Monday, January 31, 2011

Proud and Maybe a Little Prejudice

No, not Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice (though y'all should not be surprised with the picture I chose. lol).

My twitter chat with @CatholicDan this morning reminded me of something I talked to our newest parish priest about last weekend... my new struggle with pride. I don't think, and I hope I'm right, I've ever had problems with pride before but it's just one of the things (that I hate) that have come up since attending this school. (And I say "this school" because I'm currently sitting in the cafeteria, waiting for my Math class to begin.)

This is kind of like a sequel to my last post about going through a possible late rebellion. Sometimes, I'm so sure of what I know to be true (see? I'm already doing it) that I sit in the front row and openly make a face to show my disagreement with a professor's statement. I don't think I have all the answers, because I don't... not by a long shot, but I occasionally think I know the answers (or at least those leading to the truth) in comparison to my professors. Hello Pride, didn't see you sneaking up on me. Please go away. Now. The new parish priest (who is so new I don't remember his name, sorry!) told me to be a little more humble when I have these thoughts passing my mind. I am thankful that I do catch myself before I go down this path, and even more so after talking to the priest, but I do slip up. I don't mean to but I'm human and I do make these mistakes.

Last week wasn't as bad as the first two weeks back but I did have one or two "ugh, you're so wrong!" moments. I need to remind myself that if I do have the right answers and do know the truth, that I can share it with my classmates in a way that doesn't look like I'm trying to show off. I'm not, despite to contrary beliefs of some classmates who think I am "holier than thou"... because I pray before I eat and go to the chapel to pray when time allows. I'm sorry, I didn't know these things were done to show I'm "better" than others... because I'm clearly not nor do I ever think so.

I have seriously begun to look into transferring because I'm slowly losing the battle. I don't like the person I'm slowly becoming. I don't like that I am being proud and occasionally prejudice (I have decided not to participate in Campus Ministry despite majoring in Religious Studies). I don't like that my professors are shoving the liberal, feminist agenda down our throats more than ever. I don't like that I have been embarrassed by professors in front of classmates for trying to get them to clear some Biblical things for us. I am not happy. At all. I do still get a kick when I occasionally stump them but those moments are becoming less frequent when they pull the "I know more you do, so shut up" card on me. Again, I know they know more than I do, but I still think that telling us that homosexuality is of God and that God just wants us to be happy (hinting that if we want to go ahead and have a homosexual relationship it's totally fine). Oh and hell doesn't exist either. I mean, seriously? I don't know, I'm about to throw in the towel because this place is really bringing out the worst in me and it makes me want to cry.

Alright, I should go read a bit in one of the books that I cringe at. lol. I hope y'all have a great week.

As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!


Elise said...

I grew up in the '70s, when everyone with half a brain decided to "interpret" Vatican II. Religion classes taught me that I never, ever wanted to work with felt again, and in fourth grade, I had to teach my class to recite the Rosary, because my teacher didn't know how.

Hard times makes for great saints. Keep praying. See if you can find a good spiritual director (priest or religious) who can help you discern where God wants you.


Elizabeth of Hungary said...

Oh honey. At the moment, I am stuck at a (mostly) liberal Protestant seminary, with my heart being drawn towards conversion to Rome, so forgive me if I'm bold in saying I know (just a tiny bit) how you feel. (And yeah, I struggle with the pride thing too - where's the line between being unafraid to stand up for truth and grateful that God has revealed that truth to you, and just being a prideful boor? I don't always know...)

Look at the books you hate as an opportunity to hone your uh...critical thinking and apologetics skills... I have some particularly awful ones (the church should come up with some kind of public ceremony to recognize divorce, etc...) that I have highlighted and scribbled in to within an inch of their lives. (And some of them are a little beat up from when I need to throw them against the wall, just to vent! ;)

If you need to transfer, you do, and there's no shame in that. Part of my conversion process has been recognizing a need to "secure my own oxygen mask before helping others," so to speak. :)

In the meantime, hang in there. I'll be praying for you!

~ Elizabeth

Craig Berry said...

Wow...not sure what school you're attending, but I'd run far and fast from those 'professors'.

Homosexuality is one of the sins that "cry to Heaven for vengeance" and highly offensive to Our Lord and Saviour. Their minds and consciences have been utterly poisoned, and only the Holy Spirit can bring them back.

But's not your job. You are a student, and while you may know a need teachers who will feed you "good things".

The struggle with pride is lifelong, so always seek humility...pray for it and keep your spiritual eyes open for opportunities to find it. Believe me, we ALL have many chances to taste it.

Good luck and God Bless

Kigwit said...

I've found the Litany of Humility to be very helpful.

Pride is v. hard to deal with.