doing a novena (which I had to restart because I fell asleep on the second day; I'm two days behind everyone who is doing it) and I have faith that she will share one of her roses with me. It's a pretty big decision I've been going back and forth on for a couple of months now (actually, for the past year as of this month) so, we'll see. :)

I wish I could write this beautiful, eloquent post about St. Therese but I am sadly short on time. I have my first midterm this weekend (due tomorrow but I am trying to get it done tonight) and the rest are next week so I am swamped with coursework. I have a total of 641 pages left to read before my last midterm next Thursday. Yes, I counted. I need to do at least 140 pages by tomorrow night. Oh yeah, that crazy. I also have projects, discussion posts, quizzes, etc etc. Starting off senior year with a crazy load but it's okay. :) It'll all be worth it when I get my degree. :D I will just leave you with this: I am so incredibly grateful to St. Therese for the example she's given us all on how to be a good person without having to do these great big gestures. For those of us who are shy and can't easily express ourselves as easily as others, it's a blessing to have someone like her to show us that the little things we do count just as much as the big ones; it doesn't diminish the intention or who we are inside.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having/had a great day, especially those who count St. Therese as their patron saint. :D I also hope y'all have a great weekend. :D

This month has A LOT of feast days I celebrate so expect more posts... especially after midterms when the course load gets lighter. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

To Walk or Not to Walk...

2011-09-22T15:30:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been seriously thinking about whether or not I will walk on stage at my graduation in the Spring. Some of my friends/classmates are opting not to since they've attended previous graduation ceremonies my school's had and they all say it's pretty mind-numbingly bad. That and, well, we're all in the "hey, this isn't an orthodox Catholic college! Get me out of here!" boat. The speakers aren't that great (from what I've heard) and it's a 4-5 hour ceremony because they include Associates, Bachelors and Masters graduates into one big ceremony. Add the fact that my school has a history of inviting pro-abortion speakers and you get a very unhappy me. If by some miracle Archbishop Gomez was invited to speak and actually accepted then I would not hesitate but I'm not holding my breath. And, to be completely honest, I feel kind of like a fraud. I don't think I really earned my degree 'cause I learned nothing except how to defend myself against those who don't teach Catholicism in an orthodox manner... oh, and I might've gotten a little more mischievous when coming up with prank ideas. That's pretty much it. lol.

If it were up to me (and only had myself to consider) I wouldn't do it. We all know I'm not my school's biggest fan and that I'm just going through the motions to graduate. They assault me with liberation theology and feminist rants on a daily basis; my reaction isn't a surprise. It's sad that I won't look back at my time at this school fondly (except for time spent with some good friends) but que sera, sera. However, I have to think about how much it would've meant to my dad and how much it means to my mom to see me walk.

See, the thing is that I'm a first generation college student in my family. No one's graduated high school, let alone college. The fact that I'm going to graduate (God willing) is a huge deal for them. My mom likes to tell everyone that I'm a few months from graduating while I blush a bright red and tell her to not make a big deal out of it. An older brother and sister-in-law were here last week and when my mom started talking about it, I went and hid in my room while I felt my face flushed. lol. I know if my dad were still alive he'd tell me that if I didn't want to go I wouldn't have to... though he would later try to guilt trip me into reconsidering it. lol. My mom will most likely "talk to" (and by talk I mean bug -- and I say that in the most loving way, lol) me until I cave and say I'm going... but I don't know.

That brings me to something else. I'm currently going through this period of trying to figure out when it's okay to do what I want and when to go on as I have before. I've (pretty much) always been a people pleaser; always done what I was told or what was expected of me. I've given up a lot -- oh boy, have I ever -- but I'm not regretting my decisions. I'm not complaining. I'm just at a point where I've been feeling a little selfish and this decision is one in which I am struggling. I really don't think I want to do the whole graduation thing (I'm not even taking my picture for the yearbook with their own photographer since that's more money they want to suck out of my already microscopic wallet). If they have another pro-abortion speaker spewing their agenda I'm going to be uncomfortable. A 4-5 hour ceremony sounds torturous... especially since I'll be somewhere at the end (Religious Studies is amongst the last listed majors) so I'll have to sit through the entire thing. I would much rather go to Disneyland with a bunch of friends and celebrate that way. But, do I want to pick this as my first big selfish decision and deprive my mother out of seeing her only child (and I am my mother's only child as my siblings are half-siblings on dad's side) graduate? I mean, she's already seen my graduate. I was the first to walk on stage at my high school graduation since I finished early and I sort of gave the Valedictorian speech. (side note: I am currently blushing typing that out.) I know this is college and it's a whole different ballgame but I just don't know.

So that, ladies and gentlemen, is my dilemma. I unfortunately have to make a decision soon since the school is asking us to let me know whether or not we will walk so they can make the necessary arrangements. I know, for sure, I am not doing the yearbook picture thing... nor the school/class ring... or pretty much anything that will make me dip into the savings I've just started rebuilding. And I thought trying to figure out what I was going to write my Thesis on was hard (another side note: I already picked my topic ;D); this is harder.

Anyway, I just gave myself a little break to update y'all on what's going on with me. Still a whole lot of nothing except schoolwork. Good news is that I've got my professors figured out so I know what to do to save myself time when studying. :D Still doing the music purge. I'm down to triple digits. I had to delete A LOT of music. I'll update y'all with more detail soon. The skirt experience will probably re-start in October since I lost a bit of weight and I need to get myself some new duds. (Don't worry, it's not intentional or an illness; I just cut down on sugar and a lot of junk foods for my own health.) I do have some pretty exciting "Oh boy, I'm getting published again" news. Not for Envoy Magazine (though, yes, I have another article in the latest issue) but something else. Y'all will know soon enough. :D

Okay, now I'm just procrastinating. lol. I should go and try to finish my coursework so I can enjoy my first long weekend since last month. :)

I hope everyone is doing great and hope y'all have a great weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

I Finally Watched The Passion... Sort Of.

2011-09-15T19:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I admit that I had very little desire to watch The Passion of the Christ. I heard it was very violent and very intense so I just avoided it. It's not that I wanted to avoid thinking about the agony and torture Our Lord suffered... it's just that I'm very sensitive when it comes to people suffering. I can't see it without a few tears escaping. I've always been that way. When we used to go to Mexico to visit my paternal family, I would cry when I saw the poor children and women begging for money on the streets so they could eat. I felt helpless because I didn't know how to help and when I did help (when I gave up whatever food I had with me), I was made fun of by family members. My heart just broke (and continues to break) for these people. If I see this way towards strangers imagine how much more it hurts when I think about everything Jesus went through for us.

For the record, I am a lot stronger (emotionally) than I am describing myself. I am able to endure a lot of things but seeing others suffer is one of the few things I just cannot help but get emotional over. Having said that, I will now confess that I cry during the Sorrowful Mysteries... especially when I take into consideration how I've been ungrateful in the past for the many blessings I've received. Maybe it's my "healthy Catholic guilt conscience" (as one of my professors described it last semester) but I just feel bad about the dumb, immature things I've had in the past. Anyway, I knew that if I cried during the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary I would be in so much trouble watching The Passion.

I was forced to watch part of it this week for my Christology course. Yes, forced. I was game for any other film but The Passion. I did not want to blubber like a baby in the classroom, especially when there are classmates who look at you as if you're subhuman. (side note: I wish it was a cliched exaggeration but the girls who come from families with money look down on us who don't... and don't hide the "disgust" they feel towards us.) I told several friends I would not watch the movie in the class because I knew it would happen. I was determined. I walked in this morning and said, "I'm just signing in and then I'm leaving. I'm not watching it." But then I felt a little courage and stayed. I'm glad I did.

Yes, I did sob. A lot. I left the classroom twice to get tissues. My eyes were red and puffy when I went to my next class. Yes, I did get these "Oh Em Gee, I can't believe she's crying over this" looks from some classmates. I did not care. Only one of the girls watched all of the film. During certain scenes everyone else took out their phones or played with papers on their desks. I tweeted. It was intense and we all felt it. I only watched the second half as they had started the first half earlier in the week when I was taking an exam (which I passed! :D) for the class elsewhere. It was enough to leave me emotionally drained. On the bright side I was able to see just how much I could handle (and am kind of proud of myself for that) and it gave me a lot to meditate on... in a good way. I actually have to watch it in its entirety since I have to write a paper on it but I'm more prepared now than I was a few days ago.

I can see where the criticism comes from. A friend said he didn't like it because it was too violent. Others praised it for giving us something to think about. I think both are valid arguments. It was intense (maybe a little too intense for the majority of the audience) but at the same time I feel like, though they could've toned down some things and still have gotten the desired effect, it was powerful enough to really makes us think about the suffering Jesus endured, the reason why it happened, and how we can repay Him. I still have a lot to think about (and, no doubt, a lot more when I watch all of it) but I already have a lot to think about... and some things to reevaluate.

I know I got a few "what kind of Catholic are you?" type responses when I said I hadn't watched the movie earlier this week but that's okay. While I do think it definitely makes you see things different, and it does leave you kind of stunned at first (it did me), I don't think anyone should be forced to watch it if they don't wish to. Those who have experienced violence or seen it inflicted on others (I, luckily, have not experienced it myself but have seen classmates/friends physically hurt) are more likely to feel strongly against watching it and that should be okay. It's not a film for everyone.

I am sure I will once again sob and go through a box of tissues when I re-watch it for specific questions such as "which Gospel did the screenwriter use?" but I'm ready. Okay, fine, I'll probably clutch a pillow but I'm good. lol. Don't know if I'll make it a tradition of watching it during Lent like some people but I wouldn't completely rule out ever watching it again at some point in my lifetime. We'll see. :)

Anyway, I have about 80 pages on Judaism to read for one class, 50 on Sexuality in Society for one of my Sociology courses, a couple chapters for my Anger Management class (haha, no, I don't have anger issues; it's a Sociology-Psychology hybrid class), and I have to read the entire Prose and Poetic Eddas by Tuesday so I better hit them books. :)

I hope y'all are having a great weekend thus far; I know I am. ;) I will try to blog again this weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Never Forget 9/11/01

2011-09-11T11:55:00.000-07:00

Everyone who was alive or affected by the tragedy of 9/11 has their own personal story. My story is not one that is of importance but I still feel like sharing it because I am still affected by it, 10 years later.

On September 11, 2001 I was a 16 year-old who was going through some changes of her own. I had actually started independent study and moved away from traditional public school due to my anxiety which had begun to affect me the year before. Since I did my work at home, I woke up from a nightmarish dream that I have only shared with a handful of people. I knew something was wrong. Everything felt different; tense even. I walked into the living room and saw my older sister, who had been visiting us from Virginia, pacing the room in sheer panic. My little nephew, Alexander, who was a year old, knew that something was wrong and looked at my sister with worry. That's when I looked at the t.v. and saw that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. At first I thought it might've been an accident... until I saw the second plane hit the second tower. I stood there in shock and I still remember thinking, in that moment, "all innocence is gone. Nothing will ever be the same again."

My sister sat down and tried to control herself while my dad tried to keep us calm. I looked at Alexander who looked like he wanted to cry from the desperation he saw on his mother's face and I sat down next to him, on the floor, and tried to distract him. I sang little songs and tried to look as happy as I could for his sake but inside I felt like crying. I would occasionally look up at the TV and see if there was anything else being reported. We got news that a plane hit the Pentagon and my sister nearly lost it. My brother-in-law worked not far from it and my sister desperately tried to get in contact with him. She couldn't get through but my dad gave her reassuring words that my brother-in-law would be fine. I looked back at Alex and I started to make silly faces whenever he could stop looking at my sister. I glanced up and saw the first tower collapse.

"Oh God, no. Please, no" was what I remember saying. I watched with tears in my eyes, as I watched. I hurried to my room so Alex wouldn't see me upset and tried to composed myself so I could get back to him. Though I was worried and afraid, my priority that day became my nephew and, as I reasoned it then, keeping him a happy child while he was young enough not to understand what had happened. I wanted him to enjoy his childhood for as long as possible because I knew things would never be the same. After a couple of minutes I returned and sat down next to Alex. I watched the second tower collapse in disbelief but at that point I was so overwhelmed that I was numb. I couldn't cry. I couldn't register everything that had just happened. I focused on Alex and his sweet little smiling face. My sister finally got a hold of her husband and we all relaxed a little bit. My sister was due to fly back to Virginia but she had to stay a few days which was fine with us. We did not want her traveling back so soon though she was desperate to return to her husband and my niece Wendy who were both back in Virginia.

