Tuesday, October 8, 2013

What I Really, Really Want

♪ Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want... ♪

Yes, you may cue the Spice Girls' "Wannabe" right now since that is exactly where I got today's blog post title from.

And, yes, this blog post was inspired by the song Krystin and I agree is the government's current theme song ("I Want It Now"). :-P

These past two weeks I've had a serious case of the "I really, really want this!"-s. There have been two things I really, really want: to get accepted to the only school I applied to for my second Bachelor's (Bachelor of Science this time) degree and an improvement in my prayer life.

If you've been MIA and are just getting back to reading the blog: Hi! Welcome Back. Yes, I am going for a second Bachelor's degree. I majored in Religious Studies and not Speech-Language Pathology so an additional year or year and a half of undergraduate coursework is required. This is the only school that I know of (that I was remotely interested in, anyway) that gives a second Bachelor's degree when you finish their program. That doesn't mean that I will attend this school for grad school (though I may apply if I like their program) but it's definitely a step in the right direction. It comes highly recommended (and, bonus, I can do the entire thing online) so y'all can guess how much I want it. I want it. I really, really want it.

What else do I want? Oh yes, an improvement in my prayer life. I've already discussed this with my spiritual director but I haven't really touched on it here. I've been distracted way too easily when I pray lately. Whether it's in the morning or at night, something's going to distract me. On my mom's days off, it's usually her. Seriously love my mom but she has a tendency to make a lot of noise when I tell her I'm going to do my morning prayers. To be f air, she's hard of hearing so she doesn't think it's that bad but it is for me since I like it to be as quiet as possible so I can concentrate. When I'm home alone (most of the week), it's always something else. My downstairs neighbor's son playing "The Final Countdown" on the keyboard (I kid you not: every. single. day.), my next door neighbor slamming his closet shut, the dogs barking, someone telling... something. These noises don't bother me as much when I'm not praying but, boy, they all seem to get louder when praying. At the end of my prayers, I have no idea what I just "prayed." All I really, really want is so be able to concentrate and focus solely on praying and having a conversation with God.

Of course, in these two examples, I've only been focused on what I want. While I really, really want to get into this particular school I applied to (whose name I won't share until I get either accepted or rejected), I know that there is always a chance that I won't be accepted. While I want my prayer time and prayer life to be a certain way, I know that I won't always get it. I need to step away from my wants and focus on the fact that my will won't be done, but God's will.

I think we sometimes get so caught up in thinking about what we want that we forget that God has bigger and better plans for us than we do for ourselves. I wanted to go to UBC or Oxford. I wanted to graduate from college on time (which would've been around 2007). I wanted to live in Vancouver or England by now. I wanted my father not to die from cancer in 2009. I wanted to be married and have a family by now. None of these plans panned out for whatever reason but I remain hopefully that I am still doing God's will.

Never have the words "in God's time" and the idea of trusting God completely been more felt than during the last year or so. I've been through so much (but, really, who hasn't?) and it's really tested my faith. I'm grateful though, because it's only made it that much stronger. Whether I get into *** (initials ;)) or whether my concentration improves while praying, only time will tell. Either way, I will be grateful for whatever I get and thank God for it.

Alright, since I have the day off (not by choice; slow freelance week), I'm going to keep reading Married Saints and Blesseds Through the Centuries by Monsignor Ferdinand Holbock. I'm only on page 52 but I'm already in love with this book. The way Mama Mary and St. Joseph's marriage is describe is truly beautiful (and I bet it would make the "she didn't remain a virgin" people think twice about their beliefs). I can't put it down... and I'm actually itching to pick it up again. ;)

I hope y'all have a good start of week thus far! If you have any prayer requests, please let me know. :D

As always, thanks for reading and God bless! :D


pioneercynthia said...

I've heard you mention this book twice now and I'm itching to read it myself.

Emmy Cecilia said...

Cynthia - I love it already and I'm only 13% in according to Goodreads.

Julie Baldwin said...

I am also super distracted when it comes to praying. I have the time, just not the dedication. This month, I am really going to work on that.

And *trying* to be more timely in general, like... replying to e-mails? :)

Joe Potillor said...

Good luck :)...prayers...hope that we'll get to catch up soon