Thursday, January 16, 2014

To All the Single Ladies Who Hate Being Single

I feel very blessed to have amazing friends in my life; friends who help me grow as a person. This fact came up (again) while Julie and I were having another movie marathon. Without divulging anything we talked about (because it's no one's business ;D), I realized that my friendship with her has made me mature in a lot of ways... especially my way of thinking about the vocation of marriage and motherhood.

As a single young woman, it's so easy to fantasize about married life. A loving husband, at least one adorable baby, and your own family and home. It's so easy to plan a future wedding... to give your future children names... to think of how you'd decorate your house, etc. Some young women think that getting married will solve whatever problems they are experiencing; that by getting married you're automatically experiencing a better life. I've never been married so I can't comment with certainty about whether life "gets better" after marriage but I am going to guess that life is just simply different when you're single versus when you are married. The struggles are different in both states of life. 

I've noticed a growing trend of "ugh, I just want to get married" and "ugh, I just want a baby" amongst single young women, especially those over the age of about 24. I wonder if the fantasies about what we think married life will be (versus what it is actually like) contribute to it. Our married friends are blessed to be living out their vocations but that doesn't mean that they have it any easier than we do. Sure, married life is awesome... but it doesn't mean it's going to be a smooth ride. The bumps in the road will help you two grow together. Sure, babies are adorable... but changing diapers and worrying when they get sick isn't fun.

As I said before, I have been incredibly blessed to have friends who help me grow as a person. I have seen myself learn to throw away any silly notions about what marriage and motherhood are like from my amazing friends (especially Jules, Kendra, and Kiera with whom I'm closest to). I have seen the struggles and worries (especially when the babies get sick), as well as the joys and blessings they have received through their vocations. It's made me appreciate my own vocation of future wife and mother and I think (and hope) I can go into it knowing the difference between what to expect based on idealistic fantasies and blessed (truly blessed) reality.

Single ladies, this is not me saying that your ways of feeling are invalid. I've been on the "ugh, I just want to get settled" end of the spectrum before as well. I don't think many single young women stop to think about the blessings we have in our single state. When you're single, you make your own decisions that mostly affect only you. We have the luxury of being selfish more often than not... and by that I mean little things like being able to sleep more than our married gal friends. Yes, married life will be wonderful in a completely different way and I personally look forward to living it one day, but I am also going to be grateful for all I have as a single young woman at the present.

Stop for a second and think about this: bemoaning about being single... what does that accomplish? I'm serious. Take a moment or two to think about it. I don't know about you but I can't personally think of anything good that comes out of the "ugh, married couples make me sick." All it's going to do is make you even more aware of how much you hate being single... which is going to either make you angry or depress you. Basically, it's all downhill from those negative comments. 

Again, not saying that those comments are invalid; your feelings are your own. I'm just giving you another option in how you can look at things. Personally, as soon as I got out of that "can future husband just show up?!" mentality, I began to appreciate life even more... and it greatly helped in my relationship with God. Sure, I still want to get married and have a family but it'll all come in God's time, not my own. There is a reason why I'm going to be a little older when I get married and have my babies (than most of my friends) but God knows what He's doing and why His plans for me are better than anything I can come up with. And, seriously, I've come to realize that there was no way I was ready for marriage and children in my younger years because I had to deal with my father having cancer, his eventual death, my own anxiety and panic disorder (which, thank God, has been more under control these past couple of months), and a number of other things. If I'm entirely honest, I feel like I'm just beginning to arrive at a place where I'm maybe ready for it. All in God's time. Keep your heads up, single ladies... our time will come. :)

Anyway, I just felt the need to write this out after both movie night with Jules as well as the aftermath of my Valentine's Day tweet. I wasn't planning on blogging so soon but, hey, when inspiration hits, it hits. :D

Now I'm off to do... something. I have a couple of free hours and I haven't figured out what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll just watch paint dry. lol.

I hope you are all having a good week thus far. I'll be praying for y'all. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D

1 comment:

Beth Anne @ Beth Anne's Best said...

You're totally right! I've been trying really hard the last few months to not complain and agonize over the fact that I'm single and so many of my friends are in relationships/married. Some days it's easier than others.

Finding other single bloggers and friends has helped. I've also been talking with a married blogging friend about bridging the gap between marrieds and singles and it's been fun talking to her and getting to know her.

Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself I just think about all the cool things I get to do like sleeping in if I don't have anything to do and going on trips.