Saturday, January 2, 2016
My Neighbor Just Tried to "Save" Me
This neighbor has been trying to "save" me for months. Anyone remember that "love letter" from Christ earlier last year? The presumptuous one that said I didn't know God, that I didn't know how to pray, and that I needed to know Him better? Same guy. I actually didn't know what he was up to when he knocked on my door because he brought me Panda Express. I thought he had come to bring food out of the kindness of his heart (still true) and to offer me his parking spot since he knew that had problems with mine... but no, he brought me God's word and predictions. No, Emmy... more charitable than that.
I would like to say that I know he and others like him mean well. I know they're filled with God's love and want others to be consumed by that love. I also know that the execution of what they're trying to do sometimes lacks some tact. That's why, instead of being rude, I simply stayed quiet, answered his questions (Catholic power! lol), and was on my very best, polite behavior during his visit. I could've kicked him out of my apartment but he was nice enough to donate to the car fund so I felt like I could at least hear him out. This is what happened next...
He told me that Christ had placed in his mind that he should come talk to me. The reason for that? I don't know Christ well enough. I have no personal relationship with Christ. Neither does my mother. True story because Christ told him so. Sure, I may pray or go to church (or not; I questioned his wording at times because it seemed like he was insinuating that I didn't at times) but I don't know Him well enough. That's why God instructed my neighbor to come talk to me. He also said that my mom was going to agree to go to his church ("I guarantee it," he said) because God told him so. (And if you're wondering, she called him crazy and said that it's best just to smile and nod when crazy people are talking. She doesn't mince her words. Hardcore Catholics up in this house!)
He did sprinkle in some compliments in his nearly hour-long speech. He said that God has chosen me because I'm pure of heart and because I'm a brave young woman whom God wants for Himself. He said that Christ had told him that I'm going to be one of His messengers in spreading His Word. I was going to gain the knowledge I needed to be able to be an evangelist and bring others to Him. To that I answered, in all honesty, "I sure hope so." Because I do. Maybe not in the way my neighbor would like but I would like to bring others closer to God in whichever way He chooses. I also thought "well, good thing I've decided to stick it out in the Biblical Theology program." lol.
Then it got a little weird. First, he told me that the car accident was supposed to be the death of me but that Christ has other plans for me -- to know Him because I don't -- so He saved me from dying. Seriously that "marked for death" speech should've scared me more than it did if I wasn't already aware of the frailty of human life and of how I need to try to live a holier life (and pick myself up when I stumble along the way... which is often) because we never know when our time is up. The words "yeah, I hope to get my car back soon so I can go to confession more regularly" came to mind. Thanks for the reminder, Holy Spirit. No, seriously, thanks for reminding me that it's been weeks since my last confession.
Then he told me that Christ had given him the vision of me up at the altar, playing the piano and singing hymns to Him. I inwardly chuckled and said "well, St. Cecilia is my adopted confirmation saint for a reason..." He seemed to imply that I was also meant to be like a female pastor, predicating the word of God. Yeah, um, no. Sorry. No womyn priests in the Catholic Church and I have no problem with that.
I was then told that I would get visions and dreams from Christ. In fact, Christ was going to talk to me tonight and I needed to keep an ear open. I was going to have out of body experiences and God was going to take my spirit out of my body because He was going to show me places. No, it isn't bad. Sure, it's bad when Buddhists and other religions meditate and have out of body experiences because it's not from God but I shouldn't worry because mine were going to come from God. He also added a personal story about out of body experiences that immediately triggered the "sprinkle holy water up in here because that sounds like it's coming from the evil one" red flag.
He invited me to his church and to have someone else (a woman) from his church come talk to me to my house. I used the excuse that I couldn't make decisions without my mom (because the invitation was extended towards her). Nope, sir, you cannot get me to agree to either of those things and I will use excuses until I can find a nice way of telling you to stop trying. Please, stop trying to make fetch happen. It's not going to happen.
He asked if he could pray for me before he left. I said okay because, seriously, prayer doesn't hurt. He denounced the evil spirits that were making me sick (was not expecting that) and guaranteed that my life was going to change because I'd given my life over to Christ. One small hitch though: I already told God I would do His will instead of mine. A long, long time ago. And I consecrate myself to the Blessed Virgin Mary every single day with this prayer. Oops. I guess the part wasn't mentioned to my neighbor before he came over. Wait, I thought he was getting his messages from Christ? Shouldn't he have known that already is that was the case?
There was more but you get the gist of it. He was not prepared for me to provide a Bible (let alone a Catholic one) when he asked for one. He was also not prepared for me to answer his questions about Psalms either. Yes, I noticed that look of surprise. *whispers* I'm a Biblical Theology student, dude. The one thing I appreciated was that he said that the Catholic Bible had "strong language" than the Christian ones; that ours weren't watered down like the rest. He apparently reads Catholic bibles as well as Christian ones. Good on him!
I did get some things out of our conversation. First, yeah, I really want my car back so I can start going to daily Mass like I've been wanting to do for months. I also need to go to confession because it's been like 3 weeks and I hate going that long without going. I also feel like I've made the right decisions regarding grad school. So that was good. I was never as passionate and proud about Catholic than I was during our conversation (which was really one-sided for most of it). Every time he would say something presumptuous, I would inwardly laugh and go "yeah, I could work on that but you're still so off..." You know that song ♪ I'm proud to be an American... ♪? Yeah, I want to rewrite the lyrics and sing ♪ I'm proud to be a Roman Catholic... ♪ lol. Guess his mission to get me to his church backfired a little bit. Whoops.
He left after I told him I was busy (I was; I was in the middle of cleaning my apartment when he stopped him). Hey, at least I got Panda Express out of the deal, right? Oh wait... I can't eat it because of the wheat, dairy and egg ingredients. I mean, I could probably do wheat in small amounts because the heartburn has gotten better but I don't get my milk allergy results until March. Drat! I really wanted that fortune cookie, too...
Anyway, have any of you had any similar experiences? What have you done? I can already hear my friends saying I was "too nice, Jane (Bennet)" and that I should've kicked him out, but I couldn't. He's so nice and he's mostly harmless. (side note: quick, which book/movie is that from?)
I should get back to cleaning my apartment. No, it's still not finished because I just had to type this out. It was too interesting to not share. ;)
I hope y'all have a great weekend!
As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D