After the initial shock wore off and the feelings of anger and hurt began to subside, I remember being happily surprised by the kindness of strangers. For a few weeks, if not months, I remember how we all felt united. The attack had impacted us all, whether we knew someone who was killed or directly affected by the hijackings or not. At my mother's work, we held candlelight vigil a week after the events. We stood outside as the stars were starting to show and I saw that we were not the only ones. There were people on other streets doing the same; waving the flags and holding up signs of hope. As the cars passed by, we heard honks and cheers in solidarity. This one painful day seemed to bring out the best in people and I remember that it was that way for several months. My father bought two plastic American flags to put on his cars and I could remember the pride I felt.

The following months and years reflected how much we were all affected. My childhood sweetheart enlisted in the Navy two years later when we turned 18 as did my high school boyfriend (though he went into the Army). My friend Heather went into the Marines right after graduation and my best friend growing up, Rudy, was set on going into the Marines as well.

Reflecting on the events, and watching the coverage on T.V., has made me very emotional today. I actually just read about Fr. Mychal Judge yesterday and I was dissolved into a puddle of tears. I have my moments where I can't seem to stop crying, especially when I see or hear the families of those who perished. It hurts me deeply, almost as if I were a part of their family. In one sense, I am. In other moments I am grateful to those who risked their lives and am once again reminded of the hope that has and will always remain in the wake of tragedy. I am reminded of two quotes Anne Frank wrote in her diary: "Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart." and "I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains."

May God be with the families of those killed as well as those who remember what happened that day. May God bless us all. May we never forget, never lose hope, and may we never see something like it ever again.

It's Finally Happened...

2011-09-09T16:59:00.000-07:00

Brace yourselves for something you never thought you'd hear from me. Are you sitting down? Are you ready? You sure? Okay, here it goes...

... we finally had an orthodox Religious Studies lecture. *gasp* Am I being punked? lol.

All kidding aside, I am very surprised about how yesterday's Christology class went. We had an actual lecture where there was no mention of liberation theology or any feminist rants. I may sound a little pessimistic when I say that I don't expect this to last but we've already been told that we'll focus the second half of the semester on the liberal side of Christology so I'm counting yesterday as a fluke. Yeeeah. Fun. lol. Maybe, since it Mama Mary's birthday yesterday, it was a feast day miracle. (side note: Have I mentioned that they gave out birthday cake during the lunch hour because of the feast of the Nativity of Our Blessed Mother? Yeah, I know. Surprise!) Or maybe the prof is trying to get me to put my guard down. Either way, I'm prepared for whatever comes my way. One thing I do know is that I'm in for a hard semester.

Lack of updates is due to the insane amount of homework I have. I have to read no less than 200 pages per week for my classes not to mention study for weekly exams/quizzes, papers, and all that fun stuff. And by fun I mean torture. lol. Actually, except for my Christology course, none of my classes are that hard. The work is just ridiculously time consuming. I thought I would be able to finish everything early and enjoy my weekend but I work right through my weekend as well. Some professors apparently believe their's is the only class we're taking because some assign up to 150 pages to read every week. For one class. Now do y'all get my absence from online activity? I have a feeling I will finish this semester mentally exhausted.

Not much to note besides the homework and something else that I've been wanting to write about. No, not the purging of music that makes me uncomfortable (though I do have iTunes open and go through the songs while I read) or the skirt experiment but something else. :) I'll write it soon enough. ;D

Anyway, I just wanted to update y'all on my school situation. I know many of y'all were brought to this blog when Patrick Madrid, First Things, and the Cardinal Newman Society all highlighted my CINO College post and I still get asked how things are going. I think my biggest challenge will happen when I write my Thesis next semester. I have it down to two possible things I want to write the 40 page Thesis (yes, you read that right) on and neither will go down well with my adviser but it's my paper so ha! ;) For now I'll just keep on swimming (a la Nemo's Dory) and try to make it out of this semester alive. :D

That's it for now. I did 8 straight days of cramming/studying and all I want to do is listen to music and catch up on my movie viewing today. I may have a special post scheduled for Sunday if I can get it written on time. Stay tuned for that. :D

I hope y'all are doing well, especially those who are back at work and school. :) I also hope y'all have a great, safe weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Major Music Overhaul Monday: Part One.

2011-09-05T17:17:00.000-07:00

1) I have about 150+ pages to read by tomorrow (oh, how I wish I was kidding) so I'll only post only a portion of what I want to share.

2) Yes, that's an actual screen cap of (part of) my iTunes library.

I've been alluding to the fact that I've been doing some major changes in my life lately. I have. I'll eventually get into the details of the other things I've changed and will change (such as a sort of experiment in which this "jeans and a t-shirt" gal will wear only skirts and dresses for a year) but for now I am going to share one of the hardest for me.

As some of you know, I'm a massive music nerd. I took some Jazz Studies courses my freshman year of college and was set to do that before I had a change of heart. I often help friends out (both guys and gals) with picking out music for playlists for their significant others, road trips, or weddings. You need a song for a specific occasion, I'm your girl. My first love was music and the love affair has stayed with me my entire life thus far. When I was a toddler I used to pluck a string on my mom's guitar and then run away, laughing my little tush off. When I got older, I started singing in school choir. I eventually learned how to play some Beethoven at the end of elementary school and I fulfilled my dream of learning to play the guitar when I was in my late teens. Music is almost always playing, whether it's on the way to or from somewhere or in the background while I'm home. Basically, St. Cecilia (the patroness of music and my confirmation saint) would be proud... yet maybe not entirely.

The reason why I am doing a major music library overhaul is because I've noticed a distinct change in me in the last couple of months that is more obvious now that I've acknowledged it: I am no longer comfortable listening to everything I grew up with. I will be the first to admit that I tend to focus on the melody and not so much the lyrics until a couple of plays. It may be because I usually favor music that is mainly instrumental. Either way, as I've been paying attention to the lyrics of the songs I own I've begun to feel uncomfortable listening to them. An example of a song is like the ones highlighted in the post picture. This particular part of my iTunes library that shows that I have two versions of the same song by two of my favorite jazz vocalists. I LOVE Ella Fitzgerald and June Christy. Their songs are the ones I like to sing when I'm alone at home and can belt out a few without feeling self-conscience. There are a couple of parts that I don't feel happy singing but it's mostly the lyric "thank God I can be over-sexed again." I just can't sing that and the more I listen to the song, the less comfortable I am even hearing it. This is part of why I'm doing the changes.

I may be criticized for possibly being too puritanical in my ways of thinking but I need to do this for me. Consider "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered" deleted from my music library. These are just some of the examples I'm going to be sharing as I embark on this quite hard journey (for me, as a music lover, at least) to rid myself of these songs.

That's all I'm going to share for tonight. I still have a lot of things to do in preparation for a very probable test I may have in my Christology course tomorrow so that's it for now. I'll maybe take every Monday this month to finish posting on this or maybe I'll be able to finish it next Monday. It'll all depend on how much free time I actually have during the week. So much reading/studying and not so much free time. :) Anyway, it's "Only the Beginning of the Adventure." (Quick, someone figure out where that song is from. ;D)

I hope y'all had a great long weekend and have a fantastic week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Hooray for Reverse Senioritis; School Update

2011-09-02T11:05:00.001-07:00

As I stated in the last blog post, I seem to have reverse senioritis which is why there hasn't been an update in over a week. What exactly is reverse senioritis, you may ask. Well, instead of not wanting to do the coursework assigned because I'm in the last couple of months before graduation I'm actually doing what I can to get ahead. I'm actually currently behind a couple of days because this week has been quite eventful (including a car accident on the way to school AND a mini earthquake yesterday; no worries, no one was hurt) and I haven't had the time to sit down and properly study in a couple of days. My goal is to be a week or so ahead in most of my classes which is doable if I take this weekend to do it. I can do it since the readings aren't too bad but I will need to take a break from the 'net until Sunday day of rest) and then again until probably Tuesday.

As for how school is going: I'm at the moment indifferent. I'm loving my Norse mythology course because of the imagination they had and because my professor is so passionate about it that he makes the lectures interesting. My Christology class is going okay. I feel like I'm getting mixed messages and y'all know I'm not too happy about that. Some things are right on the mark and others have me sitting in my seat, moving a St. Therese Sacrifice Bead over and offering it up. I feel like it's also too PC (politically correct) but I've felt that way about all my Religious Studies classes thus far. It's almost as if it's criminal to talk about what the Church's actual teachings on subjects such as homosexuality are not taught for fear of offending people. Y'all know my theory: I'd rather be told the Truth and have people ticked off for having the guts to say it than offending the Lord but maybe that's just me. The semester is still in its early days (we just finished the 2nd week) so I'm still hoping and praying that we'll eventually get less mixed messages. There's still hope. :)

Everything else is going great. Anxiety's been a bit of a mess with the events that happened yesterday but I'm drinking red rooibos tea which helps the anxiety go down and all things are good. :) Oh, and I know I was vague about a tweet I made about changes happening but I hope to be able to write about it on Monday (if I am able to finish reading by Saturday night). It'll work out because part of it involves music and y'all know I enjoy my Music Monday posts. :D

Anyway, just wanted to give y'all an update. I hope those of you who are already back in school are finding your classes a little easier to manage than last year (seems most of us had a hard time last school year). As I said, I hope to post on Monday about the changes coming up... which I may or may not be criticized for but I feel these are needed. :)

Hope y'all had a great week and have a fantastic long weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

This Is What Happens When You Trust God...

2011-08-27T12:54:00.000-07:00

1) You pray earnestly for something but ultimately resign yourself to doing whatever God's will is. Result: You get back your blood test results that say you're 100% healthy. Somehow the thyroid levels fixed themselves and are now within normal range. Also, absolutely no diabetes or anything else. A couple lost pounds (which aren't noticeable) but otherwise very healthy. :D

2) You have faith in your friends and neighbors because they are good people who love God and believe in charity. Result: You have amazing friends whom you can count on. I had no ride to or from school on Tuesday and a friend drove an hour to my house to take me to school and then waited 3 hours until I was out of my classes. The Lord repaid him the next day with a job he'd been hoping for and will be relocating this weekend. Another friend also helped me get a replacement phone after mine was stolen at school on Monday. I'm sure the Lord will repay her soon; don't worry, I already did too. ;)

3) You trust that the Lord will provide financially when you are in need. Result: You get one of the few emergency loans available from the school to buy your textbooks so you don't fall behind... and then Amazon has them delivered to your house the very next day for free so you have all weekend to read. It wasn't until after I received the loan that a friend/former classmate said I lucked out because they run out of emergency funds fast. My reverse senioritis rejoices. lol.

I told one of my best friends and my mom that I believe that this summer was sort of a test for me. My faith was tested in a big way with all these question marks over my health and financial stability. I hadn't had to deal with any of this until this summer. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't go through a day or two of "I trust in you, God, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to endure this." Eventually those thoughts of self doubt (though I really did try, in all earnest, to dispel them as quickly as possible) gave way to resignation to doing whatever God's will is for me. It's something that has been hard for me in the past couple of years (since my father's death to be honest) because I know and I trust that God will provide but it's difficult when a feeling of hopelessness tries to creep up. As someone who deals with anxiety and panic disorder (though this has been going away as well) and who has to deal with as much as I have it's hard to just let go entirely. Like I said, I trust God but I don't always trust that I have courage myself. I know some of you guys were praying for me and I am wholeheartedly grateful for the prayers and for the words of encouragement.

Anyway, I'm in the middle of housework (I'm finally getting back into the swing of things as they were prior to my dad passing away; housework and homework done like clockwork) and I just wanted to take a brief break to update y'all on the results and everything else. I'll let y'all know about school soon. I'm hoping Monday as I am going to try to take Sundays off from blogging. :)

Again, thanks for everything! The prayers in the 54 Day Rosary novenas said, the novena to the Holy Souls in Purgatory, and the novena to St. Jude really helped. I'm honestly humbled by how many of y'all prayed for me. I hope y'all had a great week and will have a fantastic weekend. East Coast friends, please stay safe! We will all be praying for y'all! <3

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Can The First Week of Senior Year Get Any Weirder?

2011-08-24T17:16:00.001-07:00

If you're following me on Twitter or are a FB friend than you already know how weird my first two days of senior year have been. On the plus side: I'm done with homework for 3/5 courses (for the week) and I have friends in all my classes. On the "ick!" side: my phone was stolen/lost on the first day of the year (I even had to file a police report with campus security), I almost face planted when I tripped and fell that same day, and a friend had to drive an hour to pick me up and take me to and from school when I could not find a ride (or afford to drive myself). In between I have some interesting (thus far) classes in my first all-male professors semester at a primarly all-female school. Some of my classmates are already swooning over my Norse Mythology professor. lol.

It's really weird, to me, because I was so determined to make the most of my week, despite the misfortunes, and I've kind of done it. Despite being in a sort of "panic" mode on Monday while I tried to find my phone, I ended up kind of laughing over it in the end. It was just so ridiculous to me. Except for today when I lost my cool after a guy in an SUV nearly hit me in at grocery store parking lot (I promise I am uber cautious when I drive and I was going at a good speed that allowed me to avoid an accident when the guy verbally attacked me while he impatiently tried to get a parking spot before I did), I've been able to exercise patience and charity towards others. Basically, I've thrown the lemons back. :D I don't know if it's because I made the resolution to make myself as calm as possible (I'm so tired of being stressed and anxious) or because the effects of the last week of the 54 Day Rosary Novena are starting (today is the last day). All I know is that I'm kind of mellow (again, except for today -- though I did end up saying a Hail Mary a couple of seconds after the incident to get over my annoyance). It's good. I'm trying to make the most of the obstacles being thrown at me.

Who knows how the rest of my senior year (and week) will go. I still have a few days to go. Tomorrow I go back for my second official day of classes (I'm only on campus twice a week this semester). I already know that my last Religious Studies class will be interesting... and by that I mean I already have a feeling that there's going to be one final attempt to get me to think in a more liberal way. What is tipping me off? We have a couple of weeks worth of feminist theology in my Christology class. Feel free to note how many things were wrong is that last sentence. I've been told to not be to "concrete" and "stubborn" in my ideas about my Faith and that I should be open to any new ideas about what Christianity is. Interesting indeed. All my other classes should be fairly innocuous but I'll keep y'all updated. As I said, this is my last 8 months as a college undergrad student so who knows what the professors and the college has in store for me before I graduate.

Oh, tomorrow I also go get my blood work results in the evening. I would be lying if I said I wasn't slightly nervous but I've resigned myself to doing whatever God's will for me is. I've asked, in the Rosary novena, for good, healthy results but if hypothyroidism or diabetes comes up I'll just have to deal with it.

Anyway, to end on more positive note: it's been so stinking hot (and the Weather Channel is predicting over 100 degree weather all this week) that I will be able to wear skirts. So excited! lol. The older I get, and the more I study about Catholicism and modesty, the more I favor skirts and just being more feminine. This little tomboy is growing up and enjoying the process. lol. Btw, ladies, head over to Betty Beguiles for awesome tips on modesty in clothing and other "girly" things if you already haven't. I love her and the site, especially since she introduced me to Shabby Apple... which I will one day be able to afford. lol.

I have reverse senioritis (hitting the books hard from day one) so I should get back to being prepared for tomorrow. Shocking, I know. ;D I hope everyone who is starting school this week and next is doing great. I'm starting a novena to St. Thomas Aquinas for fellow students, professors/teacher, and staff so if you'd like to be included, please let me know by leaving me a comment here or at this blog's Facebook Page. :)

As always, thank you for reading and God Bless. :D

So, Last Night's Emergency Room Trip...

2011-08-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

I took this picture after I left the Emergency Room last night.

As some of you know from Twitter or FB, yesterday I was taken to the E.R. quite ill. I tried to hold out as long as I could as the county hospital wait times are ridiculous but I really could not. I felt horrible, was incredibly dizzy, and nearly fainted while I was walking. They did an EKG and said my heart was fine and I had no symptoms of a stroke which they ruled out right away. I spent 6 hours in the E.R. and the doctor said I had a bad panic/anxiety attacks as well as dehydration, low blood pressure (according to the 1st nurse who also hit on me while I felt like crumbs), and high blood sugar levels (170 according to the 2nd nurse). I had eaten two Pop-Tarts on an empty stomach an hour or two before the blood sugar level was taken so I'm guessing that was the elevated blood sugar level but they still want me to get tested for diabetes. I had already gotten blood work done (a month ago) and that was okay and I've gotten my blood sugar level taken twice in the past 4 months and it's been normal so I'm not stressing too much. More blood work to go along with the thyroid level blood work I have to get done this week. *sigh*. I hate needles. At least it wasn't worse and for that I am grateful.

I felt like crumbs a couple of hours but half of my stay in the E.R. was spent waiting around, reading Pride and Prejudice on my iPod touch Kindle, and drinking a huge cup of ice water (I didn't know they made them that big) that the doctor wanted me to drink (and additional two water bottles I had with me) to get me hydrated. I got to pray the 54 day Rosary novena and the St. Jude novenas before I left too, which was good because I didn't go home until about midnight and I would've had to start all over.

Although it was scary I am grateful that it was taken care of quickly. I had actually started feeling sick at Mass around noon, and was uber dizzy and lightheaded in Mass and wanted to hold onto the pews while in line to receive communion but I didn't want to say anything, and I just let it get worse which I should not do. Unfortunately, though I want to take it easy, it doesn't seem that it'll happen. I could go on a rant about this but I'll just say that it makes me upset that after everything that happened yesterday and considering how exhausted I feel today, it's just not nice to make me feel like crumbs for wanting to rest today. I will try to make it to Mass today but I'm just not feeling up to driving or, really, going out at all. We'll see how it goes.

To everyone who prayed for me yesterday, THANK YOU! The wait times at the county hospitals are usually between 12 to 24 hours so my 6 hours were nothing and I think your prayers really did it. :)

I hope y'all are doing much better than I am and that you will have a great week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless.

Three Catholic New Media Awards Nominations!

2011-08-12T16:29:00.000-07:00

Um... Best Blog Written by a Woman, Best Written Blog, and People's Choice Blog... *pinches self* seriously?! THANK YOU! I'm truly speechless and humbled. I don't know what I did to deserve the nominations from whoever nominated me but thank you!

I don't think I'm going to win anything because I'm up against some truly fantastic blogs (many of which are written by friends) but I don't mind. :) I'm always surprised when people outside my group of friends tell me that they read this blog. lol. Anyway, I just wanted to say a quick "Thank you!" and urge you to vote and not just for mine. Please vote for whichever blog, website, and podcast you wish to vote for. I'm not going to lie and say that I did not vote for myself, 'cause I did (and it might be the only one, lol), but I also did not vote for myself in a couple of categories. I voted for friends whose websites and blogs are far superior to mine. :) I'm truly honored to be in such wonderful company and wish everyone good luck during this voting period. :) (side note: You need to register to vote and you only get one shot.)

(Oh, and P.S. If you already haven't, make sure you join the Facebook Page for this blog. :D)

That's it for now 'cause I have a crazy busy day. :) I hope y'all have a great weekend!

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Health Scares, Daily Masses, and Facebook Pages.

2011-08-11T15:00:00.001-07:00

Not much has been going on with me hence the lack of posts. Last Friday I was told my thyroid levels were low and that I might have hypothyroidism which, to be honest, scares me because it would mean that I will be on medication for life and I don't do well with medication. I've had my cry and have gotten most of it out of my system. As I told my new Spiritual Director (yes, I finally got a new one! :D) when I say to God that I will do His will for me I do mean it but it scares the heck out of me to think that I have something that I will need medication for the rest of my life. There is a slight chance that the thyroid levels were a bit off since I had the blood work done while I was taking one of the stronger antibiotics for the horrible throat infection I had, and I do not have any of the symptoms of hypothyroidism, so I'm trying to not jump to any conclusions. I get my second round of blood work done in exactly a week and I get my full results on the 25th so we'll see what happens.

It's kind of funny that someone told me that I had the worst health luck out of anyone she knew because I don't think I do. I know so many people are far worse than I am, and at a much younger age, and I don't see things like my anxiety as a curse (in fact, I've come to see having anxiety as a blessing as I am able to offer up panic attacks for the souls in purgatory). As weird as it sounds, I feel closest to God when I am sick because it sort of takes me away from any selfish tendencies I might have and makes me focus on what is truly important and makes me more grateful for what I do have. At the same time, I'll admit that while doing the 54 Day Rosary Novena (I'm on day 41) I am praying for my health because I am about to enter my senior year of college and I want to make the most of it. Also, I want to work on my relationship with God while healthy because I feel like it needs a lot of work when I have no problems to deal with as opposed to when I am ill with something. As I said, as hard as it sometimes is for me to think that I am strong enough to handle whatever is handed to me, I know that God never gives us anything we can't handle and that as long as I do His will I'll be okay. Ultimately, I need to do what is right because my soul is what matters more than my mortal body.

And, speaking of that, I have been trying to attend daily Mass and it's been hit and miss. When my parish offers evening Masses, I am able to attend but when they only offer morning Masses (which is twice a week) I haven't been able to attend. I get very little sleep at night and in the wee hours of the morning because I have to take my mom to work at 4 a.m. My internal clock is so messed up (and my neighbors' drunken parties that end at 3 a.m. do not help) that I sleep anywhere between an hour to 3 before I have to get up and then it takes me anywhere between an hour to three to fall back asleep when I get home... yeah. I'll spare you guys the headache of figuring out the rest but let's just say that my favorite time of day (mornings) is wasted because I cannot keep a good sleeping schedule. My eating schedule is also off so it's a pain. I feel so at peace and so happy when I do go to daily Mass that not being able to attend Mass because my schedule is so off really bugs me. (And before I get any comments or advice, 1) I've tried everything (natural) to fall asleep early... 2) mom can't drive because she had a terrible car crash before I was born and is too nervous to drive... and 3) we cannot afford to pay taxis to take mom to work every day). I hope that my schedule will go back to normal (or at least that I will be allowed at least 5-6 hours of sleep without interruptions) when I go back to school since my classes will be in the morning and I cannot sleep until noon or 1 p.m. like I've been doing for the past two months. I will also have to get over my aversion of attending Mass on campus since I only have classes twice a week but those two days are the same ones on which they don't offer evening Masses. Oh what fun this all is, isn't it? By the way, if it sounded like a rant I'm sorry. That was not my intention. :)

Anyway, I think I've written long enough so I will say one more thing: this blog now has a Facebook Page so you can join and get updates whenever I have new posts. I know that it will be easier for some people than just checking every once in a while to see if anything has been updated. :) I need about 13 more people until I can get a proper URL (and therefore get a box to add to the blog) so please join if you can. :)

That's it for now. I'm currently reading Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (and have already read Emma and Northanger Abbey -- Happy "Emmy declares late July through mid August Jane Austen Month" month :D) and I want to get back to it. That and a certain someone who made a guest post on this blog has turned reading books into competition with me so, you know, I gotta get back to finishing my novels. :D

I hope y'all are doing well and that those who will return to school soon enjoy the rest of their summer vacation. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D

Saint Dreams, Part... I Seriously Lost Count.

2011-08-04T17:20:00.000-07:00

*originally started August 4th but posted the 7th*

During the earlier days of this blog, I used to write about saint dreams I had. I used to have them more often in those days and then stopped for a while. They've been become frequent again and two have had the same message so I thought I'd share.

Those with whom I communicate on a fairly regular basis know that I haven't been feeling very close to God lately. I don't know why but I just can't concentrate as well as I have before while praying or making an earnest attempt to meditate. The more I try to get back on the track I was, the harder it is. When I make an effort to pray at a certain time, especially when it comes to the 54 day Rosary novena I am currently doing with Angelica, something gets in the way and it's delayed until it's almost too late (nearing midnight). I just feel like there's something blocking and I don't know how to get around it. I talked to my regular confessor about it but even with his advice I feel stuck. Maybe that's why I had the following dreams I am about to share. I won't go into great detail but just the gist so y'all will understand.

Last week I had a dream that involved me being inside a parish and seeing Bl. Pope John Paul II consecrating the Eucharist. I was there with two newlywed friends of mine (who were in their wedding attire) who could not see what I saw. Anyway, I was told that I needed to receiving the Eucharist every day. Last night I had another interesting dream in which both my vocation and the Eucharist was brought up. I've been having doubts about whether I had discern my vocation properly so it was interesting that it was brought up in my dream. Anyway, last night's dream involved St. John Vianney, whose feast day we are celebrating today. I was, once again, told that I needed to receive the Eucharist on a daily basis. There were mentions of spiritual attacks coming to me in the next couple of days but the main thing was that I needed to go to Mass daily. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts. Considering how I've been feeling, I wouldn't be surprised if this is what I need in my daily routine.

I normally don't put a lot of importance on my dreams because it's dangerous to think that you can predict things or are getting straight messages through your dreams. I've had quite a number of interesting dreams that I occasionally share with whomever else was in the dream with me but that's about it. These dreams, though, I cannot help but really think about. Whether they come from God or from my subconscious, I really feel a strong urge to go to Mass and receive the Eucharist daily. Like I said, maybe it's what I need to feel closer to God once again. Maybe it's something that will make me feel more complete. It'll be a challenge as my sleeping schedule is so out of whack most days and I return to school in a couple of weeks but I think I'm going to earnestly try to attend Mass daily -- especially in the morning as my evenings are usually crazier.

Anyway, I just wanted to share because I thought the dreams were awesome. I am happy that the saint dreams are returning after a short break from them (a break I didn't want).

I hope y'all have a great rest of week and enjoy this feast day. Say a pray for your parish priests. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Tale of a Young Singer-Songwriter Who Stuck By His Beliefs

2011-08-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write this blog for the past two days now because I feel like it's a pretty unheard of tale that should be told. Take a talented young singer-songwriter, add a reality show, mix in a grand prize that every contestant wants to win and you get pretty much every reality show out there. But wait, add a dash of the grand prize being a 7-episode arc on one of the biggest television shows on air at the moment and you get the reality show, The Glee Project. With the popularity of Glee and the exposure the winner would get from appearing on it, it's a little perplexing as to why the young man, Cameron Mitchell, walked away from it all though he had made it through to the next round and into the top 5... that is, until you hear the reasons why he left.

Before I go on, I have to admit that I was not planning on watching this show. At all. I'm not a reality tv fan... at all. I'm sorry but I'm not. I have an interesting relationship with the show Glee as well so there was nothing that would get me to watch the show. That is, until I found out that Damian McGinty of the music group Celtic Thunder would appear. Being a CT fan (though I wouldn't consider myself a Thunderhead because I do not do some things Thunderheads do... some of y'all know what I mean) for the past 3-4 years and watching Damian sort of grow up made me curious in seeing how he would do on the show. So I watched and I'm now hooked on the show. lol. Anyway, I developed another favorite on the show who just happened to be Cameron. Every week I've rooted for those two, who subsequently became best friends in real life -- away from the cameras, and I was shocked when Cameron decided to walk away from the show... while feeling a sort of big-sister type of pride in his decision to walk away. I did want him or Damian to win the competition but I am so in awe of his decision as I know it must've not been an easy one.

Now here come the spoilers if you haven't watched the episode and want to watch it. Skip this paragraph if that's you. Cameron left the show because there were things that he was not comfortable with because of his beliefs. It was no secret that Cameron is a Christian. He wears a cross and does not shy away from saying "no" to something because it is against his beliefs. In a previous episode, one of the other contestants, Lindsay, kissed him during the shoot for a music video they had to do. It caught him by surprised and he immediately felt bad. He's had a girlfriend for the past two years and did not feel right to be kissing anyone whom he was not dating. He called his mother about how bad he felt. This weekend's episode had the theme of Sexuality. Once again, he was asked to kiss a female contestant, Hannah, for a video shoot but he decided not to do it as he did not feel comfortable doing it. Both of these times he was in the bottom 3 -- the group risking possible elimination. The head honcho of the Glee franchise, Ryan Murphy, asked Cameron what would happened if Cameron was the eventual winner of the competition and on set of Glee he was ordered to kiss someone like the star, Lea Michele, and he had problems with it? Cameron stuck to his guns and reiterated that because of his beliefs he would have to decline. Ryan Murphy saw it as a problem but he still wanted Cameron to stick it out. In the end Cameron decided that, after much thought, it was best for him to leave as he would be taking the spot of someone who would be willing to do what they were asked to advance in the competition. He bowed out gracefully and with conviction we often don't see on television... especially from young men. (By the way, by his leaving he ended up saving his best friend on the show, Damian, who Ryan had chosen to be the one eliminated that week.)

The reason why I felt so compelled to write about this was because, as I said, we don't see this happening... either on TV or in real life. Very few people know that when I was in my teens, I wanted to be an actress or at the very least a screenwriter. I wanted to break into the business and I nearly did. I actually walked away from it all the day I was offered a contract with an agency who wanted to represent me. A week after I turned 20 years old was the day I walked away and I've never looked back. I had friends in the business and I saw how the little bit of fame had changed them. One of them, a self-proclaimed Christian whom I briefly dated, had (on our last meeting) show me a semi-pornographic image I had no desire to see. There are VERY few Catholics and Christians who will stick to their beliefs in the business... and even less men than women. The only men that come to mind are Neal McDonough who was fired for refusing to do a sex scene, Eduardo Verastegui who had a total conversion and made the critically acclaimed movie Bella, and Kirk Cameron who asked for his wife to stand in for the leading lady in the movie Fireproof as he did not want to kiss anyone but his wife. While some people may say that it's just acting and that it's no big deal, I think it's very admirable for these men to stick up for what they believe.

I sincerely hope that others see what Cameron has done and see that, though it may not be the easiest thing in the world, it IS possible to do what is right... even if it's not the popular decision. I applaud Cameron for the decision he made and I wish nothing but the best for him. He has some music up on iTunes you can check out or you can send him a tweet of support at @camronmitchell. (Oh, and P.S. Can someone please tweet or retweet him this link as I have my twitter, @nerdwriter, set to private? Thank you!) :) #TeamCameron lives on though he is no longer on the show. Oh, and go #TeamDamian. :D

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with y'all. If you want to see the episode for yourself, it's episode 7 of the Glee Project. I think Hulu might have it but don't quote me on it. It might also be on Oxygen's Glee Project page.

That's it for now. It's 97 degrees in my part of Los Angeles and I am trying not to melt right now. lol. I hope y'all have a great week and enjoy what is becoming the last weeks of freedom for most of us.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Impromptu Vacation and Prayer

2011-07-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

I'm tired from all the traveling done today (first by car and then by train) so I'll make this short and sweet.

Today I went to two places where it all began for me: the hospital where I was born (and where my father died) and the church where I was baptized at 3 months old. The picture is of that parish. Our Lady Queen of Angels Church next to Olvera Street in Downtown L.A. is where my parents introduced me to the Church. I hadn't visited the parish since I was a little girl so it was great to go back as an adult. A Spanish Mass was being celebrated but we did not stick around as I had gotten food poisoning from the fast food joint we hit in the morning (of course...) and couldn't enjoy the Mass. I hope I can go back one day soon and attend Mass there. :)

These next couple of days of impromptu vacation is happening because my mother has been diagnosed with depression. They are mistreating her at work, to the point where it's affecting her mental health, and the doctor order a couple of days of vacation. We won't be home much of the vacation as we were both ordered to go out but I will be updating twitter and this blog... though, I may warn you, I've been spending so much time reading novels (yes, actual books) that I haven't really gotten online much lately. I've noticed that I do much better when I don't spend much time online so I'm getting used to it. :)

Before I go, I just want to (once again) encourage you to pray the 9 Hour Novena to the Infant of Prague if you're in a pickle. I did it today while the food poisoning I have/had was at its worse and was out in Downtown L.A. (prior to boarding the train). It took me about 2-3 hours to get through it but I did and praying the Novena really helps keep me focused on what's important... not to mention that I felt much better and made it to my final destination in one piece.

Anyway, that's it for now. I want to expand on today's trip to Olvera Street but I can barely keep my eyes open so it'll have to wait. :)

I hope y'all have a great rest of week. I hope to blog soon but we'll see if I'll get a chance to before the week ends. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless.

P.S. New issue of Envoy Magazine is out. I have a new article on being Catholic in college so check it out if you get a chance. :D

World Youth Day (WYD) 2011 Theme Song

2011-07-22T14:22:00.000-07:00

I usually leave these posts for Music Mondays but there have been many people searching for the WYD '11 Theme Song and have been landing on the post from the last WYD (2008). If you're on XT3 then you have the ability to hear all the different versions of the song and not just one of them. There is the International (multi-language song) version, Pop/Soul version, Orchestra version, and Choir version. Except for the International version are in Spanish which is unsurprising as WYD next month (a month already?!) is taking place in Madrid, Spain. I have to say that my favorite is the Choir version.

Here is the official video for the official theme song:

I'll be the first to admit that, despite some friends being overly critical about WYD and trying to persuade me to dislike it with intensity (why is that even necessary?), I very much wanted to go to WYD this year. After watching the last one via EWTN, I actually dreamt of attending this year's celebration and feeling that excitement and that youthful enthusiasm for myself. Alas, it wasn't in the cards for me: not only do I not have the funds but my senior year of college starts the day after it ends and I wouldn't have had the time to get back to L.A. and get over the jetlag in time. Maybe next time? Hoping it'll be closer to home next time.

Is anyone going to Madrid this year? If so, are you excited? If not, will you be watching online and via EWTN like I will? :)

Anyway, I am not feeling that great (stomach bugs like to plague me during the summer) so this is a short little post for now. Hopefully those looking for the new theme song will now find it easier. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Urgent Prayer Request for Two Young Mothers

2011-07-21T15:26:00.000-07:00

Many of you know about Angela Faddis' cancer fight and the efforts to raise the funds for alternative cancer treatments that could save her life. Her story is heartbreaking, a mother of two young children in a struggle with advanced cancer. The efforts on behalf of her husband and friends hits close to home as we've personally gone through this. If y'all can donate please do and if you can't because you're struggling to make ends meet and can barely afford your own expenses or for whatever other reason, please get the word out. Say a prayer for the Faddis family. Spiritual bouquets are wonderful and miracles can come from them.

Sadly, I also have someone else to the list of prayer requests and it's closer to home. One of my best friends, Eileen, who has been through thick and thin with me for years (she even drove an hour and a half with her family to attend my father's funeral two years ago) has been told they've found abnormal cells that she will need to go get a biopsy to see if she has cancer or not. This won't be her first battle with cancer. She had ovarian cancer a couple of years ago and has been in remission for a while now. It's scary to think she could potentially go into a second battle with cancer. She has four children (one with autism). She's a fighter but it's still scary. So if you could please pray for her, I'd be incredibly grateful.

Anything y'all can do, even a Hail Mary for Angela and Eileen, are greatly appreciated. :)

Seriously, When Did I Grow Up and Become an Adult?

2011-07-18T16:05:00.000-07:00

One of my best friends and I were talking about making up "grown up" decisions and how odd it was to think that we were now full grown adults. I've known him since we were teenagers so we've sort of grown up together. In a weird way, I still think of us as those teenagers who used to quote Kanye West's "Gold digger" in math class and of how he protected me from unwanted attention from an odd male classmate years ago. As he is preparing to finally settle down with his girlfriend (whom I am happy to say is the kind of girl I've been praying he would find; he's a real salt of the earth guy and deserved a great gal) and make life altering decisions, I'm starting to wonder when it was that I really grew up. Today I also received an email from an old friend, who was also the first guy I truly cared for (though things did not work out for us), that got me thinking about how I've changed. It was a bit odd but it made me realize how the decisions I've made in recent years have reflected the journey I've taken and how the journey has made me grow up without realizing it.

I won't go into details because it's not necessary to and because I'm notoriously private about certain parts of my personal life. But I am grateful that these two things have come up because I needed to reflect on them. God has been showing me, throughout the summer, things about myself that I didn't really realize had changed within me. Long gone is the teenage rebellion (some of my friends may laugh at this as I never really rebelled against my parents as a teenager) and the "need" to "show" that I was independent. The days of my being stuck in a relationship (whether it be romantic or platonic) that was not good for me, and my making excuses for the other person, ended a long time ago. I have no need or want (not that I ever did) for the drama or theatrics one in high school might employ when certain situations arise. Somewhere along the line I also stopped being everyone's doormat. While I still do give in and cave with certain things that end up being great for the person asking something of me and myself, I know when I'm being taken advantage of and I do try to stick up for myself as well as I am able despite my shyness and dislike of disagreements. The decisions I'm making up are showing that I've grown up and I have absolutely no idea when that happened.

In many ways I feel as if I haven't grown up completely. Maybe it's just in my head but the fact that I'm still living at home with my mom (though this is not unheard of in the Hispanic culture; many young women don't move out of their parents' home until they marry) and that I don't have too many responsibilities may have to do something with it. The fact that I haven't finished college yet (though I am 9 months from graduating) may also have something to do with it. Also, looking like I'm many years younger than I really am doesn't help. :) In other ways I feel I matured faster than some of my peers. Instead of having a husband and children to take care of, I've taken care of my parents. In the last couple of weeks of my father's life, I was the one who made the decisions for him and even had to sign off on them. After my dad passed, I've taken over some of the responsibilities he had including driving my mom to work in the wee hours of the morning and making some of household decisions. I take care of my mother when she is ill (and it's becoming more frequent as she's getting older.) I help run this household which is my first real taste of what it to come when I have my own family. I have the "housewife" responsibilities that are preparing me for the future.

Of course I've gone through rites of passage that have "shown" that I've grown up. I celebrated my quinceañera (sweet 15) by having a small, intimate dinner instead of a massive party. I graduate high school (though I did that a little earlier than expected). I registered to vote on the day I turned 18. I've been summoned for jury duty. I turned 21 and thus became old enough to drink (though I still haven't and have no desire to). I went to (and am about to enter my final year at) college. I finally got my driver's license. I've fallen in love (though only once and quite recently). I've gotten my heart broken in the past. I've held down jobs to support myself and help contribute to the household. etc etc.

I don't know. It's a strange thing to realize. I know that at my age (I just turned 26 at the end of May) I'm technically an adult but I know that age does not actually say whether we've grown up or not. Anyway, I'm sort of "thinking" out loud here. I haven't really seen blogs with these kinds of posts so I thought I'd share the little epiphanies I've had in the past couple of days. The Rosary novena and time off with God has done all of this and I am glad. :)

I won't bore y'all anymore. I've written all I could possibly write without being too redundant. ;) I hope y'all had a great weekend and will have a great week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D

Quick Update: Anxiety During Mass

2011-07-16T20:03:00.001-07:00

Yes, it's been a long time between posts. Sorry but the anxiety has come back in full force and I have sort of had to remember how to deal with the symptoms all over again. As I had not had any panic attacks or anxiety in months (since before the New Year, if I remember correctly) I had forgotten some of the symptoms. Lately it's been the feeling like I can't breathe because my chest feels like something heavy is sitting on it and, in the past three days, I now have the nauseous-no appetite symptoms that then bring dizziness. Oh yes, it's been fun!

The symptoms started shortly after I returned from my little nerd vacation in which I focused on myself and on my relationship with God. I got sick with that horrible throat infection that I JUST fully recovered from this week (yes, it took almost a month to get better) and shortly after that the anxiety began in full force. I've also had some other things happen since I began the 54 day Rosary novena two weeks ago -- which is usual; I always have a rough two weeks when everything that can go wrong does go wrong. I've missed about a month worth of Masses because of either the infection that had me stuck in bed for nearly two weeks or the anxiety that was so bad, I couldn't leave the house.

When I decided to stay for Mass after confessions, today, I was fine. As soon as it came time for the Mass to start, though, I started feeling like I couldn't breathe. That lasted about half an hour. When it came time for the consecration of the Eucharist I started feeling dizzy and like I was going to faint. I actually had to sit down for a little while. But, stubborn as I am, I said "No! I will not give anyone or anything the satisfaction of my not receiving the Eucharist!" And so I stuck it through and indeed received the Eucharist. As the priest was leaving, I felt as if were to faint so I immediately sat down again. After Mass I felt fine again. Go figure. Anxiety stinks and it's unpredictable. I refuse to let it keep me from Mass though.

Anyway, just wanted to give y'all a little update and let y'all know why posts were lacking. It's not that I don't want to write... most of the time I'm just pacing around the house, trying to get my breathing down to normal or trying to distract myself with physical work to get my mind off of the anxiety. I may tweet or FB message but I do that as I am pacing via my iPod touch.

Please pray, not for me, but for those who have just started suffering from anxiety. I have many friends whose anxiety have gotten so much worse (the way it was with me prior to my reverting to the Church) and it's sort of new to them. For them, please pray that God may give them the tools needed to get through what they're going through. St. Dymphna, pray for us all!

I hope y'all have been well and that summer has been kind to y'all thus far. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Chanting Senior Year! Senior Year!

2011-07-06T18:01:00.000-07:00

I just received the first email from one of my new professors (a priest) for my last Religious Studies course needed for my major (not counting my Thesis). Ladies and gentlemen, I am about to start my senior year of college. It's a little surreal that it's finally here... well, almost here. I technically don't start until next month but I already have an assignment before the semester begins so I guess I can say that it's finally here.

As many of you know, it's taken me YEARS to get to this point. If I had gone straight to college, without any interruptions, straight out of high school I would've graduated with my B.A. about 4-5 years ago. I know, I know... I still look like a teenager but I really am in my mid-late twenties. (side note: I'm still trying to figure out if 26 is still mid-twenties or late twenties.) ;) I took a couple of years off to take care of my dad while he battled cancer, I took the year follow my dad's death (the 2 year anniversary coming up next Monday) off, and I took a year off after high school while I dealt with my own anxiety. But, you know, I wouldn't have changed any of it for an earlier graduation date. I would've felt worse if I hadn't done what I did for dad (and I still think it wasn't enough). Also, it's made me appreciate my education and the road I've taken to this point so much more than if I had just gone through and majored in Pre-Law as was first planned.

I'm so excited about the start of my senior year (despite the lack of funds for my textbooks) that I don't know what to do with myself. lol. I want to get a little more involved in school activities but my list is limited as y'all know the rep my school has. lol. But, I do want to get as much out of my last year. I know I will eventually go back for my Master's but I will most likely work for a year or two before I pursue it so I want to get some good college experiences in while I still can. :D Any tips or suggestions y'all have to make the most of it, especially attending a CINO college?

Anyway, I won't bore you anymore... oh, wait, I forgot something. lol. I have OFFICIALLY been granted my Cal Grant for the upcoming school year as of this week. I know you some of y'all were praying for the past 2-3 months as I fought to get it reinstated and, Thank you, God!, the school has been notified. This means I won't need to take out loans at all if I choose not to. I may ask for a small one (the smallest I can possibly get as I don't need much) so I can buy my textbooks but it's not going to be so big that I feel overwhelmed. The Lord truly does provide if you have faith and trust... especially if you have exhausted your options and still haven't given up hope. :D I'm also going to ask if I can get work-study to cover textbooks and transportation (I have to take a major freeway to and from school) costs if I can't get a small enough loan. Fingers crossed, y'all. :)

Okay, NOW I have nothing more to say on the matter... until I actually start the semester in late August. Y'all know I have issues with what is taught but I will try to be as charitable this school year as I possibly can. :) That is something I really want to work on before I leave because, well, as I said, my school has a particular rep for a reason. ;)

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :) Oh, and if you're following on, we're on day 5 of the 54 day Rosary novena. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Update from Sickland; Let Us Pray for You

2011-07-01T20:22:00.000-07:00

Two weeks without a single post. Sorry! If you're following me on twitter (@nerdwriter) then you know that I had a nasty throat infection and spent over 10 days in bed before I got the antibiotics I needed to get better. I'm finally feeling well enough to get back in the swing of things so expect posts to restart. I won't go into the details (yet) about what's going on because it's a lot but I will say that I've been tested in ways I wasn't expecting. :)

I just wanted to update y'all because I still get messages asking how I am doing. I'm MUCH better, thank you. :D Also, I want to let y'all know that Angelica and I are starting the 54 Day Rosary Novena tomorrow so if you'd like to join us or have us pray for a specific intention for you, please let us know a.s.a.p. Angelica specifically chose tomorrow, the feast of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, to start the novena. (And, btw, happy feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus today. :D)

Alright, that will be it for now. I drove around for hours in nearly 100 degree weather and I'm exhausted. Well, that and the fact that I had anxiety last night and didn't fall asleep until after I prayed the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy at nearly 2 a.m. hasn't helped the exhaustion. :D I want to sleep soon. :)

Again, please let Angelica (@aquinonez on twitter) or I know if you want to join/have intentions for us to pray. Let us pray for you... we'd like to help in any way we can. :D

I hope y'all have a great start of weekend!

'Til next time, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Disneyland, Dominican Nuns, and Lessons Learned

2011-06-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

Yes, I took this picture only two nights ago. :D

If you're following me on twitter, you know that I went back to Disneyland and California Adventure on Monday. (I got an annual pass for my birthday this year so I can go often. :D) It proved to be good timing as I had finished the Novena of the Seven Gifts (a.k.a. the Holy Spirit/Pentecost novena) and I wanted to put my new found outlook to use. There is seriously no better place to test your progress than Disneyland. You encounter occasional pushing/shoving, rude guests, long lines to get on the rides, screaming children, overpriced everything, etc. With my anxiety being a pain in my tush, it was also a good place to see how I would do. Happy to say that it went much better than I expected. :D

I actually left the house with both anxiety and a stomach bug (yes, I know... I'm constantly suffering from some stomach ailment as it's very sensitive). I knew I was going to be there for at least 14 hours so I did my best to just get through it. After the first ride I actually felt quite sick and, stranded at the theme parks until 10 p.m., I decided to pray the 9 Hour Novena to the Infant of Prague which I only use when I know it's absolutely necessary. I knew that it meant that I had to pray while I was waiting in line for rides, and that people would see me doing the sign of the cross, but it was good for me to do so. I have to get over my self-conscious feeling when I do the sign of the cross in a public place ('cause I usually get strange looks and I'm shy... do the math. lol.) I felt so horrible and I knew my ride wouldn't be by to pick us up until nighttime so I did it. I'm very glad I did because I got better as the day went on and it turned out to be one of the best times I've ever had at Disneyland.

I kept seeing what I thought were little signs that I was going to be fine. On the second ride, and first after I started the novena, I saw that the line was going to take 40 minutes but decided to go ahead and get in line. (For those interested: it was for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.) My time to do the novena came a couple of minutes into our time in line. I turned on my iPod touch (where I'd typed out the novena) and prayed the novena. The line went by faster from that point on. I also saw a woman wearing a bracelet with saints on it (you know, those popular ones) and I felt a little better. On our next ride, the Small World ride, we were in line with Dominican nuns. I kid you not. There were three sweet Dominican nuns enjoying Disneyland, with big smiles on their faces. It made me so giddy, it was actually quite funny. It reminded me of the happiness I felt as a child when I saw nuns; of the time when I used to tell everyone I was going to grow up to be a Carmelite nun. :D I ended up seeing them a couple more times throughout the day which really made my day. (side note: the Dominican order was the one that inspired me, via Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, to become a Catholic educator after college.)

My novena ended when I still have two and a half hours left of my time at California Adventure, the theme park next to Disneyland. As I finished and during my time praying it, I kept God on my mind. I remembered to be more charitable with people despite how they might act. I remembered every single one of the Holy Spirit gifts I had prayed about that previous week as well as the novena I had done that day. I was rewarded with my stomach bug and anxiety having calmed down after the first two hours of the novena as well as a better understanding of myself and what I still need to work on. I was always rewarded with my "baby magnet powers" being extra good. lol. A little girl I didn't even know even took my hand while walking down the Monorail stairs. :)

We stayed until the World of Colors show which was beautiful. I am woman enough to admit that I cried during the 30 minute presentation because it reminded me of my childhood. All the movies I loved growing up were featured and, standing next to my mom under the moon and stars, it really reminded me of what was important. I thought about always having that childlike love and trust in God that St. Therese of Lisieux talked about. After the show was done, and before we left, we turned back to Disneyland to watch the fireworks display. Watching them, and feeling utterly content about how the day had turned out, I inwardly thanked God for the lessons I had learned.

Now you see why I like going to Disneyland and why my mini vacation idea was a good one? I'm slowly coming back online but I have already made the decision not to be online as much as I have in the past. It's been good for me (though I miss y'all terribly) and I like this new relationship I have with God. :D

OH! And before I forget, I want to thank everyone who kept praying for my Cal Grant situation. I spoke to someone at the California Student Aid Commission yesterday and she confirmed that my appeal to receive my final Cal Grant for my senior year (though initially denied twice) was approved last week and that the official letter would be arriving next week. That means that the loans (if I have any) won't be as scary as I previously thought. Thank you, God, for the miracle as well as those who prayed on my behalf. :D

I should quit writing as I'm sure it's really long by now. :D I hope y'all are having a good week thus far! And to those who are thinking about the mini online vacation, I definitely cannot recommend it enough. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless! :D

Vocation Discernment, Part Two?

2011-06-11T18:56:00.000-07:00

Isn't this a great picture from LOLSaints?

Is there something in the air that is making some of my best friends rethinking their vocations? It seems that many of us (yes, I am included in that) are going to start discerning their vocations once more. The majority are thinking about the priesthood and the religious life but there are some of us re-thinking our careers. I still believe that my vocation is that of wife and mother (though I occasionally get impatient and wonder when that special guy will come into my life), especially these last couple of days, but I don't know if I still have what it takes to be a teacher. I still want to work in something that involves the Faith but I am unsure if it's teaching. I still want to write for a living but we all know how hard that is. I simply don't know. In an uncharacteristically short blog post (yeah, I know), I'm asking y'all to please say a prayer for everyone (not just my friends or me) who are currently discerning (or re-discerning) their vocations. I am still on the search for a spiritual director *sigh* but in the meantime, I will continue re-educating myself during the summer; until God shows me what my next step is. :) Anyone else in the same boat? I'm seriously considering starting a support prayer group if anyone wants in. :)

Anyway, sorry this is short but I've been a little busier than usual and have a couple of times to get done before the day ends.

Hope your weekend is going well thus far and THANK YOU in advance for the prayers!

As always, thanks for reading and God bless.

Feeling Close to God?! No Sinning?! Celebratory Dance!

2011-06-09T17:07:00.000-07:00

That's right... I'm getting better! Of course, I'm a sinner (we all are) but my little vacation from the 'net has proven to be the best decision I've made lately. :D I'll admit that I am not completely offline (wouldn't be updating this blog if I was ;D) and I am keeping in touch with one of my best friends/soul sister, Angelica, as we're working on something together but I have disconnected myself from all other socializing. I do miss tweeting and interacting with friends on Twitter and FB but it's been for the better. Though I slept a total of 16-17 hours yesterday (yeah, anxiety's not been kind to me lately), I've still been able to spend my time reading books that are good for my soul as well as meditating on my relationship with God, which is improving.

I've been doing the Novena of the Seven Gifts (though I am a day off as I started it late) and it's been an incredible experience for me. It's really gotten me to think about what is important and what I (now) know needs to be changed. The changes will not be easy (but the things that are good for us aren't always easy) and it'll take a lot of strength on my part but I am willing to do it in order to strengthen my relationship with God. :) I can't even begin to tell y'all how wonderfully I've felt taking time to better that relationship. I can't describe how much I love God nor how close I currently feel to Him at the moment. It's almost as if, by taking this nerd's vacation, God said "You're taking this seriously, aren't you? Okay, I am here. What's on your mind?" In the past couple of days (despite the anxiety issues), I've felt like He's been helping me through the spiritual roadblock I'd been trying to get around for weeks. It might be a little silly, but I feel like He's listening (really listening) to everything I may want to talk about, anything that's been bothering me. One of the most important things is that I'm getting better and letting things go and trusting Him to provide with what is necessary. It's not always easy but I'm getting better at it. :)

One additional perk about the nerd vacation? Less sinning! Since I've been on my Twitter and FB break, I've found myself avoiding little things that caused me to have uncharitable thoughts or words about certain people or things. Trash talking during football (soccer) matches has been cut down (to the point where not a single mean word was uttered) and I was able to enjoy my Gold Cup matches (btw, go USMNT!!!!) like I did when my dad was still alive and I was the one who told him to be more charitable with his words. lol. I've also been able to step back and see how some of my friendships (both online and in real life) were affecting me with the negativity even when it was not directed at me. I've come to realize that I am happiest when I surround myself with people who try to not act negatively (or superior) and/or who are able to control their words and actions. Of course we all slip from time to time but I've been able to see who makes a genuine effort to stop it and to not offend God (or, really, who have taken responsibility for their actions) and who I will need to pray for because it's not good for anyone involved. I never knew how much I was personally affected by some of the words some of my friends had for people they (and I did) don't agree with. I still maintain my position that even your worst enemies deserve to be treated with some sort of respect (if only because God loves us all and treating a fellow human being rudely is not very Christian like) and I was reminded of that.

To put everything I just wrote in a nutshell: I'm SO happy with how my nerd vacation is going. I feel closer to God (and I've thought about how maybe the anxiety forced to stop and take the time to repair the relationship) and it's so exciting. Many things that I was unsure of are now becoming clear. Anything I was doubting is being answered. And the sinning I had fallen into (which I don't know how I ever got caught in it) has been made clear so I may stop it (or at least attempt to). YAY! I think this calls for a celebratory dance! Anyone who wants to join me is free to do so. Dancing experience is not necessary. ;)

Anyway, this Mexico v.s. Cuba Gold Cup match is coming up in about an hour and I want to spend some time in prayer before it so I guess this will be it for now. :D I greatly appreciate the prayers y'all have sent me way. They've certainly helped me start this vacation off right. :D Y'all are the best! :D

I hope your week has been great and that the upcoming weekend (Pentecost Sunday to less) will be wonderful.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

Little Nerd Vacation; Repairing My Relationship with God

2011-06-06T15:49:00.000-07:00

I promise this picture, which I actually took (well, it's a screencap of the brief time I explored Second Life as part of my Art History course a year ago), is relevant to the post. And, yes, that's supposed to be the avatar version of myself. ;)

It may seem that I've already taken a break from posting but it is not so. Sorry but the days leading up to my birthday, my birthday, and the week after it has been pretty busy. Also, I ran across some writer's block so hence lack of posts. All of this activity has left me a bit drained (I'm so a Phlegmatic-Sanguine, lol) so I'm going to take a break from some of my online activity. Yes, I am having a little nerd's vacation. I'll more than likely blog post more often but I'll be on Twitter and Facebook less often. The only posts that will go up will be whatever is updated on Twitter through Foursquare and GetGlue, as well as links to new posts on this blog, but I think that will be it.

Before I get asked this, and I know I will, the reason for my break is simple. First (as I said) I'm a bit drained and I need time to recoup from everything. These past couple of days have not been easy on me. I asked for some clarity from God and I've gotten it so I'm going to take some time for myself. I especially came to the realization that I've shared more about myself lately than I usually do (on Twitter and FB) and I'm uncomfortable with the amount of prying into my more personal business people have done as a result. I've always been open (as you can read on the blog; I am honest on here) but to a certain degree. I'll only talk about things I feel comfortable sharing and I have never liked being pestered about things I do not want to disclose. If I say I don't wish to share something it's because I truly don't, not because I want to be asked repeatedly. I feel like I should be entitled to keep certain things to myself and my wishes to have this have not been honored and it doesn't make me feel good. Also, I've had a few problems with being taken advantage of and then having that person get terribly upset at me for not doing what they want. I'm only one girl and I can't do everything to please everyone. As much as I love you guys and appreciate everything y'all have done for me, there have been a few things that I have not been okay with that have hurt me. In order to maintain my sanity, and in order to keep myself on the right path, the only answer is to take a breather.

Second: well, I'm not really doing anything extraordinary; just taking a step back and disconnecting myself for the online world so that I can focus on sort of rebuilding my relationship with God (which I've felt has been stagnant for a while now). Trust me, I feel like the Catholic elitism online I've encountered as well as the negativity have affected me more than I would like to admit. I miss the times when we might've disagreed on things but we did it respectfully instead of trading insults. The criticizing, the name calling, the manipulating -- I imagine that the Lord would not be happy with some of our actions and I want to go back and repair my relationship with Him. I'll admit I've been caught up with the judging (though I've been able to catch myself and instantly regret doing it) and it's so unhealthy to do. Of course, it's human weakness but I should know better. This is a new side of myself that I am truly unhappy with. As I said, I will continue to blog because I want to show my progress (and any temporary roadblocks and failed attempts along the way) but that's pretty much the extent of my socializing for a couple of weeks.

I'm going to be spending time in my garden, reading books, praying, and just relaxing. I probably won't be sleeping in and indulging in other vacation staples (drat!) but it'll be good for me and in turn will make me someone y'all can rely on for things I am unable to give at the moment due to my feeling overwhelmed. :) I will post regularly as I will now have a reason to; so no one will think I got kidnapped by aliens during my vacation. lol.

Anyway, I'm off to get some things in order for said vacation. :) I hope y'all had a great weekend and have a great week. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!

So, We Meet Again.

2011-05-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of updates in the last couple of days but I've been dealing with a hectic schedule as well as other things that have made me say "So... we meet again." Amongst these things is anxiety.

Of course it had to come back after I said I'd been fine... and I had been fine. I tend to try to come up with a rational reason why it's come up (which helps keep it controlled) but the fact that I've been dealing with it again for the past couple of days really stinks. With my birthday coming up, not having my dad here for another year (and the anniversary of his death not too far away), with the stress of having all these expectations on me to do things and be certain way, with the pressure to decide my future NOW... it's really no wonder I have the amount of anxiety I do.

I don't think anyone really understands what it feels like unless you yourself have anxiety. There are so many different ways one feels the anxiety. At the moment I have this feeling that I am sort of stuck in an overwhelming crowd with no way of getting out and a deep desire to get away from the crowd. That's the best way I can describe it. I feel like I'm stagnant where I am -- when it comes to my academic career, my chosen career, and even my spirituality and I have no clue as to where to go. And before anyone says "Just trust God and pray," trust me, I do this but when you are experiencing anxiety and it's as bad as it is (for me) right now, it's really hard to focus. It's not easy; not impossible but not easy.

I've written several times about anxiety (simply search "anxiety" on this blog and you'll see the posts) and how I don't see it as something else than a blessing. I've gotten criticized for this but I've always felt that there has to be a reason why I have anxiety (although I know what past experiences have caused it to actually get to the point where I have panic attacks) and I, in a way, welcome it. Whether it means I can offer up my panic attacks for someone or something or whether it reminds me of what is truly important (God and doing things for Him instead of my selfish self), I would rather think of the anxiety as a blessing than a curse.

Last night and today (when it's been particularly bad but not as bad as it has in the past) I was thinking that maybe this anxiety is what I need at the moment. I feel like I've been selfish and not focused enough on what is important and this may be a sign to slow down and re-evaluate some things that have been causing me anxiety lately. As I said, I feel like I've been stuck when it comes to my relationship with God... like I need to take the next step to strengthen that relationship but I have no idea where to start. I don't have a spiritual director (and my search for one has not gone too well thus far) which makes things slightly more difficult. Thankfully I have something coming up this weekend that the Daughters of St. Paul are hosting and it couldn't have come at a better time.

Anyway, I'd like to ask y'all to please pray for me 'cause I will need them in the next couple of days. I haven't had a panic attack (thank God!) because I've been able to keep them at bay with tools I was given when I was in cognitive-behavioral therapy but it doesn't mean that it couldn't happen. More importantly, please pray that I get out of this feeling of being stuck. At this point I care more about my spiritual health than anything else because I feel that as soon as I get it sorted, the anxiety will also subside.

I hope y'all have had a good week thus far and that it will continue to be well or get better. If you have anything plaguing you, let me know so I can hopefully offer up my anxiety for it. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

Guest Blogger Andrew on 5 Things Every Catholic Should Do (Every Day)

2011-05-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

If you're following me or Andrew (@perfidem) on Twitter then I'm sure you lovely folks have already heard that I wrote a brutally honest blog post over at Per Fidem. Yes, I stand by every single word I wrote. ;) Anyway, it's only fair to have Andrew write something for this blog so here it is. :D (P.S. Might have him guest blog more often if I can persuade him... ;))

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Hey – hi – howdy – sup,

About a week or so ago I was having a conversation with a friend, and she threatened to write a post for my blog; unbeknownst to her, I had actually thought about asking her to write a guest post for me earlier in the week. This would serve two purposes, one, I would get another blog post on my site, and two, I wouldn’t have to write it my self (apparently I’m a fairly lazy person).

I guess it would make sense to introduce myself; my name is Andrew Hedstrom (23yrs old) from Per Fidem, a blog on Faith, Apologetics, Philosophy, Politics, and Life. I graduated from CSUSB in 2009 with a BA in Criminal Justice, I’m a substitute teacher with a local school district, and I’m a soldier in the US Army.

Emmy was kind enough to keep her post for my site fairly short as most of mine are rarely more than a few paragraphs. I assume, however, that I should write the post for her site in the same fashion she does, and keep them more than 1 or 2 paragraphs (apologies in advance if you get bored by the end). And now, without further ado…

5 Things Every Catholic Should Do [Every Day]

1. Holy Sacrifice of the Mass
As a serious Catholic, if we truly believe what the Church teaches about the Holy Mass, then why on earth would we not try to attend every day? The saints attended Mass as often as possible. The little old ladies attend Holy Mass every day. Even “the Angels surround and help the priest when he is celebrating Mass” (St. Augustine). This is the surest sign that one is trying to be a saint, so let’s get to it.

2. Adoration
Another thing we as serious Catholics (as opposed to cafeteria Catholics) should do each and every day is visit Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Ideally, we’d see Him for an hour, however, in today’s culture that may not necessarily be plausible. Simply 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, whatever it may be, is definitely better than nothing! Just be consistent. It’s precisely when we don’t feel like going that it means the most to Our Lord.

3. Rosary
I’m pretty certain this one is self-explanatory. Every day.

4. Sacrifice
This particular one may seem a little obvious as well, but I think I can offer a little bit more insight. As we all know, sacrifice can be something we give up, but it can also be something we do. For instance, hate working out? Then go for a jog. Offer it up to God. Offer it for a particular intention. It does wonders!

5. Read
Last but certainly not least, reading; this is the best way to form ourselves. Even as little as 15 minutes a day is good. By the end of the month, you’ll have gotten through a few books at least!

Remember, consistency is key!

- Andrew

So, Lady Gaga is Now Jesus...

2011-05-18T14:35:00.001-07:00

... or that's what she apparently thinks of herself. This morning I was doing my daily news rounds when I stumbled across an interview by The Guardian UK in which Lady Gaga calls herself a martyr, says her concerts are religious experiences, and says that she teaches her "disciples" to worship themselves. I don't even know where to start.

I could sit here and point out that almost everything she said is just bad (not to mention all of the blasphemous things she's done in the past) but I'm sure most of you guys will do that yourselves and that there will later be blogs discussing it in detail. I won't though, because I'll let you guys read the article and decide for yourselves. Consider it a fun "challenge"... a sort of "spot the things that she'd need to go to confession for" exercise.

I will say that, I will pray for this woman because she's reached a point where she thinks she's God-like and that's a very dangerous place to be. I do feel for her having been bullied and reading everything she suffered growing up but I can't agree with what she's doing now. I do understand that in the entertainment business things that shock are what are valued and that the public is fickle and always looking for the next big thing... but things have gotten out of control. She likes the spotlight and will continue to do these things until the public tires of it. I will just pray that she comes back down to earth and something changes. I don't like her persona and think that it's kind of dangerous to take her and what she says and does seriously, but she's still a human being.

Anyway, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments box. I'll let you guys come to your own conclusions after you read the article.

I hope you're all having a great week thus far. :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

I'm at a Crossroads: Religion or Writing?

2011-05-17T17:17:00.000-07:00

Image: jscreationzs / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I'm currently at a sort of crossroads. With the California Student Aid Commission being jerks about my Cal Grant (I SHOULD be eligible for one more year as I've only received 3 years worth of Cal Grants AND I'm one of the students that actually needs the money as I have none to pay for school), I've been forced to think about what I'm going to do when I graduate from college in less than a year. Okay, looming graduation date and Graduate School applications are also making me think about it. It takes me a while to really consider everything before applying to schools as I take my education seriously.

Lately (as in the past couple of weeks) I've been feeling as if I'm not meant to pursue a Master of Arts in Religious Studies or Theology. Have I ever mentioned that I always dreamed about going to the University of British Columbia (UBC) to study Creative Writing? Maybe it's because I've been so disillusioned with my undergraduate Religious Studies education or because I've been stifling my love of writing for something more practical (teaching Religion). Maybe it's this nagging feeling that I should be in Vancouver (which I've had for nearly 5 years; it started almost at the same time I returned to the Church) or maybe it's my undying desire to attend UBC. I don't know. All I know is that a Master's in Religion or Theology is not currently appealing... and I feel like I'm going to need major guidance soon.

I've been getting a lot of older women (and occasionally men) come to me for questions regarding Catholicism. It's kind of weird that in my neighborhood I've kind of become the "go-to" person to ask. An older lady from a couple of blocks away asked me to teach her how to pray the Rosary (after word of mouth from neighbors) and I gladly help with these things. I don't think I'm qualified to help with many things and try to direct them to the right people for the heavier things but I answer whatever questions I can. I refuse to get paid for it though I've been offered. Sharing my faith and my love of Catholicism is something I love to do without asking anything in return. It's when I answer questions others may have that I am most happiest and it makes me re-think the Master's in Theology but deep down I don't feel it. Again, I don't know if it's the disillusionment of my current education, if it's my selfish desire to attend UBC and focus on writing, or if I'm just scared that I just am not qualified enough teach Religion.

I'll admit that I occasionally feel like some sort of fraud. I feel like I know so little that I should not even offer my opinions on certain theological issues that come into conversation. All I know is that I love God, I love our wonderful religion and the beautiful heritage we have. I'm happiest when I'm praying, contemplating, and learning. I cannot get enough of learning about Catholicism but I'm always "still learning." I'm miles behind most of my friends but that's okay.

With writing... it's always felt like a natural extension of who I am. For me to write what's on my mind is like breathing. My best friend growing up, Rudy, recognized it from an early age. We've been friends since we were 5 years old and I can still remember that he'd give me notebooks and pens for my birthday as a gift. He did that until I turned 18 and he moved away with his own dream of entering the Marines. When he still calls, he asks me if I'm still writing and I assure him that I am.

Needless to say, I have no clue as to what to do next. I can either continue my love of learning about Catholicism (and this time at an actual Catholic university, not a CINO) or if I should just pursue my dream of writing for a living. Of course, I can always write about Catholicism and thus do both but I'd need to learn more about the Faith before being able to do so. I don't know. I have a lot to think about.

If y'all can say a little prayer for me (either about these decision or maybe finding a way to fight Cal Grant so I can receive it my final year), I'd greatly appreciate it.

Anyway, I'm still not feeling all that great so I'm going to take it easy. :) Maybe I'll watch a movie and try to take my mind off of all of this for a little bit. I hope y'all are having a good start of week! :)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless!

Jesus, Take the Wheel

2011-05-16T13:34:00.000-07:00

A week ago today I got my driver's license. I often get asked why it took me so long to get it and the answer is simple: anxiety. Yesterday was St. Dymphna's feast day but I'm taking Sundays as a day of rest from everything (including blogging) so I didn't write anything. Needless to say, I believe that is through her intercession and, really, God's grace that I have been able to get progressively better just in the last year alone. I haven't had a full blown attack in months (I believe that not since before the New Year) and it's been both very freeing and a bit of a challenge.

I always thought of my anxiety as more of a gift than a burden. Somehow I felt closer to God when I was going through my panic attacks. I used to offer up the very worst ones for whatever or whomever needed them. Now that I don't really have them anymore, I have a sort of challenge of finding myself again because anxiety and the panic attacks had been so much a part of me for the past decade.

Halfway through my behind-the-wheel test, while I was nervously trying to focus on the examiner's directions, this song title came to mind: Jesus, Take the Wheel. I took a deep breath and inwardly said "Okay, God, if I don't pass this driving exam it's because I'm not supposed to yet. If I'm going to hurt someone or myself, then I accept not passing." I immediately relaxed. A few minutes later I pulled into DMV parking lot and the examiner congratulated me on having passed my exam. I was beamed and I thanked God. (side note: I actually drove to church later in the day and knelt before the tabernacle and thanked God, as well as kept my promise to the Infant of Prague.)

I've found myself having a lot of these "Jesus, Take the Wheel" moments in the past couple of months which may explain why the anxiety has also lessened. Though I still stress about things, I eventually let them go and say "Your will be done, Lord." It's hard not to have anxiety (strange but true) but it gets easier remembering that if you put your trust in God, everything will work out. I've always said that I believed that everything happened for a reason but it was never truer for me.

Anyway, I thought it would be fitting to include Carrie Underwood's song in this post since it was this song that's been sticking in my head for a while now and because it's Monday and I like to have Music Mondays when I can. :) And, I will admit, I cried while watching the video... especially the part with the older gentleman and his wife because I did the same thing the gentleman did but only in my case it was my father and I so it brought back those memories.

Anyway, I am not feeling 100% so I'm going to try to take it easy today. :) I hope y'all have a great start of the week. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

My Real Education Starts

2011-05-14T17:25:00.001-07:00

If you're following me on twitter then you've undoubtedly seen my struggles with school this past year. I barely made it out alive this past semester with a 3.0. It was by far the most stressful and infuriating semester I've had my entire academic career... but I gained more out of it than I have any other semester. I've been openly rebelling against my professors because I don't agree with the liberation theology taught. I'm sorry but I just can't go along with what I know will only led me astray from God. However, looking back at the school year and particularly this Spring semester, I noticed a change in me that I did not like. Though my actions were in response to my being unhappy with my education, I realize that I should have handled myself and my actions differently. I should have been more charitable in my thoughts and words. I don't know why I didn't realize that I'd been doing it earlier but it's never too late to repair these things. :D

Of course it didn't help that some of my friends were doing the same and it was easy to get caught up in criticizing the choice of material being taught, but it doesn't excuse me from the fact that I should have never done that (criticize) in the first place because I should've known better. Yes, my professors do and teach a number of inexcusable material that can easily lead my classmates astray but I shouldn't have been bratty (at least inwardly if I didn't act it out) about it. I did have some patience (though not as much as I have had in the past) and I tried but I didn't try hard enough. I learned the hard way that, as much as I'd like to open up the discussions in class, I will get shut down 85% of the time because it's sort of an unwritten rule that we cannot contradict what is being taught. All of this brought out frustration and anger but it's something I have to live with for another year.

It's a bit humbling to get docked points on things for not agreeing with professors. It's really hard not to think "you are so wrong" when you hear things that are being skewed in order to fit a person's argument. It's worse to know that you are yourself changing because of the situation are in. During Lent I had a very hard time with all of this but, like I said, I believe all of this has helped me really learn a lot about things about myself... things I know I can change.

I'm in the middle of purging all material that I was pretty much forced to "learn." All the notes and things that aren't graded (keep all graded material for at least a year after you finish that semester) are going straight to the bin. It's part of my late Spring cleaning but it's entirely therapeutic. I'm going to go through a kind of period of renewal. I've realized things that need to change and I'm making a real effort to follow through with my plans. While throwing away material and trying to forget everything I was "taught", I'm going through some of the books I bought when I first returned to the Church -- you know, kind of restarting my real education once again. As I said before, there are people that know more about our beautiful Faith than I do and I have a lot left to learn. Though I know I will not be able to say anything in class (oh, the death glares I got when I said I was pro-life and against certain things during one final...), especially since I am pretty much done with my Religious Studies major courses, it's good to be keep learning and keep yourself to God through the knowledge you acquire.

As my summer vacation starts, so does my real education. I know I will, from time to time, be so excited about what I learn that I will share it on this blog. :D Consider this your warning. :D

Anyway, I should really try to finish cleaning up my desk area which has piles of papers and books scattered around it. Well, to be honest, everything is in piles because I sort things before I put them away. I'm very organized when I am not crazy busy. :D

I hope y'all are having a great week thus far. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless.

The Rest is Handwritten

2011-05-13T19:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, the title is a play on "the rest is unwritten..." from "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield.

I saw this posted on Singing in the Dark a couple of months ago and thought it was a pretty good idea. I mean, how many times do you actually get to read something hand written by the author or contributors of a blog? Not very often. Since I am back on my writing kick, I thought this was the appropriate time to post this. In my hand writing, I'll an answering:

1. Name and Blog Name
2. Right handed, left handed, or ambidextrous
3. Favorite letters to write
4. Least favorite letters to write
5. Write: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
6. Write in caps: CRAB HUMOR KALEIDOSCOPE PAJAMAS GAZILLION
7. Favorite song lyrics
8. Tag 7 people
9. Any special note or drawing

(Click to enlarge)

(P.S. I actually wrote it a pre-Lent but was so busy with school that I didn't have time to scan it in.)

I am in the middle of my Spring cleaning so this is all for today. Short and simple. I'll write more tomorrow or else I know my buddy Andrew (who created the awesome CatholicsConfess.it website y'all should check out) will get on my case about it. Y'all can thank him for more frequent postings from now on. :-P

Hope everyone has a great rest of weekend. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :)

Divine Mercy Novena - Day Nine

2011-04-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

"Today bring to Me the Souls who have become lukewarm, and immerse them in the abyss of My mercy. These souls wound My Heart most painfully. My soul suffered the most dreadful loathing in the Garden of Olives because of lukewarm souls. They were the reason I cried out: 'Father, take this cup away from Me, if it be Your will.' For them, the last hope of salvation is to run to My mercy."

Most compassionate Jesus, You are Compassion Itself. I bring lukewarm souls into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart. In this fire of Your pure love, let these tepid souls who, like corpses, filled You with such deep loathing, be once again set aflame. O Most Compassionate Jesus, exercise the omnipotence of Your mercy and draw them into the very ardor of Your love, and bestow upon them the gift of holy love, for nothing is beyond Your power.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon lukewarm souls who are nonetheless enfolded in the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. Father of Mercy, I beg You by the bitter Passion of Your Son and by His three-hour agony on the Cross: Let them, too, glorify the abyss of Your mercy. Amen.

Divine Mercy Novena - Day Eight

2011-04-29T08:47:00.000-07:00

"Today bring to Me the Souls who are in the prison of Purgatory, and immerse them in the abyss of My mercy. Let the torrents of My Blood cool down their scorching flames. All these souls are greatly loved by Me. They are making retribution to My justice. It is in your power to bring them relief. Draw all the indulgences from the treasury of My Church and offer them on their behalf. Oh, if you only knew the torments they suffer, you would continually offer for them the alms of the spirit and pay off their debt to My justice."

Most Merciful Jesus, You Yourself have said that You desire mercy; so I bring into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart the souls in Purgatory, souls who are very dear to You, and yet, who must make retribution to Your justice. May the streams of Blood and Water which gushed forth from Your Heart put out the flames of Purgatory, that there, too, the power of Your mercy may be celebrated.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the souls suffering in Purgatory, who are enfolded in the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. I beg You, by the sorrowful Passion of Jesus Your Son, and by all the bitterness with which His most sacred Soul was flooded: Manifest Your mercy to the souls who are under Your just scrutiny. Look upon them in no other way but only through the Wounds of Jesus, Your dearly beloved Son; for we firmly believe that there is no limit to Your goodness and compassion. Amen.

Divine Mercy Novena - Day Seven

2011-04-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

"Today bring to Me the Souls who especially venerate and glorify My Mercy*, and immerse them in My mercy. These souls sorrowed most over my Passion and entered most deeply into My spirit. They are living images of My Compassionate Heart. These souls will shine with a special brightness in the next life. Not one of them will go into the fire of hell. I shall particularly defend each one of them at the hour of death."

Most Merciful Jesus, whose Heart is Love Itself, receive into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart the souls of those who particularly extol and venerate the greatness of Your mercy. These souls are mighty with the very power of God Himself. In the midst of all afflictions and adversities they go forward, confident of Your mercy; and united to You, O Jesus, they carry all mankind on their shoulders. These souls will not be judged severely, but Your mercy will embrace them as they depart from this life.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the souls who glorify and venerate Your greatest attribute, that of Your fathomless mercy, and who are enclosed in the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. These souls are a living Gospel; their hands are full of deeds of mercy, and their hearts, overflowing with joy, sing a canticle of mercy to You, O Most High! I beg You O God:

Show them Your mercy according to the hope and trust they have placed in You. Let there be accomplished in them the promise of Jesus, who said to them that during their life, but especially at the hour of death, the souls who will venerate this fathomless mercy of His, He, Himself, will defend as His glory. Amen.

*The text leads one to conclude that in the first prayer directed to Jesus, Who is the Redeemer, it is "victim" souls and contemplatives that are being prayed for; those persons, that is, that voluntarily offered themselves to God for the salvation of their neighbor (see Col 1:24; 2 Cor 4:12). This explains their close union with the Savior and the extraordinary efficacy that their invisible activity has for others. In the second prayer, directed to the Father from whom comes "every worthwhile gift and every genuine benefit,"we recommend the "active" souls, who promote devotion to The Divine Mercy and exercise with it all the other works that lend themselves to the spiritual and material uplifting of their brethren.

Divine Mercy Novena - Day Six

2011-04-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

"Today bring to Me the Meek and Humble Souls and the Souls of Little Children, and immerse them in My mercy. These souls most closely resemble My Heart. They strengthened Me during My bitter agony. I saw them as earthly Angels, who will keep vigil at My altars. I pour out upon them whole torrents of grace. I favor humble souls with My confidence."

Most Merciful Jesus, You yourself have said, "Learn from Me for I am meek and humble of heart." Receive into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart all meek and humble souls and the souls of little children. These souls send all heaven into ecstasy and they are the heavenly Father's favorites. They are a sweet-smelling bouquet before the throne of God; God Himself takes delight in their fragrance. These souls have a permanent abode in Your Most Compassionate Heart, O Jesus, and they unceasingly sing out a hymn of love and mercy.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon meek souls, upon humble souls, and upon little children who are enfolded in the abode which is the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. These souls bear the closest resemblance to Your Son. Their fragrance rises from the earth and reaches Your very throne. Father of mercy and of all goodness, I beg You by the love You bear these souls and by the delight You take in them: Bless the whole world, that all souls together may sing out the praises of Your mercy for endless ages. Amen.

Divine Mercy Novena - Day Five

2011-04-26T08:42:00.000-07:00

"Today bring to Me the Souls of those who have separated themselves from My Church*, and immerse them in the ocean of My mercy. During My bitter Passion they tore at My Body and Heart, that is, My Church. As they return to unity with the Church My wounds heal and in this way they alleviate My Passion."

Most Merciful Jesus, Goodness Itself, You do not refuse light to those who seek it of You. Receive into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart the souls of those who have separated themselves from Your Church. Draw them by Your light into the unity of the Church, and do not let them escape from the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart; but bring it about that they, too, come to glorify the generosity of Your mercy.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the souls of those who have separated themselves from Your Son's Church, who have squandered Your blessings and misused Your graces by obstinately persisting in their errors. Do not look upon their errors, but upon the love of Your own Son and upon His bitter Passion, which He underwent for their sake, since they, too, are enclosed in His Most Compassionate Heart. Bring it about that they also may glorify Your great mercy for endless ages. Amen.

*Our Lord's original words here were "heretics and schismatics," since He spoke to Saint Faustina within the context of her times. As of the Second Vatican Council, Church authorities have seen fit not to use those designations in accordance with the explanation given in the Council's Decree on Ecumenism (n.3). Every pope since the Council has reaffirmed that usage. Saint Faustina herself, her heart always in harmony with the mind of the Church, most certainly would have agreed. When at one time, because of the decisions of her superiors and father confessor, she was not able to execute Our Lord's inspirations and orders, she declared: "I will follow Your will insofar as You will permit me to do so through Your representative. O my Jesus " I give priority to the voice of the Church over the voice with which You speak to me" (497). The Lord confirmed her action and praised her for it.

Divine Mercy Novena - Day Four

2011-04-25T08:40:00.000-07:00

"Today bring to Me those who do not believe in God and those who do not know Me, I was thinking also of them during My bitter Passion, and their future zeal comforted My Heart. Immerse them in the ocean of My mercy."

Most compassionate Jesus, You are the Light of the whole world. Receive into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart the souls of those who do not believe in God and of those who as yet do not know You. Let the rays of Your grace enlighten them that they, too, together with us, may extol Your wonderful mercy; and do not let them escape from the abode which is Your Most Compassionate Heart.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the souls of those who do not believe in You, and of those who as yet do not know You, but who are enclosed in the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. Draw them to the light of the Gospel. These souls do not know what great happiness it is to love You. Grant that they, too, may extol the generosity of Your mercy for endless ages. Amen.

*Our Lord's original words here were "the pagans." Since the pontificate of Pope John XXIII, the Church has seen fit to replace this term with clearer and more appropriate terminology.

Divine Mercy Novena - Day Three

2011-04-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

"Today bring to Me all Devout and Faithful Souls, and immerse them in the ocean of My mercy. These souls brought me consolation on the Way of the Cross. They were a drop of consolation in the midst of an ocean of bitterness."

Most Merciful Jesus, from the treasury of Your mercy, You impart Your graces in great abundance to each and all. Receive us into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart and never let us escape from It. We beg this grace of You by that most wondrous love for the heavenly Father with which Your Heart burns so fiercely.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon faithful souls, as upon the inheritance of Your Son. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, grant them Your blessing and surround them with Your constant protection. Thus may they never fail in love or lose the treasure of the holy faith, but rather, with all the hosts of Angels and Saints, may they glorify Your boundless mercy for endless ages. Amen.

Divine Mercy Novena - Day Two

2011-04-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

"Today bring to Me the Souls of Priests and Religious, and immerse them in My unfathomable mercy. It was they who gave me strength to endure My bitter Passion. Through them as through channels My mercy flows out upon mankind."

Most Merciful Jesus, from whom comes all that is good, increase Your grace in men and women consecrated to Your service,* that they may perform worthy works of mercy; and that all who see them may glorify the Father of Mercy who is in heaven.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the company of chosen ones in Your vineyard -- upon the souls of priests and religious; and endow them with the strength of Your blessing. For the love of the Heart of Your Son in which they are enfolded, impart to them Your power and light, that they may be able to guide others in the way of salvation and with one voice sing praise to Your boundless mercy for ages without end. Amen.

* In the original text, Saint Faustina uses the pronoun "us" since she was offering this prayer as a consecrated religious sister. The wording adapted here is intended to make the prayer suitable for universal use.

Divine Mercy Novena - Day One.

2011-04-22T22:23:00.000-07:00

First Day
"Today bring to Me all mankind, especially all sinners, and immerse them in the ocean of My mercy. In this way you will console Me in the bitter grief into which the loss of souls plunges Me."

Most Merciful Jesus, whose very nature it is to have compassion on us and to forgive us, do not look upon our sins but upon our trust which we place in Your infinite goodness. Receive us all into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart, and never let us escape from It. We beg this of You by Your love which unites You to the Father and the Holy Spirit.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon all mankind and especially upon poor sinners, all enfolded in the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion show us Your mercy, that we may praise the omnipotence of Your mercy for ever and ever. Amen.

When It Rains, It Pours. So Why am I Smiling?

2011-04-14T12:35:00.000-07:00

I feel very much like the poor kitty in this picture. I have two more weeks until finals week so we're getting slammed by work that the professors are trying to catch up on. THIS is why I haven't posted in (nearly) a month. My week is mostly spent at school (yes, still at the CINO... more on that coming up), traveling to and from school, and/or reading. Even though this may be, I am still slightly behind in my schoolwork. I've quickly come to realize that anything over a 3.0 or 3.5 is a pipe dream at the CINO (I currently have a 2.88 and -- geek alert -- I used to get anywhere between 3.5 and 4.0 per semester) but since I decided not to compromise my beliefs for better grades... well... yeah. Unfortunately, I need at least a 3.0 because of the award/scholarship that will keep me at that school... and I need it after financial aid problems I've encountered this past week.

If you're living in California and in college you may familiar with Cal Grants. I've received a Cal Grant for three years (of four years of eligibility) and I've been told that that is it. I've been trying to fight the "verdict" of the California Student Aid Commission (I spent hours on the phone with them as well as my current college and former community college) and was basically told, in the rudest manner possible, that four years are not guaranteed, that I should not fight it, and that I'm done. I am going to start a novena to St. Jude Thaddeus today and the Divine Mercy novena starting on Good Friday (although that one is for another intention) because I need that Cal Grant. At this point I'm willing to take out the loans needed to graduate (as next year will be my senior year) but I know I should be eligible for one more year and I won't give up without a fight. Of course, I am fully prepared to think about going elsewhere if it's God's will for me to finish my Bachelor of Arts somewhere else. (side note: I think this is something that a lot of us forget... even if we do novenas and pray, things may not come to fruition because it's simply not God's will for us.)

I've been having one of those "when it rains, it pours" spells. The past two weeks have been horrible. I misunderstanding with a friend (which might've cost the friendship) was the first bump and I've been on a roller coaster of emotions. It's definitely been a trying time. I've had moments where I've felt this sense of despair trying to wash over me but I was able (with a lot of work) to keep it away. Yesterday especially was a hard day when it seemed that it was impossible for me to pay for my senior year of college. I had these "it's over... that's it" moments and when my mom mentioned that I should leave it in God's hands I felt a sense of anger trying to creep in... and it was very unlike me to react that way. I was not angry that my mom was saying these things because I kept that first and foremost in my mind. I kept saying "No... no. God has got my back. He knows what's best for me. Everything will work out" even though I had these conflicting emotions. Like I said, it was a very unusual thing for me to feel this but, thanks be to God, I was able to keep those incredibly negative and horrible thoughts and feelings away. Now, for the record, I am not saying that there was some supernatural, evil force that had a hand in my inner conflict yesterday... or lately. I cannot sit here and speculate. However, I can, and am, acknowledging that I certainly kept thinking that God has and always will be there for me and that is enough reason for me to smile.

While it can feel as if everything is slowly falling around me, I have to keep in mind that everything happens for a reason and that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it's the fact that I'm an "eternal optimist" and am always looking for hope in the bleakest of situations. The potential end of the friendship? If it does end maybe it's for the best for both people involved. I have no ill thoughts or will towards the other person and I'm willing to talk through things but if it's not in God's will that it is repaired, for whatever reason, may His will be done. If I end up losing my Cal Grant and my scholarship (scary thought for this self-proclaimed academic nerd) and if I apply elsewhere (not a CINO college, I learned the hard way to stay away from those) and get a better financial aid packet, that's where I'll go. It's really hard for me to think that these things may end or that plans may drastically change but if it's what's best for me then I must do it. Just knowing that I truly believe that every obstacle I will encounter will only make me a stronger person and will only bring me closer to God keeps me going. To quote Dory from Finding Nemo: "Just keep swimming... just keep swimming..." With God at my side, I have nothing to worry about. That alone will keep me smiling that dorky smile I have (haha, it really is dorky) and will keep me centered.

Anyway, I know I'm not the only one going through this nor is my situation the worst so I will remember all of y'all in my prayers. We Catholics need to have each other's backs during these "when it rains, it pours" moments. :)

I think I should finish this post so I can finish homework due in an hour and a half. Yeah... cutting it close but it's my only chance to update for the rest of the day. I will try to post more often as I have a feeling that writing will keep me slightly saner during finals week and the final push of the semester. :D

I hope y'all are having a good week thus far and, if not, let me know if there's anything I can do... even if it's a novena or a simple prayer. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless. :D