Monday, February 18, 2013

Suddenly Very Grateful For My Reversion

I was originally planning on writing about the huge music overhaul I've been doing but I am not done with yet. Seriously, I'm still stuck with the "E"s and I'm going by alphabetical order. This is what happens when you're a mega music nerd and you buy music (mp3s, vinyl records, CDs...) like crazy. Or used to. Yes, my addiction to iTunes has been curved by the discovery of Spotify. I don't really indulge myself in it as much (okay, buying guitar strings for my acoustic guitar does not count) but I still have years worth of "damage" to sort through. In the mean time, you're going to get this...

I am suddenly very grateful for my reversion. This is connected to the original Music Monday post (which I hope to have up next month), too. See, I was going through the songs and I came across the song "Night and Day" sung by Ella Fitzgerald. This song has a special place in my heart because it was the first song a young man ever dedicated to me. We were 16-17 years old at the time (yes, we were into this kind of music even that far back). Technically, he dedicated the Frank Sinatra version but the song itself reminded me of him. Long story short, the world is small and I ended up finding out that we're still somehow connected. That led to a couple of hours of catching up on how he's been doing... and a realization that I am completely blessed to have reverted back to the Faith a couple of years ago.

Now, this isn't me saying that the guy is horrible or anything like that. He's still the same guy goofy guy I remember from our teenage years. The memories I have of him still bring a smile to my face. While it's doubtful that we'll ever have the friendship we had a decade ago (I'm happy to use the phrase "too religious" to describe myself in this case), it's nice to stroll down memory lane. He was a solid friend (especially when my boyfriend at the time wasn't the nicest) and I thank him for that. However, I remembered what path my life was going in those years and I cringe. Again, nothing to do with my old friend but everything to do with me and my choices and actions in those years.

I can't beat myself up too much over dumb decisions I made as a teenager. If I hadn't committed those mistakes, I wouldn't have learned or grown up. Yes, I cringe and I wish I could erase that part of my past but I can't. Instead, I become aware of where I was and where I am now. I can give thanks to God for not giving up on me and for helping me get my life back on track. Things weren't as bad as they sound. The worst thing I did was probably lie in order to fit in (which itself is horrible; I now I detest lying with every fiber of my being) but I am still disappointed in teenage Emmy. However, teenage Emmy turned into adult (with an inner goofball kid) Emmy and she is happy about how things have turned out.

Would I trade my anxiety and my current stomach problems for my life pre-reversion, when I almost never got sick? Never. It's times like this that I am reminded of how lucky I am (sick or not) and how would never trade my life then for my life now. I may not be exactly sure of what God wants me to do (still sort of in post graduation limbo despite my freelance work) but I know that I trust Him to guide me down the path He wants me to take.

Anyway, just random blog post. I'm sure I've written another one like this before but it's been a while and I just wanted to reiterate my love for and gratefulness to God.

And now, I'm going to go listen to the Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons songs I have and see if any of them need to be purged. ;)

As always, thanks for reading and God bless. :